Yosemite Vlad


Dr. J. updated his computers to Yosemite (aka 10.10) the other day and was admiring the default wallpaper on his desktop computer from across the room.

There was a profile in the side of the mountain.

Circle Lenin

Not only that, the profile has an uncanny resemblance to Vladimir Lenin.


Coincidence or communist conspiracy?

Hillary and the Democrats’ War on Women

‘Puter’s hopping mad. Well, either that or he’s hopping because his intestines are trying to crawl out of his bunghole after chugging an entire 18 ounce jar of Huy Fong chili garlic sauce* on a dare from Czar.

‘Puter made the mistake of watching the gang on Morning Joe discuss this Wall Street Journal editorial on Hillary Rodham Clinton and l’affaire Lewinsky. The WSJ’s editors remind readers that despite Ms. Lewinsky’s claims of internet abuse at the hands of Matt Drudge and the New York Post, it was actually the Clinton White House led by Mrs. Clinton herself that inflicted the greatest damage on Ms. Lewinsky and her reputation.**

The assembled thought leaders on the Morning Joe set were aghast at the WSJ’s temerity to raise Mrs. Clinton’s past acts against her. Mika Brzezinski was uncomfortably torn between donning her media kneepads to protect the Clinton legacy and breaking out her feminist pitchfork and marching on Chappaqua. Not to be out-feministed by a mere woman, idiot man child Sam Stein chimed in, claiming Mrs. Clinton’s actions were old news, completely irrelevant to Mrs. Clinton’s qualifications to be president.***

Notably, Joe Scarborough was the rational voice in the room, stating Bill Clinton’s acts had nothing to do with Mrs. Clinton’s 2016 run. However, Mrs. Clinton’s own actions, including using the resources of the federal government to destroy a 22 year old intern her husband had sexually abused (using feminists’ own differential in power criterion), are relevant to Mrs. Clinton’s race.

And this exchange got ‘Puter thinking, which is never a good thing. With Mrs. Clinton’s looming candidacy, we are certain to hear more and more about Republicans’ War on WomenTM. The media takes it as a given Republicans and their policies are harming women.  To hear one prominent female Democrat tell it, Republicans are “grabbing us by the hair and pulling us back.” Maybe in Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s sado-masochistic porn fantasies, but in the real world, it’s the Democrats tying women up and treating them as sex objects.

You don’t believe ‘Puter? Read on for a few examples of Democrats screwing women, and not in the enjoyable, mutually consensual manner we all know and love.

