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Playtime at the Castle

The Gormogons Posted on October 20, 2014 by GorTOctober 20, 2014

The Gormogons are all fans of getting outside and enjoying the fresh air and some healthy exercise.  Some of the castle dwellers wanted more variety around the grounds for our enjoyment so our official contracts officer, ‘Puter, put out a … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogon Infighting, Gormogonica, Suck It Czar

Visitor’s Guide to the Castle

The Gormogons Posted on June 15, 2014 by GorTJune 15, 2014

Just a quick mention that largely through the hard work of the Volgi, we are releasing a Visitor’s Guide to the Castle.  Many of you might not be aware of all the references made, the categories/hashtags of the posts, etc. … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica

‘Puter Gets A Secretary!

The Gormogons Posted on April 11, 2014 by 'PuterApril 11, 2014

‘Puter woke up this morning with a start, immediately realizing two things were very, very wrong. First, ‘Puter was in his own bed and curiously vomit free, and that never happens after all you can drink Courvoisier and Clam Juice … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Gormogonica, Uncategorized

But This One Goes to 1@!#EELEVENTY!@!

The Gormogons Posted on April 10, 2014 by GorTApril 10, 2014

The Czar and Volgi were kicking around in the Castle Rumpus room late last week and decided that they’d do some sprucing up of the place.  Their first target?  The website.  After hours and hours of beating their heads against … Continue reading →

Posted in Google, Gormogonica, Gormogons, GorT

The Czar Knows Some Things

The Gormogons Posted on March 30, 2014 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

He may not know how much a pile of .50 caliber rounds like this would cost the military: …but he does know that bag cost twice as much as it should have. Hail Kitty. And thanks to Uncle Jay who … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Guns, Hello Kitty, Uncle Jay

Stuff and Such

The Gormogons Posted on March 4, 2014 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

We have been quite busy, it seems, because so many of you are asking after our various secret projects. Island Dweller, who has yet to complete his many assignments (notably, switching the East and West Magnetic Poles), is suspicious about … Continue reading →

Posted in Doublewide, Gormogonica, Island Dweller, Mailbag, Retired Spook, South Korea, Texas, Texas-sized trash piles

Mission Accomplished

The Gormogons Posted on February 15, 2014 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

To: The Inscrutible Mandarin From: Dr. J.  Re: Operation Snowdome Dear Mandy: The Orbiting Anti-Snow Ray works! New Atlantis remains snow-free! Suck it Atlanta! Best, Dr. J.  Dr. J.

Continue reading →
Posted in Dr. J., Gormogonica, Mandarin, Snow

In Which Your Gormogons Choose Valentine’s Day Cards For Their Loved Ones

The Gormogons Posted on February 10, 2014 by 'PuterApril 6, 2014

‘Puter’s favorite day of the year is rapidly approaching.* Valentine’s Day! ‘Puter’s already picked out cards for the special people in his life, as have the rest of your Gormogons. ‘Puter’s glad to share our selections with you, provided you … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Suck It Czar, Valentine's Day

Mailbag – Uncle Jay Strikes Back!

The Gormogons Posted on January 17, 2014 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Dr. J. apologizes for the delay in posting this missive addressed to the Czar but forwarded to Dr. J. from the one and only Uncle Jay: Dear Dread & Awful.:  A vast smoke screen, wasn’t it? This whole Polar Votrex … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Gormogon Infighting, Gormogonica, Star Wars, The Mandarin, Uncle Jay, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Leaping Peacock Review

The Gormogons Posted on January 13, 2014 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

We don’t always make the news, but we did the other day. Here is a review of one of our favorite hangouts, the Leaping Peacock, which is just across the road and down a bit from the Castle Gormogon. This … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Leaping Peacock

Our Resolutions for 2014

The Gormogons Posted on January 1, 2014 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

What are your revolutions resolutions for the New Year? No, don’t write in with them, because none of us really care. That was our resolution for 2013, which we mostly upheld. The Volgi: He resolves to be less rococo and … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Holidays

Four-Way

The Gormogons Posted on December 4, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Look, everybody knows the Mandarin is the most popular writer here because he can distill total rage in about three short paragraphs, accompanied by either a funny graphic or some utterly bizarre YouTube video never more than a couple minutes … Continue reading →

Posted in Doublewide, Gormogonica, Island Dweller, Mailbag, MC

The Great Gormogon Turkey Challenge

The Gormogons Posted on November 27, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Today, thanks to time travel, we were able to hold our First Annual Turkey Contest yesterday. And the results were about what you would expect. As you know, all of us Gormogons are superlative cooks in at least one area … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Castle Gormogon, Dr. J., Gormogonica, Gormogons, GorT, Thanksgiving, The Czar of Muscovy, The Inscrutable Mandarin, Turkey, Volgi, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

They shouldn’t have let Dr. J. paint the Castle bathroom

The Gormogons Posted on November 23, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Yes, we each have our own urinal. Dr. J.

