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No More Mr. Nice Guy

The Gormogons Posted on June 21, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyJune 22, 2019

If you’re solidly into triple-digit IQs, you’ve already seen a bunch of Jackie Chan movies. You understand they’re brilliantly directed, with hilarious scenes, literally death-defying stunts, and action that begs to be rewound and watched again. Did he seriously just do what it looked like he did?

And if you’re a movie buff, you can delight in his homages alone: that scene is clearly a hat-tip to Buster Keaton; that one, to Chaplin… and that last shot was clearly a jab at Kubrick. And it doesn’t always work: his experiments with romantic comedies have had mixed results, and his pairings with American comedians often showcase how inversely talented he is compared to his costar of the day. Overall, though, his film career has been something worthy of celebration. Frankly, he is to action movies what Astaire was to dancing, or Garbo was to glamour. When the Czar first saw Chan’s 1985 film Police Story, he immediately stayed and watched it right through a second time. We were hooked.

There’s no denying Jackie Chan has slowed down in recent years. His ability to fly around the set, so effortlessly, is clearly wired and CGI, now. It’s a bit sad, really, especially when he’s trying to pander to the fan base—that last stunt was a repeat of the same one in Armour of God, but only half as fast. And that one? Totally taken out of Who Am I?, but not as funny this time. It’s almost like his career ended with Shanghai Noon in 2000. And a lot of his fans were turned off by his surprising 180° flip to support China, once they took control of Hong Kong. His attitudes toward the United States show equal elasticity, especially when he thinks no one around him understands Cantonese. And his recent stuff, in which he tries out different characters, has been dreck: his 2004 New Police Story is unwatchable, an homage to movies that themselves were awful.

Therefore, curiosity compelled us to watch 2017’s quiet release The Foreigner. All we knew going in was this film had a different look and feel. Quite so: whereas Police Story was a hilarious roller-coaster ride of thrills, The Foreigner may actually be one of Chan’s best films. Certainly, for the Czar, in the Top Three.

If you have seen any of his prior work, you understand that Jackie Chan invariably plays The Nice Guy (such as in 1997’s Mr. Nice Guydeserves it, and generally the bad guy causes his own pain by underestimating the Nice Guy.

The Foreigner is the most reversed-expectation film in Chan’s filmography. The film is quite grim, with no obvious humor at all, despite most thrillers generally putting in some comic relief, somewhere. Chan’s character is a broken man who is forced to do terrible, awful things for reasons he doesn’t even fully understand. Supported by no less than the furiously F-bombing Pierce Brosnan, the two play opposing forces: one, a bad man trying to do a good thing, and the other a good man increasingly embracing a very dark side, out of pure frustration.

There are bad guys, to be sure, but they’re basically the B-plot. The real story—with dozens of twists and turns—involves the two main actors locked in a bizarre contest. Brosnan’s character never fully understands why Chan’s character is doing what he does, and truthfully, Chan’s character doesn’t really seem to comprehend what Brosnan is trying to do, either. Despite the mutual confusion each has, the movie moves at a brisk, engaging pace with realistic reactions, seriously competent henchmen (instead of the usually vapid redshirts in Chan’s movies), and a lot of reasonable calculations by the characters.

And rather than dummy up or hide Chan’s age, the film embraces it—his 60-something character is slow, shuffles, limps on occasion, and can get badly injured. And rare for any film, injuries don’t heal after six camera angle changes. The special effects are good, and some scenes of terrorist-related bombings (and the aftermath) are terrifyingly accurate to real-life trauma: blood, dirt, and glass, not gore. One of the scenes, involving a London bus, was indeed so accurate that London’s metro police were called during filming, from terrified onlookers who have seen the real thing and didn’t realize this was a stunt.

If you sort-of enjoy Chan’s goofy, slapstick thrill-a-minute treats, you may find The Foreigner unfunny, brutal, and sad. On the other hand, if you really like Chan’s work, you may agree that this film is one of his absolute best—Chan’s acting is top-notch, moving, and even vicious. The Czar is sorry he waited so long to see it, and hopes that you don’t wait too much longer yourself.

Oh, and if you never got into Chan’s kung fu silliness, you may be surprised to learn this is a hard-R action film with deep political twists and keen eye for details. Actually, you may like it better than anything you’ve seen him do before.

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Amazonian Things to Consider

The Gormogons Posted on June 12, 2019 by GorTJune 12, 2019

The Twittersphere and Facebook-land is again being peppered with the “OMG! Amazon doesn’t pay enough taxes!!”

This argument is mind-numbing to me and those arguing it, in my opinion, have a very narrow and uneducated view of economics in this country.

First, they should go read the U.S. Internal Revenue Code. A small fraction (some say around 1%) of the code is focused on revenue while the majority of it is focused on reducing taxes through incentives, deductions, and credits. These are important drivers for economic growth, job stimulation, and innovation. If those people are so opposed to a company legally using the current tax laws and regulations in this country then they should move to change those. I suspect a number of economists will dissuade such action.

Second, Amazon does pay taxes in the form of state, local, and payroll income taxes to the tune of $1+ Billion. So when making the argument, the opponents should be clear in saying that they are upset that, int he last two years, Amazon has not paid federal corporate income taxes largely due to the first point and the next point.

Third, Amazon smartly leverages the tax code items mention in the first point. Last year, Amazon put over $22B into R&D, it invests heavily in physical assets and property (over $60B in the last five years), and invests in their employees in a variety of ways. Local economies benefit directly from Amazon’s investments in buildings and the associated jobs created by a physical presence in the community. Amazon has continued to hire at a pace of tens of thousands of employees added globally each year for the last several years (hint: that’s more payroll taxes that they pay while providing employment to local workers).

Fourth, maybe more nuanced and less apparent to a pure economic dissection of Amazon’s taxes – through their web services business unit (AWS), Amazon has lowered the barrier to entry for hundreds, if not thousands of startups by taking on the infrastructure and basic IT services and capabilities. In a matter of minutes, a company can spin up servers, databases, and machine-learning processing that would likely take have cost their company a fair number of employees, a significant capital investment, and a lengthy period of time. This investment in the global economy – to include the U.S. economy – goes unmeasured. And while we’re pointing out this investment, companies are not the only ones to benefit. As I write this, I sit at AWS’ Public Sector Summit where Amazon highlights what they and their partners are doing for the public sector to include federal, state, and local governments, education, and non-profits. The federal government is a direct beneficiary of Amazon’s recurring reinvestments and innovations. Without it, I would shudder to think where some of our agencies would be in their IT solutions.

I’m not an Amazon apologist and I think at some point the country needs to look at a revised “monopoly” approach for companies like Google, Facebook, Amazon, etc. but in the case against Amazon over their federal taxes, I clearly think it’s a lame argument.

 

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The Limping Lady

The Gormogons Posted on June 6, 2019 by GorTJune 6, 2019

Today marks the 75th anniversary of Operation Neptune, the Allied assault on the beaches of Normandy, France as part of the broader Operation Overlord. Over 130,000 troops were landed, about 3,400 killed on or around the beaches during the assault, and an additional 20,000 paratroopers supported the attack before and during D-Day. In the initial month (roughly), American forces (specifically the VII Corps) suffered just over 22,000 casualties as they moved against the German forces in France.

It is a day worth remembering and there are many stories worth noting but maybe one worth mentioning in particular is that of Virginia Hall. Virginia Hall grew up in Baltimore, Maryland and attended Radcliffe and Barnard. She had a gift for languages and wanted to join the Foreign Service. After pursuing additional education in Europe, she was hired as a clerk at the U.S. embassy in Warsaw. During her next assignment in Turkey, she suffered a hunting accident and had her lower left leg amputated below the knee. She was fitted with a wooden prosthetic leg which she nicknamed, “Cuthbert”. Returning to work at the American consulate in Venice, she applied to take the oral exam for the Foreign Service but was told that the loss of her leg would prevent her from being accepted.

When World War II broken out, Virginia was in France and worked in the ambulance corps until the fall of France. She escaped through Spain and made her way to England where she volunteered to serve with the British Special Operations Executive (SOE). The SOE trained her in weapons, communications, espionage, and other resistance activities. Ms. Hall assisted escaped POWs, recruited locals to run safe houses, and organized agent networks. All while keeping ahead of the Gestapo who were pursuing this “Limping Lady”.

She was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross – the only civilian woman to receive the honor.

After the war, she wanted to remain in the intelligence industry and had a distinguished career in the CIA until her retirement in 1966.

If there is a word that I’d pick to describe the people we think of on this anniversary, it is “persistence”. They faced daunting tasks, great personal peril, and an uncertain future. I’m sure they had doubt and fear but I don’t think the world would have survived a world war like that without their persistence.

Virginia Hall was an intelligence, brave, and a persistent woman – a role model. She didn’t let setbacks in her goals deter her from continuing to pursue her passions. This should be true for all of us, regardless of gender. It is a trait worth remembering today on the 75th anniversary of D-Day.

 

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Monsters Ink

The Gormogons Posted on June 3, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyJune 3, 2019

Pretty sure this is from the movie. Close enough.

Today, the Czar took both boys to the cinema house to see Godzilla: King of the Monsters. True fact: we just had to look that up because the Czar totally forgot the formal name of the movie.

This is a weird situation: the trailer for this movie was a home run: scenes of monstrous destruction set to Debussy’s “Clair de Lune” with astonishing color-matched visuals, so much so that the boys agreed they needed to see that movie the weekend it came out. Folks also raved about the trailer, and months later, the film itself arrived to largely-absent ticket sales. Critics can’t seem to figure this out, and neither can audiences. Preview audiences liked it, but didn’t. Critics recommend you either see it or not. Usually in the same review.

Long-time Godzilla movie fans weren’t sure how to describe it, either. “Well,” the accounts seem to go, “The monsters are great, but the humans in the movie are utter dumbasses, with questionable acting, bad guys who seem to have no real goal or purpose, and an annoying kid who seems to have some bond with the monsters never fully explained.” In other words, just like every single Godzilla movie ever. That’s like saying you might have liked Bohemian Rhapsody if only it didn’t have that Queen music in it.

The annoying kid is played by Millie Bobbie Brown, whom you better know as Eleven from Stranger Things, and she’s a genuinely brilliant actress given a role that could have been played by anyone. Or even written out entirely. Ahem.

Speaking of eleven, guess how many people were in our theater, today? Counting the Czar and the boys? Yup, eleven. Needless to say, we got really perfect seats, centered in the stereo sweet spot. The Czar knows how to pick them, and literally up until the lights dimmed for the 35-minute trailer onslaught, we three were the only ones in the theater at all. By the way, based on the trailer package we saw, we are guessing that the movie industry has no clue what to do now that Avengers: Endgame is wrapped. Sheesh. We happy less-than-few.

Look, you’re probably wondering if you should see this movie. And the answer is probably not.

The movie requires two things of you: you really ought to be a Godzilla fan (to the point that you can spot the “Mo-su-ra….yah!” song embedded in the superb soundtrack, and that you kind-of enjoyed its twp predecessors: 2014’s Godzilla and 2017’s Kong movie, whatever that was called. The Czar liked the first, but totally missed the Kong movie because (a) it was only in theaters for about a day and (b) is currently shown solely on cable television on some channel called FilmPlex Action Plus, which is part of a channel package including the Minor League LaCrosse network, the रूमानी सुखान्तिकी channel, and a mime channel the Czar doesn’t want to pay for.

If neither category describes you, you will probably find this movie an irritating mess. Who are these guys? Why are they fighting? When did that monster develop that power? What the hell is that? If you know your 1960s-1970s Godzilla movie history, you won’t ask these questions because you will either know the answer or won’t care. You want to see the monsters bash each other’s brains in, plus a couple of American cities you already don’t like get wasted in them.

Does this movie matter? Maybe we got spoiled by the Marvel Cinematic Universe (“Hey, see how Wasp put that pencil down on that night stand? I bet that becomes incredibly important eight movies from now!”), but no, this movie doesn’t matter. Adults taking little kids to see this Godzilla movie should feel certain the kids will be entertained, but don’t expect that any of this will make sense to you. Littler kids, say under 9 years old, might find some scenes pretty intense (not scary-scary, but pretty nail-biting), and would do better seeing this movie at home where they can pause, catch a breath, and hide behind mom. And kids 5 and under probably shouldn’t see this one at all, especially in a theater. These monsters are neither cute nor friendly.

But if you like Godzilla movies, including the weird B-plots about bad guys, double agents, precocious kids saving adults from their own stupidity, impossible flying paramilitaries crossing the globe in impossibly short times, then enjoy this one, because it’s a doozy. The music is great, the monsters are excellently realized, the destruction really brutal, and the perils fairly well thought through. And there’s a bunch of clever and easily-spotted Easter eggs for you.

Mo-su-ra….ya!

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BREAKING NEWS

The Gormogons Posted on May 16, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyMay 16, 2019

The entire state of Massachusetts has announced, earlier today, that it is running for the presidency of the United States in 2020, now doubling the number of Democrat hopefuls.

Posted in Uncategorized

How Media Are Trying to Tank the Economy

The Gormogons Posted on May 6, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyMay 6, 2019

The stock market closed around 26,500 last Friday afternoon, although at 9:30 that morning, it was at 26,160. That’s a 1% difference. Interestingly, it was at 26,500 on Thursday afternoon, so even if you were one of the very few affected by little drop, you made your money back.

Crazy, huh? Here’s how CNN reported this: Dow Futures Plummet 400 Points After Trump Renews Tariff Threat on China.

Plummet! Yes, like if gas goes down three cents a gallon, we can say its price plummeted.

Or if Joe Biden’s polling numbers go from 39% to 38%, we can say his support has plummeted.

Or if CNN’s ratings drop another 1%, we can say viewership has plummeted.

A 90-degree turn to the left is all it takes!

The Czar would love to link that headline for you, but CNN already revised it to Global Stocks Drop After Trump Risks ‘Full-On’ Trade War with China. You might click on that link later and see if it’s been changed again.

So why the hyperbole? Why would CNN portray an hours-long dip in the Dow as a plummet, which implies a disastrous free-fall?

Probably because the economic news is really good, and Democrats can’t win a presidency unless the economy is rocky. So by using scare words, you create the perception among Americans that, hey, maybe things aren’t so good right now. This way, you can create enough fear, uncertainty, and doubt to encourage Americans to hold off on buying the house, that car, or that new washer/dryer combo with the wireless smart-app feature that texts you when your laundry is done. And, just maybe, you get enough Americans to hold off that you can trigger a slowdown.

Any slowdown is a recession to the news media, regardless of how many quarters of non-growth you see. RECESSION LOOMS, the drumbeat goes, on so many media stories today.

Recessions get Democrats elected, even if they have to cause them themselves.

Consider this headline: Dow Briefly Dips 1% Before Regaining. Know which media outlet carried that one? None of them.

Here’s another thought for you. Summarizing the CNN story, we learn that President Trump threatened new tariffs on Chinese goods. We learned that three global markets saw their indices drop by single-digit percentages, but the Dow and oil futures made up what they lost.

We also learned the Chinese were annoyed, and that a real trade-war between the US and China would cause a reaction. No kidding. But after a week of record-breaking highs, Friday morning’s dip was the biggest dip in weeks, just before recovering.

That doesn’t sound so bad. But you know what the article doesn’t explain? How exactly does Trump’s threat correlate to this small, momentary dip in the global markets? Sure, they happened at the same time, but you know what else happened Friday morning?

Lots of stuff. There’s no direct link—presented in the article—between the Trump statement and the plunge. Could there be? Absolutely, and almost certainly there was some effect; but if so, it was minor.

Here’s a bit of advice: whenever any news outlet “explains” why stocks drop or rise, check to see if most other financial sources generally agree. They won’t. If you Google Friday’s drop, you’ll see that many diverse sources cite the Trump threat as the cause, specifically using the word “plummet,” indicating they’re all using the same source and not doing independent research.

And this requires no explanation: few financial folks will ever cite a specific cause for why the market does anything. Phrases like “on fears of,” “as a result of,” or “in expectation of” are bullshit explanations to pad out the story. The only real story is that prices are trending up or trending down (bulls and bears), and finding a specific explanation for day-to-day shifts are imaginary. It’s like blaming colder temperatures tomorrow on magazine sales or on a sea cruise cancellation.

The political origin of this style of reporting is obvious, as well. If the economy keeps booming every couple of weeks, Republicans are going to coast into an easy victory in 2020. Since this outcome is unacceptable, you will see two counter-strategies employed by Democrats: the first is RECESSION LOOMS, in hopes that consumer confidence is shaken enough to cause a real one, and the second is all sorts of twisting and gyrations to convince voters that the Democrats are actually responsible for the good times.

We’re already seeing a bit of the latter: but because Democrats promised America that Trump’s economic policies would wreak utter devastation on the land, there’s precious little to cite as proof. As a result, we have already seen the claim that the powerhouse economy was the result of President Obama, not Trump. Except, as you know, Obama isn’t running in 2020; this has less effect.

What if President Obama were president today?

That CNN headline would probably look like this: Obama’s Tough Trade Talk Lowers Prices for First-Time Investors. It’s exactly as plausible.

As President Trump’s second term grows increasingly likely by the day, expect to see more RECESSION LOOMS headlines. Who knows? Maybe the Democrats will be lucky enough to genuinely cause one. They certainly have willing helpers in the media.

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Morning ‘Puter Takes on Morning Joe and the Media

The Gormogons Posted on May 6, 2019 by 'PuterMay 6, 2019

Mika exults in having infected Joe with the sexually transmitted disease of Progressivism. To be fair to Joe, ‘Puter might’ve fallen for Mika’s big ol’ cans lure, too. At least until she opened her word hole to share her horrible political thoughts.

‘Puter watches Morning Joe from time to time if only to see how far Joe Scarborough can sink. If one needed proof Progressivism is sexually transmissible, one need look no further than Scarborough post-ugly bumping with Mika Brzezinski, his cohostess, one-time adulterous slampiece, and now wife.*

This morning, Scarborough railed against Attorney General Secretary of State Mike Pompeo’s performance on FoxNews’ Sunday political talk show featuring Chris Wallace. Mr. Pompeo’s mortal sin? Daring to change the subject from Russian interference in the 2016 elections to the Mueller report, emphasizing no collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia.

Scarborough spent more than 10 minutes in a state of incredulous indignation, stating no one in America could possibly be dumb enough to believe Pompeo’s spin. The hired sycophants Steve Rattner, Mike Barnicle, and Tom “the Expert” Nichols dutifully nodded, tugging their beards and interjecting that yes, indeed, Right-leaning Americans are that dumb.

‘Puter shook his head sadly. The Morning Joe elites (our intellectual and moral betters) had missed the obvious. It is not necessarily that America’s Right and Right-leaning voters trust Pompeo (or, for that matter, Trump). It is that America’s Right and Right-leaning voters know to a moral certitude we cannot trust media.

Yes, Trump is unbelievable. America knew that when it elected Trump president. It’s baked into America’s conception of Trump the man and Trump the president. America expects Trump to lie, to lie frequently, and to not apologize or even acknowledging his obvious lies when called on them. America doesn’t care.

But America expects its media to tell the truth to the best of its ability, to get the story right, to be as neutral as possible. For too long, media has not been any of these things. Media abandoned reporting facts in favor of narrative creation, which based on media performance seems to mean “lie your face off in supine service of the Democrats.” Media has lied, spun, buried, and killed stories to protect Democrats and to unjustly smear Republicans. Media has squandered any claim to factual authority it may have had in favor of being Democrats’ booty call. The Right has not missed or misunderstood media’s undeclared war on the Right.

It’s not that Right-leaning Americans trust Trump, it’s that Right-leaning Americans do not, cannot, and must not trust media. The sooner media understands this, the sooner it can attempt to salvage what little dignity and authority which may remain.

‘Puter bets media won’t even make an attempt.

*  ‘Puter’s had the notion to jot down some thoughts on examples of stupid things guys will do for tail, but since this is a family blog, he thought better of it. 

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The Czar Reviews The Avengers Movie

The Gormogons Posted on April 28, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 28, 2019

Tony Stark and Black Widow bring a bit of class to every fight scene.

Anyway, forget about all that: Avengers: Endgame is out in theaters, and the Czar took up nearly his entire weekend watching it once. No doubt, you’ve got questions, so here’s our spoiler-free take on the movie.

Is it as long as they say?

Yes, all told, counting all 22 Marvel Studios movies that play into this, the movie is about 778 hours long.

When should I go to the bathroom during the movie?

Anytime you like! The Czar openly advocates urinating in the theater seats. Everybody else does.

Are there any good ways to ruin the movie for others?

Certainly! Feel free to park your car in the theater and leave the brights on. Or shoot off fireworks during the scary parts. The Czar took a different approach today and hurled a full hornet hive like a football right into the front seats.

How crowded was the theater?

Very, but not as bad as the crowd waiting for the next showing. And we hear the one after that was even longer! Frankly, if you haven’t seen it by this point, the lines will be over six miles long. So don’t bother.

Are there any surprise cameos in the movie?

Lots. Seeing Wayne Gretzky back in full uniform was great, as was Carl Ballantine. If you’re looking for cameos from other Marvel Studios movies, this one is chock-full, including the guy from Iron Man who nods at the press conference at the end, Guard #2 from Thor: the Dark World, and Irate Customer from Age of Ultron. One of the boys swears he saw Confused Kid from Iron Man 3, but that’s doubtful seeing how that actor’s relationship soured with the studio.

Anybody coming back from previous movies?

Yes! The assistant standby painter in Endgame is the same one as Black Panther.

Popcorn any good?

Not bad, although we blew through a medium bucket in the same time we normally go through a small…meaning, about 20 minutes into the movie.

Seriously, couldn’t the have cut anything out of this film to make it shorter?

The directors swear that cutting even two seconds of this movie destroy the entire structural narrative; however, there are definitely a few scenes that warranted some editing down. There’s a scene where Black Widow reads an entire phone book trying to remember the name of a pizza place (“all I remember is it had a vowel in it,”), War Machine takes an online course in college-level trig, and right at the beginning, Hawkeye attends a complete, three-hour, Greek Orthodox mass.

Bring the pets or nah?

Leave the animals at home. The movie is loud, you have to pay attention, and the theater is carpeted.

Is this another one where that guy does that thing?

Yep, he totally does.

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Who Was the Last Republican President The Media Respected?

The Gormogons Posted on April 16, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 16, 2019

Photo used without permission, but taken by Doug Mills, The New York Times

Not that President Trump needs to be reminded that he sometimes says dopey stuff, but the news media suffers from a form of priapism where he is concerned, turning every news story into a rant about him, or linking every other world event big or small to a goofy tweet of his.

This isn’t a new thing. One of the advantages of having been born in the mid-13th Century is that the Czar has been able to track news stories all the way back to America’s founding, and the reader will not be reminded that the media did their best to bury, deny, or obscure anything damaging to the President’s predecessor, or rewrote, rephrased, reframed, or distorted his faults into something positive.

Nor will you require an explanation that the media hates hates hates Republicans but obsesses over the perfection of their Democratic opponents in every conceivable way. Picture a high school freshman running the yearbook committee, and that’s your media to a tee.

Yeah, this has been going on for a while. For a long time, in fact. Indeed, the Czar got to thinking about just how unbearably long this has been going on.

Who was the last Republican president for whom the media gave any respect?

Certainly not George W. Bush. He was consistently portrayed as a moron who defied imagination, as a worthless theocrat who connived a stultifyingly transparent plan to invade a peaceful country to cover up his lust to seize oil.

Nor George H. W. Bush, that doddering old fool who couldn’t grasp how a grocery store scanner works, and who messed up the economy so bad that only a brilliant technology visionary like Bill Clinton could set it right. Dana Carvey made a small fortune ripping on the guy—until he actually met him in person, and developed such an admiration for the man that he stopped doing his impressions for him outside of a quick quip or to do his voice in an anecdote about their meeting.

Remember Ronald Reagan‘s treatment? A senile catnapper who was so disoriented that he was certain to launch World War III by his forehead hitting the button on his desk when he passed out. This was a guy who listened to his wife’s astrologer and spent his few waking hours noshing on jelly beans—when he wasn’t masterminding a complex arms-for-hostages deal.

Gerald R. Ford was so inept that he couldn’t do math, fell down constantly, and obsessed about college football. He was so dumb that he once locked himself out of the White House taking the dog out for a crap. Plus, he pardoned Richard Nixon of all people, which shows you what a total idiot he was.

We only have to mention Richard M. Nixon. Anyone who’s heard of him can list his weaknesses: his paranoia, his sociopathy, his corruption, his inability to relate to normal humans without an embarrassing gaffe, and his Machiavellian plotting. Curiously, one of his biggest weaknesses (the Czar believes) was his inability to realize the media would hate him unequivocally. Nixon spent too much time trying to win them over, charm them, throw them bones, and try to befriend them—and they always punished him for it. He seemed incapable of understanding their hatred of him was political and not personal. As long as he was a Republican president, no matter what he did—running through liberal programs, sustaining and then aborting the Vietnam War, appointing liberals to positions—the media treated him like crap.

And what about America’s general, Dwight David Eisenhower? Didn’t America beg him to run for president after proclaiming him one of the greatest generals in history? Yes, until he ran as a Republican. Most of us tend to forget he was undeclared until he made his decision, and Democrats largely believed he would run as one of them. Once he ran, the press turned on him quickly, declaring him a colorless dimwit who spent too much time on the golf course and not enough behind the desk. His support for civil rights, which has been erased from the Democrats’ memories, was blasted at the time, with revolting terms used to describe him; yet, at the same time, he was consistently berated for not doing enough to further the cause. No matter what course Eisenhower chose, he was criticized severely.

Herbert Hoover was so incompetent that he routinely ranks as one of America’s worst presidents, which would have been news to Americans for most of his administration who found him intelligent, thoughtful, and willing to listen to opposition. At the time, of course, the media ridiculed his boring technocratic theories, felt he was incompetent at understanding the Federal Reserve System, and of course he supported Prohibition. His public image was already tarred long before the Crash.

Calvin Coolidge, by all measures one of America’s best presidents, was seen as a joke of a president. His terse speaking manner and odd sense of humor was not viewed as a positive by the media of the day; in fact, his intellect was frequently questioned. Likewise, media of the day greatly disliked his 9-5 hours, believing that a good president, like Wilson, would travel the world and put in sufficient time promoting big government programs.

And what can be said for Warren G. Harding? Even before the media became riveted with a series of scandals tied to his administration, they were attacking his anti-union views, his tax cuts for the rich, and celebrated his own shellacking in the mid-terms. To be accurate, the bulk of the scandals tied to his administration were revealed after his untimely death; however, the suspicions began among the press fairly earlier than we like to remember.

Anyone remember who was a Republican president prior to Harding? Right, it was William H. Taft, who rather disliked the media. Tired of his words being turned against him, Taft avoided press conferences, gave few interviews, and shunned comments to reporters. This stems from his candidacy, during which the media ridiculed him as a puppet to his predecessor….

Teddy Roosevelt! He loved the press, and they him. Teddy gave frequent conferences, offered the media quarters inside the White House, and let them have run of the place. The Czar learned today that the press only ganged up on him over the Panama Canal; the Czar honestly cannot recall that being the case, but there you go. Teddy was the guy. He was the last American president that garnered respect from the media.

 

Over a century ago.

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Void the FOID?

The Gormogons Posted on April 11, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 11, 2019

Although this happened in 2018, the Illinois Supreme Court agreed to review the finding a couple weeks ago. Here we go.

Illinois introduced the Firearm Owners Identification Card in 1968. The FOID card is easily obtained—today, you pay a $10 fee (to cover the cost of a background check and the materials) and it’s good for ten years—and is necessary to purchase a firearm, buy ammo, rent a gun at the range, and basically even get to hold on in your hands at the store.

Frankly, the Czar never thought much about it: there’s no minimum age to getting one, and in theory a 6-year-old could apply for one and would probably receive it, provided a legal parent or guardian co-signs the application. Of all the extra steps some states make you go through, Illinois makes it a breeze.

So there it is. Not much to think about for Illinois residents, right? It’s butt-simple to get, and as long as you have one, you’re good to go in this state (provided you’re not concealing it, which is an extra set of steps). It places no limits on how many you can have, or buy, or how you store it your home. It fits easily in a wallet, and the Czar has used his as legitimate photo identification when asked to produce more than just a driver’s license.

The law’s text is childishly basic: “No person may acquire or possess any firearm…within this State without having in his or her possession a Firearm Owner Identification Card previously issued in his or her name by the Department of State Police under the provision of this Act.” (430 ILCS 65/4(a)(1))  That’s pretty simple.

Or so we thought.

Vivian Brown is an older individual who lives in far southeastern Illinois. There is a .22 bolt-action rifle in her home just in case, allegedly in the house for decades from before the FOID era.

Local law enforcement were informed that she was shooting it in her yard, according to rumor. Incidentally, that’s not necessarily illegal in Illinois: prohibitions about firing a weapon on private property are municipal, and many unincorporated areas allow it. However, whatever Ms. Brown’s municipality exactly is, she wasn’t doing that. And law enforcement agreed.

However, they asked to see her FOID card. She doesn’t have one, and took the position that she doesn’t need one since the rifle never leaves the house, she didn’t purchase it, and is safely put away. No matter, the responding officers decided, you don’t have a FOID, you can’t have a gun.

She got a lawyer. And the lawyer brought it to court.

Judge Stanley took the case. Basically, it’s a simple matter: the Illinois State Police were sympathetic and suggested if she just pays the ten bucks, she can get the FOID and keep the gun. But Judge Stanley thought about this and listened to the prosecutor’s argument that if there’s a gun in the house, there has to be a FOID card on hand.

Judge Stanley realized that if you have a FOID card and your spouse does not, if you leave the home without your spouse, the spouse is in violation of the law. If mom and dad keep a gun in the nightstand and go out for dinner, the babysitter or little junior needs to have a FOID card, or the law has been broken. At least, that’s true if anyone in the house knows there’s a weapon on premises. The shorthand version is that if the family is aware there’s a firearm on the property, everyone needs to have a FOID card to avoid breaking the law.

And if you don’t, as Ms. Brown didn’t, then you can go to jail for possessing a weapon without a FOID.

Judge Stanley ruled against the State, and decided that not only was it okay for Ms. Brown to have a rifle without a FOID, he declared that the entire law about FOID cards was unconstitutional. Why? Because Ms. Brown was a soft test of a premise that an Illinois cannot defend himself or herself in the state without a FOID. It’s inherently unreasonable to think that a person, facing a home invader, will go online, fill out the form, submit a photograph and $10 check, and wait for the card to arrive in the mail weeks later before legally shooting the bastard.

The Illinois Attorney General’s office complained about the ruling, stating that this isn’t the intent of the law. View her case as a reminder that if you have a gun, just get the ID. It’s super-easy to get. And you’re all legal. So, they asked the judge, would he reconsider his ruling?

And the Judge did. He reconsidered it really hard, and produced an even longer opinion listing dozens of ways the FOID requirement violates not just the Second Amendment, but also the Fourteenth. He recommended the Illinois Supreme Court take a look at this and see if he was right.

Guess what happened: the Illinois Supreme Court agreed to do just that. And historically the Illinois Supreme Court has been pretty gun friendly, especially in recent years. Many state legal experts believe they will sustain Judge Stanley’s opinion, and if not, it goes to the United States Supreme Court, who will probably affirm it. Or, if the Illinois Supreme Court drops it, it still goes to SCOTUS; in that case, the Czar understands, they will probably decide against hearing it…which affirms it.

Anti-gun lobbyists here in the Land of Lincoln are sort-of freaking out about this. Thanks to Judge Stanley, it seems that the FOID’s days are numbered. They’re not over yet&#151;so far, only Ms. Brown has been given a pass on this. But thanks to her, the rest of us may see the FOID eliminated.

This, by the way, should be great news for other states with even more difficult requirements (say, um, New York). Illinois hopes our Supreme Court knocks it out; the rest of you should hope it goes to SCOTUS.

Posted in Uncategorized

Consider This For A Moment

The Gormogons Posted on April 3, 2019 by GorTApril 3, 2019

Tonight, the official “Late Show with Stephen Colbert” published this image mocking a recent tweet by President Trump. I’m sure the people involved with the show thought it was pretty funny and believed it to be honest and true as well. If you wonder who is helping tear apart democracy* in this country, look no further. 
At its core, the message embodied in this post is simply, “yeah, with no evidence, let alone conviction, of wrong-doing, we should remove a sitting, duly elected, federal official from office.”

I’m sure the show, and all involved, will hide behind some lame excuse at trying to be funny. It isn’t. It is advocating tossing the rule of law out of the window and ignoring an election that, by all evidence, was conducted according to the laws of our country.

This is stupid, dangerous, and provoking. And, furthermore, it betrays a common flaw by those on the liberal side of the spectrum: short-term thinking. Imagine if, if the parties involved were reversed in 10 or 15 years. What would they say if some conservative media figure said something similar?

The whole “orange man bad” theme continues to live on and will continue to undermine any credible advancement of real policy platforms from the democrats.

 

* By the way, the United States follows democratic processes in our federal republic system of government.

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The Green New Deal Was Always Just Recycled Crap

The Gormogons Posted on March 27, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyMarch 27, 2019

The world is ending once again, in case you’re missing it. Today’s skyfall is the failure of the Green New Deal in the Senate. Except, of course, it wasn’t really the Green New Deal; the vote was only for a resolution to take up the proposal as an actual bill. But no matter: as far as you know, Republicans thwarted the Democrats once again in their plan to save the world.

Well, not exactly. Because the vote was for a resolution, the goal was really to see if there was enough support for it in the Senate. Not Congress, just the Senate. So naturally the Republicans managed to defeat the Democrats 53 to 45, based on the six seats they must have stolen from a fair election.

But not really. The resolution was defeated 57-0. Not a single Democrat voted for it; and if you’re quick with math, you’ll note that three Democrats (and whatever the hell that whackjob from Maine is) also voted no. Therefore, the tricky Republicans voted while the rest of the Democrats were out saving horses from a burning barn.

No, not so fast. Those Democrats were all present, and they voted “present,” because they were protesting the outcome of the Mueller report. Or the Jussie Smollett story. Or that thing that happened with the other thing.

Um, alas. No, the Democrats voted present because they want to keep their jobs. The entire Green New Deal, which originated with that goofy house across the street, is a nakedly socialist power grab that would destroy the country. And every Democrat in the Senate knew it.

How do we know it’s socialist? Because it’s a save-the-earth policy. Follow us on this one.

As you probably know, every proposal, bill, or plan to Save the Earth from Global Climate Catastrophe is a socialist paradigm. We know this because if you strip all the nouns out of a typical Green proposal, you can drop in socialist terms and the structure still holds. This reverse Mad Libs analysis is pretty easy to do: basically, the government takes over everything, distributes assets and money globally, is beholden to no one, and suddenly everyone is saved forever by minds much smarter than you.

And thus we learn that those horrible, anti-science Republicans somehow and narrowly voted against saving the world.

Did you know that the Green New Deal could be paid for with the same amount of money we spend each year on defense? If you didn’t know that, and the Czar didn’t, because he heard the cost of the Green New Deal would cost multiples of our entire Gross Domestic Product, you will be happy to learn that it must only cost $686 billion. No, in fact, that’s exactly backward. The Defense Department is getting that amount—smaller than other years—which comes as a surprise to many Green New Deal supporters who heard that Defense pulls in trillions.

Still, you have to be upset. After all, the United States has 5% of the world’s population and uses 80% of the world’s energy. Doesn’t that sound terrible? Actually, one suspects that’s actually a really good thing: the United States is using its energy to produce really amazing things that benefit the entire world.

But wait a minute, wait a minute…80% of the world’s energy? The Czar wasn’t aware there was a maximum amount of energy available to us. After all, 18% of our nation’s energy is renewable, which is an amount that also stuns a lot of people. Yes, it’s that high. And ready for more? Another 20% on top of that is nuclear-based, which while not strictly renewable (there’s uranium to be mined and waste to be carefully stored), is safe and pollution free. You know, a lot of the remaining 62% could be replaced with nuclear power, leaving some clean-burning coal and natural gas to round out the balance to produce more power.

About all that would leave is that awful, polluting petroleum energy sources. Except, even today, those account for less than 1% of America’s energy consumption.

In other words, we might account for 80% of the world’s energy usage, but we’re actually not producing very much pollution at all. The better question is why isn’t the rest of the world catching up to us?

Maybe because they’re morons and don’t have the resources to produce it. No, that can’t be it: because the statement “80% of the world’s energy supply” assumes there’s a 100% limit, with only 20% left for anyone else. Where else do we see this zero-sum logic?

Right: socialism. There’s an idea present in almost all socialist doctrine that runs along the line of “there’s only so much of X, and the rich have most of it.” You have heard it from Bernie Sanders gripe about the one-percent-of-one-percent, from Obama decrying the rich hogging 99% of available healthcare, or Clinton’s yelping about the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer.

It’s poppycock, of course. There isn’t a finite amount of energy available: there’s enough uranium in the world to produce 100% of the world’s current power demands for over a millennium, and enough light-water fuel to add a few hundred on top of that. And the sun, well, that produces both solar and wind power. The earth’s gravity will produce hydroelectric power and geothermal power for billions of years.

This makes one wonder: if the United States is using 80% of the world’s current electrical output, when is the rest of the world going to catch up?

Evidently, we’re wrong about something, here. The Czar also learned this morning that the United States produces most of the world’s pollution. Sure, you and the Czar thought this was China and India, but a whole bunch of sources will agree that those countries have drastically reduced their pollution output, while the United States has not.

That sounds bad, provided you don’t look too closely at the basis for the claim. China and India have reduced their polluting emissions…but they’re still the worst. They drop from the top only if you look at reductions as a percentage, and not as a unit. In other words, if a thief steals $100,000 from Bank of America, he’s less deserving of punishment than a thief who steals $25,000 from the Oakdale Bank of West Summit, because the percentage of the total cash taken from Bank of America is a lot, lot lower than Oakdale’s. You get into real trouble when you rank two different entities solely by percentages.

That’s as dumb as suggesting California needs more senators than Wyoming does because they have more people. And no one could be that stupid, could they?

Speaking of yes, the whole notion of top polluters is a real mess to figure out. Did you know America is the second-worst producer of carbon dioxide? China is first, by the way.

Actually, the United States is far behind China. And know who is third, right behind America? The European Union, which as we know is the Greenest Damned Paradise on Earth. You thought India, with its slums? Or Russia, with its lax safety? No, America and Europe are practically hand-in-hand in carbon dioxide output. The next time a European takes you to taks about America’s rejection of global climate initiatives, feel free to remind them that their carbon dioxide makes them a nearly equally major problem.

Okay, well let’s question about whether carbon dioxide is a pollutant. It’s true you can’t breathe it like you can nitrogen and oxygen, but trees and plants sure do. And its ability to trap solar radiation is definitely a thing. But how much CO2 is too much?

Gosh. nobody really knows. But there must be a maximum amount, right? And each day, we must get closer to that. Zero sum.

All right, let’s concede that we really don’t know how much carbon dioxide is bad. Studies from the last fifty years aren’t exactly in agreement, and predicted levels for destruction have either been safely exceeded or have not actually been reached in their predicted time frames. Let’s drop the whole thing.

Surely there are other things America is doing that are bad for the environment. What about air pollution? Aren’t we producing a lot of toxins in the air with all the coal we burn? You’d think so, but America ranks eighth from the bottom of a list of countries producing toxic air. Given how much coal we cleanly burn, that’s not a surprise. China, though, is at the top of the list.

Polluted water? China. Not the United States, which is far, far down that list. In fact, some of our industrial water is cleaner than what comes out of most kitchen taps around the world.

What about countries who dump plastic in the ocean? Well, America is really far down that list. Really far. China, of course, is at the top, and if you aren’t seeing a pattern by this point, the Czar isn’t sure what to tell you.

Indeed, when you look at environmental catastrophes, America seems to be down the list by quite a bit, except for carbon dioxide emissions. Which, conveniently, seems to be at the center for all Green initiatives requiring the government to take over private industry.

Know where government has taken over private industry? China.

It’s not a surprise the Green New Deal failed. Even Democrats know that if they support this nonsense, they’re going to get kicked like a jackass at election time. It’s just socialism in a different crisis—a crisis created by playing with numbers that make America look worse than it is.

There’s nothing New about that Deal. And it’s no longer Green.

Posted in Uncategorized

They Can’t Think Differently

The Gormogons Posted on March 14, 2019 by GorTMarch 14, 2019

 

Just as a reminder to our readers and anyone new to the site, GorT is an eight-foot tall, time-traveling robot. By virtue of that ability, GorT sees things coming years ahead of time. Case in point: the growing grumbling by many, mostly on the liberal side of the political spectrum, is that the large tech firms (Google, Amazon, Facebook), need to be “split up” for monopolistic reasons. However, those advocating this don’t understand the big picture. A monopoly is an organization using its power to charge higher prices and earn greater profits. There are cases to be made that these companies aren’t acting monopolistically:

  • Amazon’s fiver year net profit margin is 1.3% – Microsoft’s is 18.9%, eBay is 21.4%, and WalMart is 2.7% Amazon is hardly running up its profits.
  • Amazon adjusts its prices frequently – cutting those to match or beat competitors and raising them when it can to see what the market will bear.
  • Amazon’s Web Services business repeatedly cuts prices – many times as they improve the service and add capabilities – can you say the same of Verizon? Comcast?