  • Modern feminism is nothing more than liberal identity politics writ large. Witness the cadre of women around Bill Clinton, including his wife Hillary Clinton, taking on and destroying women Bill Clinton had abused if not raped. Paula Jones, Juanita Broaddrick, Gennifer Flowers, Kathleen Willey, not to mention Ms. Lewinsky. Mrs. Clinton and leading Democrats went out of their way to destroy these women, allegedly sexually assaulted by then-President Clinton, in order to keep a man in office. Democrats sold out women in order to keep power. To Democrats, it’s fine for a man to abuse specific women so long as he’s doing great things for the majority of women. In other words, the ends justify the means. Liberal Democrat feminists aren’t very feminist when push comes to shove, are they?
  • Democrats treat women as nothing more than a reproductive tract, brains be damned. Witness Democrats’ insistence on marching into political battle, lustily singing “Abortion, Abortion Über Alles.” Democrats insist all women must care solely about so-called reproductive health, to the exclusion of all other matters. Democrats will fight to the death for women’s absolute right to kill their offspring, regardless of the father’s wishes, up until such time as the child emerges breathing from the birth canal. Abortion has deprived generations of women of children and grandchildren, ultimately making their lives less full.If we are to defer to science in setting policy as liberal Democrats insist, our abortion laws would be much stricter. See, for example, screamingly liberal Europe, where nearly all countries limit abortion on demand to the first trimester except in certain limited circumstances. Many European nations also require a doctor’s authorization for abortion in most instances. When you’re to the left of Europe, you’re doing it wrong.Insistence on abortion on demand has not made the practice “safe, legal and rare,” as Democrats claim to want. In fact, women die during abortions, states’ health inspection regimes are a joke, and charnel houses such as the Gosnell clinic in Philadelphia continue with impunity. Women are harmed by Democrats’ unscientific, benighted “abortion now, abortion tomorrow, abortion forever” fundamentalism.
  • Liberal Democrats have maintained a war on poverty for nearly 50 years now. Hell, ‘Puter wasn’t even alive when the war started, and he’s not sure he’ll be alive when it ends. All in all, the war on poverty has failed women, children, families and America. Welfare rewards recipients for not working, not marrying and having children. ‘Puter may be stupid, but he’s pretty sure you get more of what you subsidize, and here we’re subsidizing sloth, broken families and serial out of wedlock births. Study after study has shown that women and children suffer most from the breakdown of the family unit in our culture, and liberal Democrat welfare policies have destroyed and continue to destroy families.
  • Women are the majority of college graduates today. Liberal Democrats insist against all economic evidence that subsidized student loans make college more affordable. In reality, the wide availability of federally guaranteed student loans allow colleges to jack up tuition to above market rates at no risk to themselves. After all, colleges always get paid. It’s the students who get screwed with non-dischargeable debt larger than a home mortgage, and these students are predominantly women.
  • The current Democrat held White House pays its women pennies on the dollar compared to men. If Democrats were truly pro-women, wouldn’t the leading Democrat insist women in his employ receive equal pay for equal work? Democrats don’t care about women, they care about using the equal pay issue as a cudgel against commonsense Republican retorts that women of equal experience who work equally hard receive equal pay. But statistics aren’t sexy and low information voters abound, so Democrats’ false charge endures.
  • America’s culture has coarsened, led by the Boomer’s four horsemen of societal apocalypse: feminism, rewarmed Marxism, post-modernist culture relativism and free love. In an anything goes 1960s hippie-inspired culture like today, women and their unique contributions to society are diminished.Women are treated like sell-out pariahs by liberal Democrat feminists if they choose to stay home to raise a family. Heaven forbid a sister be pro-life!**** Democrats treat women and their votes as a means to an end, maintained in the liberal Democrat column through a never-ending campaign of lies and fear. Liberal Democrats’ insistence women be just like the worst men, drunkenly sport-f*cking their way through their late teens and twenties, trained men to think of women as nothing more than “f*ck buddies” or sex objects to be used and jettisoned at will. You’ve come a long way, baby.

Were it up to most Republicans, women would be free to go about their business without government interference or judgment of their choices. Want to be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company? Great! Go get the experience and compete. Want to be a stay at home mom? Great! It’s wonderful that you choose (and are able to choose) to raise a family. What a wonderful contribution to America! Republicans may think abortion and divorce are bad for the country, but we’re not looking to ban either. We believe women are human beings, entitled to the same treatment as men, for better and for worse. Women can and do compete on a level playing field, and Republicans believe intervention is only necessary when that playing field is unfairly tilted against women because of their sex.

Don’t fall for Hillary Clinton and the Democrats’ rhetoric. Republicans don’t wage war on women, Democrats do.

* Huy Fong garlic chili sauce is the preferred colon cleanser of your Gormogons. Pick up a 12 pack on Amazon for only $41.18! Between ‘Puter and Czar, we usually kill the 12 pack in a weekend, but most people don’t have our intestinal fortitude.

** ‘Puter would remind his readers that reporting facts, no matter how embarrassing to individuals, related to the president’s activities, is not internet bullying, no matter how much one may wish it were. In some remote corners of the globe, reporting facts about presidential activities is known as “reporting.”

*** How Sam Stein is qualified to opine on the Clinton Administration, being in diapers for most of Mr. Clinton’s first term, is beyond ‘Puter. However, the liberal media solons have declared Mr. Stein an expert, so there you have it.

**** Strident feminist hypocrites: “When we said pro-choice, we meant you were free to choose to completely agree with us!”

‘Puter’s Day

Hello, children. Hello.

The Mandarin knows many of you like ‘Puter here on this site as well as on the Twitter machine, and wondered if you all had any idea what he’s really like outside of the Castle.

So your Mandarin followed him for a couple of minutes with a camera yesterday, and thought you’d want to see what he does in the course of a late morning.

