Re: Tervetuola, Paavo!
Paavo, the Czar bids you welcome, and wishes to assure you and remind the Volgi that some other Czar was responsible for the vile horrors unleashed upon your fine land by the Russians. As the Czar of Muscovy’s title states, he is Czar only of Muscovy, not anything else.
And Muscovy is a sleepy hamlet West of Chicago.
Please refer to your Czar’s title, below:
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй
See? Not Finland! The Czar does enjoy blondes, true, but please—if providing some, the Czar tends to be intimidated by women taller than himself for complex reasons that concern none but the Czar himself.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.