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But This One Goes to 1@!#EELEVENTY!@!

The Gormogons Posted on April 10, 2014 by GorTApril 10, 2014

The Czar and Volgi were kicking around in the Castle Rumpus room late last week and decided that they’d do some sprucing up of the place.  Their first target?  The website.  After hours and hours of beating their heads against … Continue reading →

Posted in Google, Gormogonica, Gormogons, GorT

Driving Volgi to Drink

The Gormogons Posted on December 23, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Dr. J.

Continue reading →
Posted in #pajamaboy, Confucius, Gormogons, Headaches, migrane, ObamaCare, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

After the Drinking at the Castle

The Gormogons Posted on December 22, 2013 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Click to embiggen… GorTGorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including … Continue reading →

Posted in #pajamaboy, 'Puter, Gormogons, Merry Christmas, Sleestak, The Czar, Twitter

The Great Gormogon Turkey Challenge

The Gormogons Posted on November 27, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Today, thanks to time travel, we were able to hold our First Annual Turkey Contest yesterday. And the results were about what you would expect. As you know, all of us Gormogons are superlative cooks in at least one area … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Castle Gormogon, Dr. J., Gormogonica, Gormogons, GorT, Thanksgiving, The Czar of Muscovy, The Inscrutable Mandarin, Turkey, Volgi, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Gormogon Ad

The Gormogons Posted on November 14, 2013 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Hi, I’m William Devane.  Years ago the Czar told me to invest in land.  Well, I did…and I did very well.  But now it’s time to buy Gormogon Gold.  So much financial craziness in the world today – governments trying … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, Mocking

Happy Halloween 2010!

The Gormogons Posted on October 31, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

A classic, written by the Mandarin, in 2010. We had a beautiful Halloween over at the Castle, much like we do every day. The kids came by in good numbers, which we’re happy to see again. We all took turns … Continue reading →

Posted in Best of the Gormogons, Castle Gormogon, Gormogons, Halloween, Holidays, The Inscrutable Mandarin

Sowell Brilliance Echoes Gormogons

The Gormogons Posted on October 11, 2013 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Frequent readers of this site will know that a number of us Gormogons are fans of Thomas Sowell.  Well, his brilliance has rubbed off – read his piece here in full (select excerpts below) – and if you go back … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter's Always Right, Gormogons, Thomas Sowell

We Are SMRT…I mean SMART

The Gormogons Posted on October 10, 2013 by GorTApril 6, 2014

The Gormogons all took the Pew Research “News IQ Quiz” and the results are below.  Keeping in mind Winston Churchill’s statement, “The biggest argument against democracy is a 5-minute conversation with the average voter” one wonders if part of the … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, Quiz

Ssh! Don’t Tell @MbernadetteE or @BrianGriffiths!

The Gormogons Posted on September 15, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

This post is to be a surprise for @MbernadetteE, so for goodness’ sake, don’t tell her about it. But the Gormogons have elected to each purchase her a present for her and @BrianGriffiths in celebration of their engagement and, one … Continue reading →

Posted in Archivist, Gifts, Gormogons, Minions

G5 – Happy 5th Blogiversary

The Gormogons Posted on July 24, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Something special for our 5th anniversary? How about a picture we have not uploaded before? Here you are! This is us on the National Mall—see the Lincoln Memorial?—we took back in 1994. From left, there’s Sleestak, Ghettoputer F.X. Gormogon, GorTechie … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Castle Gormogon, Dr. J., Gormogonica, Gormogons, Gormogons Anniversary, GorT, The Czar of Muscovy, The Inscrutable Mandarin, Volgi

Priorities or NHL Realignment 2014

The Gormogons Posted on July 23, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Dr. J.’s opined in the past regarding realignment. And yet, the NHL saw fit to re-realign their teams. Here are new match-ups: First and foremost, Dr. J. likes that his beloved Flyers are in the same division as the hated … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, Hockey, NHL, Realignment

