The pool round is complete including some dives into the odd rules of FIFA for breaking ties (hint: it shouldn’t rely on the number of yellow cards issued). There’s some changes in the standings as we go into the bracket rounds.
|#1 Dr. J||22 pts||Phillies are 2.5 games back and playing almost as good as Croatia and Uruguay are for Dr. J’s picks. With 4 of his 5 countries moving onto the bracket rounds, Dr. J is sitting pretty for the contest. Uh, Dr.J? Hello? Are you even….ah forget it.|
|#2 ‘Puter||17 pts||‘Puter moves up to second place. Technically he tied with Mandy with 17 points. The second tiebreaker is number of countries thru to the bracket round – both Puter and Mandy have 3 times going on. So the Castle Gormogon third tier tiebreaker is the number of hours since you tortured Sleestak. Surprise, surprise, ‘Puter won with 0.0001 hours|
|#3 Mandarin||17 pts||Mandy dialed in on a 1200 baud modem to scroll through the site to see where he stood. Once he saw that ‘Puter moved ahead of him, he gut booted the modem across the room and we haven’t heard from him since.|
|#4 GorT||16 pts||GorT is chasing the leaders and is pinning his hopes on the strengths of Brazil, Argentina, and England in the bracket rounds.|
|#5 Volgi||11 pts||Volgi and Czar tie with 11 points but with Japan and Denmark moving onto the bracket rounds, Volgi takes 5th place. Panj!|
|#6 Czar||11 pts||
Czar: Help me, Sweden, your my only hope.
‘Puter: Suck it, Czar. Suck it hard.
|#7 Sleestak||2 points||With Germany exiting the tournament in an epic failure, Sleestak is done, capping off at 2 points.|
|#8 Dat Ho||0 points||Dat Ho nets 0 points for the tournament. Sure, he only drew one team instead of five like the rest of the Gormos. The Czar laughed heartily and said, “Figures. Soccer and you score zero points. Ha!”|
GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.