Operative RKB Writes regarding Dr. J’s recent post: Dear Dr. J.: False premise: substantial numbers of government documents are printed with inkjets False minor premise: Of those documents printed on inkjet printers, the text to graphic ratio amounts for a … Continue reading →
Vladimir Putin was kind enough to pose shirtless, with a rifle for this installation of ‘Puter’s totally not homoerotic Male Bag. Note, all references to “heavily armed Russians” in Ukraine actually refer to shirtless Vladimir Putin taking Crimea with only … Continue reading →
Long-time Operative erc comments: “Operative KH, who is in charge of our moon cratering project“….congratulations, Your Czarness. It’s working! / erc Is it ever! Check out some video: What’s great for the Czar, personally, is not so much the incredible … Continue reading →
Operative JAB writes in from her secret overseas assignment. While in transit, posing as part of Dennis Rodman’s posse heading to Pyongyang for some quality time with the Little Dictator, Operative JAB managed to surreptitiously snap this picture: As JAB … Continue reading →
The Retired Spook writes: Dear Dr. J; I don’t suppose I could prevail upon your inherent good nature to have Mandy target the Anti-Snow Ray about 100 miles further south, could I? It’s nothing personal, but growing up in Alabama, … Continue reading →
Before we get too far away from the original debate, Operative BJ sent us his closing thoughts about six days ago. But the Czar was busy, you know, what with trying on hats and getting the Castle dormitory television to … Continue reading →
Operative SMC writes after a stint in deep cover: Dr. J, It’s been a couple of years since I last wrote: kids can have that effect as I’m sure you know. Bill Vallicella (maverick philosopher) linked to his friend. I’ve … Continue reading →
The ongoing debate about national service is hardly winding down; the Czar is not certain he has seen this much debate between our readers since a row between Operative Thump (deceased), Minion Hoogle (deceased), and Operative Cheever (deceased) in 1838 … Continue reading →
Czar takes a break from his taxing hike during the Plateau of Leng’s first and only Pride Parade. The parade was discontinued after a freak rainbow focused the light from our quasar sun, instantly vaporizing all organic material, leaving behind … Continue reading →
Who knew Burkina Faso had a Pride Parade? Czar. that’s who. Operative SMR reports in from Upper Volta* where he’s on a super-secret mission for Czar and ‘Puter to discover a new fruit-based mixer to spice up our favorite drink, the … Continue reading →
So this is where Czar goes on vacation! ‘Puter’s had a heckuva start to the New Year, what with picking up pieces of year-end 2013 closings at the office, and dealing with back-to-school craziness at home. In the rush, ‘Puter … Continue reading →
Ghost materialized in the lobby with a tablet in his hand…a real tablet, chiseled, not one of those iPatty things. Dread Lord, This came to my attention via Facebook from a Gen X’er. I find his gibberings to ooze obsequiousness … Continue reading →
Quit doodling in the margins and get the translation right! Gentle Readers, Dr. J. got a bunch of mail in the last couple of days. The first was from our friend Mark Spahn. It wasn’t directly to Dr. J. but … Continue reading →
Operative MR has been working on a secret project for us, the nature of which shall not be revealed, named Project Shoot Down ISON. She takes time out from her busy schedule to write in. Please note especially her first … Continue reading →
Nothing says “treat us with dignity and respect we deserve” more than dressing up and behaving in accordance with the worst stereotypes about us. Also, these two are playing a game of “hide the sugar beet.” Can you find it? ‘Puter’s … Continue reading →
The operative known as Ghost writes to Dr. J., rather than The Czar: O Wielder of the Scalpel Most Fine, I normally write to my overlord who shall not be named, but this…was so…you, that it could not be helped. … Continue reading →
The Czar loves getting mail. But the truth is this: the worse things get out there, the more mail he receives. And we are sad to confess, as you have noticed, the Czar has been getting a lot of mail … Continue reading →
The Ghost—perhaps our most mysterious operative, although today he was down in the Castle Cafetorium because on Mondays we usually feature that awesome French toast special, where you get two decent scrambled eggs on a separate plate so the syrup … Continue reading →
Quit complaining, Irwindale residents. You could be Dat Ho’s cousin Dis Ho who works in Huy Fong’s chili mines. ‘Puter was luxuriating in the Castle’s naturally occurring hot springs,* conveniently located just down the hall from ‘Puter’s Rumpus … Continue reading →
