Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.
So tonight, ABC World News’ Charlie Gibson tells the Czar to watch how Iraq is a totally different country. Museums are open, women are wearing the latest fashions, and something like 84% of Iraqis now feel safe to walk their … Continue reading →
Subscribers to the print version (formerly termed “a newspaper”) of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer learned on Monday that they now need to go online to get their news: the P-I is gone. Belly up. Folded (no pun intended, although the Czar … Continue reading →
Here we go again. The NAACP, an antiquated organization so without relevancy that it still relishes the term “colored people,” has accused HSBC and Wells Fargo of forcing blacks into high interest mortgages, while letting whites with identical qualifications evidently skate … Continue reading →
The Czar just got hold of a spec script for this new crime drama pilot that the Volgi has been working on. He made the Czar promise to keep this draft a secret, so the Czar will only share it … Continue reading →
Mark Steyn notes that once again, the Boomers keep to their paradigm and found a way to get someone else to pay the tab for their excesses. And why not the 20-somethings? After all, the Boomer’s parents are out of … Continue reading →
POTUS Obama has reacted to the wild uptick in Mexican violence, in which over 7,000 people have been killed, by apparently taking responsibility for it. “The drugs are coming north; we’re sending funds and guns south—and as a consequence, these … Continue reading →
OBEY The Czar is no fool. He views the Live Traffic stats down at the bottom of the blog, here. He sees that the most popular blog, world-wide, is Creepy Despots. He also know you like it only because it … Continue reading →
We get letters, especially regarding this rant about modern journalism.Great piece on journalism…I think you could also have mentioned the professionalization of news reporting as a significant contributing factor to its decline. Being a reporter used to be decidedly non-elite … Continue reading →
POTUS Obama has a plan to fix the American public school system. The Царица, by the way, is a public school teacher, and reacted quite negatively to this plan. Her opinion is that the Obama plan penalizes good teachers by … Continue reading →
China seems to have developed a tradition in which she welcomes a new US president by trying to provoke a military incident with the United States. The first President Bush had to address the June 1989 Tiananmen massacre, which severely … Continue reading →
The Czar states, without fear of exaggeration, that this site is read by perhaps several, or even billions, of people. He is comfortable with humiliating or enraging some of them with this screed. Blame yon Volgi, who sent the Czar … Continue reading →
Ghettoputer, who is always right, has correctly assailed the media’s simple-minded affirmation of today’s “historic” order releasing the ban on embryonic stem cell research funding (thanks for the catch, Volgi!). The Czar uses quotation marks not because he is quoting, … Continue reading →
The International Astronomy Union declares February no longer a month, courtesy Bad Astronomy. Short and fun, unlike February, which tends to be only short. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The … Continue reading →
The Czar loves his Xbox 360, and is delighted that its international appeal is spreading. While fellow Gormogons disagree about soccer, baseball, and, well, soccer and baseball, the Gormogons agree on fictional endorsements, and are busy playing each other with … Continue reading →
Regular readers will know the Czar of Muscovy is a strong supporter of scientific advancement, and that the Czar strongly disapproves of the popular portrayal of conservatives as scientific morons; the Czar also believes that the GOP, in particular, should … Continue reading →
Allow the Czar to make a slight rebuttal to GorTechie’s otherwise brilliant post. This rebuttal is only to clarify some potentially disparaging remarks made about baseball, a “past time” near and dear to the Czar’s heart. We played it as … Continue reading →
It’s weird how relevent the Gomorgons website is to every single thing the Czar thinks about. His six-year-old Царевич has recently completed a Lenten sacrifice by watching all six Star Wars episodes in their entirety (that means without wandering off … Continue reading →
An update to this post. A day after nonsense allegations that racism is the reason openly self-confessed corrupt Senator Roland Burris enjoys single digit approval ratings, Illinois Governor Pat Quinn has suddenly backed off his demand for a special election … Continue reading →
You know what’s great about participating on a blog like this? The Czar can do only minutes of research and make an outrageous conclusion based on that. Know what’s evidently easier? Being an economic columnist for U.S. News & World … Continue reading →