Continue reading →
Posted in Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, My Little Pony

Introducing Loki J.

The Gormogons Posted on November 19, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Introducing Loki J. – Lord of Chaos Gentle Readers, We have a new addition to the J. clan. This weekend, we welcomed into our home Lady J.’s half brother, Loki J. Old Grandad, Eng CH Harana Alfie Boe. Lady and … Continue reading →

Posted in Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Chevy Cavalier, Dog, Gormogonica, Lady J., Loki J.

Koala Keshik by @kisroka

The Gormogons Posted on October 19, 2013 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.April 6, 2014

The most recent acquisition of the Gallerie Gormogòne at the Castle, commissioned by the Œcumenical Volgi from the Countess von Cséfavlay’s atelier at Withywindles. It is a highly encoded representation of a spell or alchemical process, the details of which … Continue reading →

Posted in Archery, Art, Castle Gormogon, Gallerie Gormogòne, Genghis Khan, Gormogonica, Kisróka, Minions, Mongols, Nőstény Róka, Stupid Mongorians

Mrs. ‘Puter’s Birthday Weekend: Dinner, Show, Oktoberfest, Yinzers

The Gormogons Posted on September 16, 2013 by 'PuterApril 6, 2014

Mrs. ‘Puter, Big Red and Mrs. TheCzar model the latest in Oktoberfestfashion. Not really, but in ‘Puter’s demented mind, this is how hepictures it. ‘Puter spent Mrs. ‘Puter’s birthday weekend thusly. Friday evening, ‘Puter squired The Missus to dinner at … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Beer, Family, Gormogonica, Happy Birthday, Love Boat, Mrs. 'Puter, Upstate

‘Puter’s iPhone Playlist: Into the Deranged Mind of ‘Puter

The Gormogons Posted on September 9, 2013 by 'PuterApril 6, 2014

Bob Dylan (a/k/a Robert Zimmerman) is one of ‘Puter’s favorite artists. Also, Mr. Dylan, a Minnesotan Jew by birth, would write much better liturgical music than either OCP or the St. Louis Jesuits ‘Puter digs him some music, music of … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Gormogonica, GorT, Minions, Music, Roman Catholics, The Czar

Expedition to the Plateau of Leng

The Gormogons Posted on September 3, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Gentle Readers, Dr. J.’s recent post in which he took the ‘Which D&D Character Are You’ was quite popular with the readers. Indeed, two of our operatives and two of Dr. J.’s old gaming mates took the quiz. As a … Continue reading →

Posted in Dungeons and Dragons, Gormogonica, Iron Man, Mailbag, Nerds

That’s the last time we let Volgi tip…

The Gormogons Posted on September 2, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Nothing says good tipper like a monolith dedicated to an ancient evil…  Operative RKB wrote again to Dr. J. and Borepatch. It seems someone has claimed part of Oklahoma for the Old Gods: Yes, yes, that was us. You see, … Continue reading →

Posted in Borepatch, Gormogon Operatives, Gormogon Summer Vacation, Gormogonica, GorT, Iä Iä Great Cthulhu, The Czar, Volgi

The Gormogon’s Summer Vacation – Introduction*

The Gormogons Posted on August 13, 2013 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Like much of America, the Gormogons vacation as well.  Sometimes it’s on our own with our own families and a number of us have posted assorted accounts for your amusement and edification.  First a little background to orient our dear … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Dat Ho, Dr. J., Gormogon Summer Vacation, Gormogonica, GorT, Sleestak, The Czar, The Mandarin, Volgi

AMC Had Some Classics, Too

The Gormogons Posted on August 11, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

As you recall, because it only just happened, the Gormogons have been ruminating over their memories of the AMC motor company (which stood the American Motor Company motor company, apparently). For you youngsters, AMC was a car company that made … Continue reading →

Posted in AMC, Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gremlin, Humor, Pacer, Watercooler, West Beirut (Detroit)

Around the watercooler…

The Gormogons Posted on August 9, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Sometimes your Gormogon overlords take a break from scheming, plotting and our daily machinations to discuss ephemera around the Castle water cooler… Today’s topic of debate: The Gremlin vs. The Pacer At least we could all agree on the denim … Continue reading →

Posted in AMC, Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gremlin, Humor, La Belle France, Pacer, Watercooler, West Beirut (Detroit)

GorT, she speaks your language!

