Chrysler is filing for bankruptcy, despite the best efforts of the federal government to bully creditors into submission to the Obama Administration’s thinly-veiled statism.
Treasury’s boy wonder, Secretary Geithner managed to whip creditor banks that received TARP funds into submission, requiring these banks to accept less than they would receive in liquidation.
But Geithner was unable to bully the hedge fund creditors (holders of approximately 30% of Chrysler’s debt). Why? Because the camel of taxpayer money hadn’t gotten its nose under the hedge funds’ tent. Geithner had no leverage. So, the hedge funds, being capitalists, did what they do so well. They insisted on receiving the full benefit of their bargain for their investors.
That is, as holders of senior secured debt, the hedge funds know essentially the liquidation value of their debt in bankruptcy. Geithner apparently offered significantly less in his proposal, and the hedge funds (presumably politely) told Treasury where it could stick its proposal, and that the hedge funds would see Chrysler in bankruptcy court.
Why is ‘Puter happy about this? Because the hedge funds, despite myriad failings, have struck a blow for sanity and the rule of law in our country. ‘Puter applauds anyone gutsy enough to stand up to the populist and popular creeping nationalization of our economy.
So God bless the hedge funds.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.