With the triumphant downfall of Governor Rod Blagojevich, in which most of Springfield allegedly threw shoes at his toppled statue, most national attention has finally slipped away from Illinois. Major outlets have concluded that, at last, things are quiet in … Continue reading →
No sooner does the DoD release the new FM 3-36 Electronic Warfare in Operations manual, than someone evidently reads it. Check this out: we detect and respond to a “malicious” source in Iran reading detailed blueprints for a helicopter in … Continue reading →
The Czar is not surprised by the discovery that German readers are flocking to our site in record numbers due to the phrase “sex milking.” Of course, this is a mistaken reference to an actual post on this site with … Continue reading →
Your Czar is not one to whine, Andy Rooney-like, about the inconveniences of modern living, but the Czar has just paid some bills, and since the Gormogons have seen fit to reward him with blog-like powers, the Czar shall use … Continue reading →
In the late-1990s, Czar was once stomping West on Lake Street, in Chicago’s Loop, when he was approached by a young woman in a Greenpeace shirt carrying a clipboard. She asked the Czar if he were concerned about El Niño, … Continue reading →
Bloomberg reports that POTUS Obama wishes to redefine the US efforts in Afghanistan. Of interest to the Czar is the President’s concern about the needs of the poppy growers. “You know, what are we doing to replace poppy crops for … Continue reading →
Eric Alan Beltt wrote that “liberalism is a psychology.” Beltt opines that liberals think differently than conservatives, and are not a political group so much as a way of thinking. Beltt explains that this way of thinking is, more or … Continue reading →
The Czar is not sure where to go with this. It’s a New York Times piece by Carl Hulse, purporting to describe how the GOP is a conniving little bunch trying to “drive a wedge” between Speaker Pelosi and POTUS … Continue reading →
The Czar is aware that most liberals promote themselves as more scientifically literate, and that conservatives are religious zealot Luddites. Certainly, there is a disturbing prominence in the media to promote conservative (especially GOP) lunacy, and some of it is … Continue reading →
The Czar of Muscovy is overwhelmed to accept such a glorious invitation to post here on the Gormogons website. This is quite a smart bunch, and your Czar is as humbled as one (gifted by the grace of God with … Continue reading →
The appropriately abbreviated SoS Clinton announced today that US Special Representative for North Korea Stephen Bosworth will make his first trip to North Korea next week. The Czar finds it interesting, at any rate, that North Korea has its own … Continue reading →
Just a quick note to prove that our website is 100% Y2K-compliăăăăăăăăăăă ø ðîîîîîîîîîîîîîîîîîî Æîîîîîîîîîß Nîîîîîîîîîîî û îîîîîîîîîîîîîîîîîîîîîîî îîîîîîîîîîîîîî eleventy îîîîîîîîîî½½ The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born … Continue reading →
So what qualifies the Czar as an authority on job interviews? Plenty! We have interviewed for dozens of jobs, and have interviewed people for jobs probably nearly as much. And in that time, we’ve realized a few truths that will … Continue reading →
A lot of people come up to the Czar and say “Czar, what on earth is wrong with us?” Actually, they say “you,” and not “us,” but we know allegory when we hear it. Of course, we can’t answer that … Continue reading →
Today, the Galaxy IV satellite failed, plunging nearly the entire world’s supply of pagers into an eerie silence. Of course, not that any of us noticed. This only inconvenienced the twelve of you who still have pagers in the world … Continue reading →
Well, congratulations. Rumor has it you’re interested in fighting the good fight, keeping the world safe from villainy, and cleaning scum from the earth. We need people like you. But if you’re going to be effective (or at least planning … Continue reading →
Grounds for an Empire The Czar is not a coffee drinker. By absolutely no means: he doesn’t even like the taste of the stuff, since it tastes like some mild acid-based solvent that somebody left the top off of for … Continue reading →
There’s very little devoted to the topic of ruining your own success, so rather than join the millions of people trying to make you rich (and themselves), the Czar thought he’d show you business slouches how to really shoot yourself … Continue reading →
As we know, having the dead around your place can become a tad inconvenient. And in our ongoing effort to provide you the best there is to be had by people like you, we’ve put together a few useful tips … Continue reading →
It’s all the rage, kids, isn’t it? Once a side-feature of tabloids, even mainstream, real-news-only publications (such as The New York Post) are discussing the subject of alien abduction. According to some polls, more than 100% of all Americans have … Continue reading →