 

As I stated almost six years ago – these companies care about the data. The services they offer they could (and sometimes do) give them away for free. Tesla hasn’t yet, but the telemetry data from their cars – which gets uploaded at each charging session – is incredibly valuable. I could see a future where their cars are really cheap for this reason. Sen. Warren and others calling for these break ups don’t get that. They see a company that “controls” eCommerce or one that “controls” social media or one that “controls” internet searching. But that’s wrong. These companies are using their avenue to get access to data that we, as consumers and users, are giving them for free. We willingly post information to Facebook or Twitter. We buy products via Amazon because it’s efficient in both cost and timing. We “google” things because it’s easy and quick.

Imagine the information that is at the tips fo these companies’ fingers – even if you anonymize the source away from a specific person to a generic demographic: what are popular subjects/information (Google/Facebook), what products are people buying by demographic (Amazon), etc.

Breaking up these companies isn’t the solution as it only would impair or destroy the advantages that these technologies give us. The real challenge is understanding how to work and govern in a data driven economy. As Jeremiah Smith wrote in a HackerNoon article last year:

The issue with data is that creating an open marketplace for it presents a unique set of challenges as it is an intangible non-rival asset unlike virtually all things which are commercially traded today.

This is the time for innovative thinkers in business and government to start addressing the “data economy”. Maybe we can price our data and when a company like Facebook or Amazon uses it, we get a royalty-like payment. Let these companies continue to innovate, but let’s understand what we’re giving them in return for what they’re providing. I frequently complain that my Verizon bill for FiOS and cell service keeps rising, but I’d argue that I’m not get proportional increases in services capability. My phone is still chock full of apps I don’t want that Verizon has a deal with those companies to load and present to me. But Amazon’s Web Service cuts their prices as they become more efficient and gain more customers. Is that really a bad thing?

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The Czar Reviews Captain Marvel

The Gormogons Posted on March 10, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyMarch 10, 2019

Whoops. Somebody left the de-aging software render on Sam Jackson going all night. This required a lot of CTRL+Z commands.

Another Marvel movie opening weekend, and another tsunami of movie critics complaining that audiences continue to suffer from superhero movie fatigue, while of course Captain Marvel is set to hit about a half-billion dollars in less than 72 hours. The Czar reassures movie fans that the future looks more like Avengers 8 than it does Oceans 8.

Anyway, on to the review of Captain Marvel.

Does this movie run on Diesel or E85?

This movie does not run on fuel. You may bring a gallon of whatever you wish into the theater.

Is this movie good for dogs and cats?

Yes, clearly. But cats will enjoy it vastly more than dogs.

Is the de-aging effects used on Samuel L. Jackson good enough to use on my wife?

At this point, they’re good enough to use on Kirk Douglas.

Is it true that Brie Larson is wooden and uninteresting in her performance?

Wow, this one is difficult to answer. This movie is a bunch of plot twists and crazy reveals, and the stiff performance by Brie Larson is a deliberate one. To explain why would reveal a bit of a twist that the movie makes pretty clear. The bored delivery is used a lot in the trailers, but is not indicative of the whole performance.

Czar, I can’t figure this out. One one hand, people are saying this movie is a fascist ad for the United States Air Force, and others are saying it’s a SJW’s dream of feminist empowerment. Make up my mind!

As the Czar has said a few times, be very careful about criticism of Marvel Studios movies. They’re the top dog in profitability, and have been for years. They clearly will be for many more. And as the Czar has also said, these movies are generally right-of-center.

The movie is a fun, entertaining romp very much as good as the first Captain America film (not the best of the Marvel movies, but worth seeing. No, there is no social justice whomping over the head; yes, the USAF was heavily involved in the technical details of some dog fights, and yes, the Air Force did not allow women to fly combat missions in 1995. But most of the comments about this movie being a leftist fantasy were fake, generated by those on the Left. Remember when conservative folks blasted Thor because non-whites were used as Asgardians? Guess who wrote those? Lefties. And when white people reported they were frightened away from seeing Black Panther? Yep—hoaxes, generated from those on the Left, again.

Same thing here. Yeah, she’s a woman. And yeah, she beats up guys. There’s even a clever use of a certain song by No Doubt; but that isn’t to hit you over the head but be a sly wink at taking people for granted.

In fact, nearly all the criticism the Czar has heard about this movie is unfounded once you see it. Once again, it’s folks on the Left hoping that the folks on the Right—who are spending about a half-billion buck this weekend to see it—will stay home to tank the right-of-center franchise for good.

Because here it is: the Marvel Studios movies are about the only thing the Left is having a very difficult time controlling.

And the thing about that is that Disney and Marvel Studios both aren’t really making these hard-right movies. They’re simply making them for the broadest* possible appeal, which means fun and entertaining, and not enough SJW lecturing.

Isn’t Captain Marvel also Shazam, which is coming out?

Sorry, even Dr. J. should know** that Marvel Comics owns the rights to the name Captain Marvel, and when DC Comics got the licenses to the Fawcett Comics characters in 1972, they were forced to change that character’s name to Shazam forever. Which mean that in reprinting original Shazam comics from the early days, they were forced to retcon the name. So, no, there is definitely no overlap or coincidence between the two characters. Just a long story about licensing.

* Shut up, Puter.
** But apparently doesn’t.

Posted in Uncategorized

The Weird World of Bernie Sanders

The Gormogons Posted on February 26, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyFebruary 26, 2019

Senator Bernie Sanders gave a town hall rally to wildly enthusiastic supporters last night, allegedly moderated by the curiously incurious Wolf Blitzer on CNN. The Czar notes Wolf’s utter lack of interest in follow-up questions, taking Sanders’ word for everything.

Case in point: a young woman in attendance stated that she was a little reluctant to support Sanders, given the latter’s inability to respond in a meaningful way to accusations that one or more members of his campaign abused women. Sanders said he wasn’t particularly interested in the situation at the time, but has learned quite a bit since then and now takes matters like this seriously. Delighted applause by his sycophants in the seats, and complete disinterest by Blitzer in asking what the living goshdamned hell that non-answer meant. In fact, Blitzer moved on to another questioner, rather than posing the obvious counterpoint: when candidate Donald Trump described some of his actions as locker-room-talk, from which he has developed greater sensitivity, the media laughed for months and still brings up his non-answer. Sanders and Trump used different words, but the brush-off was identical.

What a weird world Sanders inhabits. In fact, his delusional fantasies are so encompassing that you’re perfectly welcome to contribute more to it. Don’t want to pay for college? Let the millionaires and billionaires pay for it. Want the federal government to cover the cost of day care for your toddlers? Let the millionaires and billionaires pay for it. Not sure whether you could survive socialized medicine? Guess who should pay for that! Go on, guess.

Right you are. Really, whatever you don’t want to do anymore, let someone else pay for it. This is a switch from the usual zero-sum economic understanding that most socialists have. Most of them assume that there’s a finite amount of economy in the world, and the rich get richer by taking more of it, and the poor get poorer because there’s less and less for them. Not to Sanders: there’s an infinite supply of money—septillions of it, maybe—and we just need to pry it out of the Milburn Pennybagses who live across America.

And it’s not just money. Sanders’ observations on America assume you believe the following:

  • Russia actively hacked the 2016 election to defeat Hillary Clinton.*
  • Scandanavia has free healthcare that is top-notch.
  • College is a fundamental human right, not an option.
  • College is free in Scandavia, too. Anything you want, no cost.
  • Donald Trump is rounding up homosexuals.
  • Donald Trump has set back women’s equality over one-hundred years.
  • All immigrants are being collected and thrown over the border…by Donald Trump.
  • Donald Trump is openly racist. You can tell, because he just is.
  • Science agrees that in order to combat climate change, we need a total takeover over the world economy by progressives. Science, incidentally, is silent on whether nuclear power works or whether babies feel pain until a day or two after they’re born.
  • We need a takeover of the healthcare system by the government, and yes, you can keep your doctor. What, something happened in 2009?
  • We need to reduce fossil fuels and significantly increase wind and solar farming. Wait, something else happened during 2009? Why is no one saying anything?
  • Donald Trump has wrecked the US economy, and nearly everyone is out of work and miserable.

As a moderate person of typical thinking ability listens to Senator Sanders, he or she is certain to wonder “Where is he getting all this?” Sanders seems utterly unaware, in his sputtering rage, that none of these claims seems to hold water, or in fact have been implemented to an astonishing lack of success. Maybe we didn’t try hard enough, he would propose in a typically socialist way.

He seems to have no understanding of foreign affairs, has probably never talked to anyone from the magical country of Scandavia, is unaware of the Obama presidency’s dismal experiments in identical progressivism, and seems to be absolutely obsessed with Donald Trump as the most evil thing in creation. And this went on and on… with him repeating himself over and over.

But that’s Bernie Sanders the candidate. Bernard Sanders, the person, is much different: he’s a cold-hearted schemer who enjoys living a stunningly luxurious life and moving money around in questionable deals. His ethics, to say the least, are so questionable that many on his staff are in serious trouble. Indeed, as of today (and since last night), most of his advisers have bolted from his campaign.

Senator Sanders is a profoundly unserious person living in a world that doesn’t quite sync up to experience. He’ll probably advance quite far in 2020.

* The irony here is that someone did get hacked: the Democratic National Committee, with the result being the discovery that it was Hillary Clinton who rigged the primaries so that Sanders would lose. Sanders, if he really believes Russia was behind it, ought to send a thank you.

Posted in Uncategorized

Abuse of the Mail and Abuse of a Male

The Gormogons Posted on February 20, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyFebruary 20, 2019

Tearing open the mail bag, we find:

Dread Sovereigns, et cetera:

Query from the local field office:

Do the two Nigerian guys get counted as “violence by immigrants”, or “doing jobs Americans won’t do”, or both…?

Yours with dread terror, etc.
Guruzilla.

Neither: they are American citizens.

There are two investigations going right now regarding Mr. Smollet: the Chicago one, which is going into a grand jury in preparation for a criminal charge against him, and a federal investigation regarding his use of self-threatening letters. We have no update, at present, on the federal one. This is either because (a) the FBI is waiting to see what Chicago does, or more probably (b) since there was no real threat here, they’ll probably just drop it as a waste of time, and not refer it for federal charges.

We’ll see.

Posted in Uncategorized

The Hoax Template

The Gormogons Posted on February 17, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyFebruary 17, 2019

In 2009, a census worker was found lynched to a tree in Kentucky, the word “FED” scrawled on his chest. All signs, gloated the media, pointed to right-wing (i.e., racist) perpetrators. The Czar immediately knew it was a hoax, and reported it as such, months before the media dutifully concealed the determination that the whole event was an elaborate suicide intended to fool his insurance company.

The Czar has successfully identified a huge number of these “racial hoax” stories over the years, ranging from food servers denied tips or payment or customers denied service because of their race, orientation, or both. Indeed, the Czar’s success at doing so is matched by the media’s inability to detect them every single time, even though the truth is not terribly difficult, because they follow a pattern.

You know, the Czar will go one further: he will predict that you, the reader, can already see these leg-pullers coming a mile away just as easily. What astonishes us is that the media cannot. Or, more likely, will not.

The Czar doesn’t blame the journalists for checking into the story as if any of these were true. When a Texas waiter posted a receipt on social media that claimed “we don’t tip terrorist,” the right thing to do is go check it out. Yes, a dose of skepticism is likely, but it could be true. Someone could do such a thing, and it would be a passing curiosity if someone did. The Czar does blame the editors, who suddenly assign this to any combination of conservatives, Republicans, right-wing/libertarians, males, whites, and people over 30. The media play judge, jury, and executioner all in one story.

As the Czar ate dinner with his family on January 29th, local news mentioned “a story” about an attack on the actor Jussie Smollett in the Streeterville neighborhood of Chicago in the early morning hours, apparently by two white males wearing MAGA hats, who beat and kicked him, informed him this was MAGA country, called him a homophobic and racial slur, referenced his television show, poured a bleaching chemical on him, and then draped a noose around his neck. All this happened days after he received a death threat in the mail, also containing homophobic and racial words. The news crew here in Chicago seemed to have some difficulty reading the story off the teleprompter, not because it was upsetting but because the wording was so incoherent: they seemed to have difficulty parsing all of these details out in a conversational way.

The Czar immediately knew the story was a hoax, and said so on Twitter moments later.

Let’s reveal how we did it.

The Czar wasn’t alone, based on what we saw on Twitter that night. A lot of you noticed the following elements:

  • Two guys in the Streeterville neighborhood were wearing MAGA hats. Streeterville is an upscale neighborhood, with not a ton of distractions at 2:00am on a sub-freezing night. People there are home asleep at that hour, wondering how they can pay their outrageous property taxes.
  • There were no witnesses. Actually, that’s quite possible in that area at that time—indeed, the Chicago Police Department knew witnesses would be scarce.
  • He continued to wear the rope around his neck, even 45 minutes later when the police arrived to question him. Who does that? Why keep it?

All good points, but none of these were the clues the Czar used. Here were ours:

  • Jussie Smollett is a nobody. In fact, nearly everyone who heard the story—including you—quietly said “who?” when the actor’s name was announced. Yet, here he is, bundled up in Chicago’s brutal cold snap at two in the morning, out of makeup and costume, and two white guys in Streeterville knew who he was? In fact, their words were “Aren’t you that f———t Empire n———r?” That seems to be awfully specific knowledge about a person you just met.
  • The more spectacular the hoax, the better coverage it gets. If it’s attention you want, you go big. And for that, for this lie to work, you want a spectacular detail to catch the eye. But that’s often the clue! The bit of excitement added to the story is usually the tip off that the story is a hoax. How did the perpetrators know?
    • Like the waiter in Texas: we don’t tip terrorist. Somehow his guests identified that that Khalil, who resembles a light-skinned back, was a terrorist. The name was on the receipt, and was circled by the guests: but didn’t he identify himself at the start of the meal? Why circle the name on the receipt, as if he didn’t know his own name? Anyway, the answer is the same: the guests somehow knew Khalil wasn’t as African-American as he looked, and thought they should point that out by circling his name on the receipt. The answer: they wouldn’t have known or cared.
    • Or like the census worker, about whom the Czar immediately thought when researching the details of the Smollett story later that day. How did his attacker—who so clearly wanted to kill a fed—identify his victim as a census worker under direct employment of the United States government? And, just in case there was any doubt, the killer took the time to write “FED” on the man’s chest. The answer: he didn’t happen to chance upon the perfect victim.
    • And then there’s Smollett. No two guys, freezing and shivering in Chicago’s skin-burning polar vortex, see a guy scurrying in a coat and gloves across the street and say to each other: “Hey, isn’t that that openly gay black C-list actor from that show we don’t watch?” No, the only person on that street who knew Jussie Smollett was a gay, black actor from Empire was Jussie Smollett.
  • Then there’s the death threat letter he received days before that, incredibly, also referenced that he was gay and black in the same word order that his attackers did. Either the same guys wrote the letter, while not realizing he would be in Chicago later that week, or the coincidence is too perfect.
  • For the fight to have gone down the way it did, it presupposes that some form of the following conversation happened that evening in Streeterville: “Hey, Gary. I’m tired of all these gay, black actors walking around the neighborhood. Let’s go out a couple hours after midnight into -30° weather and see if we can find any to beat up.” “Great idea, Chad. Let’s pre-tie a noose to drape around his neck while he’s struggling with us. And while you’re wrestling a terrified, 180-pound male in good physical shape to the ground, I will casually pour this gallon of bleach on him while avoiding getting any on you. But it’s important that we make the attack sound spontaneous: we have to work together on this, as most physical fights start and end within 20 seconds.” Smollett has neither seen nor experienced real fights, because these elements were too far-fetched to have happened in any plausible sequence.
  • The MAGA stuff. That’s the ear-catching detail he wanted so badly that he added it to a follow-up police report (his original report had them wearing ski masks). But forget about whether Chicago is MAGA country, or whether the guys would wear those hats in the arctic blast, or whatever. Just pause a moment. Doesn’t this sound like a scene in a straight-to-cable movie? You want to emphasize the guy is attacked by racists who hate gay people. So rather than just have the guys run up and punch and kick him, the director insists they wear MAGA hats and make reference to MAGA country…you know, just in case there are people in the audience who just don’t get the scene. Smollett isn’t describing an attack the way they go down in the real world: he’s describing how a fight scene occurs in a television show.

It’s these colorful details that revealed to us the farcical nature of the event. Bad con men, pathological liars, and hoaxsters know that details matter in making a story believable. They experts, though, know they have to be plausible, even unquestionable. Smollett came up with a hoax that fit the template of so many others: the details reveal elements only the victim would know or care about.

By way of contrast, the Czar would like to suggest the following as a story that would have been vastly more believable. In fact, had Smollett been telling the truth, the story would have gone like this:

Reports are coming in that Empire actor Jussie Smollet was brutally assaulted in Chicago’s Streeterville neighborhood, and is recovering in the hospital. Arriving late Monday night from New York, Smollett was in Chicago to shoot scenes for his television series. When the actor was returning from a sandwich shop near the apartment the cast were residing, one or more individuals attacked the actor, injuring him and requiring treatment.

“I don’t know what happened,” Smollett told investigators. “Someone came up from behind and punched me really hard in the head. I went down, instantly, and then I felt someone kick me in the ribs…I don’t know how many times because I blacked out. I woke up in an ambulance. Thank God someone found me and called 911, because I could have frozen to death out there in minutes.” The actor has a concussion and bruised ribs, and should be released in a day or two. Police have ruled out robbery as a motive, and are continuing to look for witnesses or video to identify the attackers.

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In Which Krugman Self-Pwns

The Gormogons Posted on February 8, 2019 by 'PuterFebruary 8, 2019

It’s a sad day for America’s Left when one of their revered Nobel laureate in economics and reliably supportive pundits gets pwned by a n00b congresswoman with a 10 year old’s understanding of economics and ex-girlfriend crazy eyes. It’s even worse for America.

Few things amuse ‘Puter more than a star in the liberal super-smart punditsphere exploding in a supernova of stupidity and self-owning. Few liberal super-smart pundits do so more regularly* than the NYT’s own Paul Krugman.**

Krugman opines in today’s NYT that Republicans are scaremongering, claiming Democrats are peddling socialism. Krugman warms up with some light Reagan bashing, *** then moves on to some vigorous straw man constructing and burning. You see, Republicans believe socialism is either (1) “economic liberalism” or (2) Soviet-style central planning, or Venezuela style nationalization of industry.”

With a segue as smooth and effortless as ‘Puter’s colonic output after all you can eat Kraut and Courvoisier night at the Leaping Peacock, Krugman informs us today’s Democrats aren’t peddling socialism, no far from it.**** Krugman valiantly moves in for the kill, ready to ignite the marauding army of strawmen he’s constructed. Gleefully, he sets the straw horde alight, righteously informing us “there is essentially nobody in American political life who advocates such things [either (1) or (2) above – ‘Puter]”

Poor Paul. Poor, poor pitiful Paul.***** So smug in his perceived victory. So not ready to get bitch-slapped back to reality by hard Left darlings of Democrats Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-Crazy Town, NYC) and Sen. Ed Markey (D(u)- M(b)ass.) and their totally paid and totally free Green New Deal.

Perhaps Krugman is unaware that all the major Democrat presidential candidates have signed on to the lunacy that is the Green New Deal, not to mention a substantial number of House and Senate Democrats. That’s got to count for at least a few politicians, right Mr. Krugman? Or maybe Mr. Krugman defines “essentially nobody” and “pretty much every single major player in the Democrat party today.” When one deals with a person so devoid of a foothold in reality, it’s tough to say.

To be fair to Mr. Krugman, it’s not as if the Green New Deal advocates “Soviet-style central planning, or Venezuela style nationalization of industry.” Except it does exactly that. Don’t believe ‘Puter, believe the Green New Deal’s principal sponsor, The Notorious(ly crazy ex-girlfriend) AOC and her Green New Deal FAQs. Here’s a few of the totally not central planning or industry nationalization provisions Democrats proudly espouse:

1. “[M]obilize every aspect of American society at a scale not seen since World War 2 to achieve net-zero greenhouse gas emissions.”

It’s not like government pretty much ran a command and control economy during WW2 or anything, dictating wages, preventing worker strikes, interning Americans of Japanese descent. Man, the good old days when FDR coopted American industry and ran it as his personal fiefdom.

2. “It’s unclear if we will be able to decommission every nuclear plant within 10 years….”

Oh. ‘Puter sees. Totally not central planning or industry nationalization to use government power to destroy an entire industry, one that produces reliable power day and night, in favor or building unreliable wind turbines and solar farms. Genius.

3. “The Federal Reserve can extend credit to power these projects and investments and new public banks can be created to extend credit.”

Yes. Good. Government printing fiat currency and giving it to politically favored industries to the detriment of existing industry is in no way central planning. So shut up, proles.

4. “Even if every billionaire and company came together and were willing to pour all the resources at their disposal into this investment [crappy Green New Deal – ‘Puter], the aggregate value of the investment they could make would not be sufficient.”

Permit ‘Puter to translate for you, America. “Our totally free Green New Deal is gonna cost an assload of money, more than we can steal from the one-percenters, so you idiots in the middle class and you stupid Delta working poor who nobody wants to be around because you’re icky are going to have the snot taxed out of you to fund this pie-in-the-sky scheme that will enrich we brilliant Democrat elites and our cronies while you all suffer in squalor as always. And thanks for your votes, subhuman morons!” This doesn’t sound like something socialists would do at all, disdaining their voters and bankrupting a once wealth nation. *cough* Venezuela *cough*

5. “Upgrade or replace every building in US for state-of-the-art energy efficiency.”

Government mandating you either do exactly with your house as it wishes or tear it down is totally not at all fascist, socialist, or communist. There is no history of making the personal political in socialism. ‘Puter cannot recall socialism ever devolving into government policing personal behavior within one’s home.

6. Ensure “universal access to healthy food.” “Provide job training and education to all.” “Ensure that all GND jobs are union jobs….” “Guarantee a job with family-sustaining wages.” “Provide high-quality health care, housing, economic security, and clean air, clean water, healthy food, and nature to all.”

‘Puter’s just a simple Upstate lawyer who’s not very bright, but he thought the Green New Deal was about stopping global warming, not about welfare. ‘Puter’s sure this must be a mistake. Big government loving Democrat politicians would never put in pork, constituency favors, and massive welfare state increases within a bill to destroy legal industry in favor of nonexistent technologies.

7. “[B]uild [electric vehicle] charging stations everywhere, build out high-speed rail at a scale where air travel stops becoming necessary, create affordable public transit available to all, with a goal to replace every combustion-engine vehicle.”

So, install infrastructure Americans don’t want, blow tons more government money on a technology proven not to work in America (see, e.g., California’s massive, money-sucking boondoggle), destroy an industry that’s linked the country together and enabled less well-to-do Americans to travel extensively, and confiscate America’s cars while outlawing production of new models. This is totally not socialist. Even if it were, government coopting industries and redirecting investment to politically favored outcomes worked in Venezuela, so no worries!

8. “Massive federal investments … to organizations and businesses participating in the green new deal….”

Nothing says “not socialist” like cronyism in service of pipe dreams and unproven technology paid for with other people’s money. And crushing politically disfavored businesses and their investors never happened in the Soviet Union. So STFU, haters.

Wow. ‘Puter’s overwhelmed with the sheer genius of Democrats’ totally-not-socialist-at-all-because-nobody-in-politics-today-believes-in-socialism Green New Deal. The ability of Democrats to create a massive government program costing trillions of dollars with no negative externalities or costs to anyone is genius! Why didn’t ‘Puter think of political program spontaneous generation years ago? Anything is possible when everything is free and there’s no cost to anyone!

‘Puter almost feels bad for Mr. Krugman, having his smug writings immediately and irrefutably disproven by his hard Left Democrat allies.

Almost.

* With the possible exception of E.J. Dionne

** Did you know Paul Krugman is a Nobel laureate in economics? Just wait a few minutes. He’ll tell you. He’s worse with the credential dropping than a Harvard alum.

*** You remember Reagan, right? He’s the totally stupid president who followed the sainted Jimmeh Carter. All that Reagan moron did was unleash America’s economy, shrug off America’s Carter-induced malaise, and together with Thatcher and St. John Paul II crush Soviet communism once and for all. So naturally Krugman hates him.

**** They’re just looking for some pie in the sky summit. Paul used Dems, Dems used Paul and neither one cared. They were getting their share of working on their Prog moves.

***** Even Linda Ronstadt isn’t amused by Paul Krugman’s shenanigans. 

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The Covington Rorschach

The Gormogons Posted on January 23, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyJanuary 23, 2019

You already know the story, so there’s no point rehashing it.

But what a perfect psychological study.

If you’re a member of the media, the idea of MAGA-hat-wearing teenagers mocking a lovable, old Native American man so totally fits the template, the story practically writes itself like some perverse Mad Lib:

“________ (insert name of conservative individual(s) here) and Trump supporter(s), displayed [ ] racist behavior [ ] sexist behavior [ ] homophobic and/or transphobic behavior [check all that apply] against _________ (insert name of victim(s) here) while video recorded the entire incident.”

Indeed, the story so perfectly filled out those blanks and checked the boxes that it took mere seconds to write and publish. Indeed, it took less time to publish and spread the story than it took to watch the video.

The Washington Post, doing its best to destroy democracy in the half-light of liberalism, ran the story without a single fact check, it appears. And the New York Times, our nation’s paper of record, simply cited WaPo as its source and did no research on or of its own. Nice job.

CNN, to their credit, published a follow-up story that acknowledged there was a whole lot more to the video, and that unedited video from other sources showed a totally different scenario playing out. Of course, just when CNN did the honorable thing, one of its employees recommended punching one of the boys in the face. So that sort of doesn’t work.

At the same time, liberal progressives all over America delighted in the original and fabricated story, deciding that an awkwardly confused high school student watching an old man chanting inches from his face was clearly smirking, and thinking no doubt of drinking beer and raping someone…because that’s what Catholics totally do, amirite? Like that Brett Covington guy on the Supreme Court.

And how dare the country ridicule the old Tribal Elder as a fraud and noted mischief-making lunatic? Don’t they know we need to protect and look after these noble savages and their ways, so different from us, but worth jamming into reservations so that we can take care of their every need?

And these stupid white kids with their money and sense of entitlement. They had no business being there except to cause trouble. Gosh, they and their hoi polloi parents make any decent progressive sick with their smirks, beer-drinking, and expensive clothing.

Because nothing says “liberal” like a total intolerance for anything that doesn’t conform to the GroupThink, and nothing says “progressive” like anti-Catholicism, noble savage fallacies, and a hatred for anyone who makes even a bit more money than you, right out of 1885.

The media and the liberals did two different but related things: they projected their fantasies onto the situation, ignoring the evidence, and revealing what they really think.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We’ve seen the pro-Trump faction and the conservatives in our nation (not always overlapping camps, to be sure) squirm with Schadenfreude only the way the Right can. And that’s not necessarily great, either. The media screwed themselves on this story so perfectly that the only thing they can do is make the story about themselves, which they already are to the relief of the boys and their families who will no longer be threatened with violence. But the rest of us seem to be going after the Tribal Elder with a little too much glee. He’s a problem, but he’s not the problem.

Sorry, but what the Right needs to do here is organize and offer free legal counsel to the Covington Catholic families and sue the crap out of the CNN celebrities, Hollywood commentators, and even, yes, the clergy who attacked them and promoted harm.

And let’s be honest: as long as the rest of us continue to use Twitter instead of boycotting the hell out of it, there will be no punishment by Twitter.

We will learn nothing from this, because no matter what side you support, we really don’t want to learn. We just want to nail the other side again just as badly as they want to nail us.

Posted in Uncategorized

Except Death and Taxes…and Democrat Posturing

The Gormogons Posted on January 7, 2019 by GorTJanuary 7, 2019

Much is being made of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s (D-NY) statements that the United States should implement a 70% upper tax bracket for “the rich” across the media and the intranet. Paul Krugman, resident bad opinion writer for the NYT, jumped into it with an Opinion section piece yesterday. Let’s first examine her statement on the issue:

…you look at our tax rates back in the ’60s and when you have a progressive tax rate system. Your tax rate, you know, let’s say, from zero to $75,000 may be ten percent or 15 percent, et cetera. But once you get to, like, the tippy tops—  on your 10 millionth dollar— sometimes you see tax rates as high as 60 or 70 percent. That doesn’t mean all $10 million are taxed at an extremely high rate, but it means that as you climb up this ladder you should be contributing more

Krugman tries to reinforce it with this graph and he draws an implied correlation between the lower tax rates and a lower growth rate in GDP per capita:

Figure 1

Initially, this chart (Figure 1) threw me for a loop as I was trying to compare “GDP per capita” to the axis on the right where you see what has to be percentage points. Upon re-reading Krugman’s terrible opinion, I picked up on the “growth in” part of his description of the chart. To be clear, Krugman is comparing a point-in-time federal tax policy (the top marginal tax rate for a particular year) with the change over time measure of an economic indicator (growth in GDP per capita) that can be influenced by many things, but largely by the U.S. population. Maybe it’s me but does anyone else find it odd that he’s comparing two very different things by measurement method and impact factors?

To lay all the cards on the table (unlike Krugman who is attempting some Opinion-piece sleight of hand), Figure 2 is the chart on the U.S. population growth over roughly the same time period. The vertical axis is in millions. The chart clearly shows a pretty steady growth, particularly from the end of WW2 to present with maybe a small dip around 1990.

Figure 2

And Figure 3 is a chart on the GDP per capita over the same period. Again, pretty steady growth with a few dips when we hit some economic troubles (i.e. 2008 housing market crash).

Figure 3

For those that don’t see the conclusion, when you have a growing population (the denominator in the GDP per capita measure), you need to grow GDP in order to have the GDP per capita growth as shown in the chart. To experience a “growth in GDP per capita” you not only need to grow GDP as your population growth, but it needs to be ever increasing growth. For example, in the early 1980s when, according to Krugman’s chart, we were experiencing a ~2% growth in GDP per capita, that equates to $600 per capita but in 2015, a 2% growth would be $1,000 per capita. So while you worked hard in the 80s, adding an additional $600 to $750 to the economy per year, you now have to work harder so you can add $1,000 to $1,500 each year to the economy for the same amount of growth. And that’s only a 2% growth in GDP per capita rate.

But this is just a false argument by Krugman. It’s fodder for the non-critical thinkers out there who won’t question his numbers or charts because he is a Nobel Laureate. He is nothing more than a huckster of poor opinions. Let me offer another correlation – one that Krugman and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez won’t offer. Figure 4 is the total federal spending over the same period. Not only is it increasing but it is doing so at an almost exponential rate. Try correlating this chart with Figure 1’s growth in GDP per capita: as the federal spending rate grows, the growth in GDP per capita shrinks. This highlights a key point – Krugman argues that “[t]he optimal tax rate on people with very high incomes is the rate that raises the maximum possible revenue” but we should be asking why do we need to raise the maximum possible revenue? Shouldn’t we be raising the minimally needed revenue for the federal government to function? Hasn’t history taught us that our federal government is fraught with waste and abuse of taxpayer funds? Is it a good idea, therefore, to give the federal government the MOST amount of revenue we can? What kind of idiotic logic is this?

Figure 4

If this is the “thought leadership” that the old guard (Krugman) defends while the new guard (Ocasio-Cortez) preaches, I’m worried. Worried for those that buy into it and worried for the future of this country. The debt matters. The GOP and democrats have long ignored that. An in order to solve this, the government doesn’t need more revenue – it needs to be put on a diet. Functions that are not under the purview of the federal government should be dissolved to the states and the 10th Amendment should be considered fully in any new federal government program.

And no, the “general welfare clause” isn’t a good enough defense. It has been abused well beyond how Hamilton abused it.

The only reason this is getting any attention is that the only thing certain in this world are death, taxes, and a Democrat posturing.

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Eliminate the TSA? That’s Old News!

The Gormogons Posted on January 5, 2019 by The Czar of MuscovyJanuary 5, 2019

Today’s whatever comes from Operative B, who raises an index finger and says…

Your Maj,

The partial shutdown has revealed a giant secret: the TSA is mostly unnecessary and unneeded.

From the San Francisco Airport web page: “Covenant Aviation Security, a private company under contract with the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), provides passenger and baggage screening at SFO.”

SF uses a private company to perform security screening. They operate independently, but according to DHS rules.

Maybe it’s time to return airport security to the people most capable of doing it: the local airports themselves. And maybe the airlines should take more responsibility for passenger screening.

We keep hearing about TSA “screeners” and how they either fail to do their jobs or use “random checks” to verify whether that is a colostomy bag or a liquid explosive (really!), or doing a full body search on an infant traveling to Orlando with family (really!). Those are the least of the offenses. And because those TSA “inspectors” are government employees, they can neither be sued nor disciplined for their offenses.

Putting security in the hands of private companies would force more sensible security handling. Why? The private employees would be held to a “don’t screw up because we’ll fire you” standard.

And the private security company will have the freedom to experiment with more advanced and efficient screening measures such as “passenger profiling”, something the government can’t do because a federal judge will (and has in the past) prevent it.

Lastly, it would mean a reduction in the federal workforce accompanied by a reduction in expenditures at DHS. That’s a win-win in anyone’s book.

Operative B

Well, actually, he wrote, and didn’t say it, but here’s the deal.

This is hardly a giant secret. In fact, nearly all of the horror stories about the shutdown largely affect government employees, rather than the hard-working private sector that goes on about its day doing useful things for people.

And the TSA? The Czar beat you to this argument a long time ago. In November of 2010, the Czar advocated turning security over to the airlines themselves as a competitive advantage.

And some of your wrote in with more ideas and some questions about that.

However, GorT dissented with the Czar, and raised some objections that, you will note, did not involve keeping the TSA, either—GorT recommends outsourcing where possible to base standard procedures.

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Movie Review: They Shall Not Grow Old

The Gormogons Posted on December 27, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyDecember 27, 2018

The Czar was able to take the boys to today’s showing of the new Peter Jackson movie They Shall Not Grow Old, which is a remarkable new documentary utterly devoid of giant gorillas, orcs, and aliens, and turn his superbly talented visual effects team on a real subject: World War I.

The movie apparently took something like four years to pull together, and there’s never been anything quite like it. The movie begins with blurry, sputtering, gray on white footage of England, 1914, cobbled together from hand-cranked archive footage depicting the world a day before Sarajevo. The war begins, and actual World War I veterans—recorded decades ago—recall how fun the idea of a war could be. Bored by the industrial age and its fixed, repetitive work, the idea of plinking a few Germans from the safety of France seemed like such a ripping, jolly adventure. The small images slowly swell to fill the theater screen, sharpening slightly in resolution, as we follow them through laughably inadequate infantry training and the growing sense of national pride the British were developing. A cryptic order to prepare for traveling across the channel is welcome news to the lads, some as young as 14 or 15, growing tired of the discipline and polish.

The first boot touches the ground in France, and suddenly the theater screen sharpens into high definition color. An incredible achievement, as Jackson’s team render original archive footage from the grainy, jostling, hand-cranked silence of the day into 4K sharpness and stereo. Although the original films were silent, his team meticulously and carefully add foley sounds to the scenes, going to the trouble—we learn after the credits in a must-watch 30 minute behind-the-scenes fully-engaging lecture—to have lip readers work out what the infantrymen were saying, and matching up their uniform insignia to ensure they capture the exact accent of the region of origin. No kidding.

Special effects and additions are kept to a surprising minimum, as Jackson lets the men tell their stories without any interruption. The viewer is escorted to the trenches, to a typical day in battle, through rotations from the front line and back, and culminating in Armistice, when the documentary fades to gray and white again, and the picture shrinks to original size.

The effect is impossible to describe without experiencing it, so the Czar suggests you catch a small taste of it, here:

Anyone with a passing knowledge of the history will learn nothing new in this documentary. There are no actors, no heart-pounding orchestrations, no sudden reveals. The star of the picture, unquestionably, is the use of computers to fully realize the original footage. Nearly all the footage is new, having been ignored for the last century: in some cases, the original film was practically ruined and impossible to fathom what was even captured upon it; however, Jackson’s team used the same tools that brought hobbits and space prawns to life, and in so doing rescued something like one hundred hours of footage, from murky-black splotches and over-exposed fuzziness to sharp, ultra-high definition. Colors were carefully matched to actual scenery, uniforms, and equipment; if you’re unimpressed by computer colorization of old movies, you will be swiftly rewarded by the efforts of people guiding each frame—some scenes are so realistic, it’s hard to believe that they weren’t filmed in a studio a year earlier.

The resulting documentary is stripped of propaganda; as a result, the British survivors are allowed to express their pride in their country, their own bravery, and how valiantly they fought under conditions impossible to imagine. The German soldiers are presented to us as loyal and brave, equally and completely confused by the politics surrounding their cause, and deserving of a warrior’s respect. No one’s actions are condemned, judged, or exaggerated: there is no revisionism here, and Jackson—himself an avid World War I buff—lets the men and the footage present themselves to you for your own verdict.

The movie was played in severely restricted release—only on two days in a handful of theaters. Our theater was packed, and unfortunately the actual screen chosen by management was inadequate for the movie: the seats were too close, and this led to some obvious software artifacts from the digital projector. If you missed it, and you probably did, let us soon hope that this soon comes to Netflix or Amazon Prime, where you can watch it in the highest possible resolution on your television.

You should also be very aware that this movie is uncensored: there is graphic violence, with real men and horses being torn to shreds before your eyes. Watching computer-generated men and horses slay each other in Return of the King is one thing; this is the real thing, and viewers should be prepared.

The movie is never dull. While most documentaries focus on the many angles, aspects, and interpretations, here you spend your time between the artillery and infantry. You will find no pop culture dissertations on minority contributions, the effect on the women, how the war changed naval culture, or any of the many extra chapters professors like to cram into their books and videos. This movie sticks to a small point of focus, and like a Gestalt, you appreciate the whole war through the examination of this one small part.

The Czar’s boys were more-than-familiar enough with the story of World War I; all the history you need to know is presented for you by the many narrators, given that most of them had no clue what the causes were or what the situation would involve. The Царевич brought along his best friend, however, who knew very little of the history of the War. The Czar asked him, upon exiting the theater, what he now understood, and the young man felt the movie was a powerful expression for how huge and important World War I was. As Jackson states in his post-script lecture, he wanted to make a non-historical film for non-historians, and let the audience experience it as the fighters did; based on this, he succeeded admirably.

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How to Build a Sand Castle You’d Actually Want to Live In

The Gormogons Posted on December 17, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyDecember 17, 2018

Anybody can pack wet sand into a bucket, turn it over, pat the bucket bottom, and lift up to leave a truncated cylinder of sand and call that a sand castle. That’s precisely what the Czar did for this post, just to get a photo here to make the Twitter feed more eye-catchy. But you don’t want to be that guy, do you? No, you want to make an epic sand castle.

Sand castles require only three ingredients: water, sand, and tools. Without water, your sand collapses into a grainy pile. Without sand, all you have is a little bit of water. And tools, ranging from a small cup to a full-on 500 horsepower fully articulating hydraulic excavator, make building that sand castle awesomely dope. Beyond those things, you don’t need much.

The first step in building a sand castle is finding a good location. You’re probably thinking a beach, which makes sense but isn’t always a good idea. Sure, beaches have killer views and scanty-panty women playing volleyball and silky-smooth tropical drinks and surfer songs, but most beaches aren’t big enough for the truly rad sand castle. You need something big, so don’t overlook open pastures, shopping mall parking lots, or the Ellipse. Bottom line, if you can get sand to it, you can build a sand castle on it.

Remember to pick your location wisely. Pick one close to good schools, shopping, and access to at least two interstate highways, so you can get going easily even in really bad weather. Avoid areas with a high crime rate, deep water oceans, or places inhabited by creatures that eat sand, as you’ll soon be disappointed with the maintenance and upkeep.

Establish a good foundation before building your walls. This is really good advice, because everyone knows this on its face value, but are at a loss to know how to really do it. Like when boxing coaches tell you that the secret to solid punching is good footwork, but never seem to be able to tell you what that means. You’re just supposed to know it, apparently. Or worst case, figure it out by trial and happenstance. If your sand castle collapses due to bad foundation planning, you’ll know you need to adjust whatever you did to make it better.

Once the foundations are in, plan out your walls. Remember that windows are great to let in natural light and air, and you want multiple ways out in the event of a sand fire. But big rooms are all the rage, and a sense of interconnectedness is excellent for the first floor, so that the kitchen, living room, and family rooms are all on the same eye plane and within sight of each other. That’s a big plus for large parties, and guests will congregate to these areas.

Whoops, yes, we said it: first floor. Because you also need to think about how many floors you want. And describe them. With sentence fragments. A second floor is great for bedrooms, but don’t limit yourself to this. If you’re into sand castles with towers, these can get pretty high, with a lot of stairs, and become great places for observatories, libraries, and craft rooms. It’s all up to you how high you want to make it, limited only by your imagination, the strength of your foundation, and the under-500-foot limit imposed by the FAA for terrestrial structures within the United States. Higher than that, and you gotta put red flashers on it, which detract from that authentic sand appearance.

Don’t forget storage. You’d be amazed how often people forget closets, storage rooms, pantry space, a butler’s pantry, mud room, changing room, walk-in dressing rooms, dry good storage, a deep freezer, a humidor, an exercise room, and other places to just dump stuff you’re too embarrassed to throw away. Also, be sure to stack bathrooms vertically, because it saves a lot on piping and plumbing costs.

Anyway, you’re all set. Remember to bring in furniture, or it will be like living in a box of sand. Like a sand box, if you can imagine such a thing.