Errata

The Gormogons Posted on July 2, 2013 by The MandarinApril 6, 2014

The friendly staff here at Gormogons.com (which you really should visit) would like to correct some items from previous posts. In a recent post dealing with liberalism, we indicated that Mr. Tuck Pointer, 42, of Deer Lick Falls was a … Continue reading →

Posted in Climate Change, Gormogon Infighting, Gormogons, Immigration

Nerd, Geek, Dork

The Gormogons Posted on June 6, 2013 by GorTApril 6, 2014

Several friends pointed me at this excellent article that differentiates the terms “nerd” and “geek”, as I circulated it among various nerds and geeks, I got this picture in response: Let me first pull a few salient points from the … Continue reading →

Posted in Geeks, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Nerds

The Gormogons Cannot Always Agree

The Gormogons Posted on June 6, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The news that the Obama administration seized millions of ordinary Americans’ phone records for some undisclosed reason has everybody stumped. We thought we would each do a reaction to the story and then select the best one to post. We … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogon Infighting, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Scandals

A Gormogon Mother’s Day

The Gormogons Posted on May 12, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

An ode to all the Gormogon moms—living, deceased, or otherwise—all over time and space. You know who you are. M is for the Myriad and Manifold ways you taught us world domination.O is for the Onichophagy you beat out of … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons, Mother's Day

Call Me a Doubter

The Gormogons Posted on April 30, 2013 by GorTApril 6, 2014

So there is a news story going around celebrating today as the 20th anniversary of the first public website:  http://info.cern.ch/hypertext/WWW/TheProject.html I’m sure the link is getting slammed (slashdotted for those in the know), but I wouldn’t waste my time.  It’s … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, This website really sucks, way too much technology

So We Put a Team Together

The Gormogons Posted on April 24, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Castle Gormogon survived its first softball practice last night, and one would be shocked to learn we weren’t that bad; but not nearly as shocked one would be if we had a second practice. Indeed, if there were indeed any … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Club Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Softball

The Mandarin’s Christmas Tree

The Gormogons Posted on December 10, 2012 by The MandarinApril 6, 2014

In keeping with the holiday theme here at the Castle, your Mandarin has decided to decorate the lab. May you have a wonderful Christmas and a blessed New Year! The MandarinThe Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Christianity, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Merry Christmas, Roman Catholics

Saturdays. Ah Yes.

The Gormogons Posted on December 1, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

One of the best parts about Castle Gormogon is you never know what anybody is up to individually. So you could, for example, walk through the solarium and find this going on: And your Czar has no idea who is … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons

Mixed Messages

The Gormogons Posted on November 7, 2012 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Four more years…of the same old crap. Fox News just called Ohio for President Obama, and with it, the 2012 campaign. What we saw tonight was an incumbent President re-elected, albeit with less support from the electorate. Furthermore, it appears … Continue reading →

Posted in 2012 Election, Gormogons, Shameless Romney 2012ing, The Obama Amateur Hour

The Czar Lost in Happy Memories Again

The Gormogons Posted on October 24, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Alert and poised-for-instant-Kung Fu-action operative MS writes in: Your most illustrious majesty: I watched only the first 10 minutes or so of last night’s debate before I was able to discern its rough course: Dear Leader: “This nation/me (priority frequently … Continue reading →

Posted in 2012 Election, Barack Obama, China, Debate, Economic policy, Election, Foreign Policy, Gormogon Operatives, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Military, Mitt Romney, Prince Tochmas, The Czar of Muscovy

More Minifigures

The Gormogons Posted on September 4, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Man, you people get so needy. All right. By popular demand, we have added a second series of MiniFigures for your Castle Gormogon sets! Die-hard fans will be certain to gouge other people’s eyes out in order to get their … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, 2-1B, Castle Gormogon, Dat Ho, Dr. J., Gormogonica, Gormogons, GorT, Sleestak, The Czar of Muscovy, The Gormogonickal Seal of Approval®, The Mandarin, Volgi, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Gormogon MiniFigures