The other day, we all received one of the best question we have ever received. The Czar makes this claim because all six of us were quite excited by the nature of the question: To the Gracious, Learned, Infallible, and … Continue reading →
Paul Krugman (L) and E.J. Dionne pose fora photo as they take in the sights at ClimaxSprings, Missouri during Spring Break atLake of the Ozarks. Show me state, indeed. It’s been quite some time since Operative JAB wrote in from … Continue reading →
Mitch used to write in from time to time, and thank goodness he’s still out there. Yesterday, the Czar had to sum up the evolution from the Whigs to the 1860 Republican Party in a half-sentence. Not surprisingly, Mitch thought … Continue reading →
We have ourselves a ghost-like minion, who treads invisibly amidst popular culture. Indeed, his very code name is Ghost, although it turns out that’s a ridiculous coincidence. Dread Lord, I humbly present this to your glorious radiance. As requested, I … Continue reading →
The Czar found a mysterious photograph slipped under his door; the picture was simply of white clouds against a blue sky. Assuming the worst, we ran the picture through GorT and Mandarin’s stegiographic decompiler, and sure enough—a message was encoded … Continue reading →
Nothing says good tipper like a monolith dedicated to an ancient evil… Operative RKB wrote again to Dr. J. and Borepatch. It seems someone has claimed part of Oklahoma for the Old Gods: Yes, yes, that was us. You see, … Continue reading →
It wasn’t long before Dr. J. received a missive from none other than Operative RBK who returned from the other side of the mirror where he was on R&R from all things operative. He writes in regarding Dr. J.’s recent anti-Krugman … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s super! Thanks forasking! ‘Puter’s fond of this post’s title. It reminds him of an Aesop’s fable, like Androcles and the Lion, but more fabulous and with better clothes. More to the point, ‘Puter found this missive from Operative SMR … Continue reading →
‘Puter received the following missive from Operative B.G. shortly after publishing his “Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics” post yesterday. It’s so good, ‘Puter’s running it unedited. Every single word you wrote is true (and in other news, water is wet, … Continue reading →
The 2013 All-Castle Pride Parade Male Chorus prepares to sing its a cappella version of U2’s Pride: In the Name of Man on Man Love ‘Puter’s gotten more mail this week than he has in some time, so he’s trying … Continue reading →
That’s not the diplomatic pouch to which ‘Puter referred, Operative ML. Now putit down! Actually, this mailbag’s about the Zimmerman verdict and self-defense law. ‘Puter just enjoys revving up the humorless shrew wing of the gay lobby by linking ‘Puter’s … Continue reading →
Special secret ghost operative, helpfully named Ghost, writes in from the Mandarin’s Proving Grounds Road Tour: Dread Lord, I was driving through Dallas the other day, and this ad kept replaying on XM radio about a new channel that is … Continue reading →
Long, long-time Operative BG sends this in by home-made satellite transceiver: I keep hearing radio this commercial extolling how tough comprehensive immigration reform will be, telling me I should support it because Marco Rubio and Paul Ryan support it. Big … Continue reading →
Dr. J.’s post the other day offering up Colin Salmon as the 12th Doctor caught the eye of a few of readers. It even made GorT and the Czar quip. The first came in a series of tweets from a … Continue reading →
Operative BC writes in regarding Dr. J. playing fast and loose with fluid dynamics in his recent post on clogged arteries in Nashville: Dear Dr. J., In your post you reference Poiseulle and state that halving the diameter of something … Continue reading →
It’s action-packed half-a-load of kung fu adventure today as we dig down deep in the mailbag, brush aside the shrunken heads that teenager in Olympia keeps sending us (people curry favor in different ways, one presumes) and respond to a … Continue reading →
The Czar is taking the latest scandal—or it was the latest at the time of writing; they’ll probably find some new one by the time you read this—involving the Department of Justice and their apparently inappropriate seizing of the Associated … Continue reading →
Wow, Your Mandarin may have to take a trip to the opera! Your Mandarin’s son was given an assignment for his 5th grade music class the other day. Your Mandarin’s son had stated that some of his friends had started … Continue reading →
The Czar is so bad at responding to mail lately that you’d think he was Mandarin. Anyhow, we have indeed been getting mail and it needs some attention. BG writes in to send us a photograph (right) of an Audi … Continue reading →