One note on stairs: if you need stairs, consider folks with disabilities. Ramps eat up a lot of space (and sand), but they take a lot less time to put in compared to stairs. Elevators are a common consideration, but most elevators made entirely out of damp sand collapse after a couple of weeks and become useless. Worse if you’re in it when it collapses. If you’ve ever been killed in an elevator that dissolved a couple hundred feet up, you’ll know what we’re talking about.

So now you have your phat sand castle! All you need is a bitchin’ party to help celebrate its grand opening! If you’re doing that, avoid letting drunk guests urinate on the floors, as this tends to eat away the floor and pretty soon you’re all plunging down an abyss of urine to the lowest level. And that’s not a good way to say “Welcome.”

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Two Racisms

The Gormogons Posted on December 6, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyDecember 6, 2018

This tweet caught the Czar’s tired, crusty eye (the other eye’s fine, though):

Sorry guys, you don’t get to shit yourselves every time a white person voices an ethnic Disney character and then say Warren’s lie is no big deal. You made this bed. No one else. Have a nice sleep!

— Stephen Miller (@redsteeze) December 6, 2018


Of course, Mr. Miller is referring to the casual dismissal of Senator Warren’s failure to prove with any remote margin of error that she does, in fact, have any Native American ancestry. In other words, how dare ye liberals giveth Senator Warren a pass after all the noise ye maketh on pop culture doing far less! How can one be racist and offensive (when meaning to be benign), while the other is not (and done for personal gain)?

For the typical liberal, there is no hypocrisy here. In fact, these are two totally separate arguments entirely.

To understand this statement, conservatives should understand there are two very different basic concepts of racism. Applying this difference explains the common shrug by the Left.

A conservative, by his or her very nature, tends to judge people by actions. What a person does is more important than who he is. Good people are those who do good things; bad people do bad things. The irony is that, by this definition, the only people who are racist are, in fact, racists. If you do racist things, you are probably a racist.

Therefore, this logic suggest most people are not racists, except of course for those who do racist things. And anyone who does racist things can be a racist: skinheads, Nazis, Klan members, democrats, whites, blacks, republicans, adults, kids, and so on. Following this, people who don’t do racist things aren’t racist. It’s that easy.

And this is why conservatives look at Senator Warren and roll their eyes; what she did was racist: needing to get ahead in her academic and professional career, she lied about her race, assuming that (in her world) the Native American is superior to her bread-and-butter whiteness. She used race to get ahead of otherwise equal competition. Just as racism can be a negative (a person of color is denied residence in an apartment because the landlord doesn’t like blacks), racism can also be a positive (lying about one’s race to gain advantage).

A black person, for example, who lies about his race (“I’m white”) to get a job in a white dominated field is guilty of racism because his assumption is not that all races are equal, but that whites are superior—at least, as far as that job is concerned. Rachel Dolezal famously lied about her race (“I’m black”) to advance herself professionally. It’s not negative, exactly, except it hurts people from getting jobs they could otherwise get due to reasons of race.

To a conservative, this is all racism. And what Senator Warren did was no different: by claiming she was Native American, she might readily have prevented a legitimate Native American from getting that job, had any others applied.

Conservatives reading this will doubtless conclude this is all obvious, and such a primer on the abuse of race is unnecessary.

Dig a bit deeper, though, and you can find many conservatives who would agree with the counterpoint: when a white actor is cast to voice a non-white role in media, that can indeed deny an equally good actor who matches the background of the role. Shouldn’t a black actor voice a black character in a cartoon? Many conservatives will actually agree with this. But there is a logical breaking point: does a monster need to voice Sully in Monsters, Inc.? Does an orc need to play an orc in Lord of the Rings?

Of course not. There is a pretty straightforward test of this: if the ethnicity of the actor doesn’t matter to the integrity of the role, then the casting doesn’t matter. So no big deal that Harvey Fierstein voiced a Chinese character in Mulan, since the character is animated and speaks no Chinese. Mickey Rooney’s performance in Breakfast at Tiffany’s is the perfect counter-example: a Chinese waiter with a Japanese name played to a series of negative and utterly inaccurate stereotypes revealing that all Asians are nitwits and basically indistinguishable to reasonable people. That violates the integrity of the role, and is wrong. It’s a simple test, really, and quite reliable although our readers can probably challenge the Czar with some clever what-abouts.

And Halloween costumes are a simpler matter. If the costume is offensive, it’s wrong. If the costume is respectful, it’s allowable. A white lad dressing up as Black Panther is not just cool, it’s also a compliment to the universal appeal of the character. A white kid dressing as one of the natives from the original King Kong movie will almost certainly make people—including whites—uncomfortable today.

Again, for conservatives, this seems pretty easy and straightforward: is the underlying action or intent of the person good or bad? If good, it doesn’t matter who does it. If bad, well, it also doesn’t matter: it’s bad.

For a large swath of liberals, though, this isn’t how racism works.

At some point, which the Czar believes became obvious in the mid-1960s, the definition of racism changed from an action and intent to a power structure. Power went from the top down to the bottom, meaning that the people at the top were in power, and the people below were not. White men, for example, were in power in the mid-1960s and therefore they were the racists.

Because power doesn’t flow up, blacks could not be racist because they were perceived to be on the bottom. A white man hating a black man was racist, of course, but a black man hating a white man could not be racist: it was understandable. A Hispanic person could not be racist, either, for precisely the same reason: power flows only one way, and Hispanics were not at the top.

You may have heard this argument articulated (the Czar noticed in 1988 that this was already a formalized argument) before, and it leads to some curious ideas.

  • A white person, who does not discriminate or judge people based on skin color or culture, and who would never act negatively against others or positively on behalf of his own race, is still a racist because he is white. It’s not that it’s ingrained, subconscious, or subliminal: it’s inherent, based on his skin color.
  • Can a Hispanic male be racist against a black male? Conservatives would insist on this as a real possibility, equally if the black male was racist against the Hispanic male. But the liberal argument does not exactly address this as a meaningful question because neither is white. If the Hispanic male is largely white or identifies so—say, like George Zimmerman—then yes, he is inescapably racist.
  • The previous argument has led to some revisions. What about a white woman? She’s racist because she’s white: but she isn’t a male, so maybe she’s less racist. This has led to Intersectionality, in which she’s sort of racist, but she’s given a little slack because she’s female.

This sound like a confusing mess, but there’s a lot to it, and plenty of folks are able to articulate a lot of the obvious objections away. But look at how it explains things.

Is Senator Warren a racist? Conservatives say yes, because she used race as a means to discriminate against other possible applicants. Liberals say no, because she’s not a white male. What she did was unfortunate, but hey—it’s a white-male system, and you do what you gotta.

Is a white boy dressing as Black Panther racist? Conservatives say no, because the kid thinks the character is awesome-looking and is paying a compliment to the (white) creators of the role. Liberals say yes, because the kid is white and therefore appropriating.

So is a black kid dressed as Captain America racist? Conservatives say no, because the kid obviously thinks the character is neat and is paying his respects accordingly. Liberals agree it isn’t racism, but that’s because the kid is outside the power structure and isn’t appropriating anything.

A white guy is hired to play the part of an Egyptian pharaoh. Conservatives figure this could be stupid unless he looks Egyptian enough (whatever that means, since ancient Egyptians were fairly diverse), and maybe work well if he does a great job. Liberals find this racist, because he’s another white actor denying a role to an actor of color. Which may be true, depending on who was competing for the role. If the pharaoh turns out to be a bad guy, then it’s okay he’s white. If they hire an Asian to play a martial artist, by the way, here come the eye rolls that another white casting director sees all Asians as the same.

A black actor plays Alexander Hamilton on stage. Racist? To the dismay of liberals, conservatives don’t care because they’re looking at whether the actor is playing the part as accurately as he feels it should be played. In fact, lots of conservatives come to see the play and pay a ton of money for it, and applaud loudly. And to liberals? Well, it’s racist only in that conservatives didn’t get cheesed off by the racial switch.

The last one is interesting, because a lot of readers are probably sitting up and taking note. Wait, wasn’t there a hue and cry from white racists when non-white actors were playing Asgardians in Thor? Wasn’t there some sort of outrage when a black actor was cast as a storm trooper in the seventh Star Wars movie? Interestingly, it was the same Stephen Miller—from the tweet at the top of this piece—who proved these racist attacks were generated from inside the movie industry in order to generate attention. Like the crowds of angry black teens barring white folks from seeing Black Panther who, it turned out, never actually existed at all, these are people aware of the racial power structure argument trying to game the system, only to discover conservatives don’t follow that structure.

In the end, it may be another 50 years before this rickety framework collapses, largely to be replaced by something equally senseless. Or, like Marxism, it could plague us for another 150 years, sprouting up hydralike in situation after situation. The point is that it’s difficult for a conservative to argue that a position is hypocritical when the default assumption of the position’s holder is rooted in a hierarchical nest of exceptions.

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Turning Predators into Protectors

The Gormogons Posted on December 6, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyDecember 6, 2018

A ten-year-old girl with a backpack shuffles along the right side of the road, including a theatrical stomp-limp that parents know all too well as an angry walk. The video shows Dad attentively following her at a slow pace in a vehicle.

The story is that an Ohio dad was angered by his daughter’s second three-day suspension from the school bus, but what set him off was her casually delivered demand that he simply drive her to school for the duration, and then pick her up. As the video reveals, the dad had a different idea: he made her walk to and from school each day for the suspension, an alleged five miles each way.

In the video, the dad acknowledges this will divide America—and it has. Probably, most parents generally agree that she needed some lesson learning here, but felt that maybe five miles each way was too much.

That same dad clarifies that he isn’t punishing her for assuming she could simply get a lift twice a day, but is demonstrating what it’s like to be humiliated: he’s very deliberate in citing the bullying as the offense, not the assumption that he’d cover for her.

The Czar isn’t sure where to find fault with this. The dad is totally right that she was wrong to bully, and that her assumption that this was a stupid inconvenience for her warranted additional penalties. Despite the obligatory and masturbatory journalism that conditions were “near freezing,” (they were only 36° and she was properly attired for an Ohio native), the dad is there at a close distance to block traffic, keep an eye on her safety, and be instantly on the scene if the hike proves physically impossible.

Trust the Czar: a 10-year-old can hike five miles in an hour and a half, with a backpack. And, with a school day of rest, walk the same distance back, especially in weather under 75°. The Czar has hiked a ridiculous number of miles with his Scouts, and knows what kids this age can do.

So the Czar was right at the tipping point: this is all plausible punishment, but is it a little dramatic? Is it a little over the top? Maybe a tad too strict?

But then the Czar wondered what her victim thought of the bullying.

What the victim thinks of the punishment is immaterial to the question: what did the victim think during the bullying?

Because here it is: the kid she bullied wasn’t a ten-year-old boy or girl of equal capabilities to the bully. That isn’t how bullying works. Instead, the victim was probably a smaller, younger child who was humiliated by this girl, made to cry, and warrant enough sympathy to make a grade-school school bus driver finally get fed up and issue the suspension. It must have been pretty bad.

The Czar wagers that if offered the victim a choice: walk to school five miles and back for three days, or sit on the bus for 30 minutes and be bullied by this girl, the victim might pick the three days of walking just to escape the torment.

That’s merely the egalitarian argument. The true measure of justice in this dad’s action was the walk itself and the posting of the video. The bully was humiliated by the punishment, and all of America can see it. Certainly all the kids on the bus have heard of it by now, and that’s the revenge. The bully now appreciates what it’s like to be humiliated in front of everybody by someone stronger, older, bigger, and more powerful than herself. Not just once, but day after day.

So the Czar is taking the dad’s side on this one.

Without revealing too much here, the Czar has consistently applied this measure with his own boys. They are not bullies, because they learned early: if you use your size, age, and strength to humiliate another kid, the Czar would immediately pounce and humiliate them in front of the victim so they can experience how embarrassing that is. Measure for measure: if the offense was an insult, the Czar delivered a worse one. If the bullying was physical, the Czar put the boy on the ground fast. Needless to say to some of you, this cured both our boys of any inclination to bully at a young age, after about two episodes each.

The older boy, in fact, has been lauded by a couple of his teachers over the years for standing up for younger and smaller kids, interceding when bullies are at work. “He’s frustrated by cruelty,” was a memorable phrase one of his teachers said when an incident got physical; the Czar’s boy was given a pass by disciplinarians for intimidating a bully in the midst of the latter’s work. The Czar doesn’t want to oversell this; it wasn’t a major event, but it showed he understood the severity of bullying.

Odds are great the girl in this story will likely switch to become a sheepdog as well.

Posted in Uncategorized

Quit Lying About the Border, Liberals

The Gormogons Posted on November 27, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyNovember 27, 2018

It’s past time for liberals to admit they never believed their bullshit about border security.

In the last few years, liberals have finally come clean about God (no place for Him in their platform), abortion (killing babies isn’t just allowable, it’s increasingly desirable for some reason), and the Second Amendment (it needs to be repealed).

Based on the responses we’re seeing about the chaos at our southern border, it’s time for liberals to admit they were lying about immigration reform and border security. The obvious truth is that they don’t want any of it—what they want are completely unprotected, unrestricted open borders.

When a huge group of unknown people began to march toward the United States, eventual destination and intentions not clear, the Left adoringly nicknamed them The Caravan, as if they were happy Silk Road traders bringing fur and exotic spices from far-away Araby. Almost immediately, the government—independently of anything President Trump said later—identified this as a major security risk.

Nonsense, also sprach the Left, and it’s racist to consider they would be a violent group intent on crashing through, bringing criminal elements with them or using children as human shields.

Reporters investigated the group, and found that members were either moms looking for jobs (and not asylum seekers as claimed), or found that something like 500 of them were criminals or gang members. The former stories were reported; the latter stories were expunged from the news within moments.

Well, as you know, hundreds of them have turned violent. And it’s racist to resist them. That’s right: the old race canard has appeared in its classical form—damned if you do, damned if you don’t. You were racist to plan for trouble; now that there’s trouble, you’re racist to protect yourself from it.

In other words, race has nothing to do with it.

But this also means a few other things:

  • The Left no longer believes that borders are necessary to defend.
  • They can no longer be believed on any immigration policy.
  • They have no interest in citizenship process reform.
  • They have no position on security from criminals or terrorists any longer.
  • They have given up any pretense of believe in national defense.

Each of these things follow, and while our readership has long suspected this list to be true, it’s time for liberals to admit that, yeah, they have no interest in protecting the United States from external threats, especially when internal threats like Twitter accounts and veterans are juicier, and have surrendered themselves accordingly.

So admit it already.

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Favorite Holiday Recipes

The Gormogons Posted on November 19, 2018 by GorTNovember 19, 2018

Based on recent tweets, some of our Twitter followers are interested in some more Gormogon recipes. These are more specific than the ubiquitous green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, etc. Although, I’m sure my fellow Gormogons have their own opinions on those.

I’ll start with a request:

Caramelized Pearl Onions

3 containers/bags of white pearl onions
2 Tbl sugar
2 Tbl margarine or butter
1/2 tsp fresh thyme leaves
Salt & Pepper to taste – definitely use some salt, though
  1. In large bowl, place pearl onions and cover with hot water (not boiling); set aside 5 minutes to soften onion skins. Peel onions, leaving a little of root end attached to help onions hold their shape.
  2. In nonstick large skillet, combine onions, sugar, margarine, salt, pepper, thyme (if using), and 1/2 cup water. Cover and cook over medium-high heat 10 to 15 minutes or until most of liquid evaporates and onions are very tender. Uncover and cook 5 to 10 minutes longer or until onions turn dark brown, stirring frequently – Keep your eye on them. Spoon onions into serving bowl

 

Spinach Madeline

2 10oz packages frozen chopped spinach
4 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons flour
2 tablespoons chopped onion
1/2 cup evaporated milk
1/2 cup vegetable liquor (the liquid reserved from cooking the spinach)
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon celery salt
1 teaspoon garlic salt
Salt to taste
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
6 oz jalapeño jack cheese, cubed
Ground Red pepper to taste
(optional: ground white pepper to add spice)

  1. Cook spinach according to directions on package. Drain and reserve liquor.
  2. Melt butter in saucepan over low heat. Add flour, stirring until blended and smooth, but not brown. Add onion, and cook until soft but not brown.
  3. Add milk slowly, stirring constantly to avoid lumps. Cook until smooth and thick; continue stirring. Add seasonings and cheese, which has been cut into small pieces. Stir until melted. If thick, add reserved liquid
  4. Combine with cooked spinach. This may be served immediately or put into a casserole and topped with buttered breadcrumbs. The flavor is improved if the latter is done and kept in the refrigerator overnight. This may also be frozen.
Posted in Uncategorized

Going Down On the Amazon

The Gormogons Posted on November 16, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyNovember 16, 2018

As you know, your hometown lost the benefits of having Amazon open its second headquarters there. This is also true even if you live in Crystal City, Virginia, or the New York City area where they elected to land.

As you also know, cities basically prostituted themselves to get Amazon to move in there, offering an incredible amount of benefits and concessions, including significant tax breaks. That part annoys the Czar, because it basically admits that the Democrats, who run these cities, know that high corporate taxes disincentivize a business from succeeding. Right? Notice that the first thing municipalities do when trying to lure in a business is lower corporate taxes: which means that raising them, as Democrats increasingly want to do, repels businesses from opening. You can ask yourselves why that is.

But Amazon was a perfect and entertaining lesson in how seriously screwed up our cities are. When Amazon announced, casually, that they were thinking of opening up a second headquarters and bring, maybe, something like 6 billion jobs to the hosting community, cities ranging from Atlanta to freaking Gary, Indiana, saw this as the salvation to their upside-down balance sheets and morals. City after city tore off its clothes, laid down on its back, and flung wide its thighs for Amazon. No taxes at all! Free real estate! Whatever you want! Just please, please, please, please, please open your building here. Take everything! Put a baby in me!

To say the cities prostituted themselves for Amazon is putting it charitably: the cities were basically free samples outside the brothel door.

Had any of these greedy jackasses who run the cities bothered to read the terms of the deal, they might not be surprised to learn that Amazon has much smarter attorneys by far. Amazon reaps the financial benefits promised by New York and Washington even though they are delivering half of the goods to each. That’s right: neither city has a penalty clause changing the benefits if Amazon were to, you know, short-change the deal.

A smart attorney, say one working for Amazon, might have said “Hey, reading through this, what happens if Amazon doesn’t deliver all the jobs and revenue it promised? Can we change the benefits and paybacks?” Not a single one.

So Amazon gets to divide and conquer—through no sneakiness or manipulation or Mephistophelean machinations at all—getting the benefits of both cities while delivering only half to each. Amazon isn’t to blame for this: Crystal City and New York City and their respective greediness does.

You hear a lot of kvetching from the Left about how capitalist greed hurts ordinary people: well, the capitalists in this scenario were the cities, who acted exactly like Depression-era speculators who got hosed by a clever financier. “We thought we were cheating him,” spake the swindlers, as they discover themselves broke and penniless. Crystal City and New York, meet Doyle Lonnegan and Lt. William Snyder. You have much to discuss.

Speaking of Leftists, there’s our favorite congressional dimwit, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who shames, shames, shames these cities for giving Amazon basically $2.6 billion away that could have gone in better directions. She’s right when you put it like that, but the Czar suspects she really wants Amazon taxes 99% of its revenues to buy her better directions, like a huge home and fancy car. Ocasio-Cortez might be right in blasting the cities for being stupid, but her preferences are vastly dumber. Don’t fall for it.

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It’s Not a Popularity Contest

The Gormogons Posted on November 9, 2018 by GorTNovember 9, 2018

GorT has pretty much had it with the talk about the democrats “winning the popular vote for the Senate and House.” There is NO SUCH THING.

This view propagates a fallacy about how our country was founded and operates. This fallacy is dangerous and preys upon uneducated or ill-informed voters for what purpose? Demonizing the winning candidates? Hang-wringing and self-flagellation over the lack of power one’s party doesn’t get through an election?

GorT has many issues with the American education system*, one of which being that it isn’t something the federal government should be involved with to start (if you disagree, try defending it without using the “promote the general welfare” clause**). Having said that, since the federal government is involved, GorT would be wholly in favor of having a national requirement to graduate 8th grade (or get a GED, etc.) to include a basic civics class and a personal economics class. We should not allow our children to be uneducated in how our country operates or how to manage your personal finances.

So now we have politicians, news magazines, and pundits clamoring over the democrats “winning the popular vote” for the Senate…or the House of Representatives…or the Presidency. But rarely are they publicly challenged as to why this should matter. The answer is quite simple: it doesn’t. And if those that do believe it think it should, we have a course of action available: change the Constitution. Period. That’s how this country works.

Many people jab at those who reference the Constitution with barbs about it being written 231 years ago that the founders could never foresee the world in which we live. I’ll agree that they weren’t time-travelers*** or soothsayers, but I think there is a brilliance in the system of government that was architected.

The United States is a federal republic and not a democracy. For those that read this and are aghast, I’ll pause for you to go Google it or check Wikipedia. In fact, I made that a link, go click thru. Done? Ok. But over the years, starting as far back as the early 1800s with Madison, Monroe, and Hamilton, the federal government’s powers began expanding and the 10th Amendment began to lose its stature. But some brilliance still remains. I think it is clear, both in our founding documents, and in historical accounts of the founders, that they eschewed having governmental power concentrated in a single person (i.e. a king) or a small body of representatives. Therefore, the United States ended up with the three branches of government with limited and distinct powers and associated checks and balances. Powers that have blurred recently through the feckless ceding of power by some or overreaching by others****. We also ended up with the Senate and the House of Representatives for our legislative body. The Senate was constructed to represent the States. And herein lies one bone of contention driving the recent talk about popular votes and a piece of brilliance from the founders. The Senate ensures that no one state, or group of states with high population centers, could advance their issues, concerns, and desires above states with lesser populations. State populations can be driven be many factors and these should not be factors in the relative importance that state is with regards to others – factors like local economy, geology, weather, climate, history, etc. The House of Representatives was created to represent the people and the number of representatives in each state is dictated by the population. The Electoral College blends the two by affording each state a number of electoral votes equal to the total of its representatives across the Senate and House.

If the United States returned to having the belief that the federal government is limited to those powers enumerated in the Constitution and any added through amendments and gave the 10th amendment is due consideration, I think the general public would understand this better and realize that these “popular vote” arguments are nonsensical. Furthermore, I think the country would be in a better place. Those in federal government would have less impact and control in our daily lives – just think about restricting your federal-level representatives being restricted to the Constitutionally mandated powers. Recall the days after the 2016 election and those people so distraught that they needed time off from school or work. This would require our local elected leaders – those who live and work in our communities to step up and likely undertake more issues and efforts.  And yes, you might find yourself in a state that has policies or practices with which you don’t agree but there is multiple avenues of recourse: you could work to change them, run for elected office to affect said change, or relocate to a state that is more aligned with your beliefs.

I believe there is a reason why that is better than what we have. We hear the reason in a variety of ways: “locally grown” or “locally sourced” or the concept of subsidiarity in Catholicism. Subsidiarity is the idea that a central authority should perform only those tasks which cannot be performed effectively at a more immediate or local level.

I don’t know if we can ever get there but I do believe this country would be in a much better place.

* the order in which we teach science (should be Physics, Chemistry, Biology…not alphabetically like many high schools do); the migration away from diagramming sentences so that one understands how they are constructed and how to decompose them to understand them and craft them for oneself; the lack of teaching students that there are different modes of reading (for instruction, for comprehension, for enjoyment) and how to do each; a general lack of emphasis on critical reading skills – understanding what the author is saying, understanding sources, and dissecting arguments, etc. etc.

** The “General Welfare Clause” and Article I Section 8 (which also uses the term “general welfare” has been abused for 200+ years by our elected representatives and it should have been stopped long ago. It should have been constrained to the powers enumerated in the Constitution and any that are subsequently added by amendment. I could fully support federal transportation and commerce practices, but they really should have been amended to the Constitution and ratified by the States. 

*** they weren’t time-travelers, but I am…just read my bio on this site

**** Judicial branch legislating (i.e. determining PP-ACA fee is a “tax”, etc.) or the lack of Congress’ action on immigration leaving the door open for Presidential actions, etc.

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To Our Winners And Eventual Losers

The Gormogons Posted on November 7, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyNovember 10, 2018

If you were elected to national office yesterday, please skip down to your specific section. Thanks.

Republicans

Congratulations on your win in the Senate and, to a lesser extent, your wins in the House. As you try to figure out what to do next, bear in mind you were sent two messages yesterday, and not one.

The first is that you are on notice. Have you been able to spot any patterns yesterday among the candidates who lost in the House? Take a moment. Well, the media have it wrong. House Republicans didn’t lose yesterday: they were fired. And no, they weren’t fired for backing Trump or not backing him. They were fired because their voters think they putzed around for two years in Congress.

You had a heavy majority and, for once, some mandates. You were supposed to remove and replace Obamacare. But it was too hard, and lots of people were starting to get familiar with it, and messing with it could possibly cost you an election. In fact, you were elected to do hard work, and you definitely lost an election because you didn’t want to do hard work. You were supposed to do immigration reform, but didn’t. You were supposed to cut the size of government, but instead increased it. A lot. You were supposed to reduce regulations, but barely got started. So you were fired.

Know how you can tell? Because you lost the House. That’s the easiest thing to correct, and the voters seemed to have figured that out. Consider it a two-year probation, because that’s how long you have to fix it.

Sure, you did cut some regulations, and you did indeed slash taxes and get the economy moving. That’s why you lost only a couple dozen seats and not a bunch. Voters still think Republicans can fix things—just that not all of you seemed to want to. And those guys have been fired.

Look at the Czar’s own Representative. He’s been in office for years, in a district comfortably Republican for almost half a freaking century. Last night, it flipped to Democrat and can you now guess why? Because our rep did practically nothing. He wasn’t aggressive, he didn’t really fight, and he just assumed he’d be re-elected for giving us a couple of newsletters and a voice mail reassurance every year that he was still alive. The Czar assumes his heavily Republican neighbors decided he needed to go, and elected a putz who will easily be dumped in two years—provided someone more aggressive appears and is willing to do what he or she is told.

The second reason you lost the House is your ridiculous appeal. More specifically, your lack of it: it’s not enough to run yound candidates, black candidates, women candidates, Asian candidates, or young, black Asian women candidates. That’s just copying what Democrats do, and you have no experience with identity politics. Instead, you need to run exclamation points instead of semi-colons. A lot of new faces appears in Republican victory speeches last night: colorful, interesting, and compelling individuals with intelligence and personality. And some of the losers were pretty terrifying to Democrats: check out John James in Michigan. He went from no chance to very nearly putting Senator Stabenow out of work. Not because he’s black, but because he knows how to connect with voters. The Republicans have lots of these people out there, but they’re not getting enough attention. No, not from the Establishment! From the media!

The Republicans not only held the Senate, they gained even more seats. And that’s because, during the Kavanaugh hearings, Americans got to see Senators get pissed off and motivated. Suddenly, weathered old fossils like Senator Grassley became a youthful mastermind. Senator Hatch went from being a doddering fogey to a quick-witted, sharp-tongued whip. And Senator Graham! He went from being a pasty milquetoast to a social media sensation with the kids. That’s what voters want: a sense that these people are actually willing to throw on some armor and get good with a sword.

So, Republicans, you were given two years to clean out the deadwood and get yourself some interesting folks who get this. Look to the Senate: you’ve got all the templates you need.

Democrats

Congratulations on your win in the House and, to a lesser extent, your wins in the Senate. While you seem to be very confident that your first steps are to rebuild society into a national socialist paradise, maybe you need to sit down for this. Your victory in the House was fairly thin, compared to Republican victories in recent elections. You have less than a thirty-seat advantage, which is just enough to do nothing. You can high-five and selfie yourselves getting ready for impeachments and investigations, but you have no hope of pulling any of that off because you do not have the Senate on your side.

It’s quite clear to many of us that the average Democrat has a shallow understanding of how the Constitution works and why it’s set up the way it is. Here’s a hint: it’s to stop power-mad groups from getting over their skis. Like you. You aren’t going to change the world with a twenty-odd majority.

In fact, you should probably ask yourselves if you are superheros or just interim replacements. Your newly appointed roles in the House may be nothing more than temporary help until the permanent hires arrive. You could of course make a strong enough impression that you keep those jobs. But to figure out how to do that, you better look to see why the people your replaced got let go. Not because they were Republicans, but because they were weak. They were culled from the herd. You might want to be a little more strong.

Of course, you won’t listen. Democrats stopped listening to the American people in the mid-1960s. You’re sure that the reason you won the House is because Americans must want higher taxes, higher unemployment, to see your friends and family receive millions in questionable funds, and get you some tail in a hotel. But maybe you should look to what happened in the Senate: a lot of famous Democrats are now going to be stay-at-home grandparents come 2019, simply because they thought being in Congress was a big television reality show, and that they could act like jackasses in front of us.

The Democrats won the House—only by the permission of the Republican voters. Think about that for once.

Posted in Uncategorized

False Flag Operations

The Gormogons Posted on November 4, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyNovember 4, 2018

As the Czar discusses the Neil Armstrong biopic First Man, this will be less of a movie review and more of a jeremiad about social media.

By now, you’ve heard, through Facebook and Twitter, that the Ryan Gosling movie gets all of its history wrong, and is an insult to the brave Americans who finally, after much hard work, put an American flag on the moon. Specifically, the planting of the American flag on lunar soil is deliberately omitted from the picture, as are any depictions of our flag on the Saturn rocket, so as not—the Czar heard—offend the Chinese when the movie plays there.

The Czar heard from a different source—someone who actually saw the movie—that this isn’t quite true. See it, we understood, and you’ll see this is another outrage contagion by social media.

Readers on our Twitter feed will probably not recall, but the Czar avoided commentary on this topic, and last night, he and the Царица went to a local, first-run theater that had probably less than fifty adults in it, a Gen Xer with a small child, and a couple of millennials who had a very difficult time turning their phones off in a dark theater.

This movie is not over-the-top jingoistic, but it ranks in our book as a highly patriotic film. Here are your spoiler-free facts:

  • The movie does not, in fact, show the planting of the flag. More specifically, it does not show the difficulty Aldrin and Armstrong had trying to unfold the spring-loaded device, the fumbling with trying to get it into the lunar soil, and the problems getting it to stay upright—facts which are generally not known because the ground team didn’t want it to look like they were jackasses up there. The movie skips over this somewhat embarrassing event.*
  • In several shots that follow, as Armstrong stares in wonder at the “magnificent desolation” of the lunar surface, you see the flag deployed.
  • American flags are all over this film, including many close-up shots of the flag on the side of the Saturn V rocket.
  • There’s even a gigantic flag painted on the side of the assembly building that the Czar understands wasn’t there in 1969, but was applied to the side of the building in 1976.
  • There are numerous references to American ingenuity and bravery, pretty much from the get-go and all the way to the end, when the film just about wraps up with historical video of a French woman saying she knew the Americans would succeed, as soon as she heard America wanted to go to the moon—who else could do it?
  • There are also references to protests and liberal kvetching about the cost of the missions (in both dollars and lives), but these play out mostly in the background. They are present, but given scant focus.
  • As a shot to the Chinese markets, there’s a blatant scene of Communist Chinese cheering for America when Armstrong puts hits foot on lunar soil.

There are more examples of patriotism in the movie, but these are too numerous to list. Trust the Czar—this movie is very cognizant of American patriotism and bravery, and does not short-shrift it. Please, see this film.

In short, the movie is good, if not actually borderline great. The first third of the movie seems to be a continuous string of fast-moving scenes that connect 1961 to 1969, but there’s a payoff to nearly every vignette, so be patient with it. The film is perhaps the first to simulate for the audience (to varying degrees of realism, though) what a rocket launch is like inside the capsule from countdown to orbit. You don’t want to do it.

The second and final third of the movie do a great job of pacing, piling on tension and terror with the quantity of any action movie. Even though you know they succeed, of course, the viewer still gets white-knuckled and breathless wondering how they will get out of another jam. The Czar noticed the millennial couple put away their phones, and one of them pitched forward in his seat during one scene, grabbed the back of the vacant seat in front of him, and kept muttering “Wow, wow, wow…” to the Czar’s evil delight. Yes, little Hunter, space travel is that freaking hard to do. Two millennials left that theater with a new sense of how awesome that World War II generation could be.

And the film makers often use saturated and grainy film to replicate the film stock of the era, to the extent that some scenes look exactly lifted from archived footage. It’s less distracting than it sounds, and really build authenticity.

Well, not all of it was perfect. The Czar found the music a little weak and even derivative. A pair of ships docking in space in time to a waltz? Where have we heard that before? A radio in the background plays a pop song right at its opening verses? Simplistic Moog arpeggios for orbital scenes and a big brass braaaaaam when the lunar landscape appears? Even John Williams would have been less clichéd than that.

Also uneven is the film’s perspective. Most of it takes place from the perspective of either Neil or Janet Armstrong—events that happen to others elsewhere are not shown, and the Armstrongs learn of them from phone calls, papers, and television—except, when the film makers put whole scenes shown from other characters’ points of view, which is a little off-rhythm, if you’re the sort of film viewer who even notices these things.

A third criticism is audio quality. Perhaps it was the theater’s aging sound system, but a lot of this movie involves astronaut’s peculiar accents being spoken through 1960s two-way radio technology, meaning that—in perilous scenes involving spacecraft—it was very difficult to understand the dialogue.

The Czar is reminded of two three things about Hollywood marketing.

First, all the folks who detest the Marvel movies and their pro-left messaging from Disney, which in fact is never evident in any of the Marvel Studios movies. In fact, when a leftist message is issued (Avengers 3, Captain America, Black Panther, and so on), it’s always by the bad guy. Right-wing fanaticism isn’t very attractive, and it makes a lot of people look stupid when someone rags on a movie they clearly haven’t seen. A lot of movies being mass-marketed today are fairly conservative if not rather libertarian in messaging.

Second, be careful with dire warnings about ham-fisted leftist attitudes in films. When Tadanobu Asano was cast as Hogun and Idris Elba was cast as Heimdall in Thor, we heard for two weeks how racist right-wingers were protesting the choices. Likewise, when John Boyega was cast as Finn in Star Wars: The Force Awakens, we heard how racist right-wingers were upset that a black actor was playing a lead role in the movie. As you likewise heard by now, and as exposed by then-blogger Stephen Miller, these racist protests were triggered by marketing executives in Hollywood to gin up fake controversy about the movie. The Czar suspects that the “they won’t even show an American flag” complaint about First Man may indeed be bait on a hook that a lot of people swallowed. In other words, people who knew it wasn’t true put it out there to show America how stupid conservatives are. And a lot of us bit that hook.

Oh, and a quick third thing. The astronaut Ed White of Apollo I is played in First Man by Jason Clark. This poor guy can’t get out of 1969, as he also played Ted Kennedy in Chappaquidick, which you should see right away. This screed isn’t a review of Chappaquidick, either, but wow—that movie is good, and destroys any positive legacy that the second-generation Kennedy family might have remaining.

Bottom line, First Man is utterly worth seeing, even on a small screen so that you can pause to look up whether or not some of these things happened (they did!), catch astronaut names, and figure out what their very interesting stories were as well. The anti-American vibe reported on social media is utterly without merit, and actor Ryan Gosling does a perfect impression of revealing what a frustratingly mellow person Armstrong really was, and how much fun Buzz Aldrin could be, often at the wrong times. The movie is not in any way a comedy, but a roller coaster ride of how incredibly Americans are when it really matters. Rather than sneer at this pseudo-controversy, sit back and enjoy the hell out of this movie.

*Guess what? The film also skips over Aldrin setting up the camera, chatting with President Nixon, the two assembling and building the Lunar Laser Ranging Experiment (still providing useful data to this day), and setting up the solar wind experiment, which in fact they did long before they got around to wrestling with the flag. Nor does the film show them placing the plaque that promised our coming in peace for all mankind. Instead, the film focuses on Armstrong’s reaction to standing on another world for the first time in human history—which was the point of the movie.

Posted in Uncategorized

‘Puter Posts On Birthright Citizenship, His Liberal Facebook Friends’ Heads Explode

The Gormogons Posted on October 31, 2018 by 'PuterOctober 31, 2018

‘Puter attends his college reunion and tells his classmates his opinions on the issues of the day. The reaction is predictable. At least the resultant carnage was pretty, like one of them there color runs where hippies run a race and people throw colored chalk all over their lean, taut, sweaty bodies … Um, ‘Puter will be right back. 

‘Puter posted the following on Facebook this morning. ‘Puter fully expects his extremely liberal college friends’ heads to explode. ‘Puter is honestly surprised his friends haven’t disenfriendchised* him yet. Oh, well. ‘Puter hasn’t seen or spoken with most of these folks in years, so the only loss would be one of nostalgia.

Thus spake ‘Puter:

Since no one asked, I thought I’d share my thoughts on the birthright citizenship issue. As you may have heard if you were awake at all yesterday, President Trump said he has authority to remove birthright citizenship from children of illegal aliens (it’s the actual legal term for their status, hold your fire) and so-called “birth tourists.”
 
If such an order is issues, which assumes this is not a “gin up the base” election week stunt, here is what I believe most likely happens:
 
A liberal/pro-immigrant group sues to stop enforcement of the executive order in a federal district court in the 9th Circuit because the 9th Circuit is notoriously pro-liberal (and is also by far the most frequently overturned by the Supreme Court). The district court immediately issues a nationwide injunction barring the administration from enforcing its policy. The district court eventually decides against Trump, vacating the executive order and holding that children of illegal aliens are covered by the birthright citizenship conferred by the 14th Amendment.
 
The Department of Justice appeals both the injunction and the decision. The 9th Circuit affirms the district court on both the injunction and the decision. The Dept. of Justice appeals the 9th Circuit’s decision to the Supreme Court, which agrees to hear the appeal.
 
The Supreme Court’s decision does two following two things:
 
(1) It affirms the lower courts’ holdings, but only on separation of powers issues (i.e., Congress, not the executive, has to act on this matter). The Court DOES NOT rule on the underlying issue (i.e., whether the 14th Amendment *on its own* confers citizenship on children of *illegally present* persons or “birth tourists” since it’s a matter of first impression). I am unsure whether the Court leaves the matter open for Congress to act or not or whether it remands to the lower courts to make findings as to whether the 14th Amendment was intended to confer birthright citizenship on children of illegal aliens. The Court has never held it does, nor does the plain language or history of the amendment require it, despite years of assuming it does.; and
 
(2) It eliminates or severely limits the ability of federal district courts to issue nationwide injunctions. I think the Court does this because Thomas telegraphed his intent to do so in his concurrence in Trump v. Hawaii last term. Thomas wrote:
 
“I am skeptical that district courts have the authority to enter universal injunctions. These injunctions did not emerge until a century and a half after the founding. And they appear to be inconsistent with longstanding limits on equitable relief and the power of Article III courts. If their popularity continues, this Court must address their legality.”
 
So, assuming Trump is serious and actually issues an executive order, the result after years of litigation is likely executive and judicial powers get limited and there is no immediate end to birthright citizenship.
 
To me, as a conservative, this is the correct result. Congress should act (or not). Then the courts should take up the issue. But the executive does not have the power to act alone (unless I’m missing an argument that Congress delegated *all* its power on immigration to the executive). And, best of all, nationwide injunctions end, reining in an out of control judiciary effectively legislating from the bench.
 
Your mileage may vary.
‘Puter will update you on the carnage as warranted.
* Yes, ‘Puter made up this word. It’s a perfectly cromulent word. If you don’t like it, go read someone else’s screeds for free. You’ll be back. You always come back. Hey! Where are you going? COME BACK HERE AND LOVE ME!!!
Posted in Uncategorized

Media Trying Economic Scare

The Gormogons Posted on October 23, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyOctober 23, 2018

Didja hear? The stock market is in really bad shape right now. According to CNN today, it tumbled 400 points! PBS said it dived. Investor’s Business Daily disagreed, saying it plunged.

Wow, we must live in very scary times, economically speaking. Except that unemployment is down, production is up, income is up, confidence is high, and…actually, this seems to be a pretty impressive economy. Indeed, the average American is probably pretty happy with the way things are going right now.

And that means things look pretty good for Republicans heading into the midterm elections. If you were the Democrats, you’d be pretty pissed about the Trump economy, because it will indeed cost a lot of votes in November.

So much so, Democrats might want to put the kibosh on that good economic news. But in these times, where can you get bad economic news?

Well, you can go after the stock market. Americans get terrified about tumbles, dives, and plunges. And the stock market delivers! Look at this! Just this morning, it lost 400 points! Can you imagine? 400 points!

The market will close today a little over 25,000. This morning it lost 400 points, which is a fraction of a fraction of its value.

The deal is that most people under 35 have no idea what the Dow Jones Industrial Average is, but they know it’s some stock market measure. Most people over 35 know what it is, but don’t know where it is, anymore.

So most people over 35 think a 400-point loss in a matter of hours is a terrible misfortune, because most people over 35 think the Dow is probably around 10,000 or 11,000 or something. When you tell them it’s over 25,000, a good number of us think “Wow, really?”

And most people over 35 haven’t necessarily decided for whom they’re voting. So let’s be clear: these “roller coaster” rides are designed to terrify older folks who think a 400-point drop means that their retirement savings are up in smoke.

A 400-point drop, while a definite loss, is a tiny fraction of the market’s overall performance. On a macro scale, it’s nothing. By the end of the week, today’s ~125-point closing loss will be erased and forgotten. Let’s look at the NASDAQ or the S&P500 indices, and you see more interesting information when compared as a whole.