The Gormogons Posted on September 3, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Admit it! Wouldn’t you sometimes rather act out your own Gormogon posts, rather than read the ones we actually put here? Seriously, don’t you just want to go all ‘Puter on NPR once in a while? Or have the Czar … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, 2-1B, Castle Gormogon, Dat Ho, Dr. J., Gormogonica, Gormogons, GorT, Sleestak, The Czar of Muscovy, The Gormogonickal Seal of Approval®, The Mandarin, Volgi, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

You Knew This Was Coming

The Gormogons Posted on August 11, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

It is sort of inevitable. Don’t say you didn’t roll your eyes a little. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons, Meme, The Mandarin

GorT Time Travels

The Gormogons Posted on July 12, 2012 by GorTApril 6, 2014

The Gormogon influences are felt wide and far.  We’ve demonstrated such in various ages and cultures.  For those disbelievers, witness two pieces of evidence: First, coming out of the second Tron movie, Disney has created a Tron cartoon.  I have … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, GorTechie's Time Travel Adventures

Your Independence Day Blessing

The Gormogons Posted on July 4, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014
Continue reading →
Posted in Declaration of Independence, Gormogons, Holidays, Independence Day

Own the Narrative

The Gormogons Posted on June 12, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Hey, lucky readers! Know what can be even more fun than reading the Czar? Hearing a faithful reading of one his posts! Check out, and continue to check in with, the folks at Own the Narrative, in which they read … Continue reading →

Posted in Club Gormogon, Friend of Gormogons, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Hey We're On The Radio

Where Has He Been, Anyway?

The Gormogons Posted on April 28, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Well, here is a total surprise. Most of us thought Uncle Jay walked off the edge of the world, but here he is, writing us this message: Most Dread & Awful, I’ve been quite busy of late, and due to … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Mailbag, Uncle Jay

The Gormogons Action Hour!

The Gormogons Posted on March 14, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The always engaging Borepatch writes this on a bullet which he fired through one of our windows last night. And this morning, he showed up at the Castle asking for his bullet back. Times being what they are, etc. Dread … Continue reading →

Posted in Bones, Borepatch, Gormogons, Hollywood, Television, This TV show really sucks

Interoffice Memo

The Gormogons Posted on March 14, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

To: The CzarFrom: Dr. J.Re: Your recent post on Primary VotingDear The Czar: Thank you very much for your primer on how to vote in the primaries in the post-incumbency era. I would like to add one point. When you … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons

Mailbag: In Which All Hail Our Brilliance

The Gormogons Posted on March 3, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Operative MC etches this secret message into a single oatmeal flake and slipped it into the Czar’s breakfast. It turned up the following morning. A STFU gun!Yeah, the “Japanese” invented it, wink wink nudge nudge, say no more. I love … Continue reading →

Posted in 2012 Election, Barack Obama, Democrats, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Mailbag, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul

Figures

The Gormogons Posted on February 18, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Just more evidence of the clobbering weight of our influence. Someone here puts out a grammatically incorrect poll (“Whom do you like?”), and most of you all indicate you would like a different candidate than the three and a half … Continue reading →

Posted in 2012 Election, Election, Gormogons, Grammar, Polls

Merry Christmas, and We Mean Everyone!

The Gormogons Posted on December 25, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Merry Christmas. It is a beautiful morning, no matter what. The Gormogons are very excited, and you can see us all gathered around the tree opening our gifts. Your Œcumenical Volgi, or 孔夫子, for those who came in late, or … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Friend of Gormogons, Gormogon Operatives, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Holidays, Merry Christmas, Minions

Gormogons Readers Are Kewl! Proven!

