Your Czar found himself in a lengthy elevator ride today with a liberal. The Czar only learned the man was a liberal from our conversation, which went thus:

CZAR: Thirty-nine, please.

LIB: Because of Bush and Cheney and the whole illegal war in Iraq!

CZAR: Thanks.

LIB: Typical Limbaugh response, there, dittohead.

CZAR: I was sort of hoping that rain would hold out until tonight.

LIB: Yeah, like how we let Bin-Laden go free?

CZAR: Yeah, but the lawn needs it.

LIB: Only because he inherited that deficit from Bush!

CZAR: It’s only going to screw up traffic.

LIB: Karl Rove was the real mastermind, not that war dodger.

CZAR: I think it’s already up to an hour, out-bound.

LIB: And Obama will cram that down your throats again in 2012!

CZAR: No, I missed the last inning, but heard the bullpen collapsed.

LIB: All you global warming deniers ignore the evidence. Deniers! Deniers!

CZAR: I don’t think they’ll trade him until they get his value back up.

LIB: Hah! The whole GOP is in total free-fall right now.

CZAR: Here’s my floor. Have a good one.

LIB: He didn’t do anything about North Korea!

CZAR: You too.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.