But that’s just it—the media doesn’t care about those numbers; they continually stress the Dow Jones Industrial Average—not because it’s so accurate (it’s just an index), but because it’s so easily manipulated like this. And with the midterms not looking like the promised Blue Wave, well, the media need to do something to convince swing voters that the economy isn’t so wonderful. So here come the misleading headlines.

While Barron’s jumped the gun this morning, proclaiming that “everything falls apart,” (a claim they later retracted with a more sober and relaxed analysis), you could write headlines like this:

  • Despite Talk of China Trade War, Dow Only Down 1%
  • IBM, 3M, Caterpillar Stock Selloff Barely Dings Market
  • As Predicted, Today’s Market Decline Barely Affects Powerhouse Economy

And you would write headlines like this, if Obama were president.

Posted in Uncategorized

Same Planet, Different Worlds

The Gormogons Posted on October 18, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyOctober 18, 2018

This is the sort of stuff that drives the Czar flipping crazy. So if you see serfs being flipped all over the dacha, today, you’ll understand the Czar is crazy. Today is probably a good day to steer clear of the dacha.

As you know, the Czar thinks news editors are some of the biggest finks on earth. You can take the same news story, often verbatim in some cases, and discover very different information being done just in the headlines alone.

There exists a colony of aspen trees near Fish Lake, Utah, that is noteworthy for being genetically identical to each other, as if they were a single organism cloning itself over several thousand years. This colony has been named “Pando” (easy, ‘Puter) after the region of the park it’s in. Two Utah State University professors have noticed that some fencing erected around the colony to protect it from mule deer has gaps in it, due to trees falling over now and then and crushing the fence. As a result, the mule deer come in and ruin the trees as deer often do.

The professors are disappointed because a lot of money was spent on this fencing, and now, to protect the colony, it needs to be redone in many places.

But check out this evolution of headlines, starting with “humans kill everything nice” to “well, the story’s a bit more mundane than that.” Note also the sources, if you want to see bias in action.

  • The Biggest Organism on Earth Is Dying, and It’s Our Fault—Gizmodo
  • Human Activity Is Killing One of The Largest Organisms on The Planet—ScienceAlert
  • One of the World’s Oldest and Largest Organisms Is Dying, and It’s Mostly Our Fault—Live Science
  • Pando, the world’s largest organism is dying, study suggests—USA Today
  • USU researchers find more fencing did not fully protect massive aspen colony—The Herald Journal

Of course you see the pattern. If you read the last link, you get the real story; if you don’t want to, here’s the Czar’s suggested headline: Mule Deer Damaging Exceptional Tree Colony Due to Fence Gaps.

If you’re an editor bent on progressive politics, here’s one for you: Stupid Humans Make Mistakes In Simple Fence Installation and Earth Will Burn As A Result!!!!!!!!!

Editors are mostly human, and as a result see what they want to see. But it would help to read the entire article, rather than quote-mining to find the most terrifying statement. And scientists, when speaking to the media, should think very carefully how their words will be twisted around and re-written for them.

Posted in Uncategorized

‘Puter Breaks Facebook, The Sequel

The Gormogons Posted on October 10, 2018 by 'PuterOctober 10, 2018

Oops, ‘Puter did it again. I played with lib minds. Got caught in the game. *dances with a giant boa constrictor* *gets strangled to death on stage* *crowd gives the snake a standing ovation*

Not content to take only a limited raft of crap from his liberal college friends on Facebook, ‘Puter decided to hop back into the fray today to see if he could have the entire raft of crap shoveled down his throat. He posted this:

Consider the following general proposition: If you haven’t lived in different parts of the country, it is difficult to understand the lives, beliefs, and thought processes of people who live there.
 
This, I think, helps explain much of the current rancor in politics today. It is easy to assume “those people,” people you have never met or lived amongst, are stupid hicks duped by Russian trolls, Christian churches, or Fox News. It’s easy to assume this because many of us have not lived anywhere other than in an East Coast metroplex among the elites. I have been as guilty of this as anyone else.
 
To use a word I’ve heard a lot recently, it’s “othering” to behave this way, to ascribe bad or stereotypical characteristics to individuals or populations you know little to nothing about in order to build yourself up. At least that’s my takeaway from my limited exposure to the term.
 
I was born and raised in DC, went to college in Worcester, MA, attended law school in St. Louis, MO, worked in Jefferson City, MO, and now live in Upstate, NY. I am fortunate enough to have lived in cities, suburbs, rural areas, the Midwest, the Northeast, and whatever the heck the DC area is. This experience has helped me understand how urban, suburban, rural, Midwestern, and Eastern metroplex people live and think. Is it a perfect understanding? Of course not. And I still have a tendency to “other” despite this exposure.
 
But if you’ve only ever lived in Boston, New York City, DC, San Francisco, Chicago, Los Angeles or some combination of the foregoing, you have a very narrow understanding of people who do not live in those places. The same is true with the populations reversed but to a much narrower extent. Flyover Rubes have a much better understanding of how Coastal Elites live because the metroplexes where Coastal Elites live and work drive entertainment, news, culture, arts, etc., all of which permeate America regardless of location and drive our culture. Flyover Rubes see the Coastal Elites’ culture and belief systems every day. How could they not? Coastal Elites, though, are much less exposed to the views and beliefs of the Flyover Rubes. It’s a blind spot in many Coastal Elites’ worldview.
 
What’s my point? Nothing, really. Simply noting it is very easy to ascribe bad motives to the beliefs and actions of others when you know little about them, their lives, and their beliefs. It may be certain beliefs are unfounded and worthy of derision, but you won’t know unless you’re willing to entertain the discussion.
 
And we should all remember that as fervently as we may believe a person is a bigoted dumbass, there’s a person on the other side of the aisle who thinks exactly the same thing about us, rightly or wrongly.
 
Understanding others’ priors might go a long way to short circuiting this negative feedback loop. We should try it.

‘Puter will update as abusive responses to his Facebook post arise. You shouldn’t be waiting long.

Posted in Uncategorized

‘Puter Breaks Facebook

The Gormogons Posted on October 10, 2018 by 'PuterOctober 10, 2018

‘Puter and his manservant Sleestak set off to vanquish ‘Puter’s hard Left college friends on the most dangerous battlefield of all, Facebook.

‘Puter went on Facebook yesterday. After perusing his algorithmically driven timeline for about 20 seconds, he discerned a trend among many if not all of his liberal college friends. ‘Puter learned that Trump is guilty of colluding with Russia, Brett Kavanaugh raped everyone he ever met, and anyone who disagrees with their ideas is evil and should be destroyed.

So ‘Puter, being the moron he is, thought about it, assumed his friends’ good faith, and posted the following.

I’m concerned with a trend I see lately. The trend is whenever the world doesn’t work out as Democrats wish, the Constitution is to blame.

There is no constitutional flaw in the Senate. The Senate was set up to guarantee small population states equal representation in one of the two houses of Congress. To note that “states with (let’s say) 65% of the population only have 40% of the Senators” is meaningless. It’s not a bug, it’s a feature (at least to small population states) and it’s not going to change for many reasons, not the least of which being Article V provides “no State, without its Consent, shall be deprived of its equal Suffrage in the Senate.” Even if you wanted to amend it, you couldn’t. You’d have to chuck the entire constitution.

President Trump, like it or not, is a duly elected president. He nominated a Supreme Court nominee who, like it or not, was approved by a majority of the Senate. Now, as has been noted, Democrats can try to pack the court. But FDR tried this and failed. What makes you think (1) it’d go any better today and (2) that Democrats are in a better, more popular position today to do so? And if you’re willing to try this, why not just get Congress to get rid of all lower federal courts? The only federal court required under the Constitution is the Supreme Court; every other court is a creation of statute. And some of those courts aren’t even Article III courts (e.g. administrative, bankruptcy). There is no constitutional flaw in a duly elected president nominating, and the Senate confirming, a Supreme Court justice, not even if you believe (despite the lack of any corroboration) that one sexually assaulted a woman decades ago or that one doesn’t have what you consider to be an acceptable judicial temperament.

Not everyone who disagrees with you or your favored policy outcomes is evil or bad or malicious. Many of us just disagree with you and your preferred policies, as you do with ours. The political ought not be the personal and too many of us, including me, forget this at times.

I, at times, want to yell into the Facebook void that we have already have a highly political SCOTUS justice who admits to essentially passing out at the SOTU speech one year and who attended a “Me Too” event during the most recent confirmation hearings.

I, at times, want to scream futilely into the Facebook void that The Smartest President Ever (TM) once said, “Elections have consequences.” He also said, IIRC, essentially “I have a pen and a phone, so Congress be damned.” (The last clause I might have editorialized. We each want to think our own side the virtuous side, but it’s never true. There’s precious little virtue in politics and neither side has clean hands.

The equal representation of states in the Senate is not going to change. Kavanaugh is not going to be impeached and convicted, nor is Trump regardless of how horrible he might be. I’m not saying accept that you can’t change things. You can. But you have to win elections. And if the last presidential election was any indication, a large swath of America rejects your ideas (as does a large swath reject mine).

If you sit down and think about it, do you really believe that rejecting rule of law, abandoning parts of the Constitution that you find currently inconvenient for you, and bullying your political opponents on social media (and in restaurants and other public places) does anything other than harden hearts and fix minds against you? And, based on recent experience, how do you think you’re going to like it when “the other side” turns it around on you when they take back power (and they will). I warned Democrats *at the time it happened* that they would regret going nuclear under Reid. And here we are.

Both sides would do well to take a deep breath and step back. Talk to reasonable people with whom you disagree. Try to understand where they’re coming from and why they think what they do. You want them to understand your hopes and your fears, yet you reject theirs. Remember the Golden Rule.

And let’s all try to remember each of us is a person worth of basic human dignity and respect regardless of wealth or race or creed, etc. before we open our mouths in anger over politics again.

It went about as well as you would expect. ‘Puter learned he was a dupe of Russian trolls. ‘Puter also received a brief response (three letters total) from a college friend that implied ‘Puter was doing what he accused Democrats of doing. To be fair, ‘Puter did get some supportive responses, mostly from military veterans, which one would expect.

Oh, well.

Posted in Uncategorized

Confirmation Bias

The Gormogons Posted on October 9, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyOctober 9, 2018

Hey sports fans, no doubt you’re ignoring the playoffs to continue to tweet about the Kavanaugh nomination. Ignoring for the moment he’s already behind his new desk and set up his voice mail greeting as Justice Thomas tells him where the best lunch places are around the court building. He’s already in. In fact, he’s already calculating how soon he earns a vacation day and using the office photo copier for his daughters’ school projects. That’s how employed he is.

So there’s not too much more to be said there.

Although, there is one thing that’s still bugging the Czar.

Where were our media during this fiasco?

That’s right, they were crawling all over Brett Kavanaugh, talking to his high school buddies, his college roommates, his old girl friends, looking for any hint of beer, date-rape drugs, fruit punch, thrown ice, or harsh words. Every time he bought a baseball ticket, paid his credit card bill, or went to the beach, the media knew. They were on top of this: possibly, no human in history has ever been so thoroughly investigated in such a short time. Someone in the media, for sure, could tell you when the last time he did his laundry or how much he paid for his haircut. We probably learned more about Brett Kavanaugh than we know about our neighbors.

And what did they learn about his accusers, from the fascinating Dr. Ford to the woman who said she attended multiple date-rape parties and drank the mystery punch at each one?

Nothing.

Dr. Ford said she was afraid of flying. Or did she? We don’t actually know whether she said that or her attorneys did, because when questioned, she openly stated she flew frequently. And what did she know about Senator Grassley offering to interview her at her own home or workplace at her convenience? She said she never heard about it. Why not? Well, we don’t know that, either.

Of course, we do know quite a lot about the accusers. We know Dr. Ford can’t recall how she got to the party in question or how she got home. We know the people named in her account clearly stipulated no such event seems to have happened. We know that one accuser says Kavanaugh’s fraternity hosted an obscene party a year after Kavanaugh graduated. We know another accuser unsuccessfully charged claims of sexual harassment against a former employer. We know none of them filed police reports at any time, and that no charges are forthcoming.

How do we know all of this? We learned all of it—all of it—from the Senate confirmation hearings. In fact, a whole lot more was learned about each of the accusers, as well as a lot of exculpatory information about then-Judge Kavanaugh from questions asked by the Senators.

So we learned almost nothing about the accusers from our media, but learned enough information effectively to exonerate Kavanaugh from questions asked by the Committee…who relied on nothing but transcripts of interviews.

Think about that for a second. Not a single US Senator did any independent investigation or research or probing or poking around. Instead, they relied on statements uttered in pre-hearing interviews, testimonies, and on answers during the sideshow. And just on that information alone, our Senators were able to get good answers.

The Czar is curious about that. If the Senators and staff were able to gather all this information limited only to some printed transcripts, what could the media have learned about the accusers if they spoke to friends and families of the accusers? Or went to the schools and neighborhoods where these events took place? Or checked to see if these facts added up in any way?

No, sadly, it appears the media only elected to find information that could destroy Brett Kavanaugh or prove the accusers correct. The American public only heared the other side of the story from a handful of Senators asking questions based on previously admitted testimony.

The cynical among you can admonish the Czar and point out that they were working hand-in-hand with Senators Feinstein, Harris, Booker, and Durbin all along. And of course they were. Everyone knows this. That’s not the question.

The question is whence their lack of curiosity originates. Not a single reporter at a local paper, national empire, or cable channel sat up and said, “Wow, if I check into this, I could blow this story wide open.” Yep, there would be serious consequences and possibly that journalist would face the wrath of colleagues and soon-to-be-former colleagues. But there was a time, not very long ago, that most journalists would have thought it worth the fallout. Old-school journalists would have relished the idea of having an exclusive.

Most journalists, you see, are attention whores. The sooner they can make a story about themselves, the better. So yes, it would have taken any decently schooled journalist a matter of hours to destroy the accusers’ stories about Brett Kavanaugh, and then about three days to deal with the revelation and effects of the discoveries. Then, for three weeks, the news would focus on the awful, terrible journalist who ruined the lives of these women. Has journalism gone too far? Where does a reporter’s responsibility end when dealing the victims? Who is this journalist anyway? And that’s the allure: get them all talking about you.

Weirdly, this didn’t happen this time. No one seemed interested in stealing the limelight. Maybe journalists are getting tired of the noise and are just going through the motions to get it over with. Maybe: but the Czar could still see the gleam of excitement whenever another accuser stepped forward.

Or maybe it’s because they really thought this one was in the bag: that Kavanaugh was totally guilty because he had to be: he was an upper-middle-class white guy in his 50s, who went to a prep school, was in a fraternity, and attended a fancy law school. If there’s anyone more guilty than that, the media would like to know it. Boy, would they.

Sadly, the Czar concludes that the media didn’t do basic journalism—more specifically, they didn’t do their job at all—because there was no possible way Kavanaugh could be innocent. He was the embodiment of confirmation bias.

And while we’re all still upset over how the Senate Democrats acted in public, and how badly feminists and celebrities behaved during the process, let’s spend a few moments and realized the media got caught phoning it in. They didn’t even get out of bed on this one.

Posted in Uncategorized

In Praise of the Gyros

The Gormogons Posted on October 8, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyOctober 8, 2018

Today the Czar celebrates on of the best things to wolf down while drinking an ice-cold cola and watching a mid-1980s action film: the gyros.

The Czar suspects many Americans still don’t know what this is. Basically, it’s shaved lamb meat dumped onto a soft pita bread, and topped with tomatoes, sliced onion, and tzatziki sauce. And you fold it up like a taco and stuff it progressively into your mouth until you choke on the onion.

The Czar lived in the Cragin neighborhood of Chicago for decades, down the street from a Greek Orthodox church that served as the center of a little Greektown. Although Greektown is a Chicago neighborhood just west of the Loop, the enclave in which the Czar lived probably had a bigger, more authentic Greek population for a long time. And that’s where he learned to love the sandwich (unlike a hot dog, a gyros probably is a sandwich).

You might ask, “Is it gyros or gyro? How do you pronounce it, actually?” Both gyro and gyros are acceptable because the word is basically made up. The Czar uses gyros, which he pronounces “year-roes,” similar to the way the old cranks did in that neighborhood. But gyro is pretty common, too, often as a singular noun.

When the Czar says it’s “made up,” he means that the word can be found in Greek today, but that came back to Greek from American Greek. In Greece, the sandwich was ντονέρ, which was similar to a gyros. When it came to America, it was pronounced called a doner. However, the meat inside the pita bread was cooked on a rotating spit, or a γύρος (yu-ros). Eventually, metonomy being what it is, the sandwich began to be called a gyros here in the States, and doner went away. As its popularity soared here, it went back to Greece, where the word gyros replaced the original name doner.

Another point: the sauce you throw on it is spelled tzatziki, which you can buy in stores now. But it’s not that hard to make your own: it’s basically plain greek yogurt, cucumber, garlic, and olive oil whipped together. And tzatziki, as we heard it, is pronounced a bit like “dzhajiki.” You know, in case you want to sound authentic.

Let’s talk about the meat. In Chicago, the only gyros meat you eat must be made by Kronos Foods, or you’re probably getting heavily-garlic-infused cat. Chicagoans always look for the word KRONOS prominently displayed in a window or on a wall. This isn’t an endorsement of this particular company, by the way—it’s more a safe way to avoid worms.

Alas, there’s no single recipe for gyros meat. Some are lamb, some are beef, and some are a mixture of both. These meats are packed into a weird extruded tube shape, which then hang vertically so that the heat lamp under which it cooks melts off the grease. When you order the gyros, the unhappy dude behind the counter grabs a pita, grabs a knife, and slices the extruded goo right onto your pita.

Then come the toppings. The Czar cares little for tomatoes, but the classic gyro calls for them. Also, far too much onion is dumped on the pile, and finally a spoonful of sauce is whapped on top of this. This is wrapped in wax paper (you hope, because gyros grease will eat through just about anything else in seconds), put into a paper bag, and handed to you.

You can eat it rolled up like a burrito or folded like a taco; that’s up to you. But the blend of spices, meats, and sting of the onion balanced by the soft taste of the sauce—man, that’s good. If you order the platter, or special, or combo, or whatever this particular outlets calls it, you get a little extra meat and a mass of french fries thrown on the side.

Now, bring this home, ensuring the car ride is long enough to stink up your vehicle for a couple of days, with the divine aromas of grease, garlic, and onion soaking into every porous surface in your interior. Get home, grab a cold beverage, and fire up the VHS player to watch Invasion USA or any Jackie Chan movie. Sit back, force feed yourself that gyro, and enjoy.

Posted in Uncategorized

BREAKING: New Must-See Evidence Kavanaugh Was A Teenage Alcoholic!

The Gormogons Posted on October 3, 2018 by 'PuterOctober 3, 2018

Judge Kavanaugh testifies to the Senate Judiciary Committee that he “had this many beers” before testifying last Friday, September 28, 2018.

‘Puter was rummaging through the Castle’s extensive collection of 1980s era DC high school documents looking for bad, bushy porn when he stumbled upon what may be the most consequential document to date in the Kavanaugh confirmation process. At first, ‘Puter wasn’t certain what he’d found, but as he looked closely at the torn out sheet from the ancient spiral notebook, its importance became clear.

On this ketchup and grease-stained page, ‘Puter found the following song lyrics hastily scrawled, ink smudged from what smelled like stale Milwaukee’s Best. ‘Puter’s pretty sure it was a pre-Beach Week rewrite of Kiss’s power ballad “Beth.”

Beer I hear you calling,
But I can’t drink you right now!
Me and the Squee are lifting,
And he just benched two hundred pounds!

Just a few more sets,
And I’ll be right home to you!
I think I hear Squee calling!
Oh, beer what can I do?
Beer what can I do?

I’m terrified of empties,
So I hid a case at home!
I’m always somewhere ralphing,
And you’re always there with foam!

Just a few more sets,
And I’ll be right home to you!
I think I hear Squee calling!
Oh, beer what can I do?
Beer what can I do?

Beer, I know you’re lonely,
And I hope you’ll be alright!
‘Cause me and the Squee’ll be boofing all night!

At the end, in barely legible, obviously drunken scrawl, is the following signature: “Bart O’Kavanaugh, student at the second best Jesuit high school in DC.”

No serious person viewing this compelling evidence can any longer doubt Judge Brett Kavanaugh is a raging alcoholic rapist who probably also murders puppies and worships Mary and the saints.

Media inquiries, contact ‘Puter’s personal secretary Miss McGee. She can be reached her direct line in ‘Puter’s Rumpus Room, Castle Gormogon. Dial the Castle’s front desk and ask to be transferred. All uses must credit ‘Puter Gormogon.

Posted in Uncategorized

Let’s Just Cut The Crap

The Gormogons Posted on October 1, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyOctober 1, 2018

Shall we? Because here it is.

  • Democrats have no interest in any FBI investigation or justice for Dr. Ford.
  • They simply want Brett Kavanaugh to go away.
  • Frankly, they will not accept any further Trump nomination, either, so don’t even bother.
  • They don’t even like Merrick Garland all that much; it’s just that he’s the only liberal judge they can name at that level.
  • Any Republican nomination on the Supreme Court is a body blow for Democrats.
  • The fact that Justice Ginsberg could go any time is especially terrifying.
  • This not because of Roe v. Wade, either.
  • This is because the Supreme Court has been the last refuge for the liberals for some time, now (with the exception of the Second Amendment).
  • A conservative-heavy Supreme Court is not going to tolerate the nonsense that the Left has enacted under President Obama.
  • It’s not just abortion—it’s practically everything else from any challenge to Obamacare to immigration to changes to the Electoral College to, well, frankly everything you can name.
  • No matter who is nominated by a Republican president, it’s basically the end of liberalism’s permissive indulgences.

And as long as we’re crap cutting:

  • Merrick Garland is never going to be on the Supreme Court.
  • Even President Obama didn’t regard him seriously: he was used like chum to stir the waters for the type of fight we’re seeing now.
  • Even Democrats could have coughed up a better candidate, but liberals have no clue who their more reliable, fair-minded judges are. In fact, it’s pretty irritating to them that conservatives can quickly name qualified judges so quickly.
  • Brett Kavanaugh is almost certainly going to be approved, barring some last-second stunt of sanity-defying proportions.
  • Dr. Ford will be cursed and vilified by the Left, like some judicial Steve Bartman, simply because a scape goat shall be found for the inevitable.
Posted in Uncategorized

A Remembrance of Things Not Passed

The Gormogons Posted on September 29, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovySeptember 28, 2018

You know, we used to get letters from The Doublewide in the past, and it warmed the Czar’s twisted, desiccated, black-burnt little heart to see one arrive. JAB, one of our longest-serving minions, has a keen eye for detail and memory, and has some things to say about the ability to remember details.

Dear Your Czarness:

Thank you for your “I Believer Her. And She’s Wrong” post. It came at a particularly timely moment, because I had been discussing the Kavanaugh media circus, a.k.a. Salem Witch Trials, with my older son. As a recent college grad, he has seen the disgraceful and disgusting way that many young men treat young women, and based on some of these observations, he finds the charges to be entirely plausible, just as your Czarness.

So I shared a story with my son about how memories cannot be entirely trusted, especially as time goes by.

The day my beloved placed a ring on the table next to my plate in a fancy (meaning it had actual cloth tablecloths and napkins!) restaurant, well, it was a wonderful day and in more ways than one. My dad was looking for a suitable horse for my younger sister who was a timid rider even for her age. Having grown up on a farm, I have ridden all my life, and back in high school I had an especially frisky cutting horse who demanded that I become a pretty capable rider, or end up on the ground on a regular basis. My job on this particular day was to “test-drive” potential horses for my sister. At Mr. B. Moore’s farm, I mounted a black quarter horse with a white blaze, and turned him down the farm road, and put him through his paces. A good indicator of a horse’s manageability is to put him into a flat-out run, and see how amenable he is to returning to a …more sedate pace. This I did with gusto! And this spirited horse made it clear that he really was enjoying his morning run, and did not entirely concur my decision to put on the brakes. He would have been a perfect horse for me, but he was too much horse for my sister.

I still remember what fun he was to ride on that crisp December blue sky day.

I still remember coming back to Mr. B. Moore, my dad, my about-to-be-fiance` and my grandfather, all standing together at the end of the farm road.

Except that my grandfather was…simply not there. He had died nine months earlier.

I had told this story to someone a few years ago, and my husband reminded me that he never met my grandfather. I had appended his presence onto that day, probably because he was so instrumental in making me into a good rider, and because he had taken me to “test-drive” other horses. Certainly, had he been alive, he would have been there that day too! Even today, I can still conjure up his figure in my memory of that day. But he was not there.

Then I told another story for my son to ponder. Back in the ’80’s I was an undergrad at New Atlantis Ivory Tower University, where today dwelleth and toileth…the illustrious Dr. J. Back then, it was common practice for the fraternities to host parties, complete with bands and free beer, that were open to all. You didn’t need to be a member or guest of a member to attend, and the drinking age had not been raised to 21, so these parties were often…very well-attended. After one such party at a frat where I had a few friends, I went with a guy I knew back to his dorm room. He was a good kisser, as I recall, until he got waaaaay too insistent and “handsy.” At which point…I left and went home to my own dorm. End of story.

Now, let’s fast forward to today. I don’t remember the guy’s name, but I bet if I went through my yearbook I could identify him. If he’s become someone prominent, he might be pretty easy to find via the internet. Even if he’s a “mere” professional of some sort or another, I’m sure he’s on LinkedIn. Since he probably doesn’t remember any more about me than I do about him, how would he defend himself against an accusation from 30+ years ago, especially since we both were drinking? I asked my son if it would be even remotely fair to ruin someone’s life based on my 30-year-old memories? Nope.

…Cotton Mather wrote a letter imploring the court not to allow spectral evidence—testimony about dreams and visions. The court largely ignored this request and five people were sentenced and hanged in July, five more in August and eight in September. On October 3, following in his son’s footsteps, Increase Mather, then president of Harvard, denounced the use of spectral evidence: “It were better that ten suspected witches should escape than one innocent person be condemned.”

I watched Senator Gillibrand today screeching something about searching for the truth from the Senate floor. All allegations, including today’s Avenati’s charge that Kavanaugh orchestrated a series of “gang-rape parties,” are from 30+ years ago, hang on “spectral evidence.” If history repeats, then we are in for the spectacle of more hangings.

My best to all in the Castle.

I remain, yours from the Doublewide,
JAB

And, as is often the case with JAB, the Czar need add nothing to her thoughts.

Posted in Uncategorized

The Wreck of the Kavanaugh Hearings

The Gormogons Posted on September 28, 2018 by 'PuterSeptember 28, 2018

Democrat Senators wait their turn to question Judge Kavanaugh in yesterday’s Judiciary Committee hearing on his nomination to the Supreme Court.

‘Puter listened to and watched the Senate Judiciary hearings on Judge Kavanaugh’s nomination yesterday. ‘Puter has many thoughts regarding the hearings, so naturally, instead of writing a coherent essay on them, ‘Puter disjointedly set them to music.

Enjoy! And if you don’t enjoy, suck it, you humorless assclowns.

*starts singing*

The legend lives on from the Democrats on down
Of the lost vote they called Merrick Garland!
McConnell, it’s said, killed the nominee dead
No vote in committee he’d scheduled!
With a load of bullshit all the pundits deemed it
An affront to the Senate’s good order!
The good judge and Dems took it in their rear ends,
When the bet of McConnell paid div’dends!

With Hillary the pride of the Democrat side
(Though she couldn’t find a state called Wisconsin)
But the Democrats knew there’s no way she could lose
To an orange-faced abuser of women!
Election night came and put Hillary to shame
She had lost to the orange-faced boob from The City!
And later that night, the wine bottles drained,
Could it be Garland’s fate was determined?

The wailing of press and the pundit’s sweet tears,
And Trump was sworn in ‘midst moaning.
Every Dem knew, and Republicans too,
T’was the Garland nomination’s death knell!
So Garland got pulled and Neil Gorsuch subbed in,
Mitch’s gamble had come to fruition!
The Dems spent their days in impotent rage,
And vowed their payback’d be brutal!

The Grim Reaper came calling Scalia by name,
Democrats girded for battle.
From the Federalist’s strong list Trump would make his next pick,
Announcing Judge Brett Kavanaugh!
Chuck Schumer declared that the Dems did not care,
There was no way the Dems would confirm him!
DiFi found and she hid allegations that did
Cause the wreck of the Kavanaugh Hearings.

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the Dems turn the hearings to shitshows?
The pundits all claim Kavanaugh’d clear his good name,
If he’d ask for an FBI recheck!
But Graham he stood up, said enough is enough,
And Graham told Republicans hold tough.
And all that remains is the everlasting shame,
Of the Democrats and their enablers.

DiFi denies that the folks on her side,
Leaked Ford’s baseless claims to the media!
The hard Left fumes as its antics spell doom,
For stopping Judge Kav’naugh’s nomination!
All their dumb schemes collapsed along with their dreams
Of seating Justice Merrick Garland!
As the midterms bear down, Democrats all look like clowns,
With the votes of November all in doubt!

‘Neath the Capitol’s dome in DC they’d vote,
On the nomination of Judge Kav’naugh!
A church bell should chime ringing each of ten times,
For each Dem on Judic’ry Committee.
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the shitshow they call Kavanaugh Hearings!
Democrats, they said, will kill a good man dead
If perceived as a threat to abortion.

*stops singing* *waits for applause and thrown panties*

Posted in Uncategorized

Susan Collins Is Right

The Gormogons Posted on September 26, 2018 by 'PuterSeptember 26, 2018

Sen. Susan Collins (D-ME) in a quiet moment between hearings contemplates her vote on the Kavanaugh nomination. What? What do you mean that’s not Sen. Collins? It’s Stephen King? Whatever. Close enough. They’re both from Maine anyway.

Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME), the centrist Republican whom Republicans love to hate, has been a process hawk during the Kavanaugh hearings. This is a good and right thing. Process is an extension of rule of law. And the Kavanaugh circus certainly could use more of both rule and law.

Democrats have treated us to a demagogic crapstravaganza, insisting on jettisoning the presumption of innocence for the accused as well as due process. Sen. Mazie Hirono (D-HI) has been a one-woman clown show claiming in essence, “all conservative jurists are guilty of whatever they’re accused of because conservatives are subhuman troglodytes and deserve what they get.”

Sen. Collins, while clearly troubled by the accusations against Kavanaugh, has held fast to her demands for process and its perceived fairness to both Judge Kavanaugh and Prof. Ford. Here, for once, Sen. Collins is acting in the best tradition of American government: defending the rights of the unpopular and accused and respecting the limits of government authority.

Sen. Collins’ principled stand highlights the stark and critical difference between Republicans and Democrats, both in the Kavanaugh hearings and generally. Democrats believe rule of law (and its subsets of process and procedure) must be outcome determinative. That is, the rules will be whatever they must be to produce the desired outcome. Republicans believe rule of law is a lodestar, a fixed point from which all other positions relate.

We see this difference lived out in the parties’ approach to the Constitution. Republicans for the most part believe the Constitution is a firm set up rules which limit government interference in the lives of Americans. Democrats for the most part view the Constitution as guidelines at best as a hindrance to be ignored and at worst as the demented ravings of racist, sexist, LGBTQLMNOP+-phobic, slave-owning, patriarchy-sustaining, handmaid-indenturing white men that must be destroyed.

We see the difference clearly reflected in the approach of two women very much in the spotlight, Sen. Feinstein and Sen. Collins. Sen. Feinstein sat on Prof. Ford’s allegations for six weeks instead of raising the allegations when they could be fully vetted in private. Sen. Feinstein chose outcome (tanking Kavanaugh’s nomination) over process (justice to both Ford and Kavanaugh). Sen. Collins has, since Sen. Feinstein dumped Ford’s allegations at the eleventh hour, chosen process over outcome.

This difference between the parties may seem like a small thing, but it is not. This difference is prime mover of differences. It is the difference from which all other differences flow. One party believes in rule of law and the other in rule of man.

Americans are faced with that very choice, the choice between rule of law and rule of man. Centuries ago, Americans chose rule of law. Today, a large fraction of Americans is content with rule of man, so long as it is rule of their man.

If rule of man wins out, America will not long survive.

Posted in Uncategorized

I Believe Her. And She’s Wrong.

The Gormogons Posted on September 24, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovySeptember 24, 2018

With the type of absolutist thinking that crashes arguments made by high school freshmen, the need to reduce the Brett Kavanaugh accusations into a binary argument have completely missed the reality of how both sides could be right in this issue.

First of all, the Czar is completely convinced that Brett Kavanaugh just didn’t do it. Young men, and especially high school upper classmen, make all sorts of really stupid decisions quite unlike their day-to-day personalities. Could Judge Kavanaugh have done something definable, by today’s standards, as sexual assault in 1982. You damn well bet he could have: men of good standing and strong moral character have done worse things as 16-year-olds to people. There’s probably a teenager doing something really horrible right now to someone, and the former will grow up to be somebody that everyone likes.

The real question about Judge Kavanaugh is did he? And for that, it sure doesn’t seem like it. Not so much the lack of witnesses or the basement calendar collection or the weird, hazy recollections by the victim—for the Czar, it’s much more the response by Judge Kavanaugh: a stunned disbelief that anyone could make such an accusation. When a guy, and we all know this, does something like this in his past, he might deny it. He usually does so with all sorts of flimsy evidence. But more often, he sighs, tenses his lower lip, and admits that he did do some stupid stuff, and he really owes her a personal apology, and he never meant to hurt anyone, and that when you’re a teenager you do things sometimes you regret your whole life.

The Czar need not point you to all the politicians in the past who have acted similarly. “Locker room talk,” as President Trump explained some of his past actions. But Kavanaugh isn’t doing any of these things: he’s neither producing paper-thin counters nor is he attempting to explain why he shouldn’t be judged harshly for what he did. He’s rather acting with bemused annoyance—the same way people act almost universally when accused of something transparently impossible.

For the Left, that’s not good enough. They Believe Her. It certainly doesn’t help when so many people on the Right, who really want to see Judge Kavanaugh appointed to the Supreme Court before this turns out to be a dream, are producing flimsy rebuttals on his behalf or trying to spin such behavior a dozen different ways as, well, okay in this instance.

The Czar has a hunch that if he quietly polled a dozen liberals, they would mostly agree that Judge Kavanaugh is guilty, and that he has obviously lied about what happened, or because he’s been trying to explain his behavior away with cheap excuses. Except, Kavanaugh has done none of these things. Most of the fuel that’s enraging the Left actually originate as claims from the Right: the Left’s attacks on Kavanaugh started as stupid excuses from the Right that Judge Kavanaugh himself has never said. Yeah, the Left could look it up, but why bother?

This ridiculous circus is nuts, but isn’t the craziest part of the whole show. For the Czar, the craziest part is that the victim, disgustingly and embarrassingly exploited by Senator Dianne Feinstein, might actually be telling the truth.

At least, as far as the victim knows it.

Given what we know about teenage girls and how often shit like this actually happens to them (guys, you’d rather not know, especially if you have daughters), the Czar could put forth some plausible scenario that makes both sides correct. Let’s consider one possibility for Professor Ford, now humiliated by Sen. Feinstein in public as the victim.

There’s a teenage girl at a party that, frankly, she’s not supposed to be at. She’s had a lot to drink, as has everyone, and finds herself in a room with a bunch of guys who all attend the same high school. That is not uncommon, given that teenage boys are insecure and like to pack together. Some guy in that room totally misreads the situation—she’s drunk in a bedroom with him, so what else could that mean but “okay”—and he decides to put the moves on her. But, of course, as a drunk 16-year-old boy who’s never been this close to a real girl, he basically molests her in front of everyone.

Maybe she sort of knows him: after all, she went into that room for a reason. She knows these guys all attend a nearby school together, and might even know first names or a last name. But this situation is clearly going badly for her, so she gets out of the room. She could even mention it to some friends the Monday at school: oh yeah, one friend agrees, those guys at Georgetown Prep are assholes. So glad you got out of there.

30 years later or so, she’s in conversation with a therapist. Maybe even casually, she mentions the incident in response to a question about something else about her teenaged years. That part doesn’t actually matter, because Professor Ford did bring it up. The therapist is interested in this story, thinking it could be important. So he prods her for details. Professor Ford remembers they went to Georgetown Prep…maybe there were two in the room, maybe more. His name was Brent or Britt or… Brett? Yeah, it could have been that. Cavendish? Cavender? The therapist, we believe, was the one who later suggested it might have been Brett Kavanaugh. Yeah, that could be it, she thinks, and concludes this business is over with.

The Czar does know that the therapist put a lot of the story together, with Professor Ford even refuting some of the therapist’s compilation (for example, she insists two boys were in the room, and doesn’t know where the therapist got the idea there were four boys in the room). As our own ‘Puter will tell you, that area is a pretty small world…and it didn’t take long to produce the name Brett Kavanaugh and list three of his friends.

The Czar isn’t necessarily convinced that Professor Ford is suffering from False Memory Syndrome, at least not creating fantasies out of whole cloth the way people remember alien abductions or meeting celebrities. However, it is entirely possible—even probable—that some kids from a tawny high school were drunk with her in a room, and one of them molested her. When the therapist coached her through the incident almost thirty years later, she agrees that probably it was some guys at Georgetown Prep, and maybe the guy in question was really named Brett Kavanaugh.

Suddenly, years after the experience with the therapist, a real Brett Kavanaugh, alumnus of Georgetown Prep, is being ushered to the Supreme Court. And suddenly, these memories come flooding back, and the therapist recommends the Washington Post interview Professor Ford. Wow, the paper asks, did this happen?

Well, yes—it definitely did. And the guy was Kavanaugh from Georgetown Prep. Are you sure, asks the Post. Professor Ford thinks for a bit, and resolutely says it was. It all fits together. Sometime in 1982, probably. And there’s even a classmate who remembers, distinctly, Professor Ford telling her about it the Monday after it happened. The Professor isn’t too keen on this humiliation getting out, and she doesn’t want to testify or anything, and the Post drops the story. And yet, as if by magic, Senator Feinstein’s office is calling. And Professor Ford, who suffered some indignity in 1982, is about to face an even more disgusting and humiliating assault as Feinstein’s office shoves her into the limelight and advises her, in very strong terms, to Tell the Story: it was an attempted rape, wasn’t it, by Brett Kavanaugh in 1982?

You know the rest of the story. You have already formed your own opinion as to whether Kavanaugh did it or not.

But the Czar believes something did indeed happen to Professor Ford, probably in 1982, at a party. But there’s some 55-year-old guy named Britt or Brent Cavendish or Cavender, alumnus of Emerson Prep or St. Anselm’s who has no idea that he’s the guy. Now a partner at some Philadelphia law firm, he reads the story about Ms. Ford and thinks “Wow, I remember when I did something like that to some girl…I hope they don’t ever consider me for the Supreme Court! Man, we were crazy in the 1980s.”

It’s amazing how the brain can process memories. And when the brain has a blank that needs filling in, it’s astonishing how any Mad-Lib coaching from someone can create a reality that will pass any polygraph.

The Czar doesn’t think Judge Brett Kavanaugh is remotely connected to this memory. The Czar also is willing to accept the Professor’s account as pretty close to what happened to her, although the names were plugged in to fill the gaps in her recollection. The Czar also forgives her for really believing this story, because so much of it really is true and even highly educated people routinely create synthesized memories of real events. This isn’t her fault.

And to be blunt, Senator Feinstein really needed something to use as a cudgel against the tremendously qualified Kavanaugh, and this seemed to be a perfect gift. The Czar gets that: that’s politics. But the way her office has continued to misguide and abuse Professor Ford—both her current and past reputations—is lawngrass low for an already serpentine Senator Feinstein.

The worst part is, thanks to Senator Feinstein, Professor Ford will never see justice or respect for what probably happened to her all those years ago.

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Simple Math

The Gormogons Posted on September 19, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovySeptember 19, 2018

In America, this would have been cancelled after two seasons, even after introducing Родственник Оливер, stepping through the Sonya television.

The life of an actor is really something under socialism.

Hollywood is so different. You wait tables, or jockey cars as a porter at a dealership, watching people with less talent than you grimace if you put too much ice in their water or leave a thumbprint on the Maserati door. Did they ever do a rap version of Hamlet? Did they have to perfect a Finnish accent for that Sundance entry two years ago?

Then, your agent calls you to let you know of an audition. You go, frantically terrified, and to your intense relief you land that part. Now you can pay your rent. And your agent tells you the fees are really good. You do your part, but the critics said you seemed wooden and better suited as a food server or a car porter. And then you find out the actor who played your character’s twin brother and had the same amount of lines got paid twice what you did.

But you battle harder, and this time you get picked up for a television series. Then a movie. Then you’re living in a nice home in the Hills, eating at that expensive place with the funny name. Now look at all the kids wanting to take selfies with you. You join social media and find you have thousands of followers overnight. Wow.

Then what happens? You get bad reviews, the calls stop coming, you grow a beard or get a crazy tattoo. Soon the house is up for sale, you’re showing your bare ass on Cinemax, and People mentions how old you look. Easy come, easy go. Except no restaurant or dealership wants to hire a 40-something. So you wind up doing minor roles for scale on Disney.

It’s so unfair. 12 years ago, you did Death of a Salesman as a musical, and although the critics hated it, you had to learn how to play a saxophone for that one solo. That, friends, is talent. Evidently, capitalism doesn’t care about that.

