Like much of America, the Gormogons vacation as well. Sometimes it’s on our own with our own families and a number of us have posted assorted accounts for your amusement and edification. First a little background to orient our dear readers: as you already know, the Gormogons have a variety of backgrounds each growing up vacationing in various locations and returning to different places (even if a few were fairly close). GorT, for example, was lucky enough courtesy of his parents, to have visited (meaning doing something more significant that an airport stopover, highway reststop/lunch break, etc.) 48 states – he is only missing North Dakota and Alaska. One of which is on his list to visit…and the other will join it just to round out 50.
This is the first installment in a series documenting the Gormogons’ Summer Vacation in which the six Gormogons and assorted other castle dwellers trek across the 50 states to bring you the sights, sounds, events, and hot spots. In some cases, we might even throw in some real information from our own experiences. Tune in over the next few weeks as we trek from Maine to Hawaii and all points in between** (***).
Day 1: Maine to New Hampshire
The Gormogons started their fabulous summer vacation in the Mandy’s souped-up Grand Yukon in Bangor, Maine. With all the luggage tied to the roof we set out on our first leg of the trip. Sleestak seemed hooked to his iPad and we needed to pry it away from him so he would look at the scenery as we drove on. We drove about an hour and a half towards the coast and ended up in Acadia National Park – a beautiful, rocky island on the Atlantic coast. With everyone still jazzed up for the adventure, we toured the sights, took many pictures, and then drove back through Bangor and turned south towards Freeport. After a minor incident with Dat Ho – although we were well prepared with a fresh roll of Brawny and plastic bags – we arrived at the headquarters of L. L. Bean. ‘Puter and Dr. J refreshed their flannel-wear while the rest of us milled about in the parking lot plotting our route out of Maine.
Two hours later, we pried those two out of the store and back into the truckster. Mandy put his foot down hard and the Volgi tuned to channel 19 on the CB to listen for reports for the smokies. We made a quick pit stop at the Western Sizzlin’ for dinner as GorT is a fan of the extensive salad bar and texas toast that you get with a number 14.
Around 10pm, we pulled into the parking lot at the Motel 6 in Conway, NH to call it a night. We piled into a few rooms. There was the mandatory arguments over the sleeping arrangements. Being an 8′ tall metal robot, no one wanted to share a bed with GorT and the case was made that the 2″ thick mattresses were wasted on him anyway, so he was laid out in front of the door to prevent any burglaries. Dr. J, having split the driving with Mandy, got one bed and the gut-booter got the other one. ‘Puter tried to climb in with the Mandy, but was quickly reminded that the Mandy keeps his boots on at night. The Volgi stays up most of the night so he hid in the closet and worked on something, we’re not quite sure, with a small lamp illuminating his work. The Czar, muttering a bunch took a piece of the floor as well shaking his fist at the rest of us. We’re not quite sure where Sleestak, Dat Ho and the rest of the minions slept…and we didn’t really care.
Tune in next time as we continue our Griswoldesque vacation across the country heading through more of the New England states.
* Subtitled: How ‘Puter Made the Czar’s Summer Suck (it).
** This thread of posts is loosely based on a game that GorT used to do called the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre – a cross country auto road rally all done via a road atlas.
*** ‘Puter always likes the multiple postscripts…this is kind of fun, now with !@$!!Eleventy!@#1* asterisks!!
GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.