The Gormogons are all fans of getting outside and enjoying the fresh air and some healthy exercise. Some of the castle dwellers wanted more variety around the grounds for our enjoyment so our official contracts officer, ‘Puter, put out a solicitation for playground equipment that we could install on the premises. We reviewed them as they came in:
A few days went by and we went about our usual business. Then, the mail came flying over the castle wall and ‘Puter excitedly ran into the rumpus room announcing that we got two more responses to the request.
Dr. J and the Mandarin just stared blankly at the proposals and then at ‘Puter and then back at these images. Volgi put his head in his hands and began uttering something in a dialect that none of us recognized. It seems like Sleestak really was looking forward to the rainbow-colored arches with figures…but held back as the Czar started getting red-faced. GorT’s laser eye started glowing brighter.
“What in all that is holy did you put in the request for proposals, ‘Puter?” demanded the Czar. ‘Puter searched around the messy table looking for the request and finally found a coffee cup stained copy and began to read a section:
The Gormogons seek proposals for exciting and unique equipment suitable for various aged persons to enjoy in an outdoor setting. The goal is to enable frolicking and fun in a fraternal setting. Design should make great use of color and incorporate a sense of humor that the client would appreciate.
“Seriously? You put that out to companies?”
After the shoving and yelling ceased, we all stalked off to our respective areas of the castle. It remained quiet for a few days with little discussion and no acknowledgement that this project was even under consideration. A few more responses trickled in but none really took hold and garnered any support. The Czar did tack the following idea on ‘Puter’s door with the following caption, “Dude, I would so support having public restrooms on our playground if they were like this”
GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.