Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
The Mandarin spots this on today’s Chicago Tribune website (it may be corrected as you read this; full story here). Regarding The Case Against Drew Peterson is the abstract (and your Mandarin quotes exactly): The prosecution says Peterson’s alleged victim … Continue reading →
In this Caps-dominated Antient Society, the Czar offers the following to your Volgi. Khabi!!!And of course, you are doubtless wondering about the Czar’s reaction to the Manny Ramirez 50-game suspension for testing postive for an illegal substance. Well, fact is, … Continue reading →
Your Czar found himself in a lengthy elevator ride today with a liberal. The Czar only learned the man was a liberal from our conversation, which went thus: CZAR: Thirty-nine, please. LIB: Because of Bush and Cheney and the whole … Continue reading →
An absolutely excellent post on why POTUS Obama makes sense…from the standpoint of a filmmaker doing a trailer for a dud picture. Your Czar is almost alarmed at how closely this all matches up. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, … Continue reading →
The Czar needed help with this one. Read this AP release first. The Czar did, and wondered what the hell this was about. The French government wants to shut down internet access to people who repeatedly steal copyrighted material? Good … Continue reading →
(Czar here. Following is another fine post by the Mandarin, whose inscrutability increases with each post. Enjoy!) Who is the fairest of them all? POTUS Obama has decided not to attend the National Day of Prayer activities, but will instead … Continue reading →
The Democratic leadership is clearly in complete freefall, and running in a blind panic, as the Senate strips Specter of seniority. See also Ghettoputer’s post below.The Czar makes this leap of logic because the media announced the GOP was in … Continue reading →
(Note: the following is by the inscrutable Mandarin, but posted by the Czar until that damn Volgi gets him his own account.)British Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has decided to ban radio talk-show host Michael Savage from entering the United Kingdom. … Continue reading →
The Czar is not certain whether there is a “Rule Number One” in journalism. Actually, there may not even be an ennumerated list of journalism rules at all, although the Czar would suspect that there could be a hip bullet … Continue reading →
Mike Stouffer, sometimes cook, tattoo artist, and baseball card collector, wrote President Obama a letter. And—better get ready for this—the President wrote back. Seriously, it’s true! OMG! Stouffer reports “I am humbled by the whole experience. I never thought my … Continue reading →
The Czar is stymied by ‘Puter’s total lowering of his guard, especially knowing the Czar’s immense power at calling things early. It was the Czar, after all, who decided the Bulls were unworthy competitors to anyone but the Celtics, and … Continue reading →
Your Czar is concerned with your health, and naturally has asked his Czarist Imperial Surgeon’s Office to prepare a bullet point list on how you can best protect yourself against the dreaded Swine Flu, which is known as H1N1A, or … Continue reading →
From TownHall. Would that they were only joking. Another post from the inscrutable Mandarin. Enjoy — The Czar The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes … Continue reading →
Happy May Day to all our readers from the Gormogons, past and present. With the State now owning more interests in banking and manufacturing, the latter in conjunction with organized labor, we look forward to the boon time of endless … Continue reading →
Please note: the following is submitted, via the Czar, by The Mandarin, an inscrutable character from the shadows of Gormogonica. While having lunch with Czar the other day in his royal dining hall, the conversation turned to a discussion of … Continue reading →
Even since a cougar was shot by Chicago police in a tightly packed urban area—and to be clear, the Czar is discussing the mountain lion puma concolor and not Demi Moore—residents around the Southwest corner of Lake Michigan have been … Continue reading →
At least Dick Cheney knew to keep quiet. When asked about the growing Everything Shall Die terror of the Swine Flu, POTUS Obama wants everyone to stay calm. “Everyone should rest assured that this government is prepared to do whatever … Continue reading →
Paavo, the Czar bids you welcome, and wishes to assure you and remind the Volgi that some other Czar was responsible for the vile horrors unleashed upon your fine land by the Russians. As the Czar of Muscovy’s title states, … Continue reading →
The Czar knows you are aware of his and GorT’s strong stance against the anti-vaccination movement. Click on the tags below to see how much so. And with good reason: this movement is responsible for killing children. Numerous web pages … Continue reading →