Gosh, socialism is so much better when you’re an actor. You don’t have to work as a waitress or car porter. Actually, you don’t need to do manual labor at all! The Bureau calls you and says you will report to a theater on Thursday. It’s a history, and you’re playing the part of the brave Uncle who points out where the capitalists are hiding in the barn. There’s no audition, no tryouts. You have the part, and even though the dialog is awful, it’s only 12 words. You deliver them (“Behold, comrades, the rats hide in the loft! Spare them no mercy.”) to absolutely thunderous applause.

Behold the newspapers the next day. The part of the Uncle was brilliantly and heroically played by you! Every night, and twice on Sunday, you deliver the same 12 words to the same thunderous applause. And every week, that paycheck comes in. Sure, it’s only enough for a one bedroom apartment on the outskirts of town, and you live with your sister, but there’s a chance you could qualify for a two-seat car in a couple years.

And remember that one night, where you said “Behave, comrades, the rats hide in the loft!” and how a critic in the paper said it was a weird line that made no sense? That’s the closest thing to a negative review ever, but you were delighted to see the critic was fired by the news bureau two days later. Maybe he was fired, or whatever, because he just disappeared, but so what? The next night, you got that thunderous applause again!

Then the Bureau calls and says you will report to a television studio on Tuesday. It’s a science-fiction show about time travel, and you go back in time to see minorities being whipped and beaten by capitalists. Awful stuff, and the actors playing the minorities are in heavy makeup because, for some reason, they can’t find any actual people of color in the land anymore. But whatever…you play Lieutenant Hyperdrive, who goes back to the 1950s to introduce socialism to the hedonistic people, and shoot them with your Tolerance-Ray. It doesn’t matter that it’s absolutely crap, and that the sets are cardboard, and the bad guy you killed is suddenly back alive and quoting Marx at the end, because the ratings are through the roof! In fact, viewership was 100%, which is incredible because nobody you know owns a television.

Yes, if you’re an actor…particularly an actor who’s faded, marginally skilled or experienced, or struggling to land a role…socialism is pretty cool. It’s so much better than actual work.

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GorT Triple Onion Casserole

The Gormogons Posted on September 16, 2018 by GorTSeptember 18, 2018

A follower on Twitter asked for this recipe – it’s really tasty. We’ve made it a few times, once for Thanksgiving and it was a big hit.

Ingredients

3 tbl unsalted butter
2 large yellow onions, thinly sliced
2 large red onions, thinly sliced
4 medium-sized leeks, rinsed, dried, and thinly sliced
1½ cups grated Havarti cheese
2 packages (5 oz each) Boursin with herbs, crumbled
1½ cups grated Gruyère cheese
½ cup dry white wine

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 350℉. Grease an 8-cup baking dish (butter works best, cooking spray is ok)
  2. Combine all three types of onions together in a large bowl
  3. Create a layer with a third of the mixed onions at the bottom of the dish, season with salt and pepper. Top onions with the Havarti cheese. Add another layer of a third of the mixed onions and season. Top with the Boursin cheese. Add a third layer with the remaining onions and season them. Top the final layer with the Gruyère cheese.
  4. Cut small pats of butter and place around the top of the casserole. Pour wine over the whole mixture.
  5. Bake for 1 hour – if the top gets too brown, cover with aluminum foil.

 

Serves 6

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Republicans Buy Jeans, Too

The Gormogons Posted on September 6, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovySeptember 6, 2018

Nike’s marketing team decided it wanted to be edgier, or some such, and approved its advertising agency’s move to use Colin Kaepernick as the centerpiece of a new campaign. Nike understands that Kaepernick is fairly well loathed across America, but decided we needed to be taught a lesson in bravery and tolerance.

Nike’s stock price immediately dipped so badly that one estimate put it at $3.5 billion. It’s been trickling up since the remarkable September 4th plunge, but as of this post, it’s back where it was in mid-August. And that could well be a correction (given its crazy August 20th jump), but perceptions matter a hell of a lot in marketing and the stock market. Even if 99% of the people dumping Nike stock this week were utterly unaware of the Kaepernick ad, he will be forever linked in marketing classes to the price plunge. Colin Kaepernick is the New Coke, the Buy-Starbucks-Get-A-Free-Lecture-on-Racism coffee, and the Chevy Nova in Mexico…the professors will explain these are more myth than reality, and that the companies weren’t truly hurt by the stunt, but…yeah, there was genuine damage done, forever linked in the imaginations of Americans.

Today on Twitter, the Czar mused that if he sat on Nike’s board of directors, he wondered how much it would cost to fire and replace the entire marketing department, and get a new advertising agency. Probably a lot less than $3.5 billion. Of course, an educated reponse occurred:

Wieden & Kennedy has handled Nike’s brand ads forever, and is responsible for “Just Do It,” Mars Blackmon, etc. Both companies based in the Portland area. They’re not firing W&K anytime soon.

— Chris Pippin (@ChrisPippin) September 6, 2018


No, probably not. But if the Czar’s favorite serf did almost four billion in damages wiping up blood from a carpet, the Czar would easily get himself a new serf to clean up that blood. Actually, something like that did happen, and we recall the cost of damages was something like eight dollars.

But here you go. Another company has decided to lecture Americans on the need to embrace Leftist idiot politics, and is paying a hefty price in doing so. Here’s some advice, folks, and you don’t have to go to that marketing class or listen to a professor explain away the Edsel. That advice: SELL YOUR PRODUCT, NOT LEFTIST PHILOSOPHY.

Dick’s Sporting Goods decided to ignore that advice, and announced that at some of its stores, it would stop selling some firearms. Soon this escalated into an anti-gun campaign by Dick’s, and they began to drop all firearm sales from all stores. This might hurt the business a little, initially, its leadership announced, but would attract more customers soon after. Most of this turned out to be wrong, as sales were hurt a lot, and while Dick’s has blamed Under Armour for poor sales of its insanely popular line of clothing, most analysts aren’t buying it, and some comments from inside Dick’s admits the gun thing was a bridge too far.

Next time, Dick’s should say “After careful analysis of firearm sales, Dick’s Sporting Goods has concluded that this product line is not sustainable in the long term, and we will begin closing out existing inventory and focus on other ventures.” Americans of most stripes would say “Hmm, well, okay. Sorry to hear about that.” No controversy, and you’re done. But instead, Dick’s decided to attempt capitalizing on the Parkland, Florida, tragedy and not surprisingly, most Americans (rightly or wrongly) considered Dick’s move a…well, a dick move. Rather than downplay it, Dick’s decided To Teach Us a Lesson. And it created a worsening slide in their sales.

Levi Strauss is considering an equally stupid move, with CEO Chip Bergh calling for widespread gun control. He must figure that’s okay, because they don’t sell firearms. But he should be looking at Nike to learn if Americans appreciate large corporate entities dictating moral lessons. Instead, he is forming Everytown Business Leaders for Gun Safety, a political action group to which they will donate a portion of their sales. Buy some jeans, fund an anti-gun group.

Any guess what’s going to happen to their sales? As they’re privately held, there’s no stock price to indicate public reaction, but let yourself not be surprised what happens in short order.

As Michael Jordan indirectly reminded Nike years ago, “Republicans buy sneakers, too.” [He never said it, but his response after Nike management requested he become more political in his ads was substantively close. And he was totally correct.]

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When Is A Conspiracy Theory Not A Conspiracy Theory?

The Gormogons Posted on September 6, 2018 by 'PuterSeptember 6, 2018

‘Puter’s no morbidly obese, tin foil hat wearing, overpriced dietary supplement shilling, Pizzagate pushing conspiracy theorist. ‘Puter’s better than that. Just a little bit better, but still.

When it’s provable.

‘Puter is not a conspiracy theorist. ‘Puter observes events, weighs them, and comes to a logical conclusion.

‘Puter’s like Sherlock Holmes, but dumber. And not as attractive. And doesn’t have a thinly-veiled homosexual relationship with his male sidekick. And isn’t British. But other than that, exactly the same.

This week ‘Puter observed the following events:

  1. Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearing began Tuesday.
  2. The hearing went poorly – for Democrats.
  3. Democratic Senators surreptitiously put “guests” in the gallery to noisily protest and create photogenic media-friendly tableaus media could plaster on the network newscasts and front pages.
  4. Democratic Senators behaved worse than toddlers, repeatedly interrupting, spouting inanities, baselessly accusing Kavanaugh of holding positions he does not hold, and generally encouraging “resistance.”
  5. More Americans were repulsed by Democratic protestors’ (and Senators’) antics than by Judge Kavanaugh’s competent, calm presence.
  6. Democrats slowly realized their plan to paint Kavanaugh as an insane, frothy-mouthed extremist failed.
  7. Democrats slowly realized their plan to paint Kavanaugh as an insane, frothy-mouthed extremist backfired showing Democrats, not Kavanaugh, to be the madman.
  8. During the hearing’s day one, the Washington Post and its Pulitzer-winning reporter Bob Woodward dumped an anonymously sourced expose of the Trump White House’s alleged chaos.
  9. During the hearing’s day two, the New York Times posted an opinion piece from an anonymous “senior administration official” blasting Trump as an addled, dangerously incompetent old man.

 

‘Puter’s conclusions are as follows:

  1. Judge Kavanaugh will be confirmed.
  2. Democrats are in danger of repeating the mistakes of 1968, turning the party over to a hard Left fringe.
  3. Democrats and media colluded to:
    1. Change the subject from Democrats’ undemocratic “resistance” during the hearing;
    2. Step on and cover up good news for the Trump administration; and
    3. Use unverifiable, anonymous sources to smear Trump in a manner they never would have accepted for a Democratic president.

 

It is now undeniable to anyone of good faith that Democrats and the media are working in concert to damage a president both viscerally loathe. It is now more probable than not that Democrats and media are actively colluding to bring down a duly-elected president in derogation of ethics, morals, law, and the Constitution. Logic and reason compel these conclusions.

‘Puter’s said it before. America is at war with itself. The shooting just has not started yet.

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Come, Holy Spirit

The Gormogons Posted on September 4, 2018 by GorTSeptember 4, 2018

…fill the hearts of Thy faithful and enkindle in them the fire of Thy love. Send forth Thy Spirit and they shall be created. And Thou shalt renew the face of the earth.

Tonight, GorT attended a portion of a parish meeting to discuss the current situation that the Archdiocese*, the Catholic Church in the United States, and the Roman Catholic Church as a whole are facing. I arrived 30 minutes into the session to a packed church – hundreds of parishioners present in the pews and our three parish priests standing off the sanctuary in the aisles with microphones to get people’s questions and respond or comment.

I wasn’t sure what to expect. I witnessed first hand a very passionate and heated plea from one of the men in our parish’s men’s group a few weeks ago. And our pastor relocated the meeting from our school’s auditorium to the church likely in an attempt to ensure a respectable tone is kept.

For the hour that I stayed the discourse was civil but passionate. Plenty of comments of disbelief, outrage, and consternation over the events that have taken place. The three priests were open and honest – they related their feelings with, what I can only describe as no filter. It wasn’t that they used crass language, but they were brutally honest about how they felt about the hierarchy above them, Cardinal McCarrick, and the seminaries of the past. Our pastor firmly believes that since the scandal in Boston came out back in 2002-ish, the Church has largely cleaned up the predatory, largely homosexual, group from the seminaries. He didn’t go so far as saying that it’s completely gone.

The priests all expressed disappointment and take issue with the lack of action by Cardinal Wuerl to date. One parishioner stood a spoke asking why there hasn’t been more support for Wuerl which visibly put off many of the rest of the people in the pews. In response, one priest mentioned that his greatest disappointment with Cardinal Wuerl is that he hasn’t, in some form or fashion, stood before the Archdiocese and apologized. The priest said that his lack of action doesn’t prove whether or not he is guilty of anything from poor judgement to knowingly covering up criminal behavior but it doesn’t show the courage and faith required in such a post. The only thing the Cardinal has done along these lines, said the priest, was to issue a letter to the priests which he asked to be related to the parishioners. The priest ended with saying that “I’m not doing that.”

As for the rest of the comments and questions from the pews, and not intending to diminish any of them, basically amounted to the following:

  1. Is the Church actively working to support and help the victims
  2. Is the Church going to openly address these issues and let us Catholics know what concrete steps are being taken to address what has happened and prevent future tragedies from occuring
  3. What should we tell our kids / What is the parish school telling the kids / etc.

 

There were three other sub-themes that ran through the discussions while I was there:

  1. There was a bit of back and forth on the homosexuality aspect. Initially, a number of parishioners characterized the problem as predatory homosexuals with an agenda. Two other parishioners responded, quite vocally, that homosexuality doesn’t mean predatory and that we shouldn’t link the two. This was eventually clarified by a well-spoken woman who pointed out that the facts are that over 80% of the abuses in the various reports were of a homosexual nature with post-pubescent males. Essentially, let’s call it what it was.**
  2. Many admitted that they have or are stopping giving to the Cardinal’s Appeal and some are going as far as stopping giving to our parish because a portion of the weekly basket does get shipped downtown. One rather interesting point was raised asking if there’s a way to give to a fund for the parish that doesn’t get touched. Help cover local costs, maintenance, etc. Multiple parishioners said that they’d never give Wuerl a dime as he has demonstrated bad judgement at the least, so why should we believe he is applying our money in a good way?
  3. Our parish priests, much like many of us, are frustrated, disappointed, aghast, and plenty of other adjectives over this situation. The problem is clearly at the Cardinal level up to and including parts within the Vatican. Our pastor believes that some of this stems from an internal political power struggle between Pope Benedict’s cadre and Pope Francis’. He also commented in passing, “if multiple Papal Nuncios raise issues to the Vatican about these problems and they go unaddressed, what should the next step be?”

 

Apparently there is going to be a Canonical trial of McCarrick (I’m not sure what the appropriate title is to use for him at this point). One of the priests believes the goal is to have that done before Thanksgiving. There are other steps being discussed to include some sort of lay investigatory group. We shall see.

Regardless, this issue isn’t going away any time soon. A parishioner asked the question, “when can we expect this to be resolved?” I just about snickered and whispered to a friend next to me, “Define resolved. We’re going to be dealing with this and its fallout for a decade at least.”

Maybe before I close there were two things that impressed me: (1) many people in the pews echoed that they know the hierarchy is flawed and currently corrupted but they’re staying in the Church for the Eucharist and (2) something that one of the priests said in his homily over the weekend and reiterated to some degree tonight: “I want to be a part of this Church when the Holy Spirit works to purify it”.

St. Michael the Archangel is my Confirmation Saint and as one of our Catholic Twitter friends suggested on Twitter, maybe we need to say a prayer to him:

Holy Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do you, O Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who wander through the world seeking the ruin of souls. 

Amen.

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De Profundis Clamavi ad Te, Domine

The Gormogons Posted on September 4, 2018 by 'PuterSeptember 4, 2018

God looks on as evil men seek to destroy His Church on Earth. Fear not, for the day is coming when God will send his divine retribution upon these men and purify His Church.

Domine, exaudi vocem meam.

‘Puter attended Mass this weekend, 07:30 as usual. This Sunday’s readings outright damned the hierarchy’s response to the latest round of child raping, butt covering allegations.

Here’s the Gospel reading for the Twenty-second Sunday in Ordinary Time, Mark 7:1-8, 14-15, 21-23:

When the Pharisees with some scribes who had come from Jerusalem gathered around Jesus, they observed that some of his disciples ate their meals with unclean, that is, unwashed, hands.  — For the Pharisees and, in fact, all Jews, do not eat without carefully washing their hands, keeping the tradition of the elders. And on coming from the marketplace they do not eat without purifying themselves. And there are many other things that they have traditionally observed, the purification of cups and jugs and kettles and beds. — So the Pharisees and scribes questioned him,

“Why do your disciples not follow the tradition of the elders but instead eat a meal with unclean hands?” He responded, “Well did Isaiah prophesy about you hypocrites, as it is written:

This people honors me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me;
in vain do they worship me,
teaching as doctrines human precepts.

You disregard God’s commandment but cling to human tradition.”

He summoned the crowd again and said to them, “Hear me, all of you, and understand. Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile.

“From within people, from their hearts, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile.”

What more perfectly encapsulates the Church’s current hierarchy’s myriad issues than Jesus’ paraphrase of the messianic prophet Isaiah (Isaiah 29:13)? Were Isaiah to reappear today, he might well have substituted “this Roman Catholic clergy” for “this people” and few could argue against him.

Too many among the Catholic clergy have disregarded God’s commandments. ‘Puter’s fairly certain “don’t ass-rape little boys and seminarians, and even if you didn’t do so, don’t cover up for the Roman-collared criminals who did” is somewhere in His commands.

And teaching as doctrines human precepts? What say you, Pope Climate Change XII? When the Church is more concerned about climate change and plastic waste than it is about victims of sexual assault and ferreting out every last pedophile rapist in its ranks it is time for a cleansing fire.

May God’s Holy Spirit descend upon the Church, full of His divine wrath and righteous fury, to defend the least among us and burn the f*cking corrupt, hedonistic, gay bathhouse shit-show to the ground. And from the ashes, may new, faithful leaders rise to rebuild Christ’s Church according to His just commands.

Amen.

P.S. Did ‘Puter mention the Responsorial Psalm’s response was, “The one who does justice will live in the presence of the Lord?” It was. Just saying.

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Cardinal Viganò—Hero

The Gormogons Posted on August 26, 2018 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.August 26, 2018

This is Cardinal Viganò’s testimony about Cardinal McCarrick, the corruption of seminarians, and Rome’s knowledge of and response to it, in what appears to be extremely unvarnished fashion with names, dates, and genuine, righteous anger. This is incredibly welcome—and astonishing. One does not see such things in the Church.

One gets the sense that the age of intrigue and backroom deals may finally be ending. Cardinal Viganò may have, as it were, shot the Archduke in Sarajevo, and now the armies will start openly warring.

Whatever becomes of him—and I don’t know that it will end well—he deserves to be remembered for this heroic act. Omertà no more.

TL;DR: Rome knew almost twenty years ago. Though seemingly slow-rolled by faithless officials, Benedict ordered him out of public life and into life-long penitential seclusion. McCarrick ignored him, then after Benedict’s retirement the next year, Francis seems to have ignored Benedict’s sentence for reasons that can only be guessed at (perhaps his affinity for McCarrick’s wing of the Church), but knew at least five years ago.

What happens now? God only knows.

₈ As I live, saith the Lord God, forasmuch as my flocks have been made a spoil, and my sheep are become a prey to all the beasts of the field, because there was no shepherd: for my shepherds did not seek after my flock, but the shepherds fed themselves, and fed not my flocks:
₉ Therefore, ye shepherds, hear the word of the Lord:
₁₀ Thus saith the Lord God: Behold I myself come upon the shepherds, I will require my flock at their hand, and I will cause them to cease from feeding the flock any more, neither shall the shepherds feed themselves any more: and I will deliver my flock from their mouth, and it shall no more be meat for them.

(Ezekiel 34)

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Kiribadassness

The Gormogons Posted on August 17, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyAugust 17, 2018

You know what’s even better than not researching anything about a topic? Having someone else do all that research for you. The Czar won the lottery (figuratively) twice this month when receiving two emails (literally) about his recent Spotlight on Kiribati. The Czar wants you to know know that since writing that essay, he can now spell Kiribati with only a moderate slowing of typing speed. Typing Kiribati is like rounding a corner at high speed; you sort of need to tap the brakes a bit.

No matter. Our first letter arrived from our loyal minion Badger Trowelsworthy, who presently has been assigned to monitor who enters and exits the Motorways Motel in the heart of Monte Carlo for reasons only we know and he doesn’t. His expense account shows he’s definitely been up to the task, but he hasn’t been too busy to monitor our website. Are you aware we have a website? Well, we do—and you happen to be on it, right now. Go ahead, Badger.

Oh Most Dyspeptic Despot

Making up stuff about Kiribati is good malicious fun….given the distances involved it would seem highly improbable that an aggrieved band of Kiribatians blowing conch shells in protest will turn up outside the portcullis.

But as a quick dive into Wikiville shows, the real information is better than the casual fakery.

The main island of Kiribati is Tarawa Atoll, a place hallowed in Marine Corps tradition.

Kiribati used to be called The Gilbert Islands. In the local parlance, Kiribati is as close as they could come to the word “Gilbert.”

And best of all, when the original British Protectorate was formed from these islands there was a proposal to include Christmas Island. The United States protested quoting the provisions of The Guano Islands Act.

I think the world is simply a better place for the mere existence of a Guano Islands Act. Its been around since 1856 and is still invoked once in a while. In 1964 Ernest Hemingway’s brother, Leiceister, tried without success to claim an 80-by-30-foot bamboo raft anchored near Jamaica as an independent republic quoting The Guano Islands Act. I have not been able to determine exactly how many bird droppings might be required for a successful petition.

Badger Trowelsworthy

Who says we made any of that stuff up? Actually, the Czar did, right up front. But your reply is just chock-filled with the kind of marshmallow and nougat trivia caramel that our own Volgi enjoys, so no doubt he will send us a message correcting about fifty of the things you said. He’s like that.

Volgi once appeared on Jeopardy, which rhymes with Leopardy. We don’t think the episode was ever televised, but he got annoyed with Alex Trebek’s mildy surpressed haughtiness with everyone, and decided to provide real questions to unanswered responses. When the answer was something like “This 1814 treaty formally ended the War of 1812,” Volgi buzzed in and asked “Why did you linger by the Exit 26 underpass in Philadelphia, in April of 1981, thinking no one would ever find out?” or “Why does anyone think it’s okay to take three rolls of toilet paper out of a hotel bathroom and hide it in his luggage, Alex?” After about six of these, Trebek totally lost his cool, and threatened the Volgi, which you should never do. As a lesson to Trebek, Volgi erased the show’s wacky comedic sidekick, Ned Bunners, from history past and present. As a result, no one ever heard of him. That’s what happens when you screw with anyone Œcumenical. That’s the fact.

Also, we got this email from long-time Castle lounge lizard ScottO, who’s actually very nice although you should not underestimate his capacity to humiliate a competitor in any drinking game. His beer pong serve alone produces sufficient backspin to slice through plastic. The Czar isn’t kidding; don’t mess with him. In fact, you, gentle reader, seem to be messing with a lot of people lately, and you need to stop it. You’re going to get hurt. But ScottO writes in:

Most Dread Czar,

I recently had the pleasure of reading your nearly informative and highly suspect primer on the micronesian nation of Kiribati. It reminded me of the first foreign vacation my Dear Wife and I took together, to the exotic Kingdom of Hawaii. While there, we visited the Polynesian Cultural Center associated with the Oahu campus of Brigham Young University, and went whole roast pig on the experience, for the kingly ransom price of 65,000 Shells (which worked out to about 24 American dollars), and got our very own personal guide to the extensive 3-acre facility.

Well, imagine our surprise and bewilderment when our guide told us he was from Kiribati! I will try to remember the experience and fill in a couple of the blanks in your essay.

According to our guide, Kiribati is indeed sunny, warm, and wet. There isn’t much wildlife, unless you count the visiting missionaries. The native language is English, a legacy of missionaries of years past. Your notes on diet are spot on, especially now that the borderline communist government has forbidden the occasional missionary hunt.

One interesting note is that our guide’s uncle was one of the group who forced Google to draw that weird hook thing in the International Date Line. Of course, it should be no surprise that they are related, since there are only a couple hundred people in the whole country. Also, it’s common for young people to call the older generation “Uncle” and “Aunty”, so take from that what you will.

I hope my letter will be taken in the spirit intended, and you will refrain from taking my spirit with intention.

As ever, Your (all six of you) faithful minion,
ScottO

See how smart he is? He knows to butter up the Czar, but also to butter up the other five Castle dwellers. That’s good politics. And his letter to us is also filled with useful information, and the Czar briefly skimmed it and assumes it totally contradicts Badger Trowelsworthy’s letter on some fundamental level so perhaps we will let them fight it out. Or we could ask you, the reader, since you probably read both. The Czar just copies and pastes.

Just remember one of our old-timey axioms: Nihil agis, nihil moliris, nihil cogitas quod non ego non modo audiam sed etiam videam planeque sentiam, which if you had to learn Latin, is a phrase you need to learn.

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GorT’s Travel Peeves

The Gormogons Posted on August 16, 2018 by GorTAugust 16, 2018


GorT and family just returned from a week-long vacation in Florida. It was a great time and probably the last family vacation before 1of3 graduates college and starts working. However, with two airline flights, a beach “resort”, driving in Florida, and two major theme park areas included in the vacation, there was plenty of stupid to be found.* So I’m going to rattle off a list of stupid things that I hope all of us try to avoid – each one of these comes from experiences over the last 7 days.

  • When walking in a public area with heavy foot traffic flowing (i.e. airport concourse, theme park thoroughfare, etc.) do not stop suddenly in the middle unless it’s an emergency. A real emergency – medical, etc. Have some consideration for those around you and move off to the side.**
  • If you don’t have experience with or know roughly how to manage a self-checkout system of any sort – do not use one. And definitely not if you have a million items / orders and are not savvy about it. There are attendants to help…use them. It’s why they are there and getting paid.
  • When driving, move to the right unless passing – on three lane highways, it’s ok to stay in the middle near interchanges to allow for easier merge areas. Orlando area drivers have a big problem with this. Sure, there is the great debate of which state’s drivers are the worse, but I think transient areas (DC metro, vacation spots, etc.) tend to have a bunch of clueless people, foreign drivers, etc. that contribute to it. Until we can filter these out, the debate is largely academic at best.
  • When your waiter or waitress arrives at your table with the food, please help out and listen for your order – sometimes, particularly in busy restaurants, they might not remember whose is which order. Ignoring them and continuing to chat only prolongs and exacerbates the situation.
  • Please and thank you go a long way – use them. Airline staff, hotel desk clerks, restaurant staff.
  • Not everyone needs to hear your cell phone conversation or listen to the music on your iPhone – have a sense of how loud you’re talking, where you are standing to have a conversation (note: full on phone conversations in restrooms is gross…don’t do it), and check the level of those earbuds (trust me, your hearing will thank you for it later in life)
  • For Ronald Reagan National Airport: maybe cover the signs in the terminal that indicate ground transportation, including parking shuttles are on the first floor so when passengers get down there only to find that they need to go up to the third floor they aren’t pissed.
  • Don’t get mad when you walk down an long aisle clearly marked as “TSA Precheck” only to get to the front and the TSA agent tells you you don’t have TSA Precheck on your ticket.

 

Regardless of the amount of stupid seen – GorT and family had a great vacation. Totally crushed Universal Studios (both parks), Disney World Magic Kingdom, Epcot, and Hollywood Studios:

  • 15 rides in Universal (most by all) in 1 day with about 22,000 steps taken (about 10-11 miles)
  • 16 rides in three Disney parks in 1 day with about 26,000 steps taken (about 12.5 miles)

 

* I’m sure GorT and fam did some stupid things but I don’t remember doing anything on this list. Case in point: I missed the exit for Universal Studios from our hotel – I didn’t try to backup or cross 3 lanes of traffic to correct it. I kept going and let the navigation system redirect me.

** By the way, GorT refers to this in general as “poor walking navigational skills” – this applies to walking in shopping malls

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The Evil in the Church

The Gormogons Posted on August 15, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyAugust 15, 2018

Roman Catholics and non-Catholics alike reeled from the news that the Pennsylvania attorney general has released a grand jury report detailing—and the Czar means detailing—hundreds of reports of child abuse by Pennsylvania priests between the 1940s and 2000s. In most cases, priests are named directly and corroborating evidence provided in written form. Over 301 individual priests are identified (some names are currently redacted).

The Czar reviewed about half of the over-800-page report before giving up in exhaustion last night. Some findings:

  • The report clearly shows a pattern of cover-up by the Church, even detailing the precise methods the archdioceses used to avoid prosecution. Of this, there can be no doubt that the scope of the abuse was known by the Church, and that it sometimes took extraordinary measures to bury evidence and deny facts.
  • Over 1,000 individual victims are identified, but the report acknowledges that many of them came forward only as news spread that the report was being compiled. The writers of the report are aware that public release of this report may result in thousands more victims coming forward. An interesting facet of mass-child-abuse cases is that many victims keep silent for decades assuming no one will believe them; however, when seeing that “Rev. Joe Smith” has been identified doing X, the victims often realize “Hey, he did that to me, too” and then realize they were not alone, and are now credible.
  • More interestingly, the report acknowledges the cooperation of the Church in its compilation. Even though the report lambasts current Church leaders, the report acknowledges the various archdioceses of Pennsylvania (with the exception of Philadelphia, which is still preparing information) were readily assisting with producing evidence: letters, memoranda, reports, and more were promptly turned over, and Church officials almost seem to be eager to get this information public. The report even stipulates that, for the first time, there is reason to be optimistic the Catholic Church is cleaning house at last.

The Czar noted that despite the staggering quantity of cases, the pattern of events is rather predictable for child sexual predators. Indeed, the actions of the accused are in almost perfect conformity with how child sexual predators operate in the general public. Brace yourselves.

  • Many predators enter the priesthood primarily as an avenue to get near children. Predators have long used schools, scouts, sports, and park district programs as opportunities to be around large groups of kids, in order to increase the chances of finding a perfect victim. The Roman Catholic priesthood is especially ideal as a vehicle—non-Catholics, who may tolerate an annual dinner of painful, fund-raising awkwardness from their pastor, rarely appreciate how closely Catholic priests are incorporated into family life. Priests are frequent dinner guests, provide baby-sitting services, drive kids to baseball games, bring them home from school, and perform a thousand more tasks that non-Catholics would expect family members to provide. Priests, historically, are everywhere in Catholic family life. A hungry predator might be happy to serve as a scout leader or Little League instructor, but holy cats—Catholics actually invite you into their homes…for long, unmonitored stretches! This is tough for a predator to resist. As a result, the priesthood is especially vulnerable to these predators.
  • The attacks on children begin fairly soon after the priest is ordained, in case after case.
  • Likewise, the predators don’t seem to grow out of it: one priest was elderly when he was arrested by police in a sting operation; he was on his way to meet a non-existent young teen in a police setup.
  • Child sexual predators are, pretty much universally, pathological liars. They deny, shrug off, reassure, apologize, and beg forgiveness. “It will never happen again,” they plead, while simultaneously figuring out how quickly they can move onto their next victim. The grand jury report is filled with anecdotes of accused priests admitting their fault, agreeing to treatment, promising they have learned their lesson, and immediately seeking out the next victim. Many people familiar with child predators cynically dismiss therapy, commentating that these people cannot be treated and released: they will always be pathologically compelled to commit more attacks. There is nothing in this report that will convince you otherwise: these predators never, ever stopped until they were arrested or died.
  • Child predators depend upon the gullible. In most cases, pastors and bishops were immediately informed by parents or victims that they had a sexual predator serving at the parish. This isn’t something that always takes years to be revealed—it seems hundreds of stories confirm the parishes were notified at once about an attack. However, the release of letters, journals, and memoranda reveal all too often the pastor or bishop (a) taking the matter seriously, (b) talking to the priest in question, and (c) being assured by the predator that this was a one-time thing or the kid exaggerated or that this could never have happened, and (d) the pastor or bishop believing it. While there was unquestionably informed and determined complicity by many archdiocese officials, you can’t help but see that a lot of these pastors and bishops were just a bunch of foolish suckers, who believed a con man.
  • A priest’s job is, among other things, to forgive. So when a predator begs forgiveness, there seemed to be a tendency for a lot of Church leaders to do just that. “Okay, but don’t let it happen again.” It always happened again; the predator knew it would when he begged forgiveness.
  • You also get a sense that a lot of the Church leaders were afraid or aware that eliminating these predators from the priesthood would result in a serious loss of manpower. One bishop begged his archbishop to, at least, send a predator priest to a place where he could have no access to children at all…but the archbishop curtly reminded the bishop that this wasn’t going to be possible, based on the serious shortage of priests in parish schools. In other words, yeah, we can start bouncing these animals out of the priesthood, but who’se going to backfill all the work? Not I, thought the Church leader.
  • The Church had no clue what they were dealing with, and knew it. There was so much buck-passing that, in retrospect, it’s painful to read. Bishop A knows that he has a child abuser in his diocese, so he finds another diocese that’s short a priest. So he sends Bishop B a glowing letter of recommendation, claiming that the priest in question, despite what you may have heard, does a great job with the community. Bishop B begrudging accepts the transfer, knowing that Bishop A probably just screwed him over. And Bishop B starts looking toward Bishop C, wondering if he’s heard the rumors. And the predator gets moved from community to community, each unaware of the monster stepping into their midst. Great for the predator: fresh victims. Great for Bishop A: he just got rid of a major headache.
  • When the problem became undeniable for a bishop, he would send the predator off to a special hospital, run by the Church, to treat priests of this terrible affliction. The bishop washes his hands of the affair—the priest is finally getting the help he needs and will be sent somewhere else in the future, fully rehabilitated. Problem solved. Except, the evidence shows, this special hospital was staffed by morons or charlatans who had no idea what they were dealing with. Did any of the therapy work? Was anyone successfully treated for pedophilia? Seems not. After a few months, a refreshed and fully capable predator was released back into the public.
  • Child predators are good at spotting victims: apathetic or absent parents, unpopular with other kids, into unusual hobbies, and who spend time alone. The kid who is picked last for teams, who shows little interest in a variety of activities, or is encouraged by parents to be different often become easily manipulated by an authority figure. You all know the grooming process: special attention, long conversations in the car about whatever the kid is interested in, purchased gifts for no special reason, an arm around the shoulder, a lingering hug, and massages all progress to the victim lowering his or her defenses. After the attack, careful psychological manipulation: your parents won’t believe you, this was for your own good, you deserved it because you started it, and more. It’s all about setup and execution. Do you see any of these attributes in your kids? A predator will, from a mile away.
  • Child predators are not lone wolves. This seems hard for the public to believe, but while some operate quietly in isolation, a huge percentage of them link up and create a network. The report details the number of priests who would pass kids around; one group even gave victims special gold crosses to wear around their neck…to alert others in the network that “this kid’s an easy target.” The number of incidents involving multiple priests, from different parishes or even different dioceses, working together to attack victims is not for the faint of heart.

Having said all this, the Czar has known perhaps thousands of priests over the centuries he’s been stomping around the earth. He has, to his knowledge, never met one accused or suspected of anything (oh, he has met a couple of oddballs, though!). So while the percentage of priests who do unspeakable evil to children may be slightly higher than the number of laity who do the same evils, there is no question that the percentage of brilliant, wonderful, colorful, and basically holy men who are priests far outweighs the general public’s capacity for such grace. The evil that some priests do is severe, but it cannot outweigh the work of God performed by priests daily.

This is no excuse: just a reminder that the Church should have nothing to fear in its seemingly new fervor to expose and eradicate this evil. No matter how many terrible people the Church identifies and removes, there will always be far more good people remaining in it. So while the report is right to apologize to its readers for the heart-wrenching stories it contains, it is also right to remind the reader, as it does in multiple places, that ultimately the Church is positive institution and deserves to participate in its own purification.

May it do so, to the ends of the earth. The Czar is hopeful that every archdiocese in the United States take the same steps and reveal everything the Church knows about the evils it houses or housed in its heart. And may it do so quickly.

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Let’s Check Out…Uh…Kiribati!

The Gormogons Posted on August 10, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyAugust 10, 2018

Google Maps has no clue what it looks like, either.

The Czar has decided we should all learn about Kiribati, which is evidently either an island or a chain of islands. The Czar isn’t sure where, but suspect somewhere in a large body of water. Probably a good place to start looking, at any rate.

If you’re new to this website, you should know that the Czar likes to do infrequent spotlights on countries around the world, and in so doing, manages to avoid doing any real research on it besides maybe googling a couple of pictures. These research reports are largely guesswork.

Also, if you’re new to this website, that’s pretty unlikely.

Anyway, Kiribati, which is becoming harder for us to spell, is this island nation somewhere wet. And sunny. Most people pick sunny and warm islands to start countries. The obvious exceptions are Greenland, which is actually an island but is big enough to practically be its own continent, Easter Island, which is so unpleasant just about everyone starved to death there, and all of the United Kingdom, which is a miserable place filled with Scottish people and the Irish. There may be other islands that aren’t very nice, weather-wise.

But Kiribati is probably super pleasant, aside from the annual typhoon or hurricane or whatever the locals call it that scours the place into a desert.

You’re probably wondering what the local wildlife is like, and the Czar also wonders, right along with you. That’s probably the sort of thing worth looking up sometime.

The Czar is also uncertain what language is spoken in Kiribati. Probably “Kiribati,” about which the Czar knows two things: (1) Nothing, and (2) The Volgi probably speaks it.

As far as local cuisine, the Kiribati eat a lot of seafood, fresh fruits, and beans because that’s all island people ever eat. It sounds pretty healthy, but all that island food tends to blow through your intestines as if your mouth and your anus were connected by a shiny, metal tube. And the Czar has no idea if the Kiribati people put curry in everything, but if they do, you can pretty much write off enjoying anything they serve you.

As far as a government entity, the Kiribati nation is corrupt, borderline communist, and marginally functional with self-governance. This isn’t from The CIA Factbook, but is based on every other goddamned island paradise on earth. Really, it’s like if you live on island, you become utterly incompetent at basic rule of law. Check out Britain. The Czar doesn’t need to do research on this project.

So Kiribati is probably one of those long and thin islands, which means their local economy is probably based on storing lumber in neat stacks, or something. So you should probably buy a couple of tickets and go.

As any elementary school student will tell you, the two best words in any analytical report are “in conclusion,” and in conclusion, the Czar will add that Kiribati is the most perfectly wonderful hellhole on earth, and you’re welcome to admire their lumber stacks from a public lavatory, as that papaya-goo bean dip you ate ten minutes ago has decided to Usain Bolt out your colon and become a jellyfish offshore.

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Why We Fight

The Gormogons Posted on July 30, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyJuly 30, 2018

Our castle has a big, silver (and frequently lethal) robot dwelling within, and his piece on Federalism yesterday got the Czar thinking about something he read on Twitter.

The ever-brilliant (and darned nice about it, too) @Molratty had a short series of tweets we present here:

People in high population areas tend to want different things than those in lower population areas. This is the beauty of federalism and localism. The problem is when the high pop. areas demand that everyone else do the same things by force of the federal govt https://t.co/BFhu8n9ou8

— Mo Mo (@molratty) July 27, 2018

Why should their policies matter more? What does a Manhattanite know about the needs of a guy living in rural New Mexico?

— Mo Mo (@molratty) July 27, 2018

The fetishization of democracy without also incorporating concepts like federalism and localism is how you end up with too much collectivism, redistribution, and government, period.

— Mo Mo (@molratty) July 27, 2018

Related: the idea that we can be a social democracy like Scandanavian countries requires maintaining this delusion that we are a completely homogeneous people with the same priorities. We are not.

— Mo Mo (@molratty) July 27, 2018

To which this individual replied:

The primary thing a lobster fisherman in Maine, a cabbie in NYC, a rancher in Colorado, and a tech geek in California have in common is the desire to be free and prosper. A federal republic allows that – a democracy doesn’t.

— 🎶Del Paxton’s Piano 🎶 (@Mark_Derr) July 27, 2018

There’s an entire semester of political science crammed into those tweets, and the Czar especially fixated on Mo’s second tweet and @Mark_Derr’s tweet as especially profound. As any number of YouTube videos will reveal, Europeans who have not spent a lot of time in the United States are frequently staggered by its size and complexity. Why, the Czar still remembers when some of Mandarin’s in-laws from Europe came to visit, and boldly announced they would hit Niagara Falls on Monday, drive to Chicago on Tuesday, and swing over to Las Vegas on Wednesday. And these were not dumb people—they just failed to comprehend that America is somewhat bigger than France.

A similar fallacy exists among many urban Americans. Just because you can take the Six from Bleecker to Castle Hill doesn’t mean that a few stops further away finds you in Provo, Utah. To add to the litany of professions listed in the above tweets, a bodega shopper in Brooklyn might not be able to anticipate the needs of a ranch hand in Colorado—and the Czar suspects there is a huge number of New Yorkers, Washingtonians, and Angelinos who would be shocked to learn that there are still cowboys actively moving cattle across vast sections of grazing territory today.

You probably saw the New York Times‘ map of political bubbles, thinly and cleverly disguised as an electoral results map. The Czar agrees with its premise that the more blue or red a location is, the greater the political insulation. No question about it: there are many places in America where people can never meet a Republican…or meet a Democrat.

This ties well into the string of tweets above because most of the sweeping, generic, and inconsiderate legislation driving American nuts these days is coming out of the blue areas; the red areas are certainly far more disposed to leave-us-the-hell alone federalism. Yes, colors represent geographical area, and not population; the Czar understand that. But this is what makes the map so fascinating: Obamacare, student debt bailout, free tuition, and free housing are being promoted by people who have no idea what the vast majority of the country looks like. All those red areas? They just want to be left alone. The blue areas? Big populations, but functionally uniform islands in a sea of actual diversity.

These red areas don’t have subways and bodegas, sidewalks, buses, apartments with rent control, schools with tagging, ATMs, needles on the street, plastic bag bans, sugar taxes, or soccer camps. They probably lack other things, too, such as art museums, hands-on science centers, walk-in clinics, vegan dining options, and hookah bars. But they might have all sorts of other things, like spacious skies, amber waves of grain, swamps, rivers, waterfalls, corn silos, steel plants, roller coasters, church picnics, and more farm-to-table options than every large city combined. And sure, the nearest place to buy clothes is at a Wal-Mart 40 minutes away, and there are probably meth addicts wasting away in run down, tar-paper houses, too, just down from the same vape shops and tattoo parlors you find in the cities.