Here’s some fun things you can do at an airport which will not only amuse you, but will also have the added topspin of getting you very urgently arrested. Anyway, these are pretty inexpensive, which is good, because you’ll likely … Continue reading →
Or, Lessons in Being a Ghastly Ghostie Well, the Czar is already scared, and he knows what’s coming. You talk about scary! Well, frankly, there’s nothing spookier than a haunted house, and we oughta know… we’ve been haunting them for … Continue reading →
Everybody’s so up on the weather these days, and if you’ve been in an elevator lately, you notice it’s on the mind of every stranger that has an urge to talk to you. With all this pressure, it’s no wonder … Continue reading →
A brief list, which shows that even Heisenberg could be certain about some things, at least. The best intelligence test is to put a person behind the wheel of a car. Almost no one would pass. People who look at … Continue reading →
Going a Bit Fast? Okay, so you were jammin’ the metal, and now you see the flashing lights. You want to get out of a citation, but there’s no hope of that, right? Wrong! In fact, with these tips, you … Continue reading →
Being a wine snob is very important to looking slick in public. Surprisingly, it’s easier than you think if you have a healthy imagination. You should know how to tell the two different “connoisseurs” apart: Oenophile. These are the experts … Continue reading →
The Czar had the opportunity today to fire the Sig Sauer P226, a slick-looking 9mm pistol today. The weapon has become the flag ship of the venerable Sig Sauer line, and it is easy to see why. The Sig Sauer … Continue reading →
One of the reason practical jokes are so popular is the intense anticipation. You watch your victim move closer and closer to the trap, or if it’s a setup, you watch them get dragged deeper and deeper into the prank. … Continue reading →
Strange events warrant recounting. As you know, the Czar can sometimes be found at the Leaping Peacock, enjoying a sporting event of choice on their 20-inch color television, as well as a beverage or dozen. Sometimes, the Czar travels to … Continue reading →
Well, as you know, Sleestak mostly communicates by hissing noises, and it was years before ‘Puter even realized he had an accent. But over time, we learned to communicate a fair bit with him, and today, on this Mother’s Day, … Continue reading →
A while back, the Gormogons were asked—never mind by whom—to edit a collection of children’s nursery rhymes. As part of the consideration process, we were each asked to submit a sample. Nothing came of it, evidently, and the Czar had … Continue reading →
There never was much wrong with the venerable .45 ACP, or the 9mm. Both have been around for decades. But the .45 is a big ugly, slow round that limits how much you can put into a handgun, and the … Continue reading →
Once again, the only three television news networks are promoting a ridiculous trend that, for some reason, they would like to see go national, and therefore spend a ridiculous amount of time talking about it like it is a genuine … Continue reading →
Look, Marty, you know what you did. Now call her and apologize. And remember to be sincere about that; you ate one of her blue-ribbon badgers. Those things don’t grow on trees, you know. They frequently live under them, however. … Continue reading →
The Czar wandered about the Castle and asked how each of us would be celebrating the Bicenennial of our first Independence Day. Ghettoputer was planning on throwing hand grenades into the fishing pond. There is evidently a bass of significant … Continue reading →
The Czar is happy to predict that one day, perhaps in February of 2008, the notable Eric Reasons Blog will launch to great success, and so do we command that each resident of Muscovy who doth proclaim loyalty to our … Continue reading →
It sure sounds nice. But does anyone else share the Czar’s concern that this new Environmental Protection Agency could easily grow out of hand? Who’s to say it won’t declare common substances, like carbon dioxide, a toxin? Then they can … Continue reading →
GORMOGONS – ALL NEW MALE ENAHCNEMENT PILL TO MAKE YOU THE TOAST OF YOUR PARTIES! NOT CANADIAN! ALL NATURAL ERBAL ENZYME! CALL FOR DETAILS! The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The … Continue reading →
Dear GormogonHello my name is Nabtunde Mkotomo and i just to finish reading your internet posting from yesterday. It is good to make meet of you.I am a 78 year old widow living in Nigeria and my husband was the … Continue reading →
Good evening. As some of you are already on the ARPANet, which we control, we thought we would put out a more fact-driven collection of essays for you to read. A journal, or log book, on a network bridge. A … Continue reading →