Playtime at the Castle

The Gormogons are all fans of getting outside and enjoying the fresh air and some healthy exercise.  Some of the castle dwellers wanted more variety around the grounds for our enjoyment so our official contracts officer, ‘Puter, put out a solicitation for playground equipment that we could install on the premises.  We reviewed them as they came in:

enhanced-buzz-11950-1412762870-16Wow.  Not sure what to do with this one.  Maybe we just got some oddball trying to prank us.

A few days went by and we went about our usual business.  Then, the mail came flying over the castle wall and ‘Puter excitedly ran into the rumpus room announcing that we got two more responses to the request.

enhanced-buzz-3302-1412763107-15Dr. J and the Mandarin just stared blankly at the proposals and then at ‘Puter and then back at these images.  Volgi put his head in his hands and began uttering something in a dialect that none of us recognized.  It seems like Sleestak really was looking forward to the rainbow-colored arches with figures…but held back as the Czar started getting red-faced.  GorT’s laser eye started glowing brighter.

“What in all that is holy did you put in the request for proposals, ‘Puter?” demanded the Czar.  ‘Puter searched around the messy table looking for the request and finally found a coffee cup stained copy and began to read a section:


enhanced-buzz-19191-1412782961-11The Gormogons seek proposals for exciting and unique equipment suitable for various aged persons to enjoy in an outdoor setting.  The goal is to enable frolicking and fun in a fraternal setting.  Design should make great use of color and incorporate a sense of humor that the client would appreciate.

“Seriously?  You put that out to companies?”

After the shoving and yelling ceased, we all stalked off to our respective areas of the castle.  It remained quiet for a few days with little discussion and no acknowledgement that this project was even under consideration.  A few more responses trickled in but none really took hold and garnered any support.  The Czar did tack the following idea on ‘Puter’s door with the following caption, “Dude, I would so support having public restrooms on our playground if they were like this”


‘Puter just stuck the following sticky on the Czar’s door.postit4_www-txt2pic-com

Digamma and Other Aging Letters

The Czar has discovered some emails floating in his networked world that should have seen the light of day earlier, and so he apologizes that some of these may not be topical by this point.

First up, Boneman writes in, having spent the day doing stingray archery. Have you tried this? No, you don’t shoot stingrays from a boat using a bow (in fact, no boat is used at all); you fire stingrays out of bows into dry targets.

Oh great and dread Czar,

Your trembling minion on the plains is loath to wade in on a topic on which so many words have already been spewed for fear of appearing to bloviate on dated topics. Howsomever, since Boneman has been around the track a few times and knows him some “stuff” about chemical, biological, and radiological stuff, he feels obligated to address Ebola even at this late date. Boneman had a saying (although Boneman did not invent this saying) for when the government was obviously pumping sunshine onto a situation (“Don’t panic! Everything’s under control! The contagion was contained within the base’s perimeter”) that they were “peeing down my back and calling it rain.” Due to this administration’s proclivity for deception, even pointless deception, this phrase boxes up Boneman’s suspicions quite nicely. What we are hearing from the CDC certainly feels like rain. Ebola is obviously a spectacularly “catchy” and immensely lethal bug. The government knows this and is deep obfuscation mode.

Well, no problem now—the President has selected someone with no immunological or epidemiological experience to head up the Ebola effort based on ths size of the dude’s checkbook. Wouldn’t we wish the Czar was being sarcastic about this. Here’s what Operative BJ has to add on the subject:

Your Highness, Dr. Tom Frieden, the head of the CDC, has changed his tune on Ebola more than once. First it was “we know everything we need to know about it.” Then it was “we may have to revisit what we know about it.” Now it’s “we don’t know how a nurse in full protective gear got it.”

This is the same government, run by the child-king Obama, that told us that Nidal Hassan’s attack on Ft. Hood was not a terrorist attack even though he was screaming Islamic war chants while shooting unarmed soldiers. And the same government that blamed the (ahem) “spontaneous” Benghazi attack on protests over a film even though on-the-ground observers knew it was terrorist-based from the start. And the same government that gave weapons to Mexican drug cartels and is now shocked – SHOCKED – to find out that the murders of two US Border Control Agents were committed with those weapons.

Now, this same government expects us to believe Dr. Frieden when he draws a “red line” around the communicability “rules” of Ebola. We are told that the Ebola virus can’t be spread by [method redacted], and then hear *from a news organization* that someone contracted Ebola by [method redacted]. That report is then reluctantly confirmed by an official government spokesman, and Dr. Frieden redraws the Ebola communicability “red line”.