Of course, the point is that these red-area rubes probably know more about life in the blue areas than the other way around. A chin-scratching yokel who spent eight hours repairing trailers in his gravel-road, rusting, steel-shed repair shop can figure out how to use Uber, or pay at an automatic laundry, or navigate a six-level parking garage in a fraction of the time it takes an Acela Corridor commuter to execute a three-point turn with a flat bed trailer.

There is ignorance in both red and blue about the other’s lives. But, truth is, there’s way more ignorance in blue than in red. To GorT’s point about Federalism, the system was designed to make those differences trivial. Unfortunately, blue has decided it knows better about the world, based on its 4-minute walk to the bodega than red’s 40-minute drive to Wal-Mart.

Maybe bubble isn’t the right concept. Increasingly, America’s aggravation with itself is being caused by people who live in a ship in a bottle, that’s on a shelf aboard a real ship on a real ocean.

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Where Did It Change?

The Gormogons Posted on July 29, 2018 by GorTJuly 29, 2018
Or, more accurately, I should say, “when did it change?”GorT has been giving our current political landscape some thought over the past few weeks and has become a bit fixated on thinking that if only we had adhered to the dual federalism set up in the Constitution, our country would be in a much different, and maybe better, place. Consider for a moment what this country could be if the states retained more of their independent authority, the Tenth Amendment held fast, and the federal government retained only those powers enumerated to it. This is consistent with the early structure laid out in the Constitution and Bill of Rights. Everything from abortion laws to gay marriage could be an individual state issue. So the question is: when and how did this happen?Let’s jump in my time machine and go back to late December 1791. The Constitution and the Bill of Rights have just been ratified. The Tenth Amendment, originally proposed in 1789, was included in the Bill of Rights to satisfy the anti-federalists who feared a stronger, centralized government just after getting out from under Britain’s thumb. The Amendment reads:
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the peopleTenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution
This Amendment is derived from a similar clause in the Articles of Confederation that read:
Each state retains its sovereignty, freedom, and independence, and every power, jurisdiction, and right, which is not by this Confederation expressly delegated to the United States, in Congress assembled
At this point the country has a federal government funded and limited to specific (enumerated) powers laid out in the Constitution and Bill of Rights and the rest of the governance power lies within the states. As pointed out in this excellent breakdown, Alexander Hamilton starts the ball rolling with proposing that taxation for the “national interest” in learning, agriculture, manufacturing, and commerce are within the sphere of “the national councils'” purview. He contradicts it in Federalist #17 and #34 saying that agriculture and other similar efforts are properly provided for by local legislations are not a care of the federal government. James Monroe pulled a similar move with his veto of the Federal Public Works Bill in which he puts forth that States have the power sought, not the federal government. But then, he stated 16 years later while President that he saw no Constitutional objection to appropriate money for public improvements.Now we jump ahead to the 1920s when we find the ultimate culprit in these matters: The U.S. Supreme Court. Through a series of decisions, the Supreme Court decisions enabled the federal government to tax and to spend beyond the original Constitutional constraints. Leading up to this, the SCOTUS had been weakening the equal sovereignty of states with regards to the federal government (specifically in Hunter v. Martin (Va. 1814), Martin v. Hunter Lessee (US 1816), New York v. Miln (US 1837), and The License Cases (US 1837)).As stated in the piece I reference above:
[A]t this point there were still a few areas that the states were left alone.  These were the means of production like mining, agriculture, manufacturing and the employee/employer relationship.That is, until President Roosevelt and the New Deal came along.  During the time of the New Deal was when the last vestiges of federalism were swept away.  It was during this time that FDR was instituting his court pack threat to the Supreme court that the last bit of sovereignty the states had disappeared.  Today, there is absolutely no concept of Federal equilibrium with the states in any ingredient of national legislation.
This incremental erosion of the states’ powers and their abdication thereof to the federal government has created a host of problems. We are a nation of people, with a common set of beliefs and goals, but also with differences in methods and priorities. The dual federal construct originally proposed and implemented enables these two natures to co-exist. But it has been corrupted by politicians (I’d argue more on the liberal side of the spectrum). In closing, let me quote another part of the piece:
[T]he National Government holds out inducements, primarily of a monetary nature, to the States in what is referred to as “grants-in-aid“.  These monetary inducements seduce the states to use their reserved powers to support certain objectives of national policy.  In other words, the greater financial strength of the National Government is joined to the wider coercive powers of the States.Thus since 1911, Congress has voted money to subsidize all kinds of things from forest-protection to education, industrial to experimentation, highway construction and so forth.  All the States have to do is appropriate equal sums for the same purpose.The only hitch being that they promise to jump through every single hoop laid down by Congress.Since the concept of “Cooperative Conception” was introduced, the national government’s superior fiscal resources (through the Federal Reserves power to print money) have been used to constantly concentrate their power over local policies and supervision.With the changes that have happened to the concept of dual Federalism, the system has been overwhelmed and submerged.  Today the question faces us of whether the States can be saved for any useful purpose?As it stands now, the states serve very little function in the overall system other than just another governmental body of red tape and taxation.  Yet, it is very important to remember that no constitutional amendments have been passed altering the dynamics between the state and the federal government.  Everything that has transpired has happened in the judiciary and not through any movement by we the people in the form of amending the constitution.
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X Marks the Spot…in Time

The Gormogons Posted on July 26, 2018 by GorTJuly 26, 2018

Luckily, the Czar is on his game and noticed that we just passed our 10 year anniversary*. GorT has been busy with a new work assignment, Volgi is off translating some hockey playbooks into 14 languages, and ‘Puter….well, he’s so busy on Twitter he doesn’t really notice things like this. Czar, Mandy, and Doc joined later, so I squarely put the blame on the O.G.**

By the numbers it’s been an interesting 10 years. I actually find it hard to believe that it’s really been that long – it definitely doesn’t feel that way. We’ve made almost 8,500 posts dating back to August 23, 1970 (remember: time machine) – if you don’t believe me, check the sidebar. We’ve recorded 30 episodes over two seasons in our podcast. Over 4,000 people follow us on Twitter (aside from a handful of troublemakers, minions, and ne’er-do-wells, they’re probably all Russian bots) and tweeted over 364,000 inane messages that someone is reading…maybe…well, at least their looking at all the GIFs.

All in all, it’s pretty impressive given the idea that was kicking around in our collective minds 10 years ago.

I hope I’m speaking for the others in that I’m looking forward to another 10 years – although I’m not sure what media platforms we’ll dominate then but we all hope you’ll be there with us, enjoying our particular sense of multiple personality humor.

* technically, it was July 24th

** Original Gormogons: Volgi, ‘Puter, and GorT

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10 Years!

The Gormogons Posted on July 26, 2018 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.July 26, 2018
Our first website was done in ink and quill. Updates took even longer, then.

The Gormogons wish, collectively, all of you have enjoyed the last ten years of frivolity and pithy commentary. We’ve gone from a bunch of no-name jackasses with various dependency problems and a seldom-read website to, in only a decade, being on Twitter as well.

Some of you only know us on Twitter, which is really shameful because this site is much funnier, but this wild blend of National Review, the Addams Family, and Mad Magazine is not as instantaneously funny as Twitter. Yes, we really are that quick with nuttiness.

Some of you know us for our podcasts, which brings incisive analysis and cutting edge connectivity to something like early 1930s radio. Nice job, technology.

And a good portion know us for all these things, and we really hope you stay around for another ten years, assuming you’re not too busy. Happy birthday, us.

Posted in Uncategorized

It’s the End of the World and The Media Know It

The Gormogons Posted on July 25, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyJuly 25, 2018

Almost a year ago, media conglomerate Tronc purchased the New York Daily News. Tronc is a fairly lean animal, with a penchant for nice things nevertheless, and knows a bit about turning newspapers around. They pulled the Chicago Tribune up out of a seemingly impossible tailspin, and re-powered the venerable Baltimore Sun. Recognizing the suddenly unionized Los Angeles Times was now incurable, they tanked it and sold it to someone with questionable experience. With sweeping changes at those papers out of the way, they turned their attention to the New York Daily News.

After a period of analyzing how the New York paper wrote its stories, managed its resources, and presented itself, Tronc promptly cut half the editorial staff. Editors who had been there for years suddenly found that experience counted for nothing, and were dumped unceremoniously onto the street.

“Finally, some good news,” mainstream media announced, “We can now talk about ourselves,” which—let’s face it—is the media’s absolute favorite past-time. Media outlets around the country announced, with usual liberal fashion, that firing half the editorial staff pour encourager les autres, was certainly the end of America as we know it, that fire is already raining down from the heavens, nothing is safe, and the seas boil and consume the lands. Somewhere, Jefferson sobs and such.

Because the media would rather have a completely failed newspaper, producing horseshit political screeds no one wants to read, than have a functioning reporting arm, one supposes. The fact is that Tronc purchased the New York Daily News for one dollar. You read that right: they paid a single dollar, because by law, they could not pay less for the paper. From the media’s perspective, Tronc assumed all operating liabilities and agreed to fund all existing pensions because, evidently, they wanted to see the New York Daily News continue to produce nothing of quality.

Tronc had a different view of the Daily News. One of the latter’s columnists wrote:

[T]here are “just a handful of reporters” left covering public housing, schools, transportation and courts in New York after years of cuts in local news.

That’s the problem Tronc intends to fix. Cuts at the Daily News reduced them to a Potemkin village of reporting…but evidently there were plenty of editors left to opine about politics and pop culture. Maybe they let a few of those guys go, and hire back some actual reporters? The Czar should note that, typically, editors make more per year than reporters, so cutting half the editorial staff could possibly hire a lot more reporters. The Tronc press release stated something similar: the newspaper will now focus on news, especially crime reporting. Crime reporting? What is this, the glory days of journalism? Next thing you know, they’ll put in an actual city desk, where a fast-thinking editor assigns breaking stories to eager reporters who write well and can get the story straight.

Gosh, it would be interesting to see the editorial blasphemy disappear out of the newspaper and see factual reporting in there again.

You readers know the Czar detests the news media. Where newspapers are concerned, the Czar has a specific series of observations:

  • Reporters generally try to do a good job, and write stories with a lot of facts in them—a lot of those facts are interesting, but not critical to the story as it develops over time.
  • Editors gut the hell out of those stories, stripping out items they deem unimportant, and—increasingly—adding elements they feel are helpful to the reader.
  • Since the 1990s, editors (inspired by talking heads on cable news) feel compelled to assist the reader in interpreting the story. Here’s why this is important. Here’s how this affects you.
  • Psychologically, a person is inevitably biased in which words he or she selects to relate a story. This is called lensing: you see the world through your lens (your experiences and viewpoints), and even though you believe you are being as neutral as possible, you wind up biasing a story.
  • A significant percentage, perhaps the majority, of media bias examples occur through word selection. Note how a president’s economic success will vary based on his political party: homelessness is rampant despite an encouraging economy under Republicans (bad news before good), and Democrats carefully steer the nation through difficult times (good before bad), knowing most people read only the first half of a clause as they skim headlines.
  • Editors control most of the content you read in a paper. Most are ardently liberal democrats, a large number bordering on pro-socialism. In socialist societies, editors have an easier job of reporting. No one blames them for getting the story wrong. You don’t get fired for nodding your head, only for speaking in opposition. With the latter, you might lose your head.
  • The amount of conservative Republicans working as editors—once the vast majority in the 1920s and 1930s—is a population now smaller than a society of Pacific Northwest sasquatches, and about as often seen. Most of the conservatives have left for online media, which is growing and succeeding.
  • On the other hand, most newspapers have reduced their reporter pools to skeleton crews or token forces. Editorial staff have increased, probably because there are so many news stories today that need handcrafting.
  • As we said on Twitter the other day, if one were to take a highlighter and color the factual statements in a newspaper, there would be very little color on the page. We have reached a saturation point in journalism where news stories are overwhelmingly opinion or speculative fact. The Czar suspects that many editors are beyond the ability to recognize the distinction.

Sadly, too few Americans can apply critical thinking skills, and many who can—most elementary schools and secondary schools still devote a small amount of the curriculum to critical thinking, but apply it largely to literature only—fail to realize these skills are essentially applicable to news stories. The Czar has a few anecdotes in which he has witnessed people disregard critical thinking of news stories because “this is the news…these are facts.” Maybe, but how do you know? “They check these facts before they print them.” Who does? The editors…and that’s the problem.

The Czar can’t (and won’t) promise that in two weeks’ time, the New York Daily News will suddenly become a First Amendment powerhouse, watchdogging the government, fact-checking politicians, reporting on corruption in the criminal justice system, and providing its readers critical news stories to make informed decisions. There have been improvements in both the Chicago Tribune and Baltimore Sun, for example, but too much of any newspaper is barely useful beyond lining gold-gilded birdcages under a Democrat president or insulating those sleeping homeless under a Republican president. Tronc isn’t a group of libertarians, by any means–just a business studying what drives folks away from a product.

Once upon a time, a reader could easily find a newspaper with similar political viewpoints. In a large city, you had two or more papers competing on politics; if you disagreed with one, you subscribed to the other. If your rural area only had one paper, odds were very high your political viewpoint matched the paper’s, based on your local economics or industry (in Iowa, in 1935, a Republican paper would have had no readers). In order to increase readership in a fixed market, some papers decided to adopt a more neutral tone to the stories, thereby luring readers from the other paper over to theirs. This worked, until the other paper did the same thing. Over a short period of time, the trend among newspapers was to attempt even-handed stories, providing two opposing political viewpoints where possible—no matter how extreme or off-the-wall.

As the Czar insists, this is ultimately impossible and self-defeating. You can’t do it without eventually tipping your hand. And we wind up with these ridiculous rags that are 95% opinion and 5% op ed. And that’s allegedly “fair.” And people drift away from newspapers and find a fresher approach online, where it becomes patently and immediately obvious what political party is endorsed. This increases polarization of opinion, but that was inevitable anyway. And sales of newspapers plummet to where a major city paper can be purchased for one dollar.

Or, you know,  you might try what Tronc is attempting: stick to news, and drop the opinion. It may be foolhardy, and it may not work, but it’s certainly more hopeful than the laissez-faire tantrums the media are exhibiting now about Tronc. In other words, the media are telling Tronc, “Your cure is a long-shot, whereas we’re facing certain death otherwise.” It’s not that hard to figure out, even for an editor.

Posted in Uncategorized

Spooky Mail

The Gormogons Posted on July 18, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyJuly 18, 2018

The Czar was in Cleveland the last few days, avoiding ‘Puter, who was wandering the Castle sweat-palmed, hoping someone would play Dingles and Dragons or whatever it’s called. When ‘Puter gets his role-playing game jones going, it’s like pon farr or something with him. He tried to teach Sleestak how to play once, but Sleestak alternate kept trying to hatch the dice by sitting on them, and at one point ate ‘Puter’s ultra-rare two-sided die, which resulted in quite the beating. Dat Ho, being your typical, Asian sneak, manages to vanish for hours at a time, and ‘Puter was once so eager for entertainment that he challenged Volgi’s yeti to play, which resulted in a lot of smashed furniture. Not much doesn’t when you involve the yeti.

The Czar loathes these games, even if they do allow ‘Puter the refreshing ability to be—at least for a few hours, anyway—someone who isn’t ‘Puter. Scrots the Elf, or Portly the Lawful, or whatever the hell he calls his character is so much better than doing what he normally does on Twitter 23 hours a day.

So the Czar was in the Don Quixotel, off 470, when he heard a little scratch at the hotel room door. The Czar sprang to his feet, whomped a bearded single-bit axe into the door, and asked, “Yes?” Silence. We opened the door to find a small, wadded up piece of paper on the floor. It was a note! A note from someone we shall call Ken, because that was the name he signed at the bottom.

Dread Czar, I believe your analysis in your post of 9 July is correct. I’ve been asking myself the same question for years. Beyond the polls, why does PETA pay for billboards claiming, “Feeding your kids meat is child abuse?” Why do they write open letters telling the Green Bay Packers to change their name to the Pickers, or change fish to “sea kittens” (both to the approbation of the establishment media)? Why does Greenpeace don giant papier-mache heads and stage die-ins over GMOs? Just as the headlines are for liberals (possibly to head off cognitive dissonance in the already “convinced” by stopping them doing their own research), it’s grandstanding for their own donor bases, to show that they’re down for the cause and donors’ money isn’t being wasted (for given values thereof). Your ob’dt, Ken

Well, Ken, if that’s your real name, of course the Czar is correct. But your observation that “it’s not just polls” is a good one we hadn’t considered. And your explanation is a fascinating one: it’s driven by money, which of course explains most things.

In fact, your summary is so good there’s almost no point in us continuing to research the matter. Because someone we don’t really know told us we were correct, we stopped thinking critically ourselves. Yes, thinking like the Left has its advantages. Good call!

If only that’s where our story ended. But it doesn’t, because we also got an email from someone whose name didn’t render except as a bunch of quesiton marks. So either this person doesn’t know how internetish mail works, or he really knows how it works, and has mastered near-anonymous email. If so, how very Gorgomonesque of you. We approve!

You ask “So why bother?” and then answer your own question with “The Czar suspects those headlines aren’t for you”. Allow me to suggest another possible interpretation: the intention is to gaslight people who don’t agree with the poll, in a similar way to how Communist countries force people to go along with absurdity.

No, we liked Ken’s explanation better; his conspiracy theory is simpler. But you’re right: the Czar does answer his own questions a great deal. Why is that? Because it’s easier to answer our own question than wait for most of you folks to do it for us. That’s the grumpy way we rolls.

You two are all right, and please email again. But if you want to do us a solid, agree to play ‘Puter’s wee elf game with him. Each session takes about twenty-two hours to set up, and then he rolls one die and announces your character is killed on the first roll. Good luck getting that time back.

Posted in Uncategorized

World Cup 2018 – Nearing the Finish

The Gormogons Posted on July 10, 2018 by GorTJuly 10, 2018

Dr. J is banging on my door trying to get me to update the scoring. Who knew he was so into soccer? Oh, wait, he told me to call it football. In the final rounds, teams advancing get 4, 8 and 16 points.

GorT advances to 32 points with England advancing to the semi-finals but it’s likely not enough to overcome the exits by Argentina and Brazil in order to catch up with Mandy or Doc.

The Mandarin, fresh from krav-gor-maga training, jumps up with Belgium advancing to 37 points and, until today’s loss by the same, had a chance to catch up to Dr. J.

So it looks like regardless of the other semi-final, Dr. J is going to win as GorT can’t catch him with a win by England. Having 3 of his 5 picks advance to the bracket round really helped. Now, I just need to get him to stop following the Phillies via our Twitter account…well, at least it’s not the Penguins.

Posted in Uncategorized

Make America Great Again, Tell Federal Judges To Get Bent

The Gormogons Posted on July 10, 2018 by 'PuterJuly 10, 2018

A federal judge in California issued a nationwide injunction late Tuesday temporarily stopping the Trump administration from separating children from their parents at the border and ordered that all families already separated be reunited within 30 days.

Thus did the New York Times report on federal district court judge Dana M. Sabraw’s order. What the New York Times and other news outlets chose not to report is there is no authorizing legislation or constitutional provision permitting federal district courts to issue nationwide injunctions.

Nationwide injunctions were once a minor part of federal courts’ body of work. Of late, federal district courts, mostly in liberal jurisdictions, have used nationwide injunctions to hamstring executive action.

Liberal activists seek out liberal judges in liberal locations to implement nationwide liberal policies liberals are unable to legislate. The resistance has willing agents on the bench now, it seems.

But not so fast, resisty judges. As ‘Puter presciently noted at the time, Justice Thomas put lower federal courts on notice, hinting that their use of nationwide injunctions is constitutionally suspect and unlikely to withstand Supreme Court scrutiny.

Justice Thomas, concurring in the Court’s Trump v. Hawaii opinion, wrote:

Merits aside, I write separately to address the remedy that the plaintiffs sought and obtained in this case. The District Court imposed an injunction that barred the Government from enforcing the President’s Proclamation against anyone, not just the plaintiffs. Injunctions that prohibit the Executive Branch from applying a law or policy against anyone—often called “universal” or “nationwide” injunctions—have become increasingly common. District courts, including the one here, have begun imposing universal injunctions without considering their authority to grant such sweeping relief. These injunctions are beginning to take a toll on the federal court system— preventing legal questions from percolating through the federal courts, encouraging forum shopping, and making every case a national emergency for the courts and for the Executive Branch.

I am skeptical that district courts have the authority to enter universal injunctions. These injunctions did not emerge until a century and a half after the founding. And they appear to be inconsistent with longstanding limits on equitable relief and the power of Article III courts. If their popularity continues, this Court must address their legality.

Trump v. Hawaii, No. 17-965, 585 U.S. ___ (2018)

If Trump is serious about making America great again, he can start by ignoring nationwide injunctions issued by district courts. It is the executive’s prerogative to ignore unconstitutional acts by both the legislative and judicial branches.

If the resistance doesn’t like it, let them take their case for unlimited nationwide federal district court jurisdiction to Justice Thomas and the rest of the Supreme Court.

Good luck with that.

Posted in Uncategorized

« Dans quel but? »

The Gormogons Posted on July 9, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyJuly 9, 2018

Or, “what’s the point?”

The Czar wonders this each time he sees a news story promoting a poll that obviously doesn’t add up. Do most Americans favor abortion? It doesn’t seem so, yet there’s another poll that suggests maybe they do.  Would Americans support massive gun control? Social media swears they do, but NRA membership spikes. Do most Americans want single-payer healthcare? The polls stress this is the case, but as we know, they really, really, really did not.

This isn’t an exposition about the fallibility of polls, although goodness knows, we could talk a lot about that. Instead, the Czar is wondering what’s the value of social issue polls on highly polarizing topics?

A pattern is easy to spot: take a divisive social issue, and the headline almost invariably suggests the liberal progressive interpretation is the correct one. Yeah, you get it: the people who write the news are promoting their pet interpretation of it. That’s not our question.

Indeed, our question is simpler: why bother? You probably aren’t going to change my opinion on this.

Most Americans support Roe v. Wade? That seems a stretch, and in fact, the data really suggests far otherwise. So why push the opposite idea? Does the Left really think a typical American, who finds voluntary infanticide utterly repulsive, will read the headline and suddenly decide the opposite? “I find voluntary infanticide utterly repulsive,” he thought to himself as he stared at the headline. “But 52% Americans might defend it? I must be totally turned around on this issue!“

His wife is upstairs, gazing at Facebook. “My goodness, here’s a piece that says most Americans want assault rifles banned. Even though we have a family NRA membership, and I understand the Second Amendment pretty well, I must be completely wrong on that.”

You get the idea. In fact, the Czar will bet you can think up a couple more on your own, fairly easily. Likely, these news stories don’t convince anyone to change their mind so completely.

Not sure what picture to use, so here’s one at random.

Sometimes polls can. Take a primary election: you might have doubts about the viability of a candidate to deliver on a grand promise; but then, reading his or her poll numbers, you find a lot of people think the candidate could go all the way. In fact, you might just pull the virtual level for that candidate yourself, now that you know this candidate could make it.

Heck, even in a general election, you can be swayed. A lot of people in 2016 expected to pull the level for Hillary Clinton until Trump’s numbers rose upward…and thought maybe she wasn’t an inevitable victor.

Unsure what cell phone to get? Here’s a poll that might tip you toward or away from that new Apple iPhone.

But on an all-or-nothing option about your social opinion, this doesn’t seem to be the case. It’s binary: you are either for a gun ban or are against it. You are either for Obamacare or against it. You either support abortion or don’t. There are smaller categories within each (“I don’t support a total ban, for example…”), but overall it’s one or the other when it comes down to it.

Do people change opinion? You bet they do, but that’s generally after a massive amount of evidence or experience hits them: a person in favor of single-payer begins to research how healthcare insurance actually works and changes his mind; a person tolerant of abortion sees an ultrasound of a clump of cells and decides that, no, that’s a little person growing inside her. You will probably note that these core philosophical switches tend to go from liberal to conservative.

The number of times that happens is probably insignificant. Overall, very few people read the headline or introductory paragraph to a poll analysis and suddenly flip their viewpoint to a liberal one.

So why bother? The Czar suspects those headlines aren’t for you. They’re for liberals, to reassure them that they might not be alone. You have backup! Entrench your position! You’re not out there by yourselves!

Because outside of that, these headlines serve no obvious purpose. Do they? Have you ever switched your deeply held opinion because of a loose interpretation of a poll?

Posted in Liberals

FIFA World Cup 2018 – Quarterfinals Update

The Gormogons Posted on July 3, 2018 by GorTJuly 3, 2018
GorT and ‘Puter in World Cup Training

The FIFA World Cup 2018 Quarterfinals are set with the first round of bracket games having been played with a couple exciting games. Three games came down to penalty kicks – Croatia vs Denmark, England vs. Columbia, and Spain vs. Russia. I’m sure there are those out there that bemoan the tie but there really isn’t a better solution that I’ve heard. The NHL follows a very similar one in the playoffs with an extra period of play and then penalty shots. Most sports have some sort of tiebreaking scheme – extra periods of play, sudden death, first to score, etc. It’s not worthy of your axe grinding against soccer.

#1 Dr. J28 ptsDr. J leaps ahead with 3 teams advancing in the brackets: Croatia, France, and Uruguay. He’ll lose at least one in the next round as France plays Uruguay. The Phillies have dropped to 3.5 games back. Croatia plays Russia, one of Mandy’s teams. Sleestak is going to have extra cleaning duty after that game.
#2 Mandarin23 ptsRussia and Belgium’s wins advance Mandy and jump him into second place. We briefly heard from him before he went back to his lab. “Eh, second place? Ok.” 
#3 GorT20 ptsGorT jumps up one place into third with Brazil and England’s wins. He might be watching his two games in this round alone. England is playing the Czar’s Sweden pick and Brazil is playing Mandy’s other pick: Belgium.  Suck it, Czar.
#4 ‘Puter17 ptsBy virtue of his points to date, ‘Puter has fourth place for now. He is, however, relegated to moving up no more slots as he has no picks surviving. So sad. I’m sure we’ll hear the moaning in his large goblet of mead…or whatever he walks back with from the Leapin’ Peacock.
#5 Czar13 ptsThe Czar climbs up one spot with the win from Sweden. It’ll be short-lived. But not as short as his attention to the World Cup.
#6 Volgi11 pts

Volgi is parked at sixth place with his teams falling in previous rounds. He’s off doing something more interesting, I’m sure, so he’ll be fine.

#7 Sleestak2 pointsDone. Finished. Kaput.
#8 Dat Ho0 points“Hey! You call me Loser, Lady.”
Posted in Uncategorized

P320…And?

The Gormogons Posted on July 2, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyJuly 2, 2018

After avoiding the subject for quite a long while, the Czar got around to trying the Sig-Sauer P320 full-size in 9mm. This particular firearm is noteworthy because it’s the long-awaited successor to the Beretta 92 SBF, also known as the M9. And that’s important because the P-320 is the official sidearm of the United States military, where it shall be known as the M17.

Full-size Sig Sauer P320

The Beretta was a controversial decision back in the early 1980s, as it replaced the venerable M1911A1 .45 pistol as standard issue. Lots of folks like the “1911,” and were incredibly unreasonable about letting it go. It is indeed one of the Czar’s favorites, and he can hit pretty much anything with one. But the Beretta offered more ammunition, was compatible with a ton of other weapons in NATO, and was just better overall.

Except, you know, there is a large number of people that just can’t seem to get the hang of the Beretta. The Czar is one of them, too. He really disliked its strange design, its top-heavy slide, and propensity to miss nearly everything we aim it at. Better on paper, perhaps.

Not surprisingly, firearm performance and safety have advanced a lot since the early 1980s, and the military was more than happy to ditch the M9. Except, as you’d expect, a ton of people suddenly started screaming that they now loved the M9, and how dare they replace it. That’s how it goes when you do weapons standardization for the United States. Nobody likes you. Ever.

Don’t even start looking into what happened with rifles.

But after a long trial period, the military selected the P320 as its best-performing overall pistol contender, among quite a lot of manufacturers. Really. Yes, it beat out some famous competitors, much to the surprise of many and the inevitable dismay of most.

Anyway, the M17 is now the standard for all military and federal units in the United States, with the exception of every branch and bureau, all of whom have their own standard weapons made by a bunch of different manufacturers. The Czar has no idea who will actually carry the M17, since everybody seems to be approved to carry something else.

So how good is it? The Czar opted to use the full-size, which is the equivalent of the M17, using range-friendly 9mm rounds. And the answer is… it was okay.

Not okay, like your kid’s first attempt at making you eggs is, um, …okay, but really okay: as in, a pretty decent choice. It lined up well on target, had a nice grip, and easy sight picture, and was easy to use. In fact, there was nothing bad about it.

The Czar isn’t about to give up his beloved Springfield XD40 for this. And he isn’t going to say the P320 is better than the 1911. But frankly, the P320 shoots a lot better than most Glocks,* and way better than the often-rattling Smith & Wesson M&P. Anyone who’s shot a firearm made after 2000 will have little trouble appreciating the P320 for being a good weapon.

The Czar’s only problem with the P320 is the fact it’s a Sig. The Czar has always thought Sigs are over-priced for what you get; not bad, by any means, and good on you if you own a Sig. But a Sig is like a Lincoln product. Yeah, it costs a lot more, and has basically the same features as a lower-priced Ford, but the Czar has never met a Lincoln owner who felt like a dope for getting one. Because they’re good…just a bit costly.

So that’s an extremely arguable quibble; the fact is the P320 isn’t very expensive, and the thing just shoots really well. The Czar expected to have a lot more things to complain about, but really came up with nothing. It’s not a great firearm, the P320, but it absolutely does the job. It’s not all that sexy to look at, but this weapon doesn’t care what you think of it.

Look, if you put a Glock 17, a Springfield XD, a CZ-75, a 1911, a Beretta PX4, and a P320 on a bench, and said “Take what you want, folks,” the P320 would probably be the last one picked. But in a dirty sandpit in some filthy country on the far side of the world, with bullets coming closer to you, you’d be very happy to find a P320 with you. Because you know it’s going to fire, and it’s going to hit what you see.

In short, not a bad thing to have with you. The Czar won’t be too quick to doubt the military’s decision, here.

*Yeah, I said it. But not all Glocks.

Posted in Uncategorized

World Cup Update – Pool Round Complete

The Gormogons Posted on June 28, 2018 by GorTJune 28, 2018
Germany is out!

The pool round is complete including some dives into the odd rules of FIFA for breaking ties (hint: it shouldn’t rely on the number of yellow cards issued). There’s some changes in the standings as we go into the bracket rounds.

 

 

 

 

 

#1 Dr. J22 ptsPhillies are 2.5 games back and playing almost as good as Croatia and Uruguay are for Dr. J’s picks. With 4 of his 5 countries moving onto the bracket rounds, Dr. J is sitting pretty for the contest. Uh, Dr.J?  Hello? Are you even….ah forget it.
#2 ‘Puter17 pts‘Puter moves up to second place. Technically he tied with Mandy with 17 points. The second tiebreaker is number of countries thru to the bracket round – both Puter and Mandy have 3 times going on. So the Castle Gormogon third tier tiebreaker is the number of hours since you tortured Sleestak. Surprise, surprise, ‘Puter won with 0.0001 hours
#3 Mandarin17 ptsMandy dialed in on a 1200 baud modem to scroll through the site to see where he stood. Once he saw that ‘Puter moved ahead of him, he gut booted the modem across the room and we haven’t heard from him since.
#4 GorT16 ptsGorT is chasing the leaders and is pinning his hopes on the strengths of Brazil, Argentina, and England in the bracket rounds.
#5 Volgi11 ptsVolgi and Czar tie with 11 points but with Japan and Denmark moving onto the bracket rounds, Volgi takes 5th place. Panj!
#6 Czar11 pts

Czar: Help me, Sweden, your my only hope.

‘Puter: Suck it, Czar. Suck it hard.

#7 Sleestak2 pointsWith Germany exiting the tournament in an epic failure, Sleestak is done, capping off at 2 points. 
#8 Dat Ho0 pointsDat Ho nets 0 points for the tournament. Sure, he only drew one team instead of five like the rest of the Gormos. The Czar laughed heartily and said, “Figures. Soccer and you score zero points. Ha!”

 

Posted in Uncategorized

2018 World Cup Update #2

The Gormogons Posted on June 24, 2018 by GorTJune 24, 2018

With each country having played two games so far in the pool round, let’s check in on the Gormogon standings:

#1 Dr. J15 ptsUruguay, France, and a surprisingly strong Croatia team are powering Dr. J to the top of the leaderboard. He’s still tracking the NL East pennant race closer than the World Cup…in fact, he’s probably spends more time pouring over his 401k statements each week than keeping up with this.
#2 The Mandarin14 ptsTying with ‘Puter for the most points with this last set of games, The Mandarin jumps up to second place with Belgium and Russia continuing to win and Nigeria and Portgual showing up stronger in their second games.
#3 ‘Puter12 pts‘Puter sat in front of his TV all weekend and willed his picks into a record setting 9 points (tying with Mandy). Mexico continues to win. Spain and Senegal add a win each.
#4 GorT10 ptsEngland is powering GorT’s team right now…and with the performance they had, he might be ok. Brazil grabs a win.
#5 Volgi
7 pointsJapan and Denmark add two draws to Volgi’s score bumping him up two points.
#6 Czar
4 pointsThe Czar’s teams, frustrated with his ignoring, took the weekend off and netted ZERO points with this latest set of games. Somewhere in the castle, ‘Puter screamed, “Suck It, Czar”
#7 Sleestak
2 pointsSleestak climbs out of the basement with Germany’s win.
#7 Dat Ho0 pointsEgypt isn’t going to get Dat Ho anywhere in this league…still

Posted in Uncategorized

Participation Medal Socialism

The Gormogons Posted on June 22, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyJune 22, 2018

No, if you had more points than the other team, you won.

Good morning, World Cupheads! The Czar and Ghettoputer are arguing by email whether the Czar’s beloved baseball is the worst sport ever, or if ‘Puter is wrong and soccer is the worstest. We both agree that hockey is about the coolest thing, ever, and so our feud over baseball and soccer shall remain unresolved for another hundred years.

Because of the every-four-year world-feigned interest in today’s casually pitched battle between, say, the island nation of Tanka Kumundi and the landlocked iceberg of Sforzakia, the Czar was thinking a bit about soccer. Specifically, the Czar’s port-hazed mind drifted back to eons ago when his older boy played it for a year. This was back when the kid was young enough that the only investment we needed to make to the team was a five-dollar T-shirt. Like most 6-year-olds, the Цесаревич didn’t figure out he could run up and power-kick the ball and whistle it into the back of the net, straight through the chest of the scrawny punk with the shiny upper lip, and score five goals in a row, until the very last game of the season. The Czar believes his team won that one 156 to nothing.

The Czar isn’t sure of the score, of course, because at that level, they didn’t keep score. They didn’t round-robin the teams to determine which team worked the hardest. Basically, all teams were equal, and at the end of the day of the last game, everyone got an aluminum medal of a soccer ball, with CHAMPION stamped on it.

As you know, these are called participation medals. And this means everyone is the same. The kid on the red-shirt team that could dribble the soccer ball with his knees, shoulders, neck, penis, and toes and kick the ball back into its original packaging box from 58 yards away got the same medal as the peanut on the blue-shirt team that stood in the field and stared at the power outlet on the cinderblock wall for twenty straight minutes, as well as the green-shirt kid who continuously found a way to get drilled in the side of the head by the ball on every play and spent most of the game in tears, as well as the kid on the yellow-shirt team who showed up to every game in a tailored, $600 Italian soccer uniform replete with Etisalat logo who basically ran in circles the whole game avoiding any actual experience. They all got the same medal.

And why shouldn’t they? The fact that some of these kids had real, raw talent and an innate understanding of the game were really no better at soccer than the kid who, today, probably is still staring at a power outlet on a concrete masonry unit wall, only now there’s armed guards outside that door, and barbed wire past them. And his shirt is bright orange. And he’s sharpened his CHAMPION soccer medal into a shiv for tonight.

The Czar, like you, disagrees with that notion, but you have to look at it from the viewpoint of the people who ran that soccer program in 2009. And this has nothing to do with soccer: this can be any sport. You assume all kids are equal, or at least, equally bad. You set it up so that no team can emerge as a good team. You never keep score, and you discourage kids from scoring too many goals, points, or runs by mixing the players up so that no one can dominate in offense. And at the end of the multiweek program, you simply give the same medal to everyone, along with a cup of lukewarm apple juice and a slice of sausage pizza that looks like a rabbit shit on it.

Because if you don’t, here comes little Braden’s mother, attorney in tow, to lecture you on fairness. Yes, it’s true that Braden spent most of the game singing to himself in the boy’s bathroom and gazing into the mirror because he hates the game, but doesn’t he deserve, as an actual team member, the same award? And shouldn’t wee Declan get the same award, even though for three games he announced he was a dog named Hauser, and spent the day on his hands and knees scampering and barking? Declan’s not-so-little attorney certainly thinks so. And as a program director, you should know that your position as a volunteer is at the whim of the board, and one of the moms sits on that board, even though her Melanie endeared herself to the whole program by pooping her shorts on the first day and announcing it repeatedly.

You’re a program director, and you frankly don’t need this crap (especially Melanie’s). So you shut everyone the hell up by just giving them what they want, ahead of time. Doesn’t matter if you play well or badly, or if your team is ultra-cooperative or a lasagna-mess of Italian Sunday-dinner proportions. Everyone loses, because nobody really benefits. Right: because the struggling kids don’t learn anything about the game, and the kids who are really, really good are tied down and squirreled away from what they’re best at. Not punished, exactly—just tucked away. The ones who really benefit are the space cadet kids like Braden, Declan, Melanie, and, yes, Hauser the dog, who think they really played the game when all they did was act like morons when it mattered.

And the Czar acknowledges that this is precisely how socialism works. You start with a competitive system, where we learn who is good at what, and then you begin to soften the rules so that nobody is a winner. Because when someone does excel, here comes the legal challenge from Braden’s mom’s lawyer to make sure he gets his share of someone else’s success. The groups that work efficiently and profitably are broken up, and the people with talent get sent off to waste time and ability. And the space cadets, who couldn’t be bothered to really help out, are quick to line up and claim credit when they ultimately goofed off through college. The politicians give in, and give way, just to avoid the hassle. Everyone loses, because nobody really benefits, but everyone thinks they played the game just fine.

Socialism is a big participation medal, driven by the under-performers who want equal acknowledgment by the program directors. Otherwise, legal challenges ensue until the whole system collapses. Socialism, like the participation medal, is triggered by the same psychologies: whiny brats who don’t earn things as much as receive them from a spoiling parent, and neurotic parents who know, deep down, their kids aren’t going to survive on their own unless you twist the rules into a threat against the organizers.

This isn’t an essay about what we should do, or as a warning about how doomed America is. It’s just an analogy to remind us the same patterns occur throughout society in different ways. For the same reasons. And if some particular trend is bothering you, it’s likely for the same cause.

It’s time to feed Hauser.

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2018 World Cup Update

The Gormogons Posted on June 19, 2018 by GorTJune 19, 2018

The first set of games have concluded in the three-game pool play portion of the tournament. As posted in the Rumpus Room of the Castle – here are the current standings:

#1 Dr. J7 pointsWith Croatia, France, and Uruguay on his squad, Dr. J will be a formiddable player in this contest. But he doesn’t really care and it’s lost on him. So maybe his winnings will fund a replacement microwave after what Mandy cooked in it last night.
#2 GorT6 pointsSurprisingly, only England and Serbia netted GorT wins but the draws by Argentina and Brazil kept him afloat. GorT is currently time traveling back to the drawing for the pool to see what went wrong.
#3 The Mandarin5 pointsRussia and Belgium’s wins plus Portugal’s tie put Mandy in 3rd place. No one has seen him recently, so we’re not sure he knows the World Cup is taking place.
#3 Volgi
5 pointsVolgi is also in third place with Japan and Denmark carrying the bulk of the load.

私はこれを楽しむわからないんだけど – Volgi

#3 ‘Puter
5 pointsMexico beating Germany really helped ‘Puter. He probably should be tied with GorT but Spain couldn’t pull out the win.

Suck It, Czar

#6 Czar
4 pointsMaybe not a surprise, the Czar is dead last in the World Cup pool. Iran and Sweden kept him above the Castle servants.

I STILL don’t know why we’re doing this.

#7 Dat Ho0 pointsEgypt isn’t going to get Dat Ho anywhere in this league
#7 Sleestak
0 pointsHaving Germany in your World Cup pool should help, but with their opening loss to Mexico, Sleestak stays at the bottom.
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Igniting the Media

The Gormogons Posted on June 19, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyJune 19, 2018

Badger Trowelsworthy writes in to pose an ethical question.

Your Immensity:

All who grovel before The Throne of Skulls are quick to voice agreement with Your Inscrutable Self but in the matter of chimney starters for charcoal my affirmation is sincere, not merely a matter of self preservation.

But I make bold to ask guidance on this matter.

Chimney starters require newspaper to work. Are not the discriminating palates of the Gormogons able to detect faint off-tastes and odors? If one imprudently used the New York Times for instance a few column inches of Krugman or Friedman might suffice to ruin not only a fine steak but could perhaps render the entire grill fit only for heating various implements of minion persuasion….

Or do you retain a stash of vintage newspapers dating from a time of literary excellence and thoughtful partisanship? I would imagine the ideal combination would be a page from the old New York Daily Sun with a don marquis Archie and Mehetibel entry, perhaps accented by a few strips of robust Hearst yellow press.

Begging forgiveness for the intrusion and glancing nervously at the implements of minion (and not filet mignon) adjustment….