The Gormogons Posted on August 3, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Ladies, have you dreamed of dating a tall, shiny, time traveling sentient robot? Mr. Abrams, I’m ready for my lens flare! If you do, it may be worth your time learning to speak in his native tongue: GorT, you can … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Humor, Math class is hard, Out of the mouth of babes

G5 — Kind words

The Gormogons Posted on July 26, 2013 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.April 6, 2014

Letters, telegrams, and Telexes (CASTLEG) of congratulations have been arriving from around the globe. A sample of those from some of our better-known open collaborators follows. Original copies of the telegrams are attached for historical interest. Apologies to future historians … Continue reading →

Posted in Adam Baldwin, Gormogonica, Jonah Goldberg, Jonathan Last, Vic Torino

G5 – Happy 5th Blogiversary

The Gormogons Posted on July 24, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Something special for our 5th anniversary? How about a picture we have not uploaded before? Here you are! This is us on the National Mall—see the Lincoln Memorial?—we took back in 1994. From left, there’s Sleestak, Ghettoputer F.X. Gormogon, GorTechie … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Castle Gormogon, Dr. J., Gormogonica, Gormogons, Gormogons Anniversary, GorT, The Czar of Muscovy, The Inscrutable Mandarin, Volgi

G5 — Best of the Gormogons — Confucius, Œc. Vol.

The Gormogons Posted on July 23, 2013 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.April 6, 2014

Some five years ago, the internal deliberations of the Gormogons were made public on a “blog.” After executing those responsible, we decided to make lemonade of the lemons life handed us. With the blood of the minions responsible. (Dgapo the … Continue reading →

Posted in Best of the Gormogons, Confucius, Gormogonica, Gormogons Anniversary, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

G5 – Countdown to the Gormogon’s Fifth Anniversary

The Gormogons Posted on July 17, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Our Huckleberry, look upon his works and despair! Gentle Readers, July 24th marks the fifth anniversary of your Gormogons blog site. As you know we’ve been working behind the scenes in our worldwide conspiracy since long before that storied day … Continue reading →

Posted in Cousin Oliver, Fred, Gormogonica, Gormogons Anniversary, Revisionist History

Mailbag – Yelp* I need somebody! Edition.

The Gormogons Posted on July 12, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

The great ScottO writes: O Most Powerful and Wise Dr. J.,  I read your review of the Yelp Dr. J.

Continue reading →
Posted in Gormogonica, Mailbag, Minions, ScottO, Social Media

Nerd, Geek, Dork

The Gormogons Posted on June 6, 2013 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Several friends pointed me at this excellent article that differentiates the terms “nerd” and “geek”, as I circulated it among various nerds and geeks, I got this picture in response: Let me first pull a few salient points from the … Continue reading →

Posted in Geeks, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Nerds

The Gormogons Cannot Always Agree

The Gormogons Posted on June 6, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The news that the Obama administration seized millions of ordinary Americans’ phone records for some undisclosed reason has everybody stumped. We thought we would each do a reaction to the story and then select the best one to post. We … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogon Infighting, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Scandals

Holiday weekend Gormogonica — GorT’s Sleazy Sixties

The Gormogons Posted on May 26, 2013 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.April 6, 2014

Very few of you likely know that our staid, dependable, eleven-foot, time-travelling robot, GorT, had a brief déclassé film career. Sure, you all know about his headliner role with Michael Rennie and Patricia Neal in The Day the Earth Stood … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, GorT, GorTechie's Time Travel Adventures, Hollywood, Pornography, The Gross ’60s, This movie really sucks

A Gormogon Mother’s Day

The Gormogons Posted on May 12, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

An ode to all the Gormogon moms—living, deceased, or otherwise—all over time and space. You know who you are. M is for the Myriad and Manifold ways you taught us world domination.O is for the Onichophagy you beat out of … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons, Mother's Day

So We Put a Team Together

The Gormogons Posted on April 24, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Castle Gormogon survived its first softball practice last night, and one would be shocked to learn we weren’t that bad; but not nearly as shocked one would be if we had a second practice. Indeed, if there were indeed any … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Club Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Softball