The Gormogons Posted on December 13, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

So how popular is this site? More importantly, how cool are you for reading it? The answer is very cool. In fact, take the day off, and never be afraid to tell someone off because you read this site, and … Continue reading →

Posted in Borepatch, Friend of Gormogons, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Jonah Goldberg, Jonathan Last

Welcome to Leng, Suckas

The Gormogons Posted on December 10, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

As you know, the Castle welcomes hundreds of visitors a year. Many of them make it back home safely. Internet boulevardier Uncle Jay mentioned that his Golden Horde (well, we think he said “hordes”) was going to lay seige at … Continue reading →

Posted in Borepatch, Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Uncle Jay

Happy Thanksgiving to All

The Gormogons Posted on November 24, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

A very happy and most wonderful Thanksgiving from all of us at the Castle (well, maybe not the Tcho-Tchos). As many of you know, Thanksgiving is the Czar’s favorite holiday; even better than the Feast of Zdravgul, which we celebrated … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Castle Gormogon, Dr. J., Gormogons, GorT, Holidays, Thanksgiving, The Czar of Muscovy, The Mandarin, Volgi

Fond memories from Dr. J.’s ill spent youth…

The Gormogons Posted on November 20, 2011 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

A schoolmate posted this on his Facebook page: …and because Dr. J. can’t get this song out of his head, you must suffer with him. Dr. J.

Continue reading →
Posted in Dr. J., Gormogons, Humor, Liturgical music, Shut Up Doc

Whoops. Our Error.

The Gormogons Posted on November 18, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Hah hah! Well, the funny thing about science is that sometimes it’s supposed to go wrong. Otherwise you don’t learn anything. Why, even us Gormogons learn from our mistakes. Anyway, this is very likely going to go away without a … Continue reading →

Posted in Conspiracy theories from Saturn, Cool Weapons, Gormogons, Space, The Mandarin

Chicken Not-So-Little

The Gormogons Posted on October 12, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

So now the Germans are getting into the satellite crashing business. Many people are wondering what on earth is bringing down all these satellites? Our readers, of course, are not wondering at all. And many of you have sent emails … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons, Orbiting Mind Control Satellites, Space, The Mandarin

Sweet, Yummy World Domination

The Gormogons Posted on October 5, 2011 by 'PuterApril 6, 2014

Operative JT sends in proof of the Gormogons’s insidious plan to slowly assimilate your dessert foodstuffs. See how the remaining cupcakes cower in fear from the onslaught of our avatar, Hello Kitty! There is no place, in any dimension or … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons

Happy Anniversary To Me!

The Gormogons Posted on September 27, 2011 by 'PuterApril 6, 2014

Today marks the first anniversary of ‘Puter’s L4-L5 microdiscetomy. ‘Puter would like to take a moment from his usual ranty snark to give sincere thanks for the skill of his surgeon and his entire medical team. ‘Puter would also like … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Gormogons

Around the World In Eleventy Daze

The Gormogons Posted on September 20, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Special Operative Extraordinary (sorry, that should read extra-ordinary) MC has been stationed up on the Mandarin’s orbiting mind control satellite changing the oil, and notified us that the webcam we put on there has been compromised. Suppose ‘Puter let Dat … Continue reading →

Posted in Club Gormogon, Gormogon Operatives, Gormogons, Orbiting Mind Control Satellites, The Mandarin

Gormogonicon 2011

The Gormogons Posted on August 1, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Today was a special day. While ‘Puter and Dr. J are running the Castle, the Czar was happy to host GorT, the Mandarin, and the 孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) here at the Czar’s dacha in Muscovy. Actually, … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Club Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons

Gooble Gobble! Dr. J is One of Us

The Gormogons Posted on June 30, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

And in the dark corners of the Castle dungeons, whispers and hissing did slip through the dank air. Faces, barely lit by flickering candlelight, would lean in from the gloom only to fade back into shadow. Antient and eldritch words, … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Club Gormogon, Dr. J., Gormogonica, Gormogons

Reupholstering the Castle

The Gormogons Posted on May 25, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

A typical email, but one we chose because it seems really flattering: Do my eyes deceive me, or is there new wallpaper in the background on the blog? What is it, and who picked it out? It looks very nice … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Inside Baseball, The Mandarin, Volgi, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Ars Gratia Artis

The Gormogons Posted on April 5, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Gormogon art director BL just sent the Czar a picture he found in an antique shop not far from our castle. The Czar has elected not to print it, not merely because it is borderline NSFW, as the hipsters say, … Continue reading →

Posted in Art, Gormogons

Reminder: Twitter!