Moreover, this same government is now restricting domestic air travel rights of certain Americans who are “suspected” of having “possible contact” with people who “may have been exposed” to the virus, while continuing to allow international travelers from the Ebola “hot zone” to freely travel to the United States. The excuse is that we may need to get medical support into those “hot zones”. If it was really about “getting medical support where it’s needed”, I’m sure that chartered flights or military transports could provide that service on an as-needed basis.

To make matters worse, some of the same well-known individuals who once espoused that “we need to operate as normally as possible” are now saying that perhaps – and ONLY “perhaps” – we should consider whether flights from the “hot zones” should be curtailed. Another example of “closing the barn door after the horse is gone?”

Your Greatness, I wasn’t aware that foreign travelers had the absolute and irrevocable right to enter our country. A visa doesn’t grant a right of entry: it only grants permission to enter. A visa can be revoked or canceled at any time. And a visa is issued by the host country after an application is filed: nobody can demand a visa to enter the US and expect that demand to be honored.

Perhaps it is time to revisit whether those in Ebola “hot zones” should have the unabridged and uncontrolled ability to enter this country without a full medical examination to determine whether they carry the Ebola virus. Why? If Thomas Eric Duncan can falsify the emigration form in his country of origin and travel here when he is already sick, perhaps it is time to stop all travelers from Ebola “hot zones” and fully examine whether they are, as Duncan, fleeing an area without advanced medical care for a country where they have a better chance of survival.

Rats flee a sinking ship. The United States should not be the life raft for the rest of the world, because even a life raft can be capsized when overloaded.

The Czar will miss Thomas Eric Duncan. He was awesome in The Green Mile.

Not to forget this, from Operative KL5:

Czar, do you think President Carter is more likely to watch Starsky & Hutch or Charlie’s Angels, and why? A buddy of mine has a bet going worth a case of Oly.

Some emails have been floating around a while. Sorry. The Czar did not watch either program, really. During August of 1978 (and really, the whole year), the Czar was focused on the upcoming maiden flight of the F-18A Hornet, and its weird and thus-far undocumented link to the Kiss solo efforts.

What the Fučik?

Probably a good many of our readers never heard the name Julius Fučik, even though the Czar is certain you can hum every note to the first third of his military battle march “Entry of the Gladiators,: (Vjezd Gladiátorů, although he preferred to call it « Grande Marche Chromatique»), composed in 1897.

Like many academics of his time, Fučik was a neo-classicist and was smitten with the glory of Rome and the notion of gladiators killing each other. Given the spread of nationalism at the time, he wrote a march that could be used by troops going off to war or marching triumphantly into a bombed-out city. This was a badass piece of music, certainly designed to overwhelm you with pride for the military machinery you were watching.

Here’s the piece, so you can remind yourself how supercool this march is.

Of course, you probably associate this march with something quite different than infantry and cavalry troops in precise formations. In 1910, this piece got picked up by a very different industry that was into campgrounds, tents, and horses and its popularity soared around the world. Fučik died only six years later, and the Czar always suspected that the popularity of his prized work gnawed at him. He died an unhappy man for a lot of reasons, but Fučik must have cringed every time this tune played.

Hey, that’s how irony works, folks. You do something great, like write for this site, and eventually some shaved troll like Ghettoputer barges in here and soils it all up. But here’s the real irony: very few people outside of the Czech Republic would have any clue who he was, and his music would languish at the bottom of stacks of yellowed sheet music if it wasn’t for this weird twist of fate. Today, not many people know who Julius Fučik was, but probably a billion people can start humming this march off the top of their heads. On key, too.

And for a musician, he ought to be pretty proud of that accomplishment.

Ominous fingerpost for religious liberty

Qui tollis peccati mundiHouston has subpœnaed a bunch of pastors’ sermons in the name of “non-discrimination.” Confucius* holds no particular brief for these pastors or whatever they might preach, but finds it more than a little troubling that enough government employees considered it a good idea to issue such a subpæna.

Francis Cardinal George, the retired (and dying) cardinal archbishop of Chicago, rather famously said, apropos the increasing aggression of our secularizing culture, “I expect to die in bed, my successor will die in prison and his successor will die a martyr in the public square. His successor will pick up the shards of a ruined society and slowly help rebuild civilization, as the church has done so often in human history.” This subpœna adds a tiny ring of prophecy to the Cardinal’s words. (For the context, and his denial of any prophetic intent, see here.)