In Which Dr. J. takes the week off…

The Gormogons Posted on March 17, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

To: The Czar, The Mandarin, Confucius, GorT and Puter From: Dr. J. Re: Spring Break Dear Dread Colleagues: Clan J. is headed to the Eastern Palace for some R&R as New Atlantis is enjoying spring break this week. Czar, please … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica

Know Your Cardinals

The Gormogons Posted on March 10, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

By now, you have all seen Confucius’* post about the 265th Gormogon Papal Conclave Lottery. The Czar has participated in almost 70 of these, and certainly it can be hard to choose among them. So the Czar has put together … Continue reading →

Posted in Games People Play, Gormogonica, Pope Don't Float, Unam sanctam catholicam apostolicam ecclesiam

Gormogon Conclave Lottery! Play now! Cheap as free!

The Gormogons Posted on March 9, 2013 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.April 6, 2014

Cardinal Stan T. Mannot available for selection Hey, kids, it’s that time again! Time for the 265th Gormogon Papal Conclave Lottery. We may be pulling the strings behind world events, but we let you ignorantly guess as to the outcomes … Continue reading →

Posted in Cardinal Dolan, Games People Play, Gormogonica, Pope Don't Float, Unam sanctam catholicam apostolicam ecclesiam

That’s no moon…

The Gormogons Posted on February 13, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Dr. J. saw our friends over at IMAO link to this on teh twitterz this morning: New blog post: Pluto’s moons goo.gl/fb/ywlzO— Frank J. Fleming (@IMAO_) February 13, 2013 Apparently we have observed that the flagship Dwarf Planet Pluto (the 9th … Continue reading →

Posted in Astronomy, Friend of Gormogons, Gormogonica, Greeks, Moon, Mythology, Pluto

Gormogonica

The Gormogons Posted on January 3, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Correspondent Mark Spahn, of West Seneca, New York, writes in with a discovery that is certain to amaze you more than it amazed him…because he is crafty and careful by nature. Hello Czar, Synchronicity! A few minutes ago, I read … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Mailbag

The Mandarin’s Christmas Tree

The Gormogons Posted on December 10, 2012 by The MandarinApril 6, 2014

In keeping with the holiday theme here at the Castle, your Mandarin has decided to decorate the lab. May you have a wonderful Christmas and a blessed New Year! The MandarinThe Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Christianity, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Merry Christmas, Roman Catholics

Saturdays. Ah Yes.

The Gormogons Posted on December 1, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

One of the best parts about Castle Gormogon is you never know what anybody is up to individually. So you could, for example, walk through the solarium and find this going on: And your Czar has no idea who is … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons

Someone Let ‘Puter Out Again?

The Gormogons Posted on November 30, 2012 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Our apologies folks, apparently Dat Ho or Sleestak let ‘Puter roam free past the Leapin’ Peacock and he ended up on a four day bender.  Apparently somewhere around the 47th hour, he was on Mars trying to get the rover … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Get Your Ass to Mars, Gormogonica, Humor

Catching Up With Our Readers

The Gormogons Posted on November 24, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Dunno if it was the holiday or the travels, but the Czar got a little behind in his mail. Not sure whose behind it was, though. It was pretty bloody. First, in order of appearance, is Nightfly, who confesses: O … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Mailbag, The ’70s—Nadir of American History

Happy Halloween

The Gormogons Posted on October 31, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

No, we didn’t forget. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Halloween

The Czar Lost in Happy Memories Again

The Gormogons Posted on October 24, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Alert and poised-for-instant-Kung Fu-action operative MS writes in: Your most illustrious majesty: I watched only the first 10 minutes or so of last night’s debate before I was able to discern its rough course: Dear Leader: “This nation/me (priority frequently … Continue reading →

Posted in 2012 Election, Barack Obama, China, Debate, Economic policy, Election, Foreign Policy, Gormogon Operatives, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Military, Mitt Romney, Prince Tochmas, The Czar of Muscovy

About Barry the Manticore

The Gormogons Posted on October 22, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Long-time operative BG carefully stacked millions of sugar cubes and left this message spelled out on the Castle driveway before the ants ruined it: The Czar’s post regarding the unfortunate visit from his college roommate struck a chord here; I … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Dr. J., Gormogon Operatives, Gormogonica, Mailbag, Minion, The Czar of Muscovy, The Mandarin

Czar’s Favorites

The Gormogons Posted on October 21, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The Czar might once in a while feel nostalgic, and indulge himself on some of his favorite essays. Here are three we wrote some time ago, and feel were pretty decently done. Have you read them? Public Service Message about … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, The Czar of Muscovy

Math Fun, Gormo-style!