The Gormogons Posted on February 26, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Don’t forget, friends, to follow us on Twitter! It’s free. And easy. Remember: If all you do is read us here, you’re missing out on half the jokes. Or at least, most of the jokes that are 140 characters or … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, Twitter

New York, New York!

The Gormogons Posted on January 6, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Well, the Gormogons decided to take a quick day trip (and thanks to GorT, that covers a couple weeks) and visit the Big Apple. Manhattan had quite a lot of snow, but nothing we are not very used to. In … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons, New York

Reminder

The Gormogons Posted on December 21, 2010 by GorTApril 7, 2014

For those of you awake around 1:33am tomorrow morning (21st), there is a lunar eclipse.  Eh, so what, you might say.  Well, it is the first time in 372 years that the lunar eclipse falls on the winter solstice.  Plus … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons

The Grift That Keeps On Giving

The Gormogons Posted on December 20, 2010 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Sssh. Do not tell. The Czar has completed his Christmas shopping for the others. Fortunately, as you know, they do not actually read the Czar’s posts, so we can be quite safe here. For GorT, the Czar got him one … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, Merry Christmas

Hi There!

The Gormogons Posted on December 18, 2010 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Hey, the Gormogons are very happy you are here visiting with us today. You all come here literally by the thousands. And many of you probably wonder how real the emails are that we get (see numerous examples below). Actually, … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, Mailbag

Happy Thanksgiving 2010

The Gormogons Posted on November 25, 2010 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

…from the Gormogons! (from left to right, the Mandarin, GorTechie, the Œcumenical Volgi (id est, 孔夫子, The Notorious ŒV), the Czar of Muscovy, and Ghettoputer Gormogon. Taking the photo, and not in the picture, is Sleestak (one of the few … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons, Holidays, Thanks

Caution: Mandarin at Work

The Gormogons Posted on November 19, 2010 by GorTApril 7, 2014

We received this email in regards to airport screening: Here’s a solution to all of the controversy over the full-body scanners now being introduced at major airports. What is needed is a reinforced booth that you can step into that … Continue reading →

Posted in Airline safety, Gormogons

Election Day Coverage

The Gormogons Posted on November 2, 2010 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

BG, as a reward for his hard work on our subatomic miniaturizer project, was given Election Day off; he writes in with some election coverage thoughts: Dread Gormogons – I’m planning to watch MSNBC’s election night coverage because I want … Continue reading →

Posted in Election, Election Results, Gormogon Operatives, Gormogons, Voting

And Now: Humor. As a Diversion

The Gormogons Posted on September 22, 2010 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

From the upcoming Gormogon Book of Riddles, in which we each try to compile our favorite riddles and share them with the readers. Yes, you know you will be telling these to your co-minions at the water cooler tomorrow, even … Continue reading →

Posted in Gallows Humor, Gormogonica, Gormogons

Gormoney: That’s What I Want

The Gormogons Posted on August 28, 2010 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Dread lords, I stumbled on this today and spit out my elixir vitae… http://dowlingduncan.com/dowling-duncan-redesign-us-bank-notes/ and then linked to http://richardsmith.posterous.com/tag/dollarredeign The idea of redesigning our money to look like Euro-monopoly money, and putting the face of SAT reading comprehension section favorite … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons, Monetary Policy, The Gormogonickal Seal of Approval®

Still here

The Gormogons Posted on August 7, 2010 by GorTApril 7, 2014

GorT is on a special mission to the Pacific Northwest. Had to take care of the faux vampires here and investigate the weather patterns. Finally, I might catch a bit of this. More reports coming soon. Of course, I have … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, Vacations

Notice to Our Readers: Gormogonicon 2010

The Gormogons Posted on July 29, 2010 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Dearest readers: The Gormogons are pleased to announce that we are mere days away from GCon MMX. As you ticket holders know, we will be meeting at the Plateau of Leng this year. Festivities begin today (Thursday) at 0900 and … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Club Gormogon, Gormogonica, Gormogons