Your Volgi received mail regarding the Czar’s recent post against the media’s pathetic Swine Flu exploitation. He was kind enough to send it on to us, and here it is: My Dad actually got West Nile virus—and DIDN’T die….It knocked … Continue reading →
As readers here know, the Great Swine Flu Pandemic of 2009 is a media invention. Again, to put this in perspective, 65 Americans have been hospitalized since Friday last, and none have died. Read this and think: since Friday last, … Continue reading →
The SCOTUS has upheld the FCC’s sometimes erratic pursuit of profanity on network television. Fox (the network) has claimed that the FCC’s prohibition of profanities is a violation of free speech. The Czar is not certain where to stand on … Continue reading →
Watching television, listening to radio, or monitoring the internet, you would think that by now, billions of people have swine flu, and you are next. No question. Pack it in. Your Czar, like nearly all the experts being worn out … Continue reading →
The Czar, his Царица, the Цесаревич, and the Царевич, as well as the boys’ grandmas, took in the theater this evening. No, he will not name the play in question, but will add that it was an annual school production … Continue reading →
Well, by now, most astronomy enthusiasts have heard that we’re on our way to repair the Hubble Space Telescope one more time. The Czar thinks there is plenty of life left in the old bird, and for what we paid … Continue reading →
Stop reading about Obama being snake bit by Fidel Castro, or increased Russification of free European countries, or impending strikes against Iranian nuclear facilities. In fact, stop thinking about anything. Stop it. The media has decided you need to know … Continue reading →
The Czar is out getting his hair cut, so this post will have to do until he returns in a couple hours. The Czar likes old-fashioned barbers, by the way, with razors and hot-lather and all that. Further, your Czar … Continue reading →
This cute, otter-like guy to the right is name puijila darwini, but you can call him Phil. Or whatever. Indeed, it matters not because he has been extinct for millions of yeas. FoxNews.com calls him a missing link, even though … Continue reading →
Well, this is exactly what affirmative action gets you. Sued. By either party, or maybe both. Can we admit it was a bad idea from the start? Maybe we could do things based on merit, not racism? The Czar of … Continue reading →
The Czar has long predicted that SoS Hillary Clinton reads this website. Her recent warnings to Pakistan are a pretty good synopsis of the Czar’s own concerns. If she would be kind enough to give us a two-word pull quote … Continue reading →
The folks at Universe Today are asking, “Do we need a new theory of gravitation?” Evidently so, the Czar has learned. He is still using the old gravitational theory, and it turns out—not compatible with Microsoft Vista. The Czar of … Continue reading →
Readers can discover what perennial Iron Man contest winner GorTechie thinks about Steven Chu’s fear of a worldwide melting of ice in a global warming scenario. Therein, GorT references the Archimedes principle to question whether melting ice would raise the … Continue reading →
Is ‘Puter ever wrong? Back on October 30th, he called this one. The government is looking at increased control over that Wild West Frontier Drinkin’ Town known as the Internet. Read some of the details here. Apparently, it is a … Continue reading →
USA Today reports that POTUS Obama gave a somewhat rambling answer to the question of what to do about CIA interrogators and their intermittent use of techniques determined to be a bit…tortuous. The President said, “As a general view, I … Continue reading →
Which Ms. Prejean is the Miss USA runner-up? The Czar couldn’t figure it out. The Czar genuinely detests beauty pagents for all the usual reasons. Unlike most folks, though, he actually knows a former Miss Muscovy who was an in-law … Continue reading →
Is he surprised that the UN made complete asses of themselves by letting Mahmoud Ahmadinejad address a conference on racism? No, he is not, for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad did his whole embarrassing denial of the Holocaust routine again exactly as the … Continue reading →
This darn well could be. The Czar would have said there is no such thing of superstool. Want! Want! This could revolutionize everything from getting a good spot at the bar to those pesky (and increasingly frequent) men’s room breaks. … Continue reading →
At first, it looked as if CNN was going to report negatively on POTUS Obama, which would be astonishing. But no, the headline was misleading: although ex-CIA Director Michael Hayden did say that Obama harmed national security by leaking out … Continue reading →
