In Which Krugman Self-Pwns
Few things amuse ‘Puter more than a star in the liberal super-smart punditsphere exploding in a supernova of stupidity and self-owning. Few liberal super-smart pundits do so more regularly* than the NYT’s own Paul Krugman.**
Krugman opines in today’s NYT that Republicans are scaremongering, claiming Democrats are peddling socialism. Krugman warms up with some light Reagan bashing, *** then moves on to some vigorous straw man constructing and burning. You see, Republicans believe socialism is either (1) “economic liberalism” or (2) Soviet-style central planning, or Venezuela style nationalization of industry.”
With a segue as smooth and effortless as ‘Puter’s colonic output after all you can eat Kraut and Courvoisier night at the Leaping Peacock, Krugman informs us today’s Democrats aren’t peddling socialism, no far from it.**** Krugman valiantly moves in for the kill, ready to ignite the marauding army of strawmen he’s constructed. Gleefully, he sets the straw horde alight, righteously informing us “there is essentially nobody in American political life who advocates such things [either (1) or (2) above – ‘Puter]”
Poor Paul. Poor, poor pitiful Paul.***** So smug in his perceived victory. So not ready to get bitch-slapped back to reality by hard Left darlings of Democrats Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-Crazy Town, NYC) and Sen. Ed Markey (D(u)- M(b)ass.) and their totally paid and totally free Green New Deal.
Perhaps Krugman is unaware that all the major Democrat presidential candidates have signed on to the lunacy that is the Green New Deal, not to mention a substantial number of House and Senate Democrats. That’s got to count for at least a few politicians, right Mr. Krugman? Or maybe Mr. Krugman defines “essentially nobody” and “pretty much every single major player in the Democrat party today.” When one deals with a person so devoid of a foothold in reality, it’s tough to say.
To be fair to Mr. Krugman, it’s not as if the Green New Deal advocates “Soviet-style central planning, or Venezuela style nationalization of industry.” Except it does exactly that. Don’t believe ‘Puter, believe the Green New Deal’s principal sponsor, The Notorious(ly crazy ex-girlfriend) AOC and her Green New Deal FAQs. Here’s a few of the totally not central planning or industry nationalization provisions Democrats proudly espouse:
1. “[M]obilize every aspect of American society at a scale not seen since World War 2 to achieve net-zero greenhouse gas emissions.”
It’s not like government pretty much ran a command and control economy during WW2 or anything, dictating wages, preventing worker strikes, interning Americans of Japanese descent. Man, the good old days when FDR coopted American industry and ran it as his personal fiefdom.
2. “It’s unclear if we will be able to decommission every nuclear plant within 10 years….”
Oh. ‘Puter sees. Totally not central planning or industry nationalization to use government power to destroy an entire industry, one that produces reliable power day and night, in favor or building unreliable wind turbines and solar farms. Genius.
3. “The Federal Reserve can extend credit to power these projects and investments and new public banks can be created to extend credit.”
Yes. Good. Government printing fiat currency and giving it to politically favored industries to the detriment of existing industry is in no way central planning. So shut up, proles.
4. “Even if every billionaire and company came together and were willing to pour all the resources at their disposal into this investment [crappy Green New Deal – ‘Puter], the aggregate value of the investment they could make would not be sufficient.”
Permit ‘Puter to translate for you, America. “Our totally free Green New Deal is gonna cost an assload of money, more than we can steal from the one-percenters, so you idiots in the middle class and you stupid Delta working poor who nobody wants to be around because you’re icky are going to have the snot taxed out of you to fund this pie-in-the-sky scheme that will enrich we brilliant Democrat elites and our cronies while you all suffer in squalor as always. And thanks for your votes, subhuman morons!” This doesn’t sound like something socialists would do at all, disdaining their voters and bankrupting a once wealth nation. *cough* Venezuela *cough*
5. “Upgrade or replace every building in US for state-of-the-art energy efficiency.”
Government mandating you either do exactly with your house as it wishes or tear it down is totally not at all fascist, socialist, or communist. There is no history of making the personal political in socialism. ‘Puter cannot recall socialism ever devolving into government policing personal behavior within one’s home.
6. Ensure “universal access to healthy food.” “Provide job training and education to all.” “Ensure that all GND jobs are union jobs….” “Guarantee a job with family-sustaining wages.” “Provide high-quality health care, housing, economic security, and clean air, clean water, healthy food, and nature to all.”
‘Puter’s just a simple Upstate lawyer who’s not very bright, but he thought the Green New Deal was about stopping global warming, not about welfare. ‘Puter’s sure this must be a mistake. Big government loving Democrat politicians would never put in pork, constituency favors, and massive welfare state increases within a bill to destroy legal industry in favor of nonexistent technologies.
7. “[B]uild [electric vehicle] charging stations everywhere, build out high-speed rail at a scale where air travel stops becoming necessary, create affordable public transit available to all, with a goal to replace every combustion-engine vehicle.”
So, install infrastructure Americans don’t want, blow tons more government money on a technology proven not to work in America (see, e.g., California’s massive, money-sucking boondoggle), destroy an industry that’s linked the country together and enabled less well-to-do Americans to travel extensively, and confiscate America’s cars while outlawing production of new models. This is totally not socialist. Even if it were, government coopting industries and redirecting investment to politically favored outcomes worked in Venezuela, so no worries!
8. “Massive federal investments … to organizations and businesses participating in the green new deal….”
Nothing says “not socialist” like cronyism in service of pipe dreams and unproven technology paid for with other people’s money. And crushing politically disfavored businesses and their investors never happened in the Soviet Union. So STFU, haters.
Wow. ‘Puter’s overwhelmed with the sheer genius of Democrats’ totally-not-socialist-at-all-because-nobody-in-politics-today-believes-in-socialism Green New Deal. The ability of Democrats to create a massive government program costing trillions of dollars with no negative externalities or costs to anyone is genius! Why didn’t ‘Puter think of political program spontaneous generation years ago? Anything is possible when everything is free and there’s no cost to anyone!
‘Puter almost feels bad for Mr. Krugman, having his smug writings immediately and irrefutably disproven by his hard Left Democrat allies.
* With the possible exception of E.J. Dionne
** Did you know Paul Krugman is a Nobel laureate in economics? Just wait a few minutes. He’ll tell you. He’s worse with the credential dropping than a Harvard alum.
*** You remember Reagan, right? He’s the totally stupid president who followed the sainted Jimmeh Carter. All that Reagan moron did was unleash America’s economy, shrug off America’s Carter-induced malaise, and together with Thatcher and St. John Paul II crush Soviet communism once and for all. So naturally Krugman hates him.
**** They’re just looking for some pie in the sky summit. Paul used Dems, Dems used Paul and neither one cared. They were getting their share of working on their Prog moves.
***** Even Linda Ronstadt isn’t amused by Paul Krugman’s shenanigans.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.