Petro Kitty

The Gormogons Posted on June 22, 2010 by 'PuterApril 7, 2014

Behold! Hello Kitty motor oil! ‘Puter suggested marketing slogan: “It’s the only lube her kitty will ever need.” And yes, it’s a real product. Courtesy of Boing Boing. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, Hello Kitty

Re: Compare and Contrast

The Gormogons Posted on May 21, 2010 by 'PuterApril 7, 2014

In this post below, ‘Puter, in his inimitable fashion, returns to his comfort zone: public sector union bashing. Sweet, sweet union bashing. Can there be anything better? Anyhoo. Last night’s mail delivered a thoughtful challenge to ‘Puter’s position from Sam … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, Mailbag

(In)Civil Discourse

The Gormogons Posted on May 17, 2010 by 'PuterApril 7, 2014

‘Puter’s been a bit miffed lately at the striking inability of supposedly well-educated individuals to form a quality argument. Here’s a few rules of thumb ‘Puter uses when arguing a point. Take these as you will. 1. Don’t present opinion … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, Stupid People

The Emperor Has No Clothes

The Gormogons Posted on May 4, 2010 by 'PuterApril 7, 2014

‘Puter’s got some typically politically incorrect thoughts for your perusal today. Feel free to use them as discussion starters (or, as Czar calls them, “fighting words”) with people you meet on the street today. 1. It is not wrong (read … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons

‘Puter Ab Est.

The Gormogons Posted on December 27, 2009 by 'PuterDecember 27, 2009

‘Puter apologizes to his scads of loyal readers (all three of you) for being invisible around these parts lately. Not literally, like Mandarin did to those horseshoe crabs he set on Dat Ho and Sleestak to mess with their minds, … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons

Я Цьсарь!

The Gormogons Posted on September 17, 2009 by The Czar of MuscovySeptember 17, 2009

Know who else was over at the Castle Gormogon today? Patrick from Popehat! He came by to borrow the Volgi’s Etruscan For Business Travelers and mentioned to us that your Czar is the best candidate for Czar: What Democratic and … Continue reading →

Posted in Castle Gormogon, Gormogon Operatives, Gormogons

Re: Re: Re: Fearing Face to Face

The Gormogons Posted on September 1, 2009 by The Czar of MuscovySeptember 1, 2009

GorT – Remember that financial institutions are also exempt from the Do Not Call registry. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogon Infighting, Gormogons, GorT

Re: Re; Fearing Face to Face

The Gormogons Posted on September 1, 2009 by GorTSeptember 1, 2009

Czar – Ah, but congress now owns General Motors and a stake in some banks and therefore I’m considering it a solicitation from either the banking industry (clearly covered by the Do Not Call list) or the automotive industry (ditto). … Continue reading →

Posted in Congress, Gormogons

Now witness the power of your fully armed and operational Gormogons!

The Gormogons Posted on August 5, 2009 by GorTAugust 5, 2009

We have successfully infiltrated mainstream media outlets such as CNN as evidenced here (note that the final push was the post here – please note the title, our mind controlling satellites are really working well) and the Washington Post as … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, Orbiting Mind Control Satellites, Star Wars

Year of the Gormogons

The Gormogons Posted on July 24, 2009 by GorTJuly 24, 2009

Welcome to the one year anniversary of the Gormogons. Was it really only a year ago that the brilliant and insightful posts from the characters you’ve learned (maybe painfully) to love started? As part of the one-year celebration, we’ve compiled … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons

Meet the Gormogons!

The Gormogons Posted on July 24, 2009 by The Czar of MuscovyJuly 24, 2009

Every ultra-secret society needs an easy-to-find website. And it is the one-year anniversary of this one! As a way of celebrating, here’s a simple user guide to most things Gormogon. Learn More About Us Although the Gormogons claim roughly five … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, And yet she must scream, Gormogonica, Gormogons, GorT, Guns, Hello Kitty, The Czar of Muscovy, The Mandarin, Val Kilmer the Thirteenth Imam, Volgi, Volgi (pronounced Volgi)