TJIC writes of his concern over expanding DNA collection of arrested folks, a proposal for which includes gathering DNA from people arrested, not merely convicted. The Czar has often wondered why this has not been done sooner. Anyone who has … Continue reading →
A nice description of the blur between reporting news and just baking in celebrity worship as legitimate journalism. CNN, how the mighty hath fallen. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The … Continue reading →
Keep sticking it to the UN! The State Department has correctly elected to boycott a UN conference on racism, basically because the UN has no clue what racism is. The Czar says right on! About time they got something right. … Continue reading →
The Times of London is reporting that Israel is readying itself for a fairly large assault of Iranian nuclear sites. Whether this is merely contingency planning or a basically-any-hour-now ramp up is not easy to say, however the situation looks … Continue reading →
And so Aviation Week has some information on the new Predator Avenger unmanned drone aircraft. Based on the write up there, very cool hardware indeed. One thing though, from AW: “The UAV’s undeniably stealthed-up exterior offers several clues about how … Continue reading →
And now, another Obama apointee has some brutal questions to answer about his past. In between the tax scandals, the foreign policy gaffes, the market-dropping-every-time-he-talks horror, the bailout fiasco, the banking industry preferring to risk failure rather than do business … Continue reading →
The Czar knows he has been especially tough with POTUS Obama, particularly since 2008, but is open and honest enough to point out when the President makes the smart move. And he may have done so. The President has agreed … Continue reading →
The Czar lauds Ghettoputer’s eye for news, in particular his outrage over Ms. Carlie Christine and her firing. The Czar also considers himself a bit of an expert on cheerleaders. Particularly non-pro-sports ones, and knows that when they wave to … Continue reading →
In the May/June 2009 issue of Skeptical Inquirer, your Czar found an article titled “The Great Global Cooling Myth and the Politics of Science” by John Fleck. SI has, true to its nature, retained a fairly conservative and skeptical opinion … Continue reading →
It’s almost as if the UN is on a personal mission to infuriate the Czar. Evidently, UN General Assembly President Miguel D’Escoto Brockmann—continuing the fine UN tradition of awarding key positions to people with bizarrely exotic names—has declared the recent … Continue reading →
The Czar, of course, is glad that the US Navy reads the Gormogons, and brilliantly rescued the Maersk captain, offing three bad guys and capturing a stunned fourth pirate. Nice job, ladies and gentlemen! By the way, we got the … Continue reading →
Busy busy busy. Let’s see. We picked our NCAA brackets. We got to meet Jay Leno, very cool. And we got that GM dude fired. We finally picked what dog to get the girls. Now what should we do next? … Continue reading →
Can someone explain to the Czar why the United Nations is still a good idea? More than a week late, the United Nations has decided to take action against North Korea for its highly dangerous and illegal missile launch over … Continue reading →
The Czar also extends his Easter wishes to all (Christian or otherwise, which is pretty cool…because you can always celebrate the feast of Ishtar) this week or next. And ‘Puter, who is always right, may be incorrect about the Czar, … Continue reading →
At least it wasn’t a cougar this time, Jerry. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of … Continue reading →
What’s the difference between a baby chicken and SoT Tim Geithner? More than you might at first think. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes … Continue reading →
Is it teenaged? Imagine a platoon of these tearing down a North Carolina beach. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, … Continue reading →
Sigh. Roger Simon, your heart bleeds to where you need to stop the blood loss. Perhaps you, like too many of your mass media colleagues, need to go beyond the left-wing anti-gun websites for your research. Take this little anti-gun … Continue reading →
Fascinating read at FoxNews.com regarding a lack of future for North Korean leadership. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and … Continue reading →
The Czar has argued here that Republicans, and Conservatives in general, should be the stauncher supporters of science and technology, rather than let the Democrats invent the internet and the Liberals lead the charge against Creationist nonsense. In short, promotion … Continue reading →
The Czar agrees that North Korea is of interest to China, if nothing more than to put into play a major distraction for the US, Japan, and South Korea. Gosh, if North Korea fell, those 3 economic engines might start … Continue reading →
