Domine, exaudi vocem meam.
‘Puter attended Mass this weekend, 07:30 as usual. This Sunday’s readings outright damned the hierarchy’s response to the latest round of child raping, butt covering allegations.
Here’s the Gospel reading for the Twenty-second Sunday in Ordinary Time, Mark 7:1-8, 14-15, 21-23:
When the Pharisees with some scribes who had come from Jerusalem gathered around Jesus, they observed that some of his disciples ate their meals with unclean, that is, unwashed, hands. — For the Pharisees and, in fact, all Jews, do not eat without carefully washing their hands, keeping the tradition of the elders. And on coming from the marketplace they do not eat without purifying themselves. And there are many other things that they have traditionally observed, the purification of cups and jugs and kettles and beds. — So the Pharisees and scribes questioned him,
“Why do your disciples not follow the tradition of the elders but instead eat a meal with unclean hands?” He responded, “Well did Isaiah prophesy about you hypocrites, as it is written:
This people honors me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me;
in vain do they worship me,
teaching as doctrines human precepts.
You disregard God’s commandment but cling to human tradition.”
He summoned the crowd again and said to them, “Hear me, all of you, and understand. Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile.
“From within people, from their hearts, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile.”
What more perfectly encapsulates the Church’s current hierarchy’s myriad issues than Jesus’ paraphrase of the messianic prophet Isaiah (Isaiah 29:13)? Were Isaiah to reappear today, he might well have substituted “this Roman Catholic clergy” for “this people” and few could argue against him.
Too many among the Catholic clergy have disregarded God’s commandments. ‘Puter’s fairly certain “don’t ass-rape little boys and seminarians, and even if you didn’t do so, don’t cover up for the Roman-collared criminals who did” is somewhere in His commands.
And teaching as doctrines human precepts? What say you, Pope Climate Change XII? When the Church is more concerned about climate change and plastic waste than it is about victims of sexual assault and ferreting out every last pedophile rapist in its ranks it is time for a cleansing fire.
May God’s Holy Spirit descend upon the Church, full of His divine wrath and righteous fury, to defend the least among us and burn the f*cking corrupt, hedonistic, gay bathhouse shit-show to the ground. And from the ashes, may new, faithful leaders rise to rebuild Christ’s Church according to His just commands.
P.S. Did ‘Puter mention the Responsorial Psalm’s response was, “The one who does justice will live in the presence of the Lord?” It was. Just saying.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.