Index Gorgomonica

The Gormogons Posted on July 9, 2009 by The Czar of MuscovyJuly 9, 2009

The Czar has decided, as the Mandarin says, to fire up the way-back machine. In looking over the last 12 months, we have picked up a lot of readers. For those newest readers, you can find some of our best … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons

Look Carefully

The Gormogons Posted on June 15, 2009 by The Czar of MuscovyJune 15, 2009

Spotted at the Schaumburg LegoLand and intercepted by the Czar’s men who hang out there. A lot, actually. What’s that about? Anyway, look carefully at the sign and you will see how deep our influence runs. The Czar of MuscovyБожію … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons

Busy, Busy, So Be Patient

The Gormogons Posted on June 5, 2009 by The Czar of MuscovyJune 5, 2009

The Mandarin journeys to the West today, allegedly due to some scrutables rumored to exist there—and if so, he shall surely inscrutalize them for us—to which end he shall not post today. Meanwhile, 孔夫子, otherwise known as your Œcumenical Volgi … Continue reading →

Posted in 'Puter, Gormogonica, Gormogons, GorT, GorTechie's Time Travel Adventures, The Czar of Muscovy, The Mandarin, Volgi

GormogoniCon 2009

The Gormogons Posted on May 28, 2009 by The Czar of MuscovyMay 28, 2009

All right, patient friends! Tickets are now on sale for GormogoniCon 2009, and are available from any of the five of us. Fire off an email to the Gormogon of your choice (ideally one of us, as our numbers are … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons

Stand By

The Gormogons Posted on May 22, 2009 by The Czar of MuscovyMay 22, 2009

Most of the Gomorgons are out enjoying a long holiday weekend, and the Czar came in this afternoon to discover he was in charge. Nice, because the place was left a total mess. That said, let us do a bit … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogonica, Gormogons, Val Kilmer the Thirteenth Imam

Iacta Alea Est

The Gormogons Posted on March 21, 2009 by The Czar of MuscovyMarch 21, 2009

An update on the Czar’ picks. Nearly all the pieces are in place. Click to enlarge. Do it. Do it! The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons

Just listen to us

The Gormogons Posted on March 19, 2009 by GorTMarch 19, 2009

It pays to read all of the posts here.  Why, you may ask?  Because we’re right. Case in point: The Obama Administration with help from their friends in Hollywood, decided that a gift appropriate for his first meeting with the … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, The Obama Amateur Hour

Batting 1000

The Gormogons Posted on March 9, 2009 by GorTMarch 9, 2009

No, not the T-1000 (pictured).  This post marks the Gormogons’ 1000th post.  I’m a big math guy and numbers can mean (or used to mean) so many different things.  We’re averaging 4.44 posts per day (all quality, no fluff).  I’ll … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons

O-Nauguration [Updated]

The Gormogons Posted on January 20, 2009 by 'PuterJanuary 20, 2009

The Gormogons have said it before, but it bears repeating. We wish soon to be President Obama the best. We support him because he is the duly elected leader of our country. We hope he can effectively address the many … Continue reading →

Posted in Barack Obama, Gormogons, O-Nauguration

Gormogons’ Early Years

The Gormogons Posted on January 9, 2009 by 'PuterJanuary 9, 2009

While cleaning out the dungeon — er, basement — ‘Puter came upon this picture of the Gormogons during their formative years together at the High School That Shall Not Be Named. The other two met with unfortunate accidents. ‘Puter’s the … Continue reading →

Posted in Gormogons, High School, Menudo, Spinal Tap

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Visitor’s Guide

About Us

A secret society dedicated to the restoration of the Kingdom of Poland-Lithuania, the imprisonment of Esperanto speakers, and furthering the eschatological doctrine of the Return from Occultation of the Thirteenth Imam, Val Kilmer. Seriously, what happened to that guy? He was awesome in Tombstone. ایمام سیزدهم

Scribble, scribble…

To contact your hosts and pledge your undying obedience, e-mail dr.j, gort, puter, theczar, themandarin or thenotoriousoev followed by the at sign, gormogons, then a ., and finally, com.

De Gormogonorum Mysteriis

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