…about this. We should keep our eye on this. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of … Continue reading →
‘Puter raises an interesting notion, wondering what the net effects would be of China assuming control over North Korea. The Czar is not certain if this would be a permanent or temporary solution; China, of course, is not known for … Continue reading →
The Czar agrees with ‘Puter, who is always right, but would humbly suggest that the US Navy not compensate for lost cargo, as lost cargo is insured. And if the cargo is not insured by the distributor or shipping company, … Continue reading →
Reuter’s Bernd Debusmann writes that gun sales in America are increasing along with economic anger. The Czar is well aware that gun sales are increasing, and Debusmann gets the reason correct: a notoriously anti-gun Senator is elected President, with rumors … Continue reading →
For quite a few Americans, today is another election day. Local elections for town mayor, school board, and trustees—while not as glamorous as voting for the young, suave smooth-talking game-changer who promises much and does little—is still very darn important, … Continue reading →
Your Czar, whatever his many faults may be, is at heart a sore winner. The Czar has combed through the archives to find this photograph of the last night of our brackets, in which helpless yeti, a pile of Macintosh … Continue reading →
So it turns out that Demi Moore, using twitter, talks a woman out of suicide. Inconceivable! Everyone knows the Internet is only good for causing suicides, not preventing them. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и … Continue reading →
The State Department wants us to understand that North Korea did not win any kind of PR battle. Even though they launched their missile. Even though the 6-nation interest over North Korea split along predictable lines. Even though the United … Continue reading →
The Czar is not the first, evidently, to have realized this weird opposition. You will remember, back in 1981 when Nancy Reagan refused to curtsy to Queen Elizabeth II, pretty much because curtsies are restricted to British subjects, and not … Continue reading →
North Korea’s Unha-2 missile…er, communcations satellite…was successfully launched, flew right over Japan, and put, evidently, an iPod into space that—if you listen to 470 MHz—you can hear endlessly looped recordings of “Song of General Kim Il-sung” and “Song of General … Continue reading →
So POTUS Obama arrived in Ankara, and strongly supports Turkey’s admission into the EU, and all the good things that could mean to the world. French President Nicolas Sarkozy is a bit annoyed with Obama’s decision to admit Turkey into … Continue reading →
Your Czar is not at all surprised about the outcome thus far. The Second Amendment allows us to shoot up computers. And, we believe, horny teachers. We shall soon see whether man hath greater love for violence or sex. The … Continue reading →
Somewhere—the Czar regrets he cannot cite the exact reference—your Volgi once said that media bias is ever-so-there when reporting on the economy. That is interesting, the Czar thought, as he wolfed down caviar with a spoon and waved his hand … Continue reading →
The Czar needs you to remember that ‘Puter is always right, especially when he expresses outrage over morons like Jenny McCarthy brazenly risking people’s lives to make a badly researched popularity point. The Czar has identical opinions, which you should … Continue reading →
As the North Korean missile crisis continues, POTUS Obama has received assurances from Hu Jintao that not only would China consider a North Korean missile launch provocative, but gave signals that China would not oppose interception should the missile deviate … Continue reading →
To the correspondent who emailed the Czar this evening… Yes, they do. You are correct. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in … Continue reading →
Treasury Secretary Timothy “OTJ” Geithner has decided that being in charge of the auto industry is not good enough, and now wants the government to act as the CEO of banks. That is, he admits that he “would consider forcing … Continue reading →
The Czar knows that ‘Puter is always right. Hippies require a substantially lavish society in order for them to protest the lavishness of it at all. In poorer cultures, hippies would be eaten. Your Czar has similar ironic observations about … Continue reading →
And now a Chinese beer is the most popular beer in the world, replacing Bud Light (the Thing of Beers). The Chinese beer is apparently named Snow, possibly from the melamine flakes floating in it, and the Czar does not … Continue reading →
Imagine this as a movie plot. A secret military operation sends the space shuttle up, only years after a horrific disaster. The mission is so hush-hush that communications are restricted. During the mission, the crew notices severe damage to several … Continue reading →