Badger Trowelsworthy

You missed a pun with “fileted minion,” there. So close it hurts.

There are three answers to consider with your letter, as there are some implied questions. The Czar isn’t too sure whether you’re asking one or all three, so from one grill aficionado to another, we shall answer all three.

First, you don’t need to use newspaper with a chimney starter; many folks use paraffin wax with them. The Czar however does use newspaper, and can assure all that modern newspaper uses a non-toxic, vegetable-based ink and fairly thin paper. Using newspaper to ignite a chimney starter will pose no ill-tastes or flakes of ash in the food: the charcoal, once it ignites, burns at a higher temperature than the newspaper, and thus completely consumes it before your food really should touch the grates of the grill.

Now, whether or not the content is allowable…frankly, the Czar can’t think of a better use for any major metropolitan newspaper than setting fire to it in order to produce something of value. The idea of using a Paul Krugman piece to produce a thick New York strip steak for you and Mrs. Trowelsworthy is righteous enough, one suggests. At least somebody is doing something of value with it.

Third, personally, the Czar tends to use old copies of Wisconsin Outdoor News, to which his neighbor subscribes. Our retired neighbor gets these every other week, reads them, and dutifully brings them over in small stacks to our home.* The Czar eagerly peruses them—there are surprisingly good articles on preparing and cooking game meats, as well as other weird news from around the country—and, when finished, uses three pages of it per chimney starter. Perfect size sheets, too. Frankly, it would be nice if All the News That’s Fit To Print and Democracy Dies in Darkness followed the editorial approach of the Wisconsin Outdoor News, as their subscription numbers would surely climb.

However, you should feel free to use a newspaper of your choice. And if you’re reading the Times, and Paul Krugman says someone needs to do something immediately to kill these economy-fueling tax cuts, you should’t hesitate to announce, “I know exactly what to do!” and grab some ribeyes from the icebox and your chimney starter from wherever you keep it. “Honey, Paul Krugman says there isn’t a moment to lose,” you scream out, as you stuff his call-to-action into the underside of the chimney starter. “These ribeyes won’t grill themselves,” you announce, wondering if you have any beer left.

Incidentally, for our regular readers, the Czar does not recommend the use of a chimney starter if you have a gas grill.

*By dutifully, we mean he volunteers to bring these back issues over. We don’t ask him to. He also brings over every catalog, magazine, and flyer he gets as well. Come to think of it, we throw away an awful lot of his mail for him. What the hell is he up to?

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The Kids Are Alright

The Gormogons Posted on June 18, 2018 by 'PuterJune 18, 2018

Pictured, an illegal immigrant child held in brutal conditions by Trump’s Nazi stormtrooper wannabe immigration officers. Just kidding, but this is how America’s unthinking emotionally driven slapradishes think of them.

‘Puter learned this weekend that because he doesn’t have an issue with separating illegal immigrant parents from their illegal immigrant children when they are caught breaking America’s immigration laws, he is a hateful bigot. Good to know.

‘Puter may or may not be a hateful bigot, but ‘Puter is most assuredly a believer in rule of law.

Illegal immigrant children caught crossing the border are separated from their parents (or people pretending to be their parents) as a result of a court settlement. The settlement is the Flores settlement (from the 9th Circuit, natch) agreed to by the Clinton Administration (again, natch). This settlement requires the federal government to release undocumented immigrant children first to their parents, then to relatives if parents are unavailable, and as the last option, to detain them in the least restrictive setting.

With Flores controlling, America’s been practicing catch and release for the last couple of decades. Law enforcement catches illegals crossing the border, detains them, then releases both the parents and the kids because they can’t hold the kids. Trump changed this policy by refusing to release parents caught illegally entering the United States. As such, there are no known parents to which law enforcement can release the children. Finding relatives takes time, and our current administration does not want to release kids into America knowing full well the children will not likely return as ordered for their immigration enforcement hearings. Thus, the children are detained indefinitely.

The Flores settlement’s application is further compounded by a separate statute, the William Wilberforce Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act of 2008 signed into law by George W. Bush. The statute provides unaccompanied illegally present children are exempt from prompt return to their home country unless that country is Canada or Mexico. Flores requires government to create unaccompanied minors if it wishes to enforce its immigration laws against culpable adults. Once these unaccompanied minors are created, law enforcement cannot quickly deport the children because of the TVPRA.

It’s a double whammy.

Government is faced with the following choices: (1) don’t enforce your immigration laws against anyone crossing the border with kids or (2) detain both the kids and the adults in separate lockups in order to enforce applicable law. America’s been doing (1) for decades. Now America’s doing (2). And non-governmental, emotional America is having a frikkin’ nervous breakdown about it.

‘Puter’s had it with emotional crybabies shrieking “but the children!”, as if illegal immigrants choosing to use their children as shields to enforcement of America’s immigration laws is government’s fault. Let’s place the blame squarely where it belongs: with the illegal immigrants who break America’s laws in the first instance.

Government is not responding to illegal immigration by seeking out brown people to put in camps as some on the Left are claiming. Government is simply finding people who of their own volition choose to violate America’s immigration laws and dealing with these people in accordance with applicable American law.

‘Puter understands many Americans do not like the visuals of enforcing our laws. But raw emotional rage-screams are not a substitute for rational debate. If you don’t like America’s laws, the burden is on you. What’s your grand plan? Return to setting free into America’s interior people who have already shown a predilection to giving America’s laws a big, fat middle finger? ‘Puter knows the footage of kids in dusty tent cities gives you the sadz, but grow the eff up already.

The vast majority of illegal immigrants claiming asylum are not political refugees fleeing dangerous oppressive governments out to kill them individually or as members of an identifiable group. These illegal immigrants are at best economic refugees who want to come to America because America offers better opportunity (well, better everything, really) than their aptly described “shithole countries.”

‘Puter is sorry these illegal immigrant home countries suck hard. ‘Puter doesn’t like seeing children separated from their parents. But what ‘Puter likes less than either shithole countries not providing safety and effective law enforcement for their citizens or waiflike, wide-eyed kids in humane detention facilities inside America is America’s citizenry casually tossing aside rule of law because, OMG, ALL TEH FEELZ.

If we are to be a country whose laws are subject to the emotional mood swings of delusional, undereducated Americans, we are well on our way to becoming one of the “shithole countries” from which people flee.

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The Czar’s Guide to Steak

The Gormogons Posted on June 15, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyJune 15, 2018

Hi, everybody! As you know, we Gormogons love to grill, smoke, and cook outdoors, and we’re definitely well into that season, again. The Czar has already completed his self-appointed projects for the year (smoked pork chops, pizzas, flat breads, and so on), and was wondering what more he could do to help you folks out. Besides actually feeding you, of course.

Over the last couple years, the Czar has had many conversations with friends and neighbors about steaks. Doesn’t there seem to be a massive variety? The truth is that things aren’t so complicated—when you hit your local meat shop (for ‘Puter’s benefit, that’s a butcher, not a bar), you might be dizzied by the whole array of steaks available. Yikes, so many!
In fact, that’s not necessarily the case: there really are only about three main steaks, and two or three minor ones. The rest are all just different ways of cutting or selling the meat. As more people as us about this, the Czar realized a handy guide might be interesting.

How to Do Steaks

By now, regular readers know that any of the Gormogons will put a foot in your nuts if you light charcoals with lighter fluid. Seriously, don’t even think about using lighter fluid. Ever.

If you want to use charcoal, get yourself a chimney starter. You will be so glad you did. Any steak will cook beautifully over charcoal.

Surprisingly, you can cook steaks superbly over gas, too. The Czar uses either charcoal and gas as the mood strikes him. He might use charcoal with solid, flavored wood chunks if he’s hankering for something with a little side flavor. He will definitely use gas if cooking a large number of steaks—gas is unbeatable at producing consistent results across different pieces of meat.

The Czar will use one of two processes to do steaks.

One approach is to get the grill between 350° and 400° first, then sear the steaks as follows: five minutes on one side…then rotate the meat 90° and cook another five minutes. Then, flip the steak and repeat. Within 20 minutes, each steak will have crisscross grill marks and could potentially be ready to eat at medium rate. Thicker cuts, however, will require moving them to a safe zone and indirectly continuing to cook them indirectly so they finish up on the inside. The Czar looks for 150° to 155° internal temperature, and then he brings them into rest for 5 minutes before cutting.

The other method is to indirectly cook them first, letting the interior meat get all nice and medium-rare to medium. Then, when they’re about 130° to 140°, he will crank up the heat and sear them: a couple minutes, turn, couple minutes, flip, couple minutes, turn, a couple minutes. Then, as before, he brings them in to rest for 5 minutes. This method is ideal for really fat, monster-thick cuts, or when you have guests arriving late. You can slow-cook the steaks to ideal doneness, and then crisp up the outsides when the guests finally show up. Internal temperatures will be perfect at that point.

The results are about the same, but the strategy depends on circumstances. Don’t be afraid of either method, folks. If you’re seasoning, sprinkle the seasoning on just as the hit the grill, and just after you flip to get the other side. Don’t overseasons, and don’t keep flipping them like hamburgers. You should easily be able to complete steaks with just a single flip.

Major Steaks

Strip—This one is superb. Thick, but not too fatty. In fact, cook this with the fat left in it. During grilling, the fat will melt out, with the exception of the thicker ridge of fat on the outer curve (which you can easily carve off before serving). You can get these super-thick, so if that’s the case, use indirect cooking to get the centers where you want them. Based on how they’re cut, they might be sold as Kansas City Strips (bone inside) or New York Strips (no bone). These are great for parties, as they’re easy to cook to different levels of doneness on demand, and easily take on any rubs, seasonings, or sauces you want to try.

Filet—These are smaller cuts, and can be very delicate; in fact, many meat eaters consider them mushy. The Czar doesn’t care for these rare, as they tend to be too soft and fleshy; he likes these medium to medium-rare. However, they are definitely easy to cook and popular to serve (“fancy!”), but cost may encourage you to limit their appearance at dinner parties. They can take on sauces, but you should keep these light or serve them on the side. There should be very little fat.

Ribeye—Just awesome. These are generally flatter and thinner, and therefore cook more quickly. Look for marbled ones: too much fat, and they’re gristle. Too little fat, and they’re chewy and tough. These are easily served with no sauces or rubs—maybe just a little light seasoning. Don’t overcook these guys: medium is about as high as you should go, and all that fat in the middle will melt and turn to juice.

Really, that’s about it. If you want to get technical, read on.

Minor Steaks

Skirt—This is a steak off the bottom of the beef. These are usually super-thin and long, so use care when cooking. They’re okay on their own, but really benefit from a wet sauce—the steak eagerly soaks up the marinade and holds its flavor well. These cook fast, so keep them moving on the grill! Don’t throw them on and walk away for a while, or you’ll overcook it badly. Slice these thinly and they’re ready for sandwiches, tacos, or tortas.

Flank—These need to be marinaded properly: slice gashes into both sides of the steak when raw, and then soak these in a great marinade for hours. Then, grill them up like you would a ribeye. Medium-rare is best, as the meat is soft and flavorful and not grotesquely bloody.

Sirloin—the sirloin is practically a class of steaks cut from the tenderloin of the beef. You actually need to be really, really careful when buying these because the word is applied, correctly, all over the place. Top sirloin is often nothing more than a really good strip steak. Sirloin steak is a cheaper cut, often with a lot of fat. Some cheaper sirloins are little more than marked-up roast meat, which are meant for your kitchen broiler more than the grill. Be skeptical of sirloin, no matter how pricey it is: if it looks like strip steak, go for it. If it looks like anything else, use caution.

Satellite Steaks

That’s the filet on the upper left, and the strip steak on the right of the T.

T-Bone—Nothing screams the 1950s like a good T-bone. And guess what? These can be fantastic because they’re two steaks in one. That’s right: the T-bone is a strip steak on one side of the T, and a filet on the other! That sounds superb, but use caution when choosing these for the grill. You don’t actually cook strips and filets to the same degree of doneness. A strip steak is better a little more rare, and a filet is good at medium. Maybe you disagree, but the odds are good you like that reversed. The point is that nobody likes both steaks cooked like one piece of meat. To do these right, you need to put one side closer to the heat and the other side away from the heat, and keep fretting over the internal temperatures. That way, you get the strip-side done the way you like strip steak, and the filet-side done the way you like filets. This can be a lot of work; or you can just buy thin ones and overcook them to leather. It’s really up to you.

Prime Rib—This is a rib roast, and is not a steak. You can cook it on the grill, of course, but do so as a roast—use indirect, slow cooking to bring out the flavor.

Hanger—Back in 1980, you could buy this scrap meat for a buck. Now, it’s super-expensive! The hanger steak actually connects some of the cow’s internal organs together. It sounds bad, but it’s really very good. Cook it like filet, with a little care and attention, and it will produce a soft, flavorful meat with breathtaking flavor. One of the Czar’s favorites, when he can find it cheap.

Flatiron—This is another cheap meat being sold for way more than it’s worth. It’s a flatter steak off the shoulder, and cook it like ribeye. Careful, as it’s gristly and can overcook quickly on you. The Czar doesn’t care for these except when cut super thin for sandwiches…but you can get better-textured meat for a lot less if that’s your plan.

Triangle—Not a steak, but trip-tip roast cut to look like one. You can get these all over the West Coast, and it can be harder to find east of there. Very low fat, so it can be chewy and tough if not carefully watched. This steak has a problem with uneven cooking, meaning one end tends to be medium-well while the other is rare. This can be useful if you like your steaks to different doneness, but it annoys the Czar. Let it cook indirectly first, and then sear it up (see our second method, above) for better results. This can cook fast, so be careful!

Tenderloin—Actually a whole class of meat in its own right, from which many other cuts and steaks originate. The whole tenderloin is an expensive mother, and will set you back a lot. It also can be easily ruined as the individual sections inside it might need to cook to different temperatures to be perfect. Tenderloins are a lot of work. Of course, a lot of cheap butchers might sell inferior meat as tenderloin because the inferior cuts technically originated there. Not a project for the beginner.

Bone-In Ribeye—Nothing more than a ribeye with a bone in it. Technically, these are cut from the lower thoracic vertebrae of the beef, and have a little sweetness in them from the bone marrow.

Delmonico—a boneless ribeye, named after the restaurant in New York City, which perfected a particular cut by which a section of fat is removed for a more uniform appearance.

Market—A ribeye.

Shell— A strip with a bone still attached.

Top Sirloin—A variant cut of strip steak.

Santa Maria—A marketing name for triangle (tri-tip) steak.

Top Loin—a strip steak, but from the best part of the loin.

Filet Mignon—A smaller piece of filet, with a little more flavor from being compact.

Châteaubriand—another non-steak. It’s a roast, from the tenderloin, and it’s quite large. You can grille it, but the cost alone should make you nervous about researching it first. The Czar’s never done one, and unless someone gives him one, he won’t ever bother.

Tournedo—as you cut the filet, it tends to get smaller along the length of the psoas major muscle. The tournedos are the smallest pieces at the very end of the muscle. Basically, tiny filets.

Porterhouse—A bigger T-bone, often with more filet than a regular T-bone.

Of course that’s not it! Marketing folks are drumming up new names all the time, and of course some chefs like to advertise French or increasingly Portuguese names for steaks. But beef is beef, and it all comes from the same places on the animal. If you see a steak not listed here, take a second to Google it and see what it really is, and whether it’s really worth $17 a pound.

Posted in Uncategorized

Gormogon World Cup Soccer 2018

The Gormogons Posted on June 15, 2018 by GorTJune 15, 2018

The Gormogons assembled in the Rumpus Room last Saturday to kick off our World Cup Soccer 2018 contest – it was quite the shindig. ‘Puter and GorT had the castle staff decorate the room in World Cup flags and banners and streamers. International food from various countries playing for the Cup this year was served. It was quite the spectacle. After filling our stomachs, the six Gormos sat down around the large game table to draw names for our World Cup pool. A random order was assigned with ‘Puter winning the first choice, followed by the Czar, Mandy, Dr. J, Volgi, and then GorT. The results were as follows:

‘PuterCzarMandyDr. JVolgiGorT
ColombiaColombiaIranIranAustraliaAustraliaCosta RicaCosta RicaDenmarkDenmarkArgentinaArgentina
MexicoMexicoKorea RepublicKorea RepublicBelgiumBelgiumCroatiaCroatiaIcelandIcelandBrazilBrazil
Saudi ArabiaSaudi ArabiaPanamaPanamaNigeriaNigeriaFranceFranceJapanJapanEnglandEngland
SenegalSenegalSwedenSwedenPortugalPortugalSwitzerlandSwitzerlandMoroccoMoroccoPeruPeru
SpainSpainTunisiaTunisiaRussiaRussiaUruguayUruguayPolandPolandSerbiaSerbia

 

Given there are 32 teams, the extra two teams were doled out to Dat Ho and Sleestak. Dat Ho drew Egypt and Sleestak drew Germany. Of course, everyone threw up their hands when Sleestak drew the reigning champion. Two points if your team wins, one point for a draw.

Of course, the Czar kept muttering, “I don’t know why we’re doing this” to which, ‘Puter dutifully responded, “Suck it, Czar”. We’ll fill you in on the standing periodically.

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North Korea’s Video Shows More Than It Thinks

The Gormogons Posted on June 14, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyJune 14, 2018

Some thoughts on the North Korean meeting in Singapore.

Obviously, Americans of both political stripes have every reason to be suspicious of this event. North Korea, personified, is a pathological liar. Like a substance abuser, North Korea will twist and turn every promise and assurance into permission to get away with even more. President Trump made some rather football-spiking tweets after the fact, but the Czar notes he has walked those back quite a bit, acknowledging that much needs to be seen before it can be believed.

Curiously, one of the few better decisions made by President Obama was keeping North Korea almost at arm’s length. He would make a comment or two in their direction, but basically ignored North Korea. This apparent indifference was a serious thorn in North Korea’s side, and the Czar enjoyed it somewhat. President Trump, also to his credit, is taking a very different approach—almost treating the North like a bratty child who needs a sitting down and talking to. Yes, the photos and tweets and quotes seem to suggest Trump is treating this horrible and brutal dictatorship like an old friend (lest we forget Obama and Cuba), but here is basically what the North Koreans think of Donald Trump: he’s crazy, unpredictable, and he could well decide to wipe us off the earth as easily as order fish for lunch. Donald Trump scares the hell out of them, which even Reagan couldn’t do convincingly.

So the Czar notes with interest the following video, which you really don’t need to watch. It was produced by the North, and seems to celebrate the meeting as both significant and historical.

Already, many in the press are tearing their hair out over Trump saluting a North Korean general. But watch carefully (around 23:35 and following): the general salutes Trump, to which Trump quickly returns the salute. Understandably, few in the press ever served in the military, but the order of events here is significant, as the junior-ranking person initiates the salute, and the superior-ranking one opts to return the salute. In other words, you can quibble whether Trump should have returned the salute to the general, but the general was clearly treating Trump as a superior officer. And note the general did not break the salute and shake hands, which he could have done under these circumstances. He opted to show tremendous deference.

Speaking of which, take a look at all the interaction between Trump and Kim: in almost every shot—video that was edited by the North Korean government, mind you—Trump is putting his hand on Kim’s elbow and ushering him forward, turning him in one direction or another, and guiding him along. Psychologically, this is a significant: it’s clear that Trump is dominating the body language, and Kim is going along with it. You don’t need to be a poker champ to read these body cues: Trump is bossing Kim around right on North Korean television.

There are other subtle hints, too: note the American flag, in all cases, is presented according to the flag code—our flag is on its own right. In every single shot, our flag is positioned in a subtly dominant position, if you know how to read the code. Nice job by Singapore to do so for us.

Kim is clearly enjoying the camera flashes and crowds, but make no mistake: whoever coached Trump on what to do (assuming anyone did) gave him very good advice. The Czar was interested to see how often Trump “owned” the interaction.

And the Czar isn’t the only one to notice little tidbits like this. Check out Anna Fifield’s slick observation:

The North Korean documentary about the summit included photos of the declaration in English and in Korean — so North Koreans can see the words "complete denuclearization of the Korean peninsula" in black and white pic.twitter.com/or3EFoomh5

— Anna Fifield (@annafifield) June 14, 2018

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The Media Can Hurt Dems’ Chances in 2018

The Gormogons Posted on June 6, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyJune 6, 2018

As you have heard, the GOP is in about the worst shape imaginable for the 2018 elections. The only party facing worse odds is the Democrat party. The long-promised blue tsunami might be a small puddle in some areas.

This doesn’t mean the GOP won’t totally blow it; in fact, the outcome of the 2018 elections is, right now, unpredictable—even for the all-knowing, all-insulting Gormogons. The Democrats and Republicans aren’t just in a statistical tie…they’re practically oscillating at a high rate.

Know who aren’t helping? The media. They could actually, and thoroughly unintentionally, help the GOP in a big way. Here’s what the Czar is thinking.

  1. Everybody likes reassurance. You like to see good news about politicians on your side, and you dislike bad news about the other side. Indeed, psychologically, you probably like hearing good news about your side than you like hearing bad news about the other side.
  2. The news media love their Democratic candidates. The Czar bases this claim on the large number of headlines about how well individual Democratic candidates are doing. Polls are showing popular support of Democrats evaporating, but you’re not seeing many of those stories unless you know where to look. But it’s easy to find stories about Congresswoman Daphne van McPrzywalski showing strong voter support in the US Congressional District PA-1,985.
  3. Journalists write this stuff to offer fellow Democrats hope: see? It won’t be a total trainwreck. There are a lot of races where Dems will easily win.
  4. In fact, about the only negative thing you’ll read about Democrats is concern about voter apathy. Possibly the only accurate prediction the media have made is that the winner of the 2018 elections—Republican or Democrat—will be decided on which party had less voter apathy. Truth is, many Democrats don’t care about voting in the Age of Trump, since civilization is doomed anyway. And many Republicans don’t care about voting because Hillary Clinton isn’t running. That they know of.
  5. Fair enough. But when too many news stories reassure Democrat voters that there’s a tidal wave of Democrat victories coming this year, guess what happens? Democrats figure it’s in the bag. So they stay home.
  6. If the Czar is right, you will see an increase in stories about the polls tightening…but written in a way to create panic among Democrats.

Of course, if the Czar is wrong, Republicans might just eke this one out after all.

And if so, the media were wrong again, because they pushed this “Victory is Near” narrative for too long without actually, you know, talking to voters. Again.

Posted in Uncategorized

Krugman’s Bad Faith Hyperbole

The Gormogons Posted on June 5, 2018 by GorTJune 5, 2018

‘Puter is currently driving, otherwise, I’m sure he’d take a shot at responding to his not-so-favorite NY Times columnist, Paul Krugman’s latest opinion piece. First, kudos to the NY Times for recognizing this as an opinion piece and not placing it elsewhere in the paper.

 

Krugman’s piece is filled with biased, generalized, and hypocritical trash that I think I need to pull on my waders to make my way through it. He starts with the following premise:

…it offers a window into a reality few people, certainly in the news media, are willing to acknowledge: the bad faith that pervades conservative discourse.

and

if you’re looking for systematic gaslighting, insistence that up is down and black is white, you’ll find it disproportionately on one side of the political spectrum

Is Krugman really saying that few people at MSNBC, CNN, etc. haven’t reported that conservatives debate issues in bad faith? I think many of my liberal friends would, at least, tweak this statement to say that Fox News doesn’t acknowledge it, but the rest do in varying degrees. Of course, this argument is complete hypocrisy, illustrated by my favorite “bad faith” examples:

  • The way the PP-ACA bill was constructed and passed by the democrats to include closed door meetings with special interest groups, promises that “you can keep your doctor if you like your doctor”, and the whole it’s-a-tax-not-a-tax deal. And, in a completely not-bad-faith move, we have democrats airing TV commercials in 2011 depicting Paul Ryan pushing a elderly person over a cliff.
  • In 2007, Nancy Pelosi, upon being sworn in as the Speaker of the House, stated that the democrats will lead the “most honest, most open, and most ethical Congress in history” – I think many will agree that this was not the case…and never the subject of a Krugman opinion piece.

 

He continues his piece by focusing on an issue with a Stanford professor:

And the same kind of bad faith can be seen in other arenas — very much including college campuses. Which brings me back to the Stanford story. [Professor] Ferguson is, as it happens, one of those conservative intellectuals who hyperventilate about the supposed threat campus activists pose to free speech

Let’s get some facts and anecdotes out there to set the stage:

  • In a review of voter registrations at the top 40 U.S. universities, democrat faculty members outnumber republican ones 23 to 2. According to 25 years worth of data cited in this article, it is as high as 28 to 1 in New England.
  • According to Neil Gross in the LA Times: “Do liberals predominate on faculties? They do. Back in 2006, sociologist Solon Simmons and I conducted a national survey of professors’ politics. Advocates of reform such as psychologist Jonathan Haidt, political scientists Jon Shields and Joshua Dunn, and New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof have used our findings to characterize college campuses as bastions of progressivism.”
  • “Ben” in the article from the first bullet describes his experience in college: “I think it’s a shame,” he tells me. “A lot of people have negative preconceived notions about conservatives…we’re intolerant, racist, homophobic.”
  • In 2016, the Yale Daily News, Yale University’s student publication, reports that nearly 75 percent of Yale’s student body believes the campus community is an unwelcome environment for conservative opinions.
  • In 2015, the Harvard Crimson reported that many conservative students at Harvard feel that their political opinions were unwelcome and disrespected. The College Fix, too, reported recently that a Columbia student believed he would be “physically assaulted” if he wore clothes with conservative images or slogans.

 

Maybe Mr. Krugman is trying to have a nuanced definition of “threat[s]…to free speech” by which I mean he thinks that the opportunity exists for free speech and nothing that the majority (or super-majority) liberals in the school are doing would limit a conservative’s speech. I think the above examples highlight the atmosphere, but we can look at some concrete examples of how universities have handled “free speech”:

  • Melissa Click, an assistant professor was fired after assaulting a student journalist trying to cover a protest. The Chronicle of Higher Education reported: “Everything she has come to stand for since the video came out — intolerance, anger, mouthiness, and dismissiveness — is exactly the opposite of who she says she really is. Focusing on her behavior, she says, is a way to take attention away from the demands of Concerned Student 1950, the group of protesters.”
  • At Los Angeles Pierce College, a student was attempting to distribute copies of the U.S. Constitution and recruit new members for their Young Americans for Liberty chapter when he was approached by a Pierce administrator who told him that “literature” could not be distributed outside the designated free speech zone. This sanctioned area for freedom of expression consisted of a tiny plot of land measuring approximately 616 square feet and comprising about .003 percent of the total area of Pierce College’s 426-acre campus.
  • According to this WaPo piece, “A fifth of undergrads now say it’s acceptable to use physical force to silence a speaker who makes “offensive and hurtful statements.” and “Astonishingly, half said that snuffing out upsetting speech — rather than, presumably, rebutting or even ignoring it — would be appropriate. Democrats were more likely than Republicans to find this response acceptable (62 percent to 39 percent), and men were more likely than women (57 percent to 47 percent).”

Dovetailing of that last quote, Krugman drops this nugget without any sort of substantiation:

But more to the point, conservative claims to be defending free speech and open discussion aren’t sincere. Conservatives don’t want to see ideas evaluated on their merits, regardless of politics; they want ideas convenient to their side to receive (at least) equal time regardless of their intellectual quality.

I think this is patently false. In fact, one could argue that many “conservative” ideas haven’t been tried, let alone evaluated on their merits by liberals. And one could argue just the reverse: liberals don’t want to evaluate ideas like serious welfare program reform such as means-testing Social Security or limiting the reach of the PP-ACA. There are countless examples of Sen Harry Reid blocking republican ideas during the PP-ACA passage from even coming to a vote.

Mr. Krugman’s closing line goes as follows:

So you need to remember that this claim is made in bad faith. It has nothing to do with fairness; it’s all about power.

So now consider the facts presented above and the insinuation that Krugman is making: conservatives are pushing for college campus reforms and more conservative voices in the faculty in order to gain power. Right? Focus on that. Now ask the following: who is currently “in power” then according to Krugman’s perspective? Liberals. So following his own logic, however subtly presented, Krugman is fighting for liberals to retain “power” on college campuses.

Krugman is nothing more than a liberal with failed ideas and prognostications (check the economy now) that has Trump Derangement Syndrome. GorT is no fan of Donald Trump, wanted a different GOP candidate, and thinks Trump’s approach could be different. But it has been effective against liberals like Krugman. I’m not arguing for 100% equality in political identification in schools, and other fields. I’m just pointing out the glaring hypocrisy and alternate reality in which a liberal like Paul Krugman lives.

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How the Supreme Court Works

The Gormogons Posted on June 4, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyJune 4, 2018

Most Americans seem to be able to sleep at night without having any clue of how the Supreme Court of the United States (SCROTUS) works. Most Americans have no idea how many justices sit on the court, although the numbers can vary from one to several dozen.The Czar understands this pathetic lack of basic education, and thought he would explain all of it to you in an easy-to-remember format.

First, there are 9 justices on the Supreme Court. They’re not judges, at least not in the American Idol sense, because they don’t do a thumbs-up/thumbs-down vote at all.

Basically, a loser in a court case appeals a local court’s decision. This then goes to an Appell…Apell…Appelate… a court of Appeals, who either agrees or disagrees with the first court’s decision. The losers go up and up until eventually they appeal to the Supreme Court to come up with the Ultimate Tie-Breaker.

Here’s the thing: the Supreme Court doesn’t pick a winner and a loser. They determine whether the Constitution is affected negatively by the decision. This is a big difference: they’re not a court of appeals, but a referee to see if the rules were correctly applied or not.

If you appeal to the Supreme Court, the odds are really good they won’t give a shit about your unhappiness. They don’t care if you’re right or wrong…just whether Constitutional law was correctly applied. As a result, they probably won’t even bother to hear your case because it’s too pathetic to consider. They want the good stuff, because they don’t have a lot of time.

So if you want to petition the Supreme Court, make it a good one. Have a good argument that your rights were actually infringed. Then, maybe.

What happens then?

Ehh, for a long time, nothing happens. Finally, two parties get up and argue both sides, during which the justices pepper you with questions. It’s like a board exam to see who did their homework. The odds are good that about six of the justices have. They may know your side’s argument better than you do.

After hearing both sides, they basically disappear for several months to let everybody stew. “Oh, they’re totally going to go our way,” the eventual losing side promises, wondering how close the decision will be. The hearins are public record, and you can read them for yourself. And millions of people do, deciding that the Supreme Court—based on the questions they asked—will go with Yanny and not with Laurel.

Then, when they think everybody has forgotten about the case in question, the Supreme Court comes out with an opinion that surprises everybody. Even the ones who successfully predicted the outcome will ask “Really?”

Because the Supreme Court is somewhat conservative right now, every decision will come out as the end of the freaking world. That’s it, America: pack it up. Gorsuch, who spent most of the hearing in question blinking at the window, is going to round your family up and put them in an internment camp. And naturally Bader Ginsburg…Ginsberg… Ginzberg? Dr. Ruth will always vote the opposite way of Clarence “Clearwater” Thomas because he’s… you know… and Sotomaior (ironically, a name the Czar can spell) will dissent because of the hegemony of the intrasocial racial post-descontructionist something-or-other.

And conservatives will cheer and celebrate because the Supreme Court is nomially conservative, and they did something. Therefore, that in itself is reason to feel great: a marginally conservative body in government did something. And it doesn’t matter what.

So someone in the Supreme Court will write the majority opinion, in which he or she tries to explain in simple language the most byzantine account of why they are the majority. See, all the good cases are gone: British troops aren’t being quartered anymore, and slavery was finally wiped out, so now we get Justice Stephens trying to explain Obamacare isn’t really a tax, even though it is a tax, and that taxes need to come from the House, except this didn’t because it wasn’t really the tax he just said it was.

And the minority opinion (in legal terms, the “losing side”) gets to write a dissenting opinion about why the majority opinion is wrong. Knowing that few people read these, they’re often quite funny. The Czar forgets which case it was, but he recalls Justice Kagan writing “The majority could jump off a bridge and miss the water, they’re so damned stupid. Kennedy blew milk out his nose at lunch.” This is the great stuff you miss when you don’t read the dissents.

The best part is that the vast majority of the American people don’t read either. They rely on social media and ABC World News Tonight to explain the decision, except that these are both well within the vast majority of people who haven’t read either.

Supreme Court: We hold, 5-4, that Americans have the right to carry a firearm across outdoor government property.

Twitter: OMG! I kin rbing a gun to school tomorrow!

Facebook: A-hole Republicans are okay with shooting kids. Here’s 12,000 copy-and-pasted rants I put together to prove it.

ABC News: By 4-5 ruling, Supreme Court denies public school children right to not be shot by people on their playground.

WaPo: This is Trump’s fault, people!

NYT: It’s time for a national conversation.

And the rest of you shrug because you can’t make heads or tails out of this crosstalk.

But at least, you readers understand how it works now.

You should probably research this topic further because the odds are very good you’ll learn something additional. The Czar’s confident in this, because he researched nothing before writing this, and frankly, we haven’t paid close attention to any of it.

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BSA and Condoms: You’ve Been Lied To

The Gormogons Posted on May 24, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyMay 24, 2018

The fact it appeared on World News Daily should have been a hint, as was its coverage on UK-based websites. But when the Mandarin reported to the Czar that Fox News was covering the story incorrectly, well, the Czar needed to set the record straight.

Story is that the Boy Scouts need to supply condoms to scouts at their next big camping meeting because, as you know, girls are joining the organization now, and boys and girls often, you know, get together and…you know.

Nearly all of this is false. And what’s left is merely incorrectly reported.

Here’s what happened, and the Czar expects you to follow this carefully:

  • Every four years, the “World Organization of the Scout Movement” hosts an event called a World Scout Jamboree. Scouts from 169 countries attend, wherever it is held.
  • This organization is based in Malaysia, with legal headquarters in Geneva, Switzerland, and is not the Boy Scouts of America, based here in the United States.
  • West Virginia was chosen as the location of the 2019 Jamboree by the WOSM. The United States has not hosted this event since 1967.
  • The Boy Scouts of America was naturally invited to participate in the event as the host country’s premiere scouting organization.
  • The Girl Scouts of America were also invited, as this is not a BSA-only event. Not even close.
  • American boy scouts, as well as its small number of female members, are not required to participate in the World Scout Jamboree. In fact, only a very small percentage of American scouts will be attending.
  • The World Organization of the Scout Movement has made it official policy that the central first-aid location at the event make condoms available to participants. This became official policy in 2002; it was unofficial policy since 1992.
  • The Boy Scouts of America do not condone the inclusion of condoms, and is not supplying them to anyone: the WOSM is supplying them, if requested. The BSA was, however, reminded that condoms are available to its members, male and female, as well.
  • This “outrage” has been circulating on the Internet for some time, and comes up every four years. Attention is higher than ever since the United States will be hosting the event.

The Czar has been reading on social media that many Americans are disappointed in the BSA, are dropping memberships, or stepping down as volunteers. You are basing these decisions on bullshit, raised by a news media perpetually intent on destroying scouting. Don’t feed the media: you can fairly safely wager that 90% of the time there is a negative story about scouts, it’s being intentionally misreported.

Disclosure: the Czar serves as an “ad hoc” consultant to a local troop, and seems stunningly better informed than many of the leaders announcing they will resign over this. Dudes, it takes 10 seconds to fact-check this crap. Try it.

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British Royalty and the Second Amendment

The Gormogons Posted on May 16, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyMay 16, 2018

One of the British princes is getting married to a former American, and thousands of Americans will be glued to the events in rapt fascination; the rest of us won’t remotely understand the appeal of this. Wasn’t despising royalty the whole point of 1776?

Meantime, the United States will feature some gun show which will be attended by a couple hundred British subjects out of thousands of American attendees; the British visitors will love putting their hands on new pistols and rifles, and happily debate the merits of one brand of ammunition over another. The rest of Britain will shake their heads in befuddlement. What’s with the fascination over firearms?

The two have that in common: a small wedge of fascination for it, with the vast majority perplexed by it.

The reason is psychologically analogous. In the United Kingdom, fascination with royalty is ingrained in the culture. We Americans, for the most part, have no clue why or even care why it works. British royalty just is, and it seems to work okay for them. No matter how much Americans scratch their head over the very concept of non-elected leaders who reign but don’t seem to actually rule, the British aren’t going to give it up. It’s part of who they are as a people.

Likewise, the exasperated tweets and Facebook posts from Brits about how stupid Americans are with their fascination with firepower…well, there it is. It’s who we are. The Second Amendment, written in America’s earliest days with a Constitution, is ingrained in our very being. We’re not going to give it up no matter how much Piers Morgan stamps his slippered foot.

Like we said, there’s a subset of Americans who love love love them their British royals, just as there are many over-the-pond gun junkies who dearly wished they had a backyard shooting range. And in America, we don’t necessarily understand that fascination, just as millions of Brits don’t get why any of their fellow countrymen and women would even know what an AR-15 is, let alone what direct impingement means.

Nothing more to it than that.

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Never Enough

The Gormogons Posted on May 14, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyMay 14, 2018

The Czar, against his better judgment because now our free time is wasted, has started to explore Netflix. One reason why is his love for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And you probably know, if you’ve even read this far, that the Marvel Cinematic Universe encompasses a number of television shows as well as the blockbuster movies. Although the television shows do a so-so job of tying into the movies (mostly pop references, but the rare shared actor), they are often quite entertaining. And Netflix, gosh, has about a half-dozen television series all linked together with the movies.

The faces of Mount Rushmore, apparently.

One of these is Jessica Jones, which is about to start its third season. Unlike the more familiar Captain America or Spider-Man, Jessica Jones is a lousy superhero. She hates herself, she hates her life, and she doesn’t even enjoy super powers all that much. She wants to be a private investigator, mostly handling sleazy divorce cases, and barely eking out a living. Her super powers make her great at her job; her lousy clientele, however, makes her just about dead broke each month. The television show is okay, as far as the plots go; frankly, the best thing about it is the theme music, which is basically the best theme in the entire MCU.

But we digress. Here’s the deal with the show: it features as its main character an alcoholic rape victim who’s so anti-social that she has trouble with any sort of relationship, although she sometimes bangs a black super hero who works across the street. Her only real friend is a self-made radio talk show host whose intelligent programs and fearless personality have made her rich and powerful in New York City. Her best client is a lesbian lawyer. Her neighbor is a half-black, half-Hispanic ex-junkie who helps her less often than not. We get to know each of them so well, in fact, that some appear on multiple Netflix series.

So what’s the problem with that? The Czar couldn’t think of one.

Fortunately, the social justice warriors rolled up their sleeves and got to work. Season three, we learned this week, will finally introduce some diversity to this cast.

Wait, what? A victimized woman rebuilding her psyche, a family-positive back guy who emphasizes family, a self-made millionaire woman friend, a lesbian power attorney, and a black/Hispanic man who beat heroin…is too hetero-normative patriarchal white racist stuff.

So the new season, the producer acknowledges, will include more women of color. Never mind the most important role in all the Netflix series, whom the Czar hasn’t even mentioned, is a Cuban nurse who is braver than anything, and whose only super power is a knowledge of emergency room medicine. But that’s not enough.

What the show needs, maybe, is a black lesbian. Or a gay Hispanic guy. Or an Asian Muslim girl. Or…well, basically, the only two white males in the first season, at any rate, are the bad guys. Anyway, social justice nerd warriors rejoiced at the news all over social media: Jessica Jones was finally going to fix its diversity problem.

Long-time followers of the MCU know that Marvel Studios and its parent, mouse-oriented parent conglomerate, basically don’t give a crap about social agendas. Marvel movies are intrinsically conservative, but they don’t beat you over the head with it the way the comic books do. Evil exists, and good needs to defeat it. God exists, according to Captain America, and Black Panther lectured us that the soul of a person matters far more than skin color ever will. Families are essential, and if you don’t have one, you build one. That sort of stuff.

The fact that liberals rejoiced over this news probably made a few Disney executives snicker, although not in contempt because more viewers mean more dollars to the House of Mouse. Yeah, whatever…if they want to watch the show now in greater numbers, good.

But this won’t be enough. Jessica Jones worked for the Czar because its characters were really interesting and useful. Adding in more “people of color” (that is, people who look more like the leftist dorks who feel offended by everything) probably won’t hurt the show, but it sure won’t improve it, either. It’s just appeasing the same crybabies.

Yet, this won’t work: you can’t appease these people. In a small ensemble, you only have so much room for actors: where is the disabled, Assamese, transgendered atheist? Better add one into season four. And the Tagalog-speaking albino, half-Aleutian/half-Aborigine bi-curious Siamese twins? Better put them into season five. Because it’s never enough.

Ultimately, this won’t really change the show. If the character works, the character works. If not, the villain will graphically slaughter the character in the first couple episodes. But if you won’t watch a decent program because your particular combination of traits is not adequately represented, you probably shouldn’t be watching television. You probably should be out in the real world, discovering that not everyone is like you. And perhaps you’ll even come to accept that not everyone likes you, either.

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Attention Deficit

The Gormogons Posted on May 7, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyMay 7, 2018

The Democrats cannot, apparently, let go of their obsession with Donald Trump. Stormy Daniels! Russia! Probes! Russian probes! Probing Stormy Daniels! Comey! And all of this seems, in the Czar’s opinion, to revolve around one concept: we need to invalidate the 2016 election, so that Hillary Clinton becomes president.

When are they going to let go of this fantasy? That’s a rhetorical question, of course, because the answer is “until the next Republican victory.” Because then it shall be replaced by something else equally lunar.