Very long-time fan (so listen up, yo) ScottO writes in to a couple of us: Dear Dr. J., and with deferent regard to His Awfulness The Czar, You can learn a lot about time and the Earth’s position in space … Continue reading →
JAB, about whom the Mandarin, Dr. J., and ourselves were just speaking, has this carved into some poor slob’s entrails and sent up to the seventh floor: Your Czarness: For ‘Puter’s reference, here is someone else who is decidedly not … Continue reading →
An undercover field report, which the Operative delivered through an ingeniously complicated plan of (a) converting it to base74 notation, (b) engraving the characters on a grain of rice, (c) inserting it into a cotton swab, (d) embedding the swab … Continue reading →
With Eliquis you don’t need to give up green tea with your blood thinners. Vaccines, alongside guns, appears to be a topic our readers like to write in regarding. Operative BG writes: Did you ever see this video of Penn … Continue reading →
Operative BG writes in from his adventures in the 8th dimension regarding Dr. J.’s coverage of Dr. Carson’s speech: Esteemed Dr. J. – If you speak truth to power and nobody reports it, is it still spoken? My reaction to … Continue reading →
Dr. J. is emptying out his inbox and finally has a moment to respond to these missives from earlier in the week. Operative RKB writes in: I did not know you had a kitten, but apparently he(she ???) is putting … Continue reading →
Operative BG writes regarding Dr. J.’s recent screed: Dr. J – The “payroll tax” cut has been phony baloney from the get-go. For starts, why did everyone persist in calling it the “payroll tax?” Because if you called it a … Continue reading →
Operative BG writes in: Dr. J., Is it possible I’ve divined the actual location of Castle Gormogon? Dr. J’s prescription shows the castle’s phone number as 888-867-5309, which is apparently located at 2209 Whitten Road, Memphis, TN 38133. I’m thinking … Continue reading →
Alert and poised-for-instant-Kung Fu-action operative MS writes in: Your most illustrious majesty: I watched only the first 10 minutes or so of last night’s debate before I was able to discern its rough course: Dear Leader: “This nation/me (priority frequently … Continue reading →
Long-time operative BG carefully stacked millions of sugar cubes and left this message spelled out on the Castle driveway before the ants ruined it: The Czar’s post regarding the unfortunate visit from his college roommate struck a chord here; I … Continue reading →
Dread Czar, Further to your discussion with Dr. J on opening ceremony nonsense, did you notice that when NBC showed banners from past Olympics, the two recent American games went down the memory hole? I noticed it in the TV … Continue reading →
Operative MC2 writes in regarding Dr. J.’s missive on the Nebraska senate race: Dr J, Hopefully I can put your mind at ease regarding the Nebraska Senate race, having lived here and watched it fairly closely this spring. It was … Continue reading →
Operative BG writes regarding the mothballing of our space program: Dear Dr. J., Fifty years ago, President Kennedy promised we would send a man to the moon and return him safely to Earth, before the decade was out. Nobody scoffed … Continue reading →
Gentle Readers, Operative DT takes a break from Myrmidon wrangling to write: Dr. The Jay: If you weren’t capable of frying me from afar with Force Lightning™, I would be busy damning you to hell right now for getting the … Continue reading →
This mailbag has quite a rash of pictures associated with it. Consequently, Dr. J. had to insert some filler to get them below his mailbag icon. Myrmidon Wrangler DT Writes: Dr. the J, I can handle the OWS crowd. I … Continue reading →
Operative JS writes in under the subject header ‘From a children’s hospital’: Hello, kind sirs. I wasn’t sure if you’d seen the following, so I thought I would share it with you. God Bless, Operative J S P.S. Just looked, … Continue reading →
Our Castle Archivist @MBernadetteE, who you should follow on twitter and read here, and here, writes in: Dr. J., Sir, I must commend you. This might be the best one-liner I’ve seen in writing recently. “Lastly, abortion is the sacrament … Continue reading →
JAB writes in from the Doublewide: Please pardon my inattention as I’ve let my duties lapse… {bad minion…} However, it has come to my attention that Mr.”Mittens” Romney pretends to be a fan of the late Mr. Davey Crockett. Embarassingly … Continue reading →
Operative BG writes in: A couple of points: 1) GorT, you suggest, “…why not ask the male involved to contribute to the contraception?” Indeed. It occurs to me that if Ms. Fluke is relying solely on the Pill, she shouldn’t … Continue reading →
Operative FRJ wrote in about 3 weeks ago (yeah, Dr. J. sucks) but it is just as timely now.: I continue to be appalled that the Administration consistently refers to contraceptive services as a right. I want to know who … Continue reading →