Pakistan has been at a crossroads for her entire existence. As soon as she makes one turn, she finds herself at another. Today, in the otherwise amiable city of Lahore, 11 (or more) people were killed and almost 100 injured … Continue reading →
Indeed, this was close up until a few moments ago! The great Billy Jack held on dearly, and as you know, has heretofore survived being shot several hundred times. Many of us believed that this tin soldier would ride away … Continue reading →
Seriously, do you have any idea how cheap drywall is? Does one really need to save money by using Chinese imported gypsum wallboard? Evidently, it contains mystical abilities to destroy copper wiring from a distance, smells like sulfuric dioxide, and … Continue reading →
The Czar would like to compliment and complement your Volgi’s superb post that clarifies some key points in your Czar’s concern about using buzzwords in lieu of warfighting. The Czar does not maintain that the war was unwinnable nor that … Continue reading →
Says FoxNews’ Major “Captain” Garrett: Obama will [send] civilian State Department and personnel from other US agencies to improve Afghanistan’s ability to govern itself—a tacit acknowledgement that the government led by President Hamid Karzai has failed to win Obama’s full … Continue reading →
In reading over POTUS Obama’s plan for Afghanistan, the Czar was disturbed by this quote: But the plan also for the first time sets benchmarks—or, as the president preferred to call them, “metrics”—for US involvement in both Afghanistan and Pakistan, … Continue reading →
Hah! Destiny draws ever near. Need bigger? You have two choices: click on it, or face the wrath of the Cossacks. Your Czar recommends the clicking. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь … Continue reading →
Evidently, Earth Hour is widely endorsed by the United Nations…so much so, they will turn off the lights at the United Nations building for one hour this weekend. The UN claims this will save them $24,300 in operating costs. The … Continue reading →
Are these guys are 180° apart? Or 360° apart? Sometimes two men can be so similar that their similarities can be unfathomable. The opposite, of course, is also true. The Czar is surprised, recently, by the odd similarities and contrasts … Continue reading →
Your Czar normally detests the Chicago Tribue as a dessicated synopsis rag masquerading as a once great paper, but a front page article caught his eye on Sunday about Chicago. Specifically, it was a discussion of whether the City of … Continue reading →
The Czar strongly recommends that a network pick up this new idea for a show. You know you’d watch it. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in … Continue reading →
Let’s see what’s going on in the world here. Here’s one: the people of Ghana, a country not often in the news, have some reason to celebrate. The Dutch are finally going to return the head of Badu Bonsu II … Continue reading →
Hugo Chavez, Venezuelan front lump (there’s that word again!), today called POTUS Obama a “poor ignoramus.” That’s a word often used by Stooges, particularly the Moe kind. Why oh why don’t they like him? Mr. Obama’s been nothing but nice, … Continue reading →
Had to read this one twice. The headline says “Egypt Wants 3,000-Year-Old Wooden Coffin Illegally Smuggled Into U.S.”. And so the Czar blinks and says, “Why not just send it to us normally?” “Oh, they want it returned.” Nice editing, … Continue reading →
POTUS Obama took time off from his busy schedule of appearing on television to appear on television. This Sunday, on 60 Minutes (the Lawrence Welk Show of mainstream news), the President refutes Dick Cheney’s assertation that the current administration has … Continue reading →
Poor Abby West, who (as we have foreseen and according to our plans) writes this shocking sentence: “Gormogons did exist but they don’t appear to have been all that menacing.” Not menacing? Take a look at this picture, Ms. West, … Continue reading →
An update on the Czar’ picks. Nearly all the pieces are in place. Click to enlarge. Do it. Do it! The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in … Continue reading →
This photograph astonishes the Czar, and likely GorTechie, to a deep degree. Know what this is, that foggy shape in the haze? Millions of miles away, there is a planet you have heard of named Mars. On the planet Mars … Continue reading →
Ginormica on the top, Gormogonica below. Let’s keep that straight, now. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated … Continue reading →
Years ago, a telecommunications worker told your Czar something interesting. “Didja ever go to Amish country, and see them little houses they build out back, like outhouses? Well, some o’ them ain’t outhouses. They’re switch rooms. We ran fiber optics … Continue reading →