The Gormogons Posted on September 25, 2012 by GorTApril 6, 2014

GorT, Sr. enjoyed this earlier post and GorT has been busy so I’ve been lax in posting these. First, let’s show how 2 equals 3: and now, -1 equals 1: Witness the mighty power of the Gormogons!!! GorTGorT is an … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Math class is hard

Our Letter౭ Policy

The Gormogons Posted on September 8, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Just some administrivia. We get lots of letters, and we try to respond to all of them. Because we do not have a Ron Paul 2012 comments section, an email is the best way to get hold of us. We … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica

More Minifigures

The Gormogons Posted on September 4, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Man, you people get so needy. All right. By popular demand, we have added a second series of MiniFigures for your Castle Gormogon sets! Die-hard fans will be certain to gouge other people’s eyes out in order to get their … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, 2-1B, Castle Gormogon, Dat Ho, Dr. J., Gormogonica, Gormogons, GorT, Sleestak, The Czar of Muscovy, The Gormogonickal Seal of Approval®, The Mandarin, Volgi, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Gormogon MiniFigures

The Gormogons Posted on September 3, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Admit it! Wouldn’t you sometimes rather act out your own Gormogon posts, rather than read the ones we actually put here? Seriously, don’t you just want to go all ‘Puter on NPR once in a while? Or have the Czar … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, 2-1B, Castle Gormogon, Dat Ho, Dr. J., Gormogonica, Gormogons, GorT, Sleestak, The Czar of Muscovy, The Gormogonickal Seal of Approval®, The Mandarin, Volgi, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Number Theory

The Gormogons Posted on August 28, 2012 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Behold, the square root of eleventy.Look upon it and despair! Today, The Czar, English major and Castle Grammarian, wrote: 5. There is no square root of eleventy. Now correct Dr. J. if he is wrong (specifically Dr. J. is asking … Continue reading →

Posted in Eleventy, Gormogon Infighting, Gormogonica, i-leventy, Math class is hard, Royal Mathematician to the Gormogons

Earhart’s Crash Site

The Gormogons Posted on August 22, 2012 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Researchers tracking the potential crash site for Amelia Earhart’s plane.  The popular theory is that she and her navigator, Fred Noonan, ran out of fuel over the Pacific Ocean as they were heading towards Howland Island.  A contrary theory is … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, Sleestak, The Mandarin

In Which Czar and Dr. J Offer ‘Puter Feedback on His Millennials Post

The Gormogons Posted on August 19, 2012 by 'PuterApril 6, 2014

Czar has trained a small army of ninjawombats to strike fear into the heartsof his enemies.  Secondarily, Czar useshis wombat army to deliver messagesto ‘Puter.  Cubical poop? Really? Ouch. When not abusing various mood-altering substances, we denizens of Castle Gormogon … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Castle Gormogon, Dr. J., Generations, Gormogonica, Intergenerational Warfare, The Czar of Muscovy

Disturbing Stats

The Gormogons Posted on August 19, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Fantastic work by GorT on the statistical analysis of our writings. The Czar is bemused when looking at his own word cloud that “DON” appears there in the far right. To wear? A mafia figurehead? A Spanish lord? Ameche? Curious, … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter's Always Right, Castle Gormogon, Dr. J., Gormogonica, GorT, Lies Damned Lies and Statistics, The Czar of Muscovy, The Mandarin, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Gormogon Stats

The Gormogons Posted on August 18, 2012 by GorTApril 6, 2014

GorT loves him some math and statistics.  So I felt it was time to run the numbers on our corner of the internet here.  The numbers are based on a snapshot of the blog from a few days ago.  I … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter's Always Right, Castle Gormogon, Dr. J., Gormogonica, GorT, Lies Damned Lies and Statistics, The Czar of Muscovy, The Mandarin, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

You Knew This Was Coming

The Gormogons Posted on August 11, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

It is sort of inevitable. Don’t say you didn’t roll your eyes a little. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons, Meme, The Mandarin

Reminder to Our Minions

The Gormogons Posted on August 11, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Thank you for your attention. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, GorT, Minions

Smoots and Truths

The Gormogons Posted on August 1, 2012 by GorTApril 6, 2014

GorT is taking a break from the six 11 to 15 year olds in the house and retreated to the palacial master bedroom suite (which GorT replicant #3 tried to lay claim to upon arrival) to check up on teh … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, GorTechie's Time Travel Adventures, Parenting is hard, Traffic