When the ruling class finds raisons d’état to attack its subjects’ religion (and we’re being treated as subjects here, not citizens), they are always increasingly frustrated—because religion is not merely stronger than politics, it resists the latter. If the rulers don’t give up, eventually persecution sets in. Are we there yet? No, but these acts of harassment bespeak the hostility which could eventually fuel measures more serious than cavalierly bankrupting bakers for their scruples in frosting preferences.

What would this look like? Well, as it happens, there’s a very readable book just out called God’s Traitors: Terror & Faith in Elizabethan England which depicts in detail, following a particular family down the years, the measures and cruelties dealt to those who held to traditional Christianity in the face of the established church. Aside from the zealots on the fringes, neither side really desired to escalate the conflict—most Catholics were happy to be civilly obedient to Elizabeth, and the government did not start out looking to stamp out Catholicism. However, the logic of the situation—and the identification of state and established religion—drove both groups to increasingly extreme behavior.

Americans, in our public culture, are children of Britain and until very recently have been largely (when not vehemently) sympathetic to the narrative of Protestant enlightenment driving out Catholic superstition, backwardsness, and foreignness. This grand narrative—without minimizing the intellectual achievements brought about in Britain during its Protestant heyday**—and the natural human tendency to valorize the victorious tends to elide over the plight of everyday people trying to practice their religion as their forebears did and emphasize the villains and assassins the losing side produced, while eliding the cruelties and emphasizing virtues of the winning side.

The danger in our situation is that the “culture war” in our society has increasingly driven the religious to one side and the anti-religious to the other. Both of these groups have mutually exclusive claims about the nature of life; the revolutionary side has pushed legislation and enacted judicial degrees to have their morals enshrined; and now seems invested in painting policy opponents as wicked. The traditionalist side has fought back in kind, and we seem to be entering a similarly polarized spiral into mutually incompatible claims about the nature of citizenship.

One lesson from Elizabethan England is this: if you hold the high institutional grounds, you can win. You can marginalize your opponents and gradually convince the bulk of the citizenry that they are suspect in their loyalties and harbor wicked designs on the polity (as indeed some of them inevitably will as they become convinced the polity is bent on the destruction of the Good). For traditionalists—particularly the religious—this should stand as a dire warning.

Given the ascension of angry secularism as the invisible religion of the Left and its increasing function as the moral lodestar of the Democratic Party, media, academia, much of the judiciary, etc., Protestants as well as Catholics, Jews and Muslims and Buddhists and Hindus, should very much worry that they could find themselves in a position analogous to that of English Catholics in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries.

Worried about this? Might Confucius suggest a symbol appropriate to Christian concern is the Lamb of God. This symbol on a medallion was one of the many bits of “popery” outlawed by the Elizabeth authorities. Given its impeccable scriptural provenance, our Protestant brethren could also embrace it as a symbol of the Christian Church under duress.

*For those who came in late, Confucius has the pleasure to serve as the Gormogons’ Volgi Œcumenicæ, or Œcumenical Volgi. ’Puter also visited him last week, but the Volgi is unutterably dull and their doings therefore not worthy of recounting. Though a Lambeau Leap may or may not have been involved.

**The Volgi thinks the two are less closely tied than, say, Daniel Hannan in his recent work, but leaves the correlation-causation dispute for another day.

Gormogonicon 2014: ‘Puter, Czar and Mandy Get Their Collective Freak On

It’s a little-known fact, but according to the Gormogons’ by-laws, no more than four Gormogons can ever be in the same place at the same time except while on Castle grounds. At least that’s what ‘Puter recalls the by-laws say, since no one’s actually seen the by-laws since the Battle of Vienna in 1683, when in a fit of pique Volgi absconded with the by-laws after ‘Puter and Czar on a drunken dare assisted Jan III Sobieski in repelling the Ottoman infidels.*

So on those rare occasions when a large number (greater than two, in most instances) get together, it is an occasion of note. When Czar and ‘Puter get together, it is an occasion for mass panic. Physicists recommended against ‘Puter and Czar meeting outside the Castle, fearing it may trigger a world-ending cataclysm, or at least a state-wide panic. Undeterred, ‘Puter and Czar vowed to meet at Czar’s dacha, with Mandy in attendance to document the proceedings for posterity.

