Parkland Kid David Hogg leads the crowd at his rally in endless chants of “Big smile! Big smile!” There is totally nothing creepy or fascistic about rallies to disarm Americans for their own good. 

“Everyone who wants to do good to the human race always ends in universal bullying.” – Aldous Huxley

“And so it goes,” ‘Puter thought, as he watched the Parkland Kids host a rock concert masquerading as a gun control rally on the taxpayer’s dime in DC. Nothing says solemn, somber, and serious about policy and politics like a star-studded hootenanny held on the graves of 17 nominal friends and teachers.

After all, pop stars have so much to offer us in the policy arena. Where would America be without the invaluable insights of noted Constitutional experts such as Lin-Manuel Miranda, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande, Jennifer Hudson, Common, Ben Platt, Vic Mensa, Andra Day, and Demi Lovato?*

Putting aside the snark, what’s really got ‘Puter steamed is the Parkland Kids’ incessant bullying of those with whom they disagree. These proto-totalitarians want to strip you of your constitutional rights because feelz and reasons. We are treated to months of know-nothing dumbasses screeching about the necessity of removing others’ constitutional rights, egged on by liberal politicians, broadcast far and wide by a complicit, sympathetic media.

‘Puter loathes the Parkland Kids for what they’ve become: one-dimensional, unthinking marionettes used by media and liberals (‘Puter repeats himself) to bully America into accepting a decidedly regressive gun-banning agenda. Parkland Kids are how we get piss-poor, unconstitutional laws crammed down our throats in the wake of national tragedies and Democrats know it. Hell, Democrats are counting on it.

The Kids scream for democracy, by which they mean mob rule. How else to interpret the incoherent, profanity-laced rants from David Hogg? His shtick boils down to “if you want give me what I want, I’ll gin up this mob to burn your house down.” In other eras, Hogg’s parents or neighborhood adults would’ve put a stop to his thinly-veiled threats immediately through judicious application of a beat down.

The Kids scream a majority wants stricter gun control laws. The Kids fail to note (likely, fail to understand (or care)) the Constitution was expressly set up to avoid majority nullification of minority rights. The Left seems to remember this when the “rights” claimed are favorites of theirs, such as the made-up-out-of-whole-cloth-in-the-worst-reasoned-opinion-ever right to “gay marriage.” Remember the Left’s outraged cries of “you don’t get to vote on my rights!!1!eleventy!!!”? ‘Puter does. Apparently, this standard’s ratchet only works in one direction: leftward.

“Oh, ‘Puter. You’re overreacting again. These kids aren’t bullies. They’re just passionate.” Uh huh. How about we read a bit of what Cameron Kasky’s had to say:

“The people demand a law banning the sale of assault weapons, the people demand we prohibit the sale of high-capacity magazines, the people demand universal background checks. Stand for us or beware.”

Yep. Totes not bullying. Not an ounce of threat there, implied or otherwise. ‘Puter particularly likes the part where Kasky conflates his own gun-banning dreams with the universal will of “the people.”

Perhaps if Kasky and his fellow Kids like “the people” so much, they will avail themselves of citizenship in countries that care so much about “the people” it’s right there in the countries’ names: People’s Republic of China, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, People’s Republic of Kampuchea, etc. Or perhaps Venezuela, which cares about its people’s health so much it’s confiscated all firearms and helped its people achieve their ideal weights through government administered caloric intake controls (i.e., starvation).

Do you want to live in a world where your constitutional rights are subject to the whims of bullies, whether idiot kids with superiority complexes or unelected progressive fascists in black robes? ‘Puter doesn’t.

We beat bullies by punching back twice as hard. It’s long past time we law-abiding gun owners started punching back.

* ‘Puter has no idea who most of these no-talent ass clowns are, nor does ‘Puter much care. ‘Puter’s default position on entertainers is they’re as dumb as a sack of hammers and about as interesting in person. The burden of proof is on the entertainer to prove ‘Puter wrong. 

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.