To Save Itself Dodge Resurrects ‘Puter’s First Ride

The Gormogons Posted on July 24, 2012 by 'PuterApril 6, 2014

This is the closest image ‘Puter could locateto show the true beauty of his first car. In or about 1985, the State of Maryland (“America in Miniature“**) issued ‘Puter his driver’s license.  From that fateful day forward, ‘Puter was unleashed … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Cars, Dodge Swinger, Gormogonica, GorT, High School, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Own the Narrative

The Gormogons Posted on June 12, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Hey, lucky readers! Know what can be even more fun than reading the Czar? Hearing a faithful reading of one his posts! Check out, and continue to check in with, the folks at Own the Narrative, in which they read … Continue reading →

Posted in Club Gormogon, Friend of Gormogons, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Hey We're On The Radio

Where Has He Been, Anyway?

The Gormogons Posted on April 28, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Well, here is a total surprise. Most of us thought Uncle Jay walked off the edge of the world, but here he is, writing us this message: Most Dread & Awful, I’ve been quite busy of late, and due to … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Mailbag, Uncle Jay

Postoŝako: The Esperantists return

The Gormogons Posted on April 17, 2012 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.April 6, 2014

As is well known (indeed, advertised at left), the Gormogons are working tirelessly—though obviously none too effectively—for the imprisonment of Esperanto speakers, for reasons that are largely above you minions’ security clearance. The Czar suggests one here, but is he … Continue reading →

Posted in Esperanto, Gormogonica, Mailbag

You Smart Too

The Gormogons Posted on March 29, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The Czar knows what hundreds of you are thinking. “Hey Dread, we love that you print full letters and emails and communiques from some really smart people. Well, I’m smart too, and once in a while, I wish several hundred … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica

It’s Dangerous…

The Gormogons Posted on March 15, 2012 by GorTApril 6, 2014

…to jump in on inter-Gormogon activities.  However, Reader SO decided to test the waters so to speak regarding this post with the following: Dear GorTechie, I noticed that the attachment on the latest Interoffice Memo was in the Excel 97-2003 … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Mailbag, Microsoft

Interoffice Memo

The Gormogons Posted on March 14, 2012 by GorTApril 6, 2014

To: ‘PuterFrom: GorTCc: MandyRe: Grenade Fishing and Solar Activity Dear ‘Puter: You’ll be glad to know that the Mandarin and I have been able to heat up the moat so you can begin your grenade fishing activities.  The moat seems … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Fishing, Gormogonica

Mailbag: In Which All Hail Our Brilliance

The Gormogons Posted on March 3, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Operative MC etches this secret message into a single oatmeal flake and slipped it into the Czar’s breakfast. It turned up the following morning. A STFU gun!Yeah, the “Japanese” invented it, wink wink nudge nudge, say no more. I love … Continue reading →

Posted in 2012 Election, Barack Obama, Democrats, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Mailbag, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul

If Walt Disney Lived At The Castle

The Gormogons Posted on March 1, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Czar, you ask. Any videos from around the Castle? Absolutely. Here is the Czar’s very own Auntie Gruesome entertaining the kids at a birthday party, circa 1961. Castle décor has not changed much. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica

Mmmm…#donuts

The Gormogons Posted on February 6, 2012 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

How you document your donut eating says even more about you than your choice of donut… h/t – Some friend of a friend on Facebook. Dr. J.

Continue reading →
Posted in Donuts, Gormogonica, Humor, Interwebs, Social Media

Mailbag – Cancer devours from within…edition

The Gormogons Posted on February 3, 2012 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

This missive arrived by bicycle courier from Operative JS regarding yesterday’s required reading assignment: Dear Dr. J,  I don’t think you’ve been there long enough to tell us what to read. YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD!!!1!  God Bless, J S  … Continue reading →

Posted in Abortion, Generations, Gormogon Operatives, Gormogonica, Mailbag, Progressives

Happy New Year!

The Gormogons Posted on January 1, 2012 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Welcome 2012!  The Gormogons are looking forward to an exciting and brand new year.  While I remain generally unimpressed by any of our leaders or potential leaders – something, as I’ve stated in the past, that I believe to be … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica

Merry Christmas, and We Mean Everyone!