Operative DT takes a break from Myrmidon Wrangling to write in: Doc, I think the Estudiante Medico Pequeño is on to something. That planet’s not just meat – that’s sweet, sweet bacon (pbuh)! That makes me curious, though – as … Continue reading →
Operative and Myrmidon Wrangler DT (not to be confused with Operative R2DT) writes in: Oh Noble Hoopy Frood Dr. J, As you are no doubt aware, Medicare is starting to use the results of patient surveys in calculating reimbursement for … Continue reading →
So, kids, Dr. J was tossed the Knowledge Ball over dinner tonight at the Castle and came up with the idea that we should poll the minions as to who the GOP should nominate. The poll’s at left, it’ll be … Continue reading →
Dr. J. has been crazy busy and the mail has been piling up. He apologizes and will empty the bag as quickly as he can, but here is a quick hit for our readers. And FU means follow up, not … Continue reading →
Our Royal Exchequer, SW writes in: I’ve enjoyed your musings over the state of education both because I often agree and because my daughters are teachers. One of them, currently a professor teaching teachers has a perspective you may want … Continue reading →
Operative DT writes in: RE:”if they don’t want to pay for practices they consider immoral, they should stick to serving their own co-religionists rather than the wider public” Dr. the J, EMTALA has rendered even that unlikely option impossible, hasn’t … Continue reading →
This missive arrived by bicycle courier from Operative JS regarding yesterday’s required reading assignment: Dear Dr. J, I don’t think you’ve been there long enough to tell us what to read. YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD!!!1! God Bless, J S … Continue reading →
Operative ME writes in regarding Dr. J.’s post on the new HHS policies yesterday. Dear Dr. J., Excellent post on Catholicism, conscience and contraception. When I first heard of Secretary Sibelius’s proposal to bring to deny religious-affiliated organizations such as … Continue reading →
Dr. J. received this missive from the Holy Roman Emperor, aka Operative HRE, via Papal bull. Seriously, it was a bull with one of them bunny ear hats. He writes: Dear Dr. Jay, I read your entry, and I really … Continue reading →
Dr. J. received this missive from Operative D.F. via subspace carrierwave: Good post today on the Lil Med Student’s interest in mythology. Here on Q’onos, my little warrior has gone crazy for the Rick Riordan books featuring Greek mythology. He’s totally … Continue reading →
Do we not have super-smart readers? Check out this important course correction from Operative B2. Oh Dread Lord of the Castle Gormogon,Exalted knower of many things, Permit me to make a slight correction to your description of the chain of … Continue reading →
Merry Christmas. It is a beautiful morning, no matter what. The Gormogons are very excited, and you can see us all gathered around the tree opening our gifts. Your Œcumenical Volgi, or 孔夫子, for those who came in late, or … Continue reading →
Operative SM wrote in with a link to the following missive from the Witherspoon Institute, a wonderful, and thoughtful conservative think tank. Basically it talks about a new test, the MaterniT21, a maternal blood test used to detect Down’s Syndrome … Continue reading →
‘Puter was very pleased to receive several thoughtful missives regarding his posting on special ed’s negative impact on general ed. Both correspondents herein are, as you will see, parents of special ed students. ‘Puter was happy to discover much common … Continue reading →
Special Operative Extraordinary (sorry, that should read extra-ordinary) MC has been stationed up on the Mandarin’s orbiting mind control satellite changing the oil, and notified us that the webcam we put on there has been compromised. Suppose ‘Puter let Dat … Continue reading →
‘Puter received the following missive from much-loved operative JAB, from the doublewide. You know the one. It’s on the Mississippi flood plain, on the stupid side of the levees. Anyhoo, JAB writes in to further discuss ‘Puter post on mortality … Continue reading →
The Gormogons would like to welcome the newest country to Earth: South Sudan. Her flag is pictured to the right. Really, welcome! Especially after all you have been through. Of course, this changes nothing: the country of South Sudan was … Continue reading →
Regarding ‘Puter’s post on ObamaCare and Eugenics, Operative JAB writes in from the double-wide from an undisclosed location. I would argue that this coercive nature of Obamacare is nothing new at all. It is perfectly consistent with the government’s actions … Continue reading →
Dear Czar, Shouldn’t the title of this article be ‘PANIC WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIEEEEE’: I am confused. However, I am coherently grateful for all of the recent Gormogon posts. Keep up the good work! God Bless, JS, Operative and … Continue reading →