As Czar noted, ‘Puter and Mrs. ‘Puter arrived at Czar’s summer dacha shortly after Mandy and Mrs. Mandy. ‘Puter knows this because he hid in bushes across the street until Mandarin and family arrived. Mrs. ‘Puter rolled her eyes, refused to lurk with ‘Puter, and insisted on waiting in ‘Puter’s rented swagger wagon (a Toyota Camry) until ‘Puter was done “being a paranoid, drunken ass-clown.”**

Preliminary intra-marriage passive-aggressive hostilities out of the way, ‘Puter and Mrs. ‘Puter made their way up the oyster shell (actually, ground bone, but ‘Puter didn’t want Mrs. ‘Puter to freak out) path to Czar’s iron clad door. Mrs. ‘Puter rang the doorbell.***

Czar answered the door himself, most likely because he had killed yet another unwilling butler on a whim. Czar was attired in his casual regalia, a gold lame man thong and a bearskin cape. Czar even deloused his beard and corn-rowed his back hair for the occasion. Mrs. ‘Puter was suitably impressed with Czar’s efforts.

Czar immediately handed ‘Puter a gallon plastic milk jug filled with a brownish liquid and ice and said, “Here, drink this, you God-forsaken son of a whore!” Since Czar asked politely, ‘Puter obliged. ‘Puter assumed the milk jug’s contents would be his favorite Courvoisier and Kool-Aid, but no. Czar had outdone himself, handing ‘Puter one of the best Manhattan’s he’d ever had. After ‘Puter had finished the first jug, Czar handed ‘Puter another, and the evening was off the races.

‘Puter, Czar and Mandy then retired to the lanai to continue to grill chicken and catch up on official Gormogon business. As loyal readers know, all your Gormogons good cooks, and several if not all are master grillers. Czar chose to prepare apple wood smoked (on the grill) beer brined barbecued chicken for his guests (not to mention Polish sausage and pierógi). The chicken was delicious, as was the company.****

After dinner, Czar served more drinks including a delicious milk stout while Czar’s youngest offspring explained the origin of the phrase “the cake is a lie” to Czar. Czar accused ‘Puter of lying about the phrase’s origin, necessitating a true expert on Portal to explain it. After Czar beat his offspring for so completely proving Czar wrong, the men retired to the dacha’s Russian themed techno dance club, complete with overweight Russian mobsters trailed by lamprey-like meth addicted wannabe models. The ambiance was perfect.

‘Puter immediately noted the presence of someone he hadn’t seen in while, Kim Jong Un. Czar explained Kim showed up about a month ago and refused to leave, claiming Dennis Rodman was stalking him. Being a neighborly despot, Czar let him stay even allowing Kim to whip up North Korea’s national dish (tree bark, grass clippings and newspaper soup) in the club’s well-equipped kitchen.

Here’s a picture of all of us partying like rock stars in Czar’s club. Come to think of it, there was a rock star present as well. Robert Plant heard there was to be a Gormogonicon and showed up out of the blue. ‘Puter isn’t really a Led Zeppelin fan, but didn’t have the heart to tell Mr. Plant to go home. After all, Bob (that’s what his friends call him) traveled a long way.

'Puter doesn't recall inviting Sleestak, Dat Ho or the flying pussy. Their punishment will be severe.

‘Puter doesn’t recall inviting Sleestak or Dat Ho. The punishment will be sever.

After this picture was taken, it all gets a bit hazy for ‘Puter. He vaguely remembers playing pin the tail on the waitress (using throwing axes) with Kim and Bob and singing karaoke with Czar and Mandy (“Back in the USSR,” (Czar’s choice) “One Bourbon, One Scotch, and One Beer,” (‘Puter’s pick) and of course, “Mandy” (Mandy’s selection))

‘Puter awoke the next morning in the dacha’s Emperor Suite next to Mrs. ‘Puter, who still hasn’t spoken to him. ‘Puter threw open the window to survey the grounds. This is what he saw.

Mandy surveys the damage. Or maybe Mandy's looking for another "volunteer" for his experiments. Either way, it's all good.