The Gormogons Posted on December 25, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Merry Christmas. It is a beautiful morning, no matter what. The Gormogons are very excited, and you can see us all gathered around the tree opening our gifts. Your Œcumenical Volgi, or 孔夫子, for those who came in late, or … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Friend of Gormogons, Gormogon Operatives, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Holidays, Merry Christmas, Minions

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 24

The Gormogons Posted on December 24, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

The final day of our calendar brings up the door to these charities: The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (one of ‘Puter’s picks)The Christian Foundation for Children and Aging (GorT frequents this charity)The Holy Land Christian Ecumenical Foundation (also a pick … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Charity, Gormogonica, GorT, Merry Christmas

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 23

The Gormogons Posted on December 23, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Continuing our advent calendar charity doors, today’s door is to the following charities: The Military Order of the Purple Heart (one of the Czar’s picks)Paralyzed Veterans of America (favored by the Mandarin) For those who like contributing to other charities … Continue reading →

Posted in Charity, Gormogonica, Merry Christmas, The Czar of Muscovy, The Mandarin

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 22

The Gormogons Posted on December 22, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

We’re in the final stretch of the advent season and it is a time to be generous.  Generous with your spirit, your hospitality and your charity.  So today’s advent door is a door into some of the charities that your … Continue reading →

Posted in Charity, Dr. J., Gormogonica, Merry Christmas, Volgi

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 21

The Gormogons Posted on December 21, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Rounding out the third pass through the castle of the advent calendar is Dat Ho – who has been enjoying his mini-hibachi grill down in the basement.  He opened his door and unfolded a small shirt and held it up.  … Continue reading →

Posted in Dat Ho, Gormogonica, Merry Christmas

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 20

The Gormogons Posted on December 20, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Today was GorT’s turn to open a door on the advent calendar and while the treat was more along the lines of the traditional advent calendars, I still seem to feel like someone in the castle is snickering. GorTGorT is … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, GorT, Merry Christmas

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 19

The Gormogons Posted on December 19, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

The Gormogons love us some grilled meat.  A number of us like showing off our grill skills.  The Czar got really excited when he saw the day 19 gift.  He’s already fully assembled it and started making dinner for all … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Merry Christmas, The Czar of Muscovy

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 18

The Gormogons Posted on December 18, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

The Gormogons aren’t into flashy jewelry.  However, when it’s a piece of functional jewelry, eyebrows get raised.  So the Mandarin had to immediately try on his new ring and give it a whirl.  I think Dat Ho will be ok, … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Merry Christmas, The Mandarin

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 17

The Gormogons Posted on December 17, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

The Volgi is old….school.  Well, old too.  So, he was happy opening today’s door on the calendar and getting his gift: It is nostalgic for him while functional as it has a 3-CD loader.  He has already loaded up all … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Merry Christmas, Volgi

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 16

The Gormogons Posted on December 16, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Sometimes the items behind the advent calendar doors are just random and defy explanation.  Maybe Dr. J will actually make use of his gift today: Then again, he’ll have to keep Mandy’s hands off them. GorTGorT is an eight-foot-tall robot … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Merry Christmas

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 15

The Gormogons Posted on December 15, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Traditionally, advent calendars are small and have tiny candies behind each door – usually chocolates.  ‘Puter might have been disappointed at first that these were not real but rather chocolate, he got over it quickly and actually found a way … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Gormogonica, Merry Christmas

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 14

The Gormogons Posted on December 14, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Dat Ho has been on his best behavior: cleaning up the carcasses on the shores of the moat after ‘Puter’s grenade fishing, helping the Mandy and Czar back to their respective rooms after late nights at the Leaping Peacock, dusting … Continue reading →

Posted in Dat Ho, Gormogonica, Merry Christmas

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 13

The Gormogons Posted on December 13, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Lucky me! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!  Day 13 is GorT’s second turn at opening an advent calendar door.  A number of the Gormogons are early birds (and we get plenty of worms), particularly GorT and ‘Puter whose body clocks … Continue reading →

Posted in Atari, Gormogonica, GorT, Merry Christmas

Gormogons Readers Are Kewl! Proven!