MC writes in to suggest that perhaps the F-16 interceptors would have been scrambled from Andrews AFB, and not Bolling. That does seem more likely. The Czar is too weary at the moment to update the math. But great catch, … Continue reading →
Almighty Czar, With regard to Net Neutrality, I was with you up until the paragraph starting, “The solution is butt-dumblingly simple.” You may have missed the memo, but in order to coin a new phrase (ingenious as that one may … Continue reading →
Well, you can always count on EC to read one of our essays, no matter how long or tangental it gets. And he always writes in substantively: Your Czarness: Your thoughts on gays in the military are, naturally, profound and … Continue reading →
Right about here, the Czar asked: “So what say you smart folks? Does JS have a solid idea here? Is the Czar wrong in his (ahem) assessment of the situation? Let us know.” And indeed, JTS writes in! Don’t confuse … Continue reading →
BG, as a reward for his hard work on our subatomic miniaturizer project, was given Election Day off; he writes in with some election coverage thoughts: Dread Gormogons – I’m planning to watch MSNBC’s election night coverage because I want … Continue reading →
Gormogon Operative Island Dweller comments via African coconut swallow on the Czar’s mosque post as follows: First – due to my (now former) government affiliation I was assigned to Hawaii for four years in the 1990s. Due to my job … Continue reading →
Gormogon Operative J.S. successfully completed his assigned takeover of the hipster New York City modern art world. Masquerading as noted artist Tom Sachs, J.S. managed to place enormous sculptures of Hello Kitty in and about the grounds of the Lever … Continue reading →
Except, of course, your Gormogons. Gormogon operative D.F. inquires from his acre in the Hobbit Shire, regarding ‘Puter’s take on Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ): Watching Gov. Christie rebut that old ‘it is for the children’ business makes me think he … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative G.D. writes in concerning ‘Puter’s post on foreclosures from his undercover posting as an usher at the Globe Theatre in Stratford-upon-Avon. Thus spake G.D.: Oh, wisest of all ‘puters, I couldn’t agree more. Ultimately, people need to understand … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative D.T., fresh off his St. Patrick’s Day parade stint in Belfast, writes in concerning ‘Puter’s earlier post on liberal orthodoxy on abortion. I’m sure you’ve already read this, since Taranto is no doubt an operative of yours. But, … Continue reading →
In his typically insightful fashion, Gormogon operative D.T. writes concerning this post of ‘Puter’s from yesterday regarding the ulcerous cankers that are teachers’ unions. D.T. writes: Oh Wise and Mighty Puter of the Ghetto, Sir: The very first line of … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative JAB writes in with a response to ‘Puter post regarding social security. ‘Puter hopes the response is satirical. Either that, or Mandarin’s gaslighting ‘Puter by zapping operatives with his orbital mind control lasers again. Thus spake JAB: Yo, … Continue reading →
By ‘Puter GormogonAssociated Press Wannabe WASHINGTON (AP) — Throngs of Americans descended upon Washington today, demanding the resignation of President Obama and all 535 members of Congress. Armed with nothing more than copies of the United States Constitution, and accompanied … Continue reading →
And the entries keep flowing in. Here’s Gormogons operative D.F.’s take on ‘Puter’s musical homage to BATFE: Good Kentucky bourbons and Remington 700sBig Smith magnums and Jim Scoutten sayin’“Keep ’em in the 10 ring.”These are a few of my favorite … Continue reading →
Stalwart supporter MC (presently in charge of our top three conspiracies in Andorra) writes in to say: No doubt the mighty Czar of Muscovy has already read this piece by David Pryce-Jones, but I took note that he follows your … Continue reading →
Know who else was over at the Castle Gormogon today? Patrick from Popehat! He came by to borrow the Volgi’s Etruscan For Business Travelers and mentioned to us that your Czar is the best candidate for Czar: What Democratic and … Continue reading →
‘Puter penned this post Tuesday, regarding Mr. Kevin Chavous’ protest of the Democrats killing D.C.’s school voucher program. Today, the Wall Street Journal drops an unsigned editorial eerily similar to ‘Puter’s post. There is nothing beyond your Gormogons’ reach. 'PuterAlways … Continue reading →
New York, New YorkIt’s a unionized town!Teacher pay’s up,And kids’ test scores are down.The whole state’s run byA gov who’s a clown.New York, New York!It’s a helluva town! ‘Puter would like to thank Gormogon operative Noah, who may or may … Continue reading →
