The Czar, of course, is glad that the US Navy reads the Gormogons, and brilliantly rescued the Maersk captain, offing three bad guys and capturing a stunned fourth pirate. Nice job, ladies and gentlemen!

By the way, we got the three pirates thanks to a Navy sniper. Think about that: hitting a small target from thousands of feet is tough enough. Now do it when you are on the back of a boat heaving up and down on rough seas when your target is doing the same but in the opposite direction. Folks, your Czar knows perhaps more than he should about hitting a small moving target with a rifle, and he assures you this was a legendary sniping achievement, which a Navy SEAL did not once, but three times in quick succession. Talk about shootin’ critters.

Now that we are newly reminded of the American military’s just freaking awesomeness, and we are truly grateful that a decent man—really, one of the good guys—has been returned unharmed to a sobbingly thankful family—we might stop a moment and think about this.

Big Hollywood asks the key question that has been on the Czar’s mind all week.

Who the hell puts million of dollars of cargo in one of the worst piracy areas in the world with only a handful of guys to protect it…and not a single weapon beyond a fire hose?

Your Czar knows real boaters, with real ocean-going boats, who don’t even go into the Great Lakes waters without an array of firearms on board due to the risk of vicious folks. While we fantasize about the USCG being there to help you, it’s awful lonely out there when you are surrounded by deep water and the nearest cutter is only 16 hours away.

And when they take on passengers outside US maritime protection,everyone on board is taught to fire a handgun, a shotgun, and a rifle into the open water…because this is what you do to pirates.

Maersk should know better. They are big enough. Many of the international shipping vessels have equally small crews with more long guns than hands. Some of these boats are functional arsenals.

Now you know why.

Update: Reports say there were three SEAL snipers, who fired simultaneously. Still a hell of a feat of marksmanship and a demonstration, for those who needed one, why the SEALs are among the world’s elite special-operations units. —ŒV

Update: And it seems the shots were taken from 75 feet away, but that is still wildly impressive on open seas. And how did they get so close without being seen? —царь

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.