Mandy surveys the damage. Or maybe Mandy’s looking for another “volunteer” for his experiments. Either way, it’s all good.

Fortunately, the world didn’t end as predicted, and all Gormogons along with most of the other guests survived. Bob seems to have gone home, and Kim departed in the night, apparently deciding North Koreans needed their chubby dynastic dictator back.

Based on this gathering’s success, we will most certainly be having another Gormogonicon soon, likely at ‘Puter’s hovel located in an undisclosed location in Upstate New York’s frigid wasteland.

* Volgi really, really likes the Ottomans. To this day, ‘Puter and Czar will occasionally find themselves assaulted on the way home from the Leaping Peacock by an orta or five of Janissaries “conveniently” passing by. When ‘Puter and Czar confront Volgi about it, he always denies having anything to do with the mysterious presence of Ottoman elite military units abolished in 1826. ‘Puter’s beginning to think maybe Volgi’s lying.

** That’s not the first time, nor is it likely to be the last time, ‘Puter’s heard that line come out of Mrs. ‘Puter’s word hole.

*** Actually a serf laying under the front portico that one punches in the groin. The serf’s pained screams and incoherent Russian curses alert Czar to a visitor’s presence.

**** For a full menu, see Czar’s post on the Gormogonicon here.

All of Gaul Is Divided Into Three Emails

Today, we have three letters worthy of reply, or as any of the six remaining speakers of Esperanto might say (and rightfully so): «Mi parolas la stulta bastardo langugage de Esperanto.»

First up, Operative DH has a thought about distaffing women:

O Most czarist Czar ever:

About the war on women.

I say that the big advantage of the left is that they can promise stuff. They believe big government can solve everything, they just need to point it in the right direction, and feed it enough money and the problem will be solved.

Of course, all of this is nonsense, but no one seems to notice. I don’t think it’s an accident that the left prospers in two situations: When things are really good and when things are really bad. What is interesting is that they are able to make people believe both things simultaneously. The War on Women is a good example. They have created the image that Wymyn are in a victorious crusade against an evil and powerful empire of antifeminism. I personally believe the victories are overated, and that there is no actual enemy. But without the drama, we don’t have the emergency that demands a big government solution to the problem. And the fact that there is no actual enemy means that any movement at all, in any direction, can counted as victory.

But without the drama, people start noticing the actual sequence of events. We declare a War on Poverty, but people are still poor. We declare a War on Drugs, but people are addicted. We declare a War on Women, but after all this time, are there really any winners? Certainly the role of women in our own society has changed over the last 50 years, but I think the proportion of happy vs. unhappy women has remained the same. It’s just a different skillset that is now unhappy.

I think if Republicans are going to deal with the whole “war on” mentality, they need to figure out a way to lessen the drama. Look at the promises. Look at the results. Was it really worth the cost? But of course drama is fun, so I’m not sure how you push actual reality in a society that is more concerned with the drama of the reality show.

Of course, this is all correct. The Czar will merely underscore the readers’ understanding that the Left’s War On… approach of course dates back to the Wilson era. We’ve had two outstanding conservative/libertarian periods in American history since then—Coolidge and Reagan—and numerous conservative Congresses, which shows that ultimately the War On… strategy produces zero results for Progressives or against Conservatives. It’s just a thing we have to keep getting through every other generation.

Just FYI: I used to work for Polaroid’s DL/ID (Driver License / ID) division – I was responsible for implementations in WV, IN, and CO – so this is something I do actually have real knowledge of.

AAMVA, the American Association of Motor Vehicle Administrators, is a cross-state organization that every DMV/RMV either belongs to or subscribes to. AAMVA publishes standards for driver license contents, specifies many of the “devices” that appear on licenses (organ donor info, restriction info such as eyeglasses and artificial limbs, additional certifications such as motorcycle or CDL, etc.), and even sets standards for the contents of magnetic strips, 2D/3D barcodes, and implanted “chips.”

Yes, you must obey each individual states’ laws when driving in each state, but AAMVA determines the means that help guarantee identification of the driver. And AAMVA also provides for a cross-state demographics transfer when states wish to retrieve the driving records of individuals moving into their states (although they are not bound to either accept or use that data, which is why “points” usually don’t follow you but your previous address and DOB info do).