Lest we forget, everything is Year Zero to the Democrats, and that calendar has the biggest, most accessible reset button since Hillary’s gift to Putin. Everything seems to reset it.

Remember in 2012, don’t you, how Mitt Romney hated women and the poor? It was all you heard about, and he was definitely going to be the end of America as we know it. Until he lost, and then nobody disliked him anymore. But it was all you heard about until 2014, when Congressional Republicans were trying to destroy Obama. Every single hour, every single day.

But we can go back to 2008, and how Sarah Palin was trying to destroy America. She can see Russia from her house, people! Also, everything else Tina Fey said about her on Saturday Night Live was something she actually said! That’s how bat-shit crazy she is! Sarah Palin is a crazy wing-nut, and she said she can see Russia from her house! And on and on.

Don’t remember? How about in 2004 when Bush lied to get America into the illegal Iraq War, which absolutely no Democrat supported. Oh, well, yeah: the Democrats voted in support of it overwhelmingly, but only because Bush lied about the uranium or whatever we never found there. Thank goodness not a single Democrat voted in support of the declaration of war.

Fortunately, that idea displaced the fact that, as everyone knows by now, Vice-President Al Gore actually won the 2000 election, and by rights ought to be president. But Bush swindled the Florida judges, who were so badly in his pocket that Al Gore had to sue them to get the ballot results revealed. Yes, it’s true that it was Bush who sued the pro-Gore bench to confess they knew Bush won Florida all along, but that doesn’t matter because Bush lied, and Al Gore won the popular vote, and should be president, except the judges were all pro-Bush so that’s why Al Gore sued.

Want to keep going? The Czar can, all the way back to Truman and beyond.

Every two-to-four years, the Democrats latch onto a crazy, conspiratorial notion about why they haven’t locked down the American voter yet, and why there’s always some machination at work, some singular event, that unjustly robbed them of total victory.

Even Cubs fans got over the Steve Bartman grabbed-foul-ball story.

Anyway, it’s definitely 2018: if we don’t see another calendar reset in the next couple of months, the Russia investigation is definitely going to last until 2020.

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The Ballad of ‘Puter and Meaux Continues: High School Talent Show Edition

The Gormogons Posted on May 3, 2018 by 'PuterMay 3, 2018

Meaux, rocking the mic at the talent show. Or is it ‘Puter’s psycho the rapist? It’s so difficult to tell the difference, really.

‘Puter attended his court-ordered* appointment with his psycho the rapist Nurse Dr. Ratched yesterday. ‘Puter hates seeing his psycho the rapist, but it keeps him out of jail. Nurse Dr. Ratched informed ‘Puter the ordinary treatment of powerful sedatives and near-deadly levels of ECT treatment was having no effect. Well, not no effect. It was making ‘Puter’s thinky parts even less normal. Take that, psycho the rapists!

Nurse Dr. Ratched decided ‘Puter’s case required unorthodox treatment. And that’s how ‘Puter found himself chugging a handle of rotgut gin, downing enough shrooms to kill a horse, and being hypnotized in Nurse Dr. Ratched’s office.**

Nurse Dr. Ratched had ‘Puter stare at her pendulous bewbs and count backwards from ten. ‘Puter told Nurse Dr. Ratched he didn’t know how to count to ten, much less count backwards from ten. Instead, ‘Puter sang the first few bars of his ten favorite choral works by Russian composers. By the time ‘Puter got to Borodin’s Polovtsian Dances, singing “Пойте пҍсни славы хану,” he was out like a light.

And then it happened. From deep within the darkest, most repressed part of ‘Puter’s subconscious out popped a memory.*** A memory so horrible ‘Puter shudders to even recount it here.

‘Puter found himself transported back to high school. And not just high school, but high school on the biggest night of the high school year: talent show night.

A low guttural moan of abject fear rose from ‘Puter’s hypnotized word hole. ‘Puter tried and tried to rouse himself from his hypnotized state, but he could not. ‘Puter remained hypnotized, knowing and dreading what was to come.

‘Puter looked at himself, standing there in the stage right wings. As expected, ‘Puter found himself clad in a sequined unitard holding two rainbow colored rhythmic gymnastics ribbons. ‘Puter looked across the stage, hoping against hope he would not see what he knew would be there.

And there she was, standing in the stage left wings, clad in her matching sequined unitard, holding identical rainbow colored rhythmic gymnastics ribbons. Even without noting the bad, cut-rate beauty school ‘fro perm, the orthodontic headgear, and the barely noticeable puddles of drool at her feet, ‘Puter knew it was Meaux.

‘Puter prayed to be spared the reliving of this moment, but his prayers went unanswered. Like clockwork, precisely at 8:17 PM central time, the AV Club cued up the music, and ‘Puter and Meaux strode out onto the stage.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes fixated on ‘Puter as he started into the interpretive dance routine Meaux had choreographed for him. ‘Puter had worked on this routine for weeks after Meaux convinced him to do the talent show with him.**** ‘Puter worked through the elaborate dance steps for about 30 seconds before he realized Meaux wasn’t on stage with him. ‘Puter froze in mid-plie.

All ‘Puter could hear was the thudding of his heart in his chubby chest and the strains of his musical accompaniment, but distantly, as if he were underwater.

… This tainted love you’ve given!

I give you all a boy could give you,

Take my tears and that’s not nearly all!

Oh! Tainted love! …

Time slowed to a crawl. Then it happened. The laughter. The taunting, horrible laughter. And then the pain.

‘Puter heard the high-pitched whoosh and knew the dull thwack of metal on flesh would soon follow. ‘Puter’s vision was gone as flashes of white-hot pain danced before him, the spotlights blinded him, and tears of shame streamed.

‘Puter knew what he would see as he looked up. ‘Puter didn’t want to look up, but someone with man-hands reeking of Amish butter grabbed his unitard and dragged him to his feet. It was Meaux.

Meaux had managed a costume change in the approximately 30 seconds ‘Puter was humiliating himself on stage. She was decked out in her head cheerleader finery and surrounded by the rest of her rampaging cheerleading horde. Meaux shone as brightly as the dorkiest, drooliest star you’ve ever seen.

The room faded until all ‘Puter could see was Meaux brandishing the antenna from ‘Puter’s 1972 puke-green Dodge Dart Swinger. ‘Puter figures the room faded from his blood loss, not because Meaux was so beautiful or anything.

‘Puter knew what was coming next.

Don’t touch me please! *thwack goes the antenna*

I cannot stand the way you tease! *thud goes Meaux’s fist*

I love you though you hurt me so! *37 pairs of Keds nut kick ‘Puter*

Now I’m going to pack my things and go! *peals of raucous laughter from the crowd*

Tainted love! *thwickety-thwack goes the antenna again*

Tainted love! *’Puter passes out*

With that, Meaux handed the bloody antenna with bits of ‘Puter’s sparkly unitard and flesh hanging from it to her second in command saying, “Clean this nerd’s cooties off this, polish it, and have it back in my hands in 15 minutes.”*****

As she strode off stage, Meaux knew she had cemented herself as unquestioned Queen of the School. Meaux’s reign of terror, like ‘Puter’s degradation, would last until her graduation in 1987.******

‘Puter awoke in Nurse Dr. Ratched’s parking lot next to her 1984 Chevy Monza. ‘Puter wondered why his pants were buzzing. Then he realized Nurse Dr. Ratched shocked him back to reality by attaching ‘Puter’s ‘nads to her car’s battery via a medieval set of jumper cables.

Nurse Dr. Ratched looked down at ‘Puter, puking in the gutter, spirit broken, and said, “I think we have the breakthrough we’ve been looking for.” She smiled slightly, turned on her heel, and walked back towards her office holding something ‘Puter hadn’t noticed before.

Something that looked suspiciously like a car antenna from a 1972 Dodge Dart Swinger.

* How was ‘Puter to know that driving a herd of pigs through the Des Moines airport’s Applebee’s during happy hour was a bad thing? It’s not like Applebee’s posted a “no feral hogs” sign or anything. And if Applebee’s didn’t want angry pigs tearing up its authentic local décor and goring its customers, maybe it should rethink serving ribs. In hindsight, maybe ‘Puter shouldn’t have represented himself in court.

** ‘Puter’s never been to a psycho the rapist’s office located in a shipping container before, but ‘Puter guesses it’s legit. The court wouldn’t steer him wrong, after all. Though ‘Puter does wonder about all the half-starved Chinese people chained to the wall. Maybe Nurse Dr. Ratched got a deal on it from an illegal immigrant smuggling ring. She really ought to do something about that smell, though.

*** Nurse Dr. Ratched’s notes at this point read, “The patient has commenced screaming in what appears to be mashup of Medieval Ottoman curse words and Tibetan sacred prayers. Mr. ‘Puter has commenced to urinating on the furniture and burning the macramé wall hangings. Note to self: increase Mr. ‘Puter’s hourly rate.”

**** Honestly, ‘Puter should’ve known better after his date with Meaux went so poorly, but it seems the Meaux-inflicted head trauma damaged his memory of that night.

***** Meaux named ‘Puter’s car antenna “The Nerdinator” and for the next two and one-half years used it to mercilessly beat any nerd hapless enough to cross her path.

****** Meaux didn’t pass any of her classes. In fact, Meaux didn’t attend any of her classes. The faculty graduated Meaux because they, too, were terrified of her.

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Catholicism – Part 2

The Gormogons Posted on April 30, 2018 by GorTNovember 29, 2020

We finish up with Fr. Josh and our discussion around and about Catholicism


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Avengers: Infinity War (spoiler free!)

The Gormogons Posted on April 30, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 30, 2018

Here’s the Czar’s spoiler-free review of Infinity War:

  • It has a lot of very expensive actors in it.
  • There are special effects.
  • Lots of stuff gets resolved from earlier movies.
  • Other stuff not as much.
  • There are plenty of familiar characters.
  • There are new characters.
  • Stay until the very end of the credits.
  • Stan Lee has a cameo.

That is all. The rest would be spoiling it for you.

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Glitch in the Matrix

The Gormogons Posted on April 20, 2018 by GorTApril 20, 2018

Before you continue, read ‘Puter’s post here for context*. And note, I’m going full-Puter with my footnotes.

Done? Ok, ‘Puter’s take on the issue is fine but let’s get to brass tax. The money quote from the NPR piece is this:

it is years behind schedule and millions over budget

Both sides of this transaction are to blame. First, the government has no spine. When a contractor begins to fail – let me repeat that with emphasis: when a contractor BEGINS to fail, the government needs to take action. They cannot let a program get “millions” of dollars over budget and “years” behind schedule. The root of the problem, in GorT’s professional** opinion, is that the government – largely in an effort to minimize efforts around acquisition and contract management, issues massive contracts that are 5+ years in duration and require aging software development methodologies. This combination has led many government agencies to an untenable situation: allocating 75%+ to their IT operations and maintenance budget and some portion of the remaining 25% towards new systems and upgrades. “Oh, but ‘the cloud’ will save Christmas for us”***, they say. Pffft. Again, many government agencies don’t understand what ‘the cloud’ is and there are many large integrator-type companies**** that still don’t know how to properly utilize it in order to realize the savings. But again, the root is that the government wants to make contract acquisition and management (on their side) easy.

This problem is nothing new. GorT’s first job was on a massive federal contract to update the systems that air traffic controllers use from airport towers to the enroute centers (that handle planes in between airports as they cross the country). It should have been issued as a number of smaller contracts to address individual pieces – but instead it was one big contract that eventually got the axe by Congress after years of mediocre progress.

On the other side of the contract, many federal contractors are satisfied in responding to the government’s Requests For Proposals (RFPs) by regurgitating what was asked for and not pushing back telling the government that there’s a better way to do this. And due to the ultra-competitive landscape, large contractors are working to submit the lowest cost bid as the government favors these LPTA (Lowest Price Technically Acceptable) awards. Well, never was there a case more applicable for the phrase: you get what you pay for….ugh, does anyone else think we should reword that to: you get that for which you paid? That preposition at the end bugs me.

We need to change the way things are done. Smaller contract terms, smaller contract amounts. If you’re going to fail, fail fast and fail cheap. It’s better if a $500k contract fails than a $3B contract. The government should consider what the operations & maintenance cost is on their contracts – if that is a growing tail, kill it. If the contract proposes proprietary data formats or data storage schemes, avoid it. Do not get locked in to a single provider.

ScottO said on twitter: “Join me in advocating the elimination of the IRS” and I couldn’t agree more. I still remain convinced that our tax code should be simplified such that at least 90% of Americans should be able to file via a postcard.

Lastly, if someone asked me to use my 25+ years of experience in developing federal-level computer systems, I wouldn’t pick Assembly as my primary language. I get that programming languages hadn’t evolved to the degree we have now when this system was put in place so choices were limited.

* GorT has programmed assembly on mainframes. 6502 Assembly on my Atari 800 was my 3rd programming language.
** 25 years of federal contracting experience developing IT systems with multiple successful deliveries (at/under budget and schedule), MS in EE/CS
*** For those that don’t get the reference, this was a quote for, if I remember correctly, for a Microsoft commercial for doing photo editing in their cloud infrastructure where the wife, worried about getting the Christmas cards out, remarks that, “the cloud will save Christmas” for them
**** GorT has worked for a few of these type of companies and is hoping his current one doesn’t evolve into one. You all know the names: Lockheed, SAIC, CACI, Leidos, Boeing, etc. etc.

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The Original Ghettoputer: An Origin Story

The Gormogons Posted on April 20, 2018 by 'PuterApril 20, 2018

‘Puter’s Mom and GorT’s Dad admire the IRS’s state of the art mainframe back in 1961.

Read this story from NPR on the recent IRS computer crash. ‘Puter will wait right here while you do.

Done? Good.

‘Puter heard the story driving home from work yesterday on All Liberals Embittered or whatever NPR calls its taxpayer-funded afternoon low-toned liberal hootenanny.* Say what you will about NPR’s politics, but those liberals sure do tell a good story.

‘Puter enjoyed the story, particularly the part about the IRS’s master file being housed on a computer mainframe somewhere in the hills of West Virginia.** The story provides a worthwhile view of the IRS siphoning off oodles of cash for God knows what while allowing its customer interface and collections software to crater from neglect.

But that’s not what really interested ‘Puter. This quote is.

But Mihm says being an early adopter ironically led to today’s problems at the IRS. The agency still uses a computer language from that era called Assembly that few know anymore. “It’s quite antiquated,” he says. But Mihm says, with so much of the IRS’ data encoded with Assembly, “it’s very had to sort of start entirely from scratch and build an entirely new system.

So the IRS has a database coded in Assembly, “a computer language … that few know any more.” ‘Puter laughed out loud as he drove across the still-frozen Upstate tundra as the snow continued to fall. ‘Puter was pretty sure he knew one of the few who are fluent in Assembly. When ‘Puter got home, he called this person to confirm his suspicion.

“Hi, Mom. It’s ‘Puter. Yeah. I love you too. Say, I was just listening to NPR and … Yeah, Mom. I know, but listen a minute. They had this story on the IRS’s mainframe and a database coded entirely in an old language they said no one knew anymore. No, not COBOL. No, not FORTRAN. Yep, Assembly. You used to program for [an unnamed government agency] is Assembly, didn’t you? I knew it!”

So, yeah. ‘Puter’s Mom’s not only among the first female coders, but her retained knowledge could eventually be put to use in rebuilding the IRS’s database. That is, if the IRS gives a crap about modernizing its database and wants to pay her going rate. And ‘Puter’ll be the one negotiating her going rate.

Small world, isn’t it?

* When the All Things Considered hosts introduce themselves saying, “I’m Mary Louise Kelly,” or whatever, ‘Puter likes to say back to the radio, “I’m Ghettoputer Gormogon. Nice to meet you, Ms. Kelly.” This drives Mrs. ‘Puter nuts.

** Or the swamps of Jersey. Whatever. #Rosalita4Evah

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War Is Hell. Civil Wars Are Super-Hell. Democrat Civil Wars Are Just Fun To Watch.

The Gormogons Posted on April 17, 2018 by 'PuterApril 17, 2018

A Democrat in full battle gear prepares for the upcoming Vag on Teachers on LGBTQ on Cripples intraparty war.

‘Puter, as is his wont, read this morning’s Wall Street Journal as he exercised. Two birds, one stone and all that. There, ‘Puter encountered this editorial, Crowding Out K-12 Education.

The editorial states recent teachers strikes are a direct result of overspending in other areas, namely Medicaid and state pensions. For instance, Oklahoma’s Medicaid spending has risen from 14% of the state’s general fund in 2008 to 25% last year. Kentucky showed similar catastrophic increases in Medicaid spending, from $4.9 billion in 2008 to $9.9 billion last year. One in four Kentuckians is enrolled in Medicaid.

While the federal government picked up a large share of the increased costs since Obamacare’s inception, costs are now shifting to the states in accordance with the statute’s provisions.

This increased spending was foreseeable result of Obamacare. ‘Puter and many others said as much when Democrats were busy cramming the massive government entitlement down America’s unwilling craw. We begged states not to accept Medicaid enlargement because it would lead to exactly this, busted budgets and crushing taxes on citizens.

But that’s not what ‘Puter wants to discuss. ‘Puter wants to go meta on you, real blow your mind kind stuff. This real story in this editorial is the coming war between and among various elements of the Democrats’ voting base. Stick with ‘Puter here.

The teachers strikes are the first shots in a war between two Democrat base stalwarts: teachers unions and the poor/welfare recipients. There isn’t enough funding (or tax increase room for that matter) to keep both constituencies happy. Medicaid is chewing up education dollars, and teachers are pissed off.

“How dare you treat us like yesterday’s news? We aren’t just some cheap floozy you can use and lose, pump and dump! We’re respectable unlike that new whore that’s caught your eye!”

This is how ‘Puter imagines teachers’ union executives talking to legislators and governors about Medicaid recipients.

Carry this logic out. What funds going to current Democrat constituencies are liberal states going to cut to transfer to which other liberal constituency? This is the stuff of nightmares for the Democrats. The coming funding wars could well tear the Democratic Party apart.

Do you cut Planned Parenthood funding to transfer the dollars to teachers’ unions? Do you cut LGBTQ outreach funding to pay for increases to Medicaid? And ‘Puter hasn’t even gotten into the inherent social issue division within the Democratic Party.

Democrats have run out of other people’s money to spend. The teacher strikes are just the first skirmishes. The fiscal strife will exacerbate and lay bare the divisions on social issues, and decades-old rancor will bubble to the surface.

The Democrats’ civil war is coming, and it’s not going to be pretty.

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Catholicism – Part 1

The Gormogons Posted on April 15, 2018 by GorTNovember 29, 2020

One of our minions, Fr. Josh, joins us to talk Catholicism

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Swedes and Greeks

The Gormogons Posted on April 15, 2018 by GorTNovember 29, 2020
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Scouting Series: Citizenship

The Gormogons Posted on April 14, 2018 by GorTApril 13, 2018

GorT has been remiss in following up his earlier posts about Boy Scouts and merit badges in particular. Today, I am sharing thoughts on a three merit badges: Citizenship in the Community, Citizenship in the Nation, and Citizenship in the World. At first blush, these sound like they could have a strong nationalistic, socialistic, or communist bent to them. But fret not, they are civic educationally focused. All three are required in order to earn the Eagle Scout rank.

Citizenship in the Community is focused on your local community government – think town or city level. A scout needs to identify where various buildings are located such as the city government buildings, fire stations, police stations, hospitals, etc. They learn the difference between elected and appointed positions and what the local or state government’s structure is. Of note, to GorT, are two specific requirements:

  • 4a – (in reference to choosing an issue important to your community) – find out what branch of local government is responsible for this issue.
  • 7a – Identify three charitable organizations outside of Scouting that interest you and bring people in your community together to work for the good of your community.

For the first one, I can’t tell you how many grown adults in this country do not understand the roles and responsibilities and limitations each branch of government has. This critical piece of civics is key to being a knowledge voter in our country.

With regards to the second, I’m impressed that Boy Scouts is pointing out that non-government entities are a primary place to look to in order to help promote things for the good of the community and not the government. Also, it encourages the scout to learn more and get involved with a charity*.

Citizenship in the Nation might be the key merit badge when it comes to educating a young man on civics (as it does seem poorly done in our education system). I don’t think I can pick out any specific requirement that is more relevant than another as they are all on point. The requirements range from learning about historical landmarks and context to understanding the founding documents of our nation (Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, Constitution, etc.) to knowing the three branches of government, their functions, and why checks and balances are important. I suggest you click through to read the requirements. And for those of us of voting age, if you can’t confidently address each of these requirements, I’d suggest a refresher. Maybe use them as a set of topics to get smarter over the next few weeks.

Finally, there is the Citizenship in the World merit badge. This may be the one worthy of some scrutiny when pursuing. While having some key requirements like:

  1. Explain what citizenship in the world means to you and what you think it takes to be a good world citizen.
  2. Explain how one becomes a citizen in the United States, and explain the rights, duties, and obligations of U.S. citizenship. Discuss the similarities and differences between the rights, duties, and obligations of U.S. citizens and the citizens of two other countries.
  3. Do the following:
    a. Pick a current world event. In relation to this current event, discuss with your counselor how a country’s national interest and its relationship with other countries might affect areas such as its security, its economy, its values, and the health of its citizens.
    b. Select a foreign country and discuss with your counselor how its geography, natural resources, and climate influence its economy and its global partnerships with other countries.

It does have some requirements that, as a parent, I’d might want to guide my son a bit:

4c. Select TWO of the following organizations and describe their role in the world.

1. The United Nations and UNICEF
2. The World Court
3. Interpol
4. World Organization of the Scout Movement
5. The World Health Organization
6. Amnesty International
7. The International Committee of the Red Cross
8. CARE (Cooperative for American Relief Everywhere)
9. European Union

 

Hint: I’d lean towards the Red Cross and Interpol. Regardless, this merit badge’s requirements do educate the scout on some key items on a global scale. Something that they should keep in mind when reading current news and events.

 

* Charitable participation hits on many aspects of the Scout Law. A boy scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. 

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Of Philosophers and Priests, Communism Beatdown Edition

The Gormogons Posted on April 13, 2018 by 'PuterApril 13, 2018

Filthy Boomer hippies worship murderous, freedom-killing commies like Che Guevara. Or is this George Clooney? Hard to tell, really.

‘Puter was pleasantly surprised at Mass last Sunday. ‘Puter fully expected some namby-pamby, feel good take on the First Reading along the lines of “MUH COMMUNISM IZ TEH BESTIST!!!1!” from one of his parish’s priests.

Here’s the reading in questions for your edification (Acts 4:32-35):

The community of believers was of one heart and mind, and no one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they had everything in common. With great power the apostles bore witness to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great favor was accorded them all. There was no needy person among them, for those who owned property or houses would sell them, bring the proceeds of the sale, and put them at the feet of the apostles, and they were distributed to each according to need.

Imagine ‘Puter’s surprised when Fr. McFormerbarristerenglishman launched into a stemwinder about the evils of Karl Marx, communism generally, and their perversion of the biblical exhortation to communally share with others.

‘Puter was rapt (mind you, this was around 07:50 Sunday morning) as the priest denounced Marx for creating a corrupt ideology that slaughtered millions. ‘Puter’s priest pulled no punches, directly disabusing the Boomer hippies in the pews of any notion that communism was ordained by God, as they are wont to claim.

‘Puter’s priest pointed out the fundamental evil of communism (versus the communalism described in the Acts passage) is the destruction of free will and property rights. ‘Puter found himself nodding along, and had to restrain himself from standing and applauding at the end of Father’s homily.

Mass is always good. Sometimes, Mass is great.

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‘Puter’s Travel Guide to Scotland

The Gormogons Posted on April 9, 2018 by 'PuterApril 9, 2018

Despite being a uniformly bad-ass people who brook no crap from anyone, Scots couldn’t muster the courage to vote themselves free and independent, despite Scotland’s greatest export’s exhortations.

‘Puter recently traveled to Scotland. It is truly a beautiful country, full of history, and brimming with decent beer. As a public service to our readers, ‘Puter’s put together this handy list of things everyone who visits Scotland should know before arriving.

  • Not everyone in Scotland is named Scott. ‘Puter learned this after calling a bunch of women at the pub Scott, and being met with an incomprehensible tangle of allegedly English words and a flurry of fists.
  • The Scottish unit of currency is the haggis. Scottish establishments will also accept the ear of one’s enemy, which is roughly equivalent to 1.2 British pounds.
  • Scottish grocery carts (or, as they call them, Fergus MacGregors) have four independently moving wheels. One can walk sideways with them down the aisles. One ought be careful so doing, however, lest one find one’s self followed around the local Tesco at 22:00 by a local policewoman, as ‘Puter found out.
  • Hen parties (bachelorette parties) are out of hand. In the Edinburgh airport Clan ‘Puter was treated to three separate groups of “ladies” headed for various warmer locales. One of the brides-to-be proudly displayed everything God gave her in a skin tight leopard print unitard and no apparent undergarments of any type. Much spillage. Very side bewb. Mrs. ‘Puter was not amused by Tablet and my ogling.
  • Corollary to the above: Do not tell your wife she, too, could wear a leopard print unitard with no underwear to the airport and get the same treatment. And never, ever suggest it would make it easier for her to get through security.
  • Corollary to the above corollary: Hen party brides-to-be seem to assemble a cohort of not nearly as attractive comrades to be in the wedding party.
  • In Scotland, Catholics and Protestants spent centuries destroying each other and their creations. It did not work out well for anyone involved.
  • The Jolly Judge just off the Royal Mile in Edinburgh is a great pub.
  • Yes, the wind is always honking off the ocean directly across the links at St. Andrews. ‘Puter also assumes the temperature hovers around 38 degrees there year round as well. Scottish people are undeterred by the weather and will stroll the beach while being blasted with sand commenting on how delightful the day is.
  • Scotland has one snow plow. ‘Puter saw it heading north on the M9 closely followed by a grit/salt truck. ‘Puter assumes they were fleeing an unruly mob hell-bent on destroying them for the crap job of snow removal they do.
  • Driving on the left is more of a suggestion than a hard and fast rule.
  • Scottish people can consume more alcohol in one sitting than any other group of people ‘Puter’s ever seen. ‘Puter very much enjoyed this attribute of the Scots.
  • Scottish cuisine involves meat, offal, and maybe some root vegetables on the side. The cuisine is washed down with scotch or beer. You will not encounter green vegetables or water in your travels. Bring your favorite constipation remedy. You’ll thank ‘Puter.
  • The Fife accent makes ‘Puter giggle.
  • Scotland’s national identity is really, really wrapped up in its military history, which history, to be fair, is awesome.
  • World War I killed a whole lot of Scots and there are memorials everywhere. There was one in the parish church where Clan ‘Puter attended Easter Mass.
  • Scots are pasty and white, just like people in Rochester where ‘Puter lives. ‘Puter felt right at home.

 

Scotland’s a great place to visit. The country’s beautiful and the people are genuinely nice. ‘Puter highly recommends it as a travel destination.

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Music and Meter

The Gormogons Posted on April 8, 2018 by GorTNovember 29, 2020

A musical discussion!

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Olympics

The Gormogons Posted on April 1, 2018 by GorTNovember 29, 2020

Several of the Gormos discuss the Olympics

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Dirty Little Secret

The Gormogons Posted on March 29, 2018 by GorTMarch 29, 2018

No, I’m not talking about Stormy Daniels, the latest GIF ‘Puter posted on Twitter, all the dishes the Czar left in the sink, or where the clandestine White House Bunker is. I’m talking about the one topic that the media, the democrats, and the the whole March For Our Lives group won’t talk about with regards to gun violence: the American societal acceptance of the destruction of the family.

 

 

 

From the Sun Sentinel on March 1, 2018:

The list [of mass shooters with broken homes] goes on and on, as Brad Wilcox will testify. He is a professor and director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, studied school shootings in 2013 and found all the perpetrators had either had a mother who never got married or had seen a divorce in the family. CNN once looked at the deadliest mass shootings in U.S. history, noting that, of the seven killers under 30, only one had his biological father around his whole childhood. 

Consider a joint federal study showing that 63 percent of youth suicides are from fatherless homes; as often as not, mass shooters are simultaneously suicidal. Robert Sampson, a Harvard sociologist, has observed that urban violence is concentrated in neighborhoods with mostly single-parent homes. A Michigan State University study found 75 percent of examined adolescent murderers were from fatherless homes. The Centers for Disease Control says 85 percent of children with behavioral disorders have only a mother in the home. Wilcox also says children with both married parents around are less likely to drop out of school, to become drug addicts or to grow up impoverished.

A oft overlooked statistic in the last few weeks is that 26 of the 27 deadliest mass shootings perpetrators were largely raised in a fatherless environment.

This is a difficult topic to address but instead of addressing it – likely due to a fear of offending someone – we are sweeping it under the rug. Maybe my liberal friends will claim this is more “whataboutism”* but, like many of them ask about gun control laws: why not try to do something?!? If we kick this can down the road, it isn’t going to improve on it’s own. This is going to take a concerted effort. Maybe before I move on, I should highlight some other statistics:

  • 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
  • 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average.  (Center for Disease Control)
  • 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average.  (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
  • 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average.  (National Principals Association Report)

 

It isn’t just fatherless homes, in my opinion, but rather it is a change in our culture and a lack of holding people accountable. In this case, be accountable for the life you just helped create. I truly believe that children with a sense of responsibility and an understanding that actions have meaningful and real consequences are likely not going to be the next school shooting criminal.

The other part of accountability is the lack of accountability we hold our government (local, state, and federal) for enforcing the laws in place. Before we spend the taxpayer money on passing new gun laws (many of which would likely not have stopped many of these shootings), can we fix the enforcement of the laws on the books. Fix the various databases and information sharing systems for background checks. Fix the reporting of mental health issues and violent behaviors such that they would be ineligible under CURRENT laws to acquire a gun. Woulda, coulda, shoulda, but I believe that the Parkland shooting was preventable if just some – not even all – of the enforcement problems were addressed. I would like to see one journalist ask David Hogg or Emma Gonzalez, “Do you think it was a legislative problem or an enforcement problem that led to the shooting and why?” Followed up with, “are you aware that there were multiple failures in the implementation and enforcement of current laws that would have likely prevented the shooter from obtaining a gun and being in the school that day in that condition?” I doubt I’ll hear either anytime soon. In the meantime, the dirty little secret will continue to be whispered because to talk about it would be “whataboutism”

* Whataboutism is the epitome of the liberal reaction to have a rational discussion and debate about a topic. Anything outside of their specific agenda is decried as the opponents just screaming, “What about…”? I actually think the texting while driving has a very real parallel to the gun debate – somewhere between 4 and 10 times the number of teens die from texting while driving accidents per day than by guns (when you include suicides, accidental shootings, incidental shootings, and mass shootings). In both cases, there are existing laws that make some aspect of the action illegal (hence, crime, right?!?) There have been ZERO marches to raise awareness or combat texting while driving. Where are the OpEds and the Hollywood events to address the issue? Can you imagine for a moment a national campaign to ban the sales of smart phones to teenage drivers? 

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Meet a Minion: Neva

The Gormogons Posted on March 29, 2018 by GorTNovember 29, 2020

The Volgi and a favorite minion, Neva, chat it up a bit.

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Gun Control Is As Good As It’s Going To Get

The Gormogons Posted on March 28, 2018 by The Czar of MuscovyMarch 28, 2018

Obviously, there’s a lot of tension going on right now between the people very much for gun control and the people very much against it. That tension exists because we, as a country, have finally reached the point where gun control is about as good as it’s going to get.

Here’s why: we’re presently pruning gun control restraints back, nationally. More states than ever allow “Constitutional Carry,” and more are in line to adopt it. Even Chicago, epicenter for bad management decisions, is begrudgingly accepting the reality of legal concealed carry. Gun ownership is up, the number of gun stores is greater than it’s been in two generations, and overall, gun-related homicides are down.

And yet we still have 20,000 gun laws on the books. Or 50,000. Or maybe 15,000…no one really knows because indexing gun laws at every level of government in this country is like counting dandelions in a field: as soon as you tally up a section, new ones blossom in areas you just counted.

In the 1990s, gun control overreached. We realize that now and are starting to prune. And as evidence starts to mount both for gun liberties and against gun control efforts, it may be that future historians can look back and say the 1990s was the height of gun control in American history, and it achieved nothing. It sure looks that way 20 years later.

Think about it this way: we’re now at a point where every proposed gun control argument has a better counter-argument. If you’re in favor of gun control, you might not think so, especially on social media. But for every person wanting to ban x or make it harder to do y, there are two or three well-argued responses against it.* Want to ban AR-15s? Here’s reasons why you can’t. Want to outlaw gun show sales? Here’s why you’re wrong. And so on: the same false arguments keep popping up, and each time they do, more cogent counterarguments add to the list.

Here’s the issue with gun control: there’s only one way to do it. No, not passage of incremental laws, reasonable restrictions, integrated background checks, mental health assessments, licenses, may-carry reviews, non-reciprocity, or any of the dozens of strategies that worked in the 1990s. The only way is enforced confiscation.

  • Banning a particular weapon won’t stop school shootings. Total confiscation will.
  • Gang shootings are already illegal, and they happen weekly. Total confiscation stops that.
  • Most suicides are committed with firearms. You can’t stop the suicide, but total confiscation will make it impossible to do with a handgun.
  • Accidental or friendly-fire shootings? Stopped with total confiscation.

Because as long as there is a reasonable explanation for possessing a firearm—self-defense, hunting, sports, recreational shooting, collecting, historical interest—then guns will be stolen and used in crimes, will discharge negligently, will factor in suicides.

As long as there is one person with a gun out there, the rest of it continues. The only way to stop it, in agreement with frail human nature, it total, absolute confiscation.

And not that mushy kind they tried in Australia, with initially voluntary trade-ins for cash and eventual fines and arrest. That didn’t work, as evidenced by the sheer number of firearms still used in Australian crimes. This must be enforced confiscation, which means seizing of records of gun sales receipts over the last couple decades, house-to-house searches, and more.

Because anything less than this will fail. It must be absolute, and gun control proponents know this when they make comments beginning with “If even one gun….”

On a practical level, this will be an utter failure. Not because of fantasized armed revolts or ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ bumper stickers or civil wars. The effort will be impossible on a purely organizational level: there are too many Americans to search, too many homes, and an untold number of firearms out there to find in them. Not only will local law enforcement be unable to cope with this monstrous workload, they won’t do it—in a Chicago suburb that tried this a while back, the town’s cops refused to comply saying it wasn’t in their job description. The effort failed out of the gate simply because they couldn’t fund the overtime pay for such an effort.

And there’s that pesky issue of the Second Amendment that keeps coming up.

At least that pretense is over with: at long last, Justice John Paul Stevens, writing in the New York Times, has acknowledged that gun control, at this point, shall require the repealing of the Second Amendment. It’s finally out there: backed into a legal and logistical corner, the gun control movement has finally conceded that, at this point, only repealing the Second Amendment will afford increased gun control. The mask is off, the ruse exposed.

This doesn’t make confiscation possible; it makes it more unlikely. Indeed, here’s the thing: the news media are happy to plaster poll after poll on our screens touting some variation of the phrase “A majority of Americans support increased gun control” but cannot prove this. Generally, the poll process works like this:

Pollster: Do you support the Second Amendment

American: Absolutely. No questions. I can quote it to you verbatim.

Pollster: Do you own a gun?

American: You bet. A bunch. And I want more. You should own a bunch, too.

Pollster: Do you think it ought to be harder for people who should not have a gun to get one?

American: Um, well, yeah, obviously.

Pollster notes this person supports increased gun control.

As the Czar speaks to average people from all walks of life, from kids to grandmas to hunting enthusiasts to outspoken liberals, he hears the same sentence: “I believe in the Second Amendment, but…” with some comment following about restricting already-restricted things like gun-show loopholes, fully-automatic AK-16s, cop-killer bullets, or kids buying guns from a Texas Costco vending machine and bringing them elsewhere. The nature of the complaint is immaterial, especially when you explain the reality to them about their fear and they reply with “Oh. Never mind, then.” Although these comments get written up as “favoring gun control” by pollsters, the key takeaway is their first five words: “I believe in the Second Amendment.”

Americans, often based on a faulty understanding of the law thanks to the confusion of tens of thousands of conflicting laws and a sloppy news media, say they want gun control. However, if the vote came to repeal the Second Amendment, the resulting referendum would fail so badly that news media would talk for months about “How did the polls get this so wrong?”

At least we have reached the truth: the only way to increase gun control at this point is to repeal the Second Amendment. And the improbability of that would be laughable if more people understood the incredibly difficult processes to do so. But as long as the pro-control side is finally admitting the truth, the pro-gun side could also admit the truth: gun-control advocates have only themselves to blame.

If you’re pro-gun control, enjoy every day. Because the next day will likely provide you another setback.

*Maybe there’s one exception: bump stocks. People in favor of gun control argue that it practically automates a weapon; people against gun control think they’re a foolish waste of ammunition. Only an extreme minority of Americans want them sold with no restrictions, so introducing legislation to curb or eliminate bump stocks should be easy, right?

You’d think so. In Illinois, the support behind legislation to ban bump stocks was high enough that Republicans practically wrote the language to ban them. This was great, except Democrats in the State Senate—knowing the legislation would pass easily—promptly added a bunch of ridiculous and unconstitutional riders to the bill, assured that Republicans would now vote against it, or the governor would veto it, and thereby the Democrats could say “Behold! Even though the people of Illinois wanted to ban them, Republicans voted against it!” The Democrats found a way to automate a political weapon.

Posted in Uncategorized

The Parkland Kids’ Brave New World

The Gormogons Posted on March 26, 2018 by 'PuterMarch 26, 2018

Parkland Kid David Hogg leads the crowd at his rally in endless chants of “Big smile! Big smile!” There is totally nothing creepy or fascistic about rallies to disarm Americans for their own good. 

“Everyone who wants to do good to the human race always ends in universal bullying.” – Aldous Huxley

“And so it goes,” ‘Puter thought, as he watched the Parkland Kids host a rock concert masquerading as a gun control rally on the taxpayer’s dime in DC. Nothing says solemn, somber, and serious about policy and politics like a star-studded hootenanny held on the graves of 17 nominal friends and teachers.

After all, pop stars have so much to offer us in the policy arena. Where would America be without the invaluable insights of noted Constitutional experts such as Lin-Manuel Miranda, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande, Jennifer Hudson, Common, Ben Platt, Vic Mensa, Andra Day, and Demi Lovato?*

Putting aside the snark, what’s really got ‘Puter steamed is the Parkland Kids’ incessant bullying of those with whom they disagree. These proto-totalitarians want to strip you of your constitutional rights because feelz and reasons. We are treated to months of know-nothing dumbasses screeching about the necessity of removing others’ constitutional rights, egged on by liberal politicians, broadcast far and wide by a complicit, sympathetic media.

‘Puter loathes the Parkland Kids for what they’ve become: one-dimensional, unthinking marionettes used by media and liberals (‘Puter repeats himself) to bully America into accepting a decidedly regressive gun-banning agenda. Parkland Kids are how we get piss-poor, unconstitutional laws crammed down our throats in the wake of national tragedies and Democrats know it. Hell, Democrats are counting on it.

The Kids scream for democracy, by which they mean mob rule. How else to interpret the incoherent, profanity-laced rants from David Hogg? His shtick boils down to “if you want give me what I want, I’ll gin up this mob to burn your house down.” In other eras, Hogg’s parents or neighborhood adults would’ve put a stop to his thinly-veiled threats immediately through judicious application of a beat down.

The Kids scream a majority wants stricter gun control laws. The Kids fail to note (likely, fail to understand (or care)) the Constitution was expressly set up to avoid majority nullification of minority rights. The Left seems to remember this when the “rights” claimed are favorites of theirs, such as the made-up-out-of-whole-cloth-in-the-worst-reasoned-opinion-ever right to “gay marriage.” Remember the Left’s outraged cries of “you don’t get to vote on my rights!!1!eleventy!!!”? ‘Puter does. Apparently, this standard’s ratchet only works in one direction: leftward.

“Oh, ‘Puter. You’re overreacting again. These kids aren’t bullies. They’re just passionate.” Uh huh. How about we read a bit of what Cameron Kasky’s had to say:

“The people demand a law banning the sale of assault weapons, the people demand we prohibit the sale of high-capacity magazines, the people demand universal background checks. Stand for us or beware.”

Yep. Totes not bullying. Not an ounce of threat there, implied or otherwise. ‘Puter particularly likes the part where Kasky conflates his own gun-banning dreams with the universal will of “the people.”

Perhaps if Kasky and his fellow Kids like “the people” so much, they will avail themselves of citizenship in countries that care so much about “the people” it’s right there in the countries’ names: People’s Republic of China, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, People’s Republic of Kampuchea, etc. Or perhaps Venezuela, which cares about its people’s health so much it’s confiscated all firearms and helped its people achieve their ideal weights through government administered caloric intake controls (i.e., starvation).

Do you want to live in a world where your constitutional rights are subject to the whims of bullies, whether idiot kids with superiority complexes or unelected progressive fascists in black robes? ‘Puter doesn’t.

We beat bullies by punching back twice as hard. It’s long past time we law-abiding gun owners started punching back.

* ‘Puter has no idea who most of these no-talent ass clowns are, nor does ‘Puter much care. ‘Puter’s default position on entertainers is they’re as dumb as a sack of hammers and about as interesting in person. The burden of proof is on the entertainer to prove ‘Puter wrong. 

Posted in Uncategorized

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