‘Puter listened to and watched the Senate Judiciary hearings on Judge Kavanaugh’s nomination yesterday. ‘Puter has many thoughts regarding the hearings, so naturally, instead of writing a coherent essay on them, ‘Puter disjointedly set them to music.
Enjoy! And if you don’t enjoy, suck it, you humorless assclowns.
The legend lives on from the Democrats on down
Of the lost vote they called Merrick Garland!
McConnell, it’s said, killed the nominee dead
No vote in committee he’d scheduled!
With a load of bullshit all the pundits deemed it
An affront to the Senate’s good order!
The good judge and Dems took it in their rear ends,
When the bet of McConnell paid div’dends!
With Hillary the pride of the Democrat side
(Though she couldn’t find a state called Wisconsin)
But the Democrats knew there’s no way she could lose
To an orange-faced abuser of women!
Election night came and put Hillary to shame
She had lost to the orange-faced boob from The City!
And later that night, the wine bottles drained,
Could it be Garland’s fate was determined?
The wailing of press and the pundit’s sweet tears,
And Trump was sworn in ‘midst moaning.
Every Dem knew, and Republicans too,
T’was the Garland nomination’s death knell!
So Garland got pulled and Neil Gorsuch subbed in,
Mitch’s gamble had come to fruition!
The Dems spent their days in impotent rage,
And vowed their payback’d be brutal!
The Grim Reaper came calling Scalia by name,
Democrats girded for battle.
From the Federalist’s strong list Trump would make his next pick,
Announcing Judge Brett Kavanaugh!
Chuck Schumer declared that the Dems did not care,
There was no way the Dems would confirm him!
DiFi found and she hid allegations that did
Cause the wreck of the Kavanaugh Hearings.
Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the Dems turn the hearings to shitshows?
The pundits all claim Kavanaugh’d clear his good name,
If he’d ask for an FBI recheck!
But Graham he stood up, said enough is enough,
And Graham told Republicans hold tough.
And all that remains is the everlasting shame,
Of the Democrats and their enablers.
DiFi denies that the folks on her side,
Leaked Ford’s baseless claims to the media!
The hard Left fumes as its antics spell doom,
For stopping Judge Kav’naugh’s nomination!
All their dumb schemes collapsed along with their dreams
Of seating Justice Merrick Garland!
As the midterms bear down, Democrats all look like clowns,
With the votes of November all in doubt!
‘Neath the Capitol’s dome in DC they’d vote,
On the nomination of Judge Kav’naugh!
A church bell should chime ringing each of ten times,
For each Dem on Judic’ry Committee.
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the shitshow they call Kavanaugh Hearings!
Democrats, they said, will kill a good man dead
If perceived as a threat to abortion.
*stops singing* *waits for applause and thrown panties*
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.