The Gormogons all took the Pew Research “News IQ Quiz” and the results are below. Keeping in mind Winston Churchill’s statement, “The biggest argument against democracy is a 5-minute conversation with the average voter” one wonders if part of the problem facing this country is truly the uninformed voter, how they get informed and how well those sources do that and what we’re truly spending our time on. Seriously, if I see or hear that stupid what does a fox say song again, I’ll shoot someone.
|孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) scored a 12/13 – he has so many treasures from ancient times that he really doesn’t follow the DOW. Plus he beleives the SOW is more archaic than he is…he’s a big fan of the S&P 500.|
|Mandarin scored a 13/13 and slinked back to his lab to destroy something. We haven’t seen Sleestak today…hmmm…We suspect that Mandy has a jumbotron monitor with 16 news feeds from a variety of sources (traditional and non-traditional) on in the background in his lab. Plus heck, did we mention Orbiting Mind-Controlling Satellites? You think he’s going to have problems with this 13 question quiz?|
|Ghettoputer scored 13/13 – admittedly he did find a crib note on the floor near where the Czar was taking the test that might have helped him. He wrote, “Suck It, Czar” on the back and tossed it back on the floor.|
|And speaking of The Czar scored 12/13 – he’s still pissed that after reading some airplane magazine about some web company starting up that he never invested in them, “PFfft….what is their business plan? Yeah. Whatever.” Plus he thinks that picture is totally photoshopped.|
|GorT scored 13/13. First, it was a computer-based quiz. Think about it. Second, with his neuro-positronic brain he processes all sorts of news information and is a wealth of information. Seriously, people pay for it.|
|Dr. J. scored 11/13 after pulling several all-nighters saving lives. He was a bit tired but fought through it. Again, he’s not much for the DOW and actually preferes the Wilshire 500 index. And being happily married and living in quadrilateral shaped state, gay marriage wasn’t the first thing that came to mind.|
GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.