USA Today reports that POTUS Obama gave a somewhat rambling answer to the question of what to do about CIA interrogators and their intermittent use of techniques determined to be a bit…tortuous.

The President said, “As a general view, I think that we should be looking forward and not backwards. I do worry about this getting so politicized that we cannot function effectively and it hampers our ability to carry out critical national security operations. And so if and when there needs to be a further accounting of what took place during this period, I think for Congress to examine ways that it can be done in a bipartisan fashion, outside of the typical hearing process that can sometimes break down and break it entirely along party lines, to the extent that there are independent participants who are above reproach and have credibility, that would probably be a more sensible approach to take.
I’m not suggesting that, you know, that should be done, but I’m saying, if you’ve got a choice, I think it’s very important for the American people to feel as if this is not being dealt with to provide one side or another political advantage, but rather is being done in order to learn some lessons so that we move forward in an effective way.”

Allow your Czar to translate: “Okay, when I was a candidate I promised I would end this kind of stuff, and God knows that I have been getting a lot of pressure from the Democratic voters about this issue. However, since becoming President, I have become involved with a lot of top secret information and endless security reports detailing things that would scare the crap out of the average person. The fact is that the situation is way more complex than any of use understood, and quite frankly we are dealing with some damned scary people out there, and some of this torture stuff really did provide some valuable information that probably saved thousands of lives. So forgive me if I really do not want to spend too much more time on this.”

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.