Just thought you’d be interested, that’s all.

(MA issues driver licenses to illegals, so a MA DL can’t be used as ID for entry to military establishments or taking an airplane – but that’s not the fault of AAMVA: it’s the fault of MA. But those licenses still implement AAMVA standards for look and content.)

Operative BJ

Of course, this is exactly the sort of arcane thing you would expect the Czar to already know, but amazingly, the Czar did not. And Operative BJ was right in anticipating the Czar would indeed be interested by this. Yes, this makes a great degree of sense: your driver’s license should be easily looked up in any of the other 49 states and handful of protectorates (there are 57 states, yes?), so it makes sense to have standardized reporting. And the idea that one’s body-part-donation can be verified in other states is very useful for accidents when you’re on the road.

The Czar of course does not donate his body parts to other people, but is awfully quick to take them when angry. Often well before folks are finished using them.

I’m standing in the gallery cheering at the idea of removing Government from the marriage equation. Let folks apply for domestic partnerships at city hall and get “married” by the religious officiant of their choice. And while we’re at it let’s take medical insurance out of the benefits package and let folks buy their own. Those two ideas would solve a host of problems and get the government and your employer out of your business. I know it’s more complicated in the long run but I think it would help swing things in the direction of personal responsibility.

Operative FR is right, but let us educate some of our readers on the history of health care benefits.

During World War II, the statist jackass F.D. Roosevelt, who was President a little after Coolidge, had the incredible audacity to fix salaries by government mandate (executive order 9328). Imagine. Why, it’s almost as stupid an idea today.

In order to lure top talent to companies, who couldn’t offer pay incentives due to the salary cap, employers began to offer numerous benefits to job candidates. Chief among these, as it turned out, was healthcare insurance. And lo, soon this was extended to middle management and eventually lower-level job applicants. Before long, everybody was getting healthcare insurance picked up by the employer.

When executive order 9737 rescinded that portion of 9328, folks weren’t too keen on giving up on the new benefits, and employers found them particularly useful in the post-war hiring boom. So here we stay, with employers paying for something that doesn’t necessarily help them attract talent the way it used to.

Gormogonicon 2014

The Czar is pleased to have hosted the 2014 Gormogonicon party at his dacha.


The dacha was colorfully decorated for this year’s theme, which was Booze and Chews (which narrowly beat out Hug and Chug).

gormogonicon 2014 3
Mr. and Mrs. Mandarin, plus his youngling, were happy to arrive moments before Mr. and Mrs. Ghettoputer. The Czar was happy that Sleestak was able to accompany them, since it gave Inetef-Te-Henqet, our mummy butler, someone to not speak to. We may have purchased too much beer, but it seems ‘Puter was a little off his game last night due to the long drive he endured.

Gormogonicon 2014 dog
Also in attendance was the ‘Puters’ dog, Sadie, who totally fit in well with the Czar’s kennel.

gormogonicon 2014 dogs

Here’s the Czar’s kennel.

The menu, lovingly described by Juvenal, consisted of:

  • Applewood smoked-grilled chicken
  • Three different kinds of kiełbasa, grilled and smoked
  • Prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, which alas the Czar overcooked because he spent too much time garnishing Mrs. ‘Puter’s gin and tonic with a custom lemon thing.
  • Corn casserole
  • Authentic potato pierógi
  • Acorn squash
  • Cinnamon apple pie
  • Jellyfish and eggs
  • Sow’s udders stuffed with milk and eggs
  • Boiled tree fungi with peppered fish-fat sauce
  • Sea urchins with spices, oil and egg sauce
  • Fallow deer roasted with onion sauce, rue Jericho dates, raisins oil and honey
  • Boiled ostrich with sweet sauce
  • Turtle dove boiled in its feathers
  • Roast parrot
  • Dormice stuffed with pork and pine kernels
  • Flamingo boiled with fresh dates

In addition to cooking for these honored guests, the Czar was pleased to tend bar as well. The 1870 recipe was used for Manhattans, which flowed quite copiously. Because the Civil War is over, and bourbon is now available again, the Czar opted for switch rye whiskey with Corner Creek bourbon. Many of the ladies opted for Hot Apple Pie shots.

Then the party really got hopping as other special guests arrived. Ghettoputer will be providing you those details shortly.