The Gormogons Posted on December 13, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

So how popular is this site? More importantly, how cool are you for reading it? The answer is very cool. In fact, take the day off, and never be afraid to tell someone off because you read this site, and … Continue reading →

Posted in Borepatch, Friend of Gormogons, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Jonah Goldberg, Jonathan Last

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 12

The Gormogons Posted on December 12, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

The Czar camped out all night watching the calendar just to make sure that a repeat of day 5 didn’t occur.  So, a ragged-looking, spear-carrying Czar slowly opened the door on day 12 of the advent calendar to reveal: He … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Merry Christmas, Sleestak, The Czar of Muscovy

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 11

The Gormogons Posted on December 12, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Like many of you, the Gormogons get busy this time of year. Office parties, tree trimming, cookie exchanges (one of ‘Puter’s favorites)…etc. So it wasn’t until late tonight when all of us could watch Mandy pry open the doors for … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Merry Christmas, Orbiting Mind Control Satellites, The Mandarin

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 10

The Gormogons Posted on December 10, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Mandy finally got the Volgi to stop pushing those huge blocks about the castle.  Periodically, you’d hear: thuuuump.   Thuuump.   Thuuuump.  And you’d look out your door and the Volgi had lined up several blocks to spell some message in 2′ … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Merry Christmas, Volgi, Yeti

Welcome to Leng, Suckas

The Gormogons Posted on December 10, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

As you know, the Castle welcomes hundreds of visitors a year. Many of them make it back home safely. Internet boulevardier Uncle Jay mentioned that his Golden Horde (well, we think he said “hordes”) was going to lay seige at … Continue reading →

Posted in Borepatch, Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Uncle Jay

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 9

The Gormogons Posted on December 9, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Our resident doctor had to get up early for rounds today, so when we made it to the common room, he left a kind note saying that he’s very excited to try out his new gift today as he started … Continue reading →

Posted in Dr. J., Gormogonica, Merry Christmas

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 8

The Gormogons Posted on December 8, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

So it’s back to the top of the rotation and ‘Puter is all a twitter (seriously, go follow us on twitter…he is all a-twitter) with opening the next door.  He was a little disappointed that the door was substantially smaller … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Gormogonica, Hippies…they say they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad, Merry Christmas

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Lawyers

The Gormogons Posted on December 8, 2011 by 'PuterApril 6, 2014

As ‘Puter may have mentioned once or twice before, he’s an attorney working in house at a boutique financial company. Some have referred to ‘Puter’s company’s niche as a vulture fund, but that’s for another day. More to the point … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Gormogonica, Lawyers

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 7

The Gormogons Posted on December 8, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Better late than never. All was quiet for there was one more denizen of the castle to open a door before we head back to the top of the rotation – Dat Ho.  Well, he’s been lying low since the … Continue reading →

Posted in Dat Ho, Gormogonica, Merry Christmas

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 6

The Gormogons Posted on December 6, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Well, yes, it’s rolled around to you-know-who – GorT.  I’m never in much of a rush.  Heck, when you can time-travel, why does it matter, right?  So I’m a bit later in the day today posting about my token advent … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, GorT, Merry Christmas, Nerds

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 5

The Gormogons Posted on December 5, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Each morning the Czar sits patiently in the corner of the group as others open their advent calendar, but the look on his face tells the tale – he wants it to be his turn so bad that someone’s going … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Merry Christmas, Sleestak, The Czar of Muscovy

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 4

The Gormogons Posted on December 4, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

The Mandy has been patiently waiting for his turn to open a door and sure enough, he drew day 4 of advent.  They were a bit smaller than what he expected after a car and huge Chinese toy blocks but … Continue reading →

Posted in Boot in the Gut, Gormogonica, Merry Christmas

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 3

The Gormogons Posted on December 3, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

The Volgi drew Day 3 on the advent calendar.  He’s not one to get up early so the rest of us waited for him to come down to the Castle common room.  He excitedly opened the four-foot doors on the … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Merry Christmas, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 2

The Gormogons Posted on December 2, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Dr. J was the next lucky draw to open the next door on our 30-story advent calendar (I told you, we like gifts and small chocolates just ain’t gonna cut it).  He was dancing around like a little schoolkid.  So … Continue reading →

Posted in Dr. J., Gormogonica, Merry Christmas, Star Wars

Gormogon Advent Calendar – Day 1

The Gormogons Posted on December 1, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

The advent calendar started with German Lutherans who would physically count down the days to Christmas starting on December 1st.  It has morphed into the modern ones which are traditionally cardboard/plastic frames with small doors that are opened on each … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Hello Kitty, Merry Christmas

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A secret society dedicated to the restoration of the Kingdom of Poland-Lithuania, the imprisonment of Esperanto speakers, and furthering the eschatological doctrine of the Return from Occultation of the Thirteenth Imam, Val Kilmer. Seriously, what happened to that guy? He was awesome in Tombstone. ایمام سیزدهم

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