Can someone explain to the Czar why the United Nations is still a good idea?

More than a week late, the United Nations has decided to take action against North Korea for its highly dangerous and illegal missile launch over Japan.

Or rather, it has decided to enforce inaction.

Check this out. It has condemned the launch. Seems to us that could have been done before that skyrocket was lit off, no? And in a compromise decision, they will tighten sanctions against North Korea.

First, what was the compromise?

Second, tighten what sanctions? People there eat grass! They can’t eat tree bark because the trees are largely cut down. The BBC story states that the UN Sanctions Committee will “begin enforcing both financial sanctions and an existing arms embargo against North Korea.”

The Czar boggles at what good this will do. What, we’re going to raise their interest rates? And tell them we will no longer ship weapons to them? They seem, by the way, to be doing pretty well on their own.

Here is a classic UN-style quote: “[Japan’s ambassador to the UN] hailed the clear language of the unanimous resolution, saying there could be ‘no stronger message’ than the quick and timely action of the Security Council.” The Czar bets that the average Gormogon reader can, in fact, think of a much stronger message, eh?

Here is another gem from Susan Rice, our own US envoy and chief apologist to the UN: “[The statement was a] strong and, we believe, positive outcome….The US is very pleased that the council has today issued a strong, unanimous statement [that]clearly demonstrates that there can be no future such launches.”

You believe it was positive? So you aren’t sure, then? And thanks for reassuring us how strong it was, because on the face of it, you come off sounding like you were two weeks late, are simply promising to enforce existing sanctions that seem to affect the North Koreans not at all, and have done nothing to prevent escalation from their side. Nice work.

The Czar bets we have all met parents who punish kids like this. “If you ever do that again, we’re going to stop serving you cauliflower at dinner, and this time we mean it! (Dear, did you hear how I raised my voice? You don’t think that was over the top, do you?)”

Also, please explain to the Czar how a twenty-seven-word statement prevents a future launch. Do you plan on stuffing it into the next rocket’s fuel intake?

Once again, the United Nations has proved its total irrelevance in the moment of serious crisis. Some men are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them. And the UN sits on the bench scribbling wry comments about the playground bully into its hate book.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.