Juicy, White Breasts (and How to Conquer Them)

The Czar had a break in the weather to get some grilling in this weekend, and elected to do chicken. Grilled chicken, it may surprise some readers, gives a lot of folks fits and starts; indeed, the Czar is often told by some fairly experienced outdoor cooks that they just don’t do chicken.

It’s not that hard to do, really; and the biggest problem people usually have with chicken—like fish—is overdoing it. Even though people are rightly terrified of under-cooked chicken, there’s no reason to turn it into dry, flavorless cardboard, either. In fact, chicken can be done pretty easily to perfection.

Today, the Czar will explain what he did this weekend in the hopes that it helps you overcome whatever fear you have. Actually, the real recipe here isn’t the sauce but the technique, although the marinade is pretty darn easy and flavorful as well.

Honey Mustard
1/2 cup of extra virgin blood olive oil
4 tbs Apple cider vinegar
2 tbs Honey
2 tbs Dijon mustard
2 tsp Sea salt

Mix all that together in a glass bowl and whisk it until the honey dissolves into the oil. You’ll know when it’s ready because it looks like a single liquid instead of an oily mess in the bowl.

Place some boneless chicken breasts into a locking seal bag, and pour all of this goo into the bag. Seal lock it, and then roll the bag around in your hands a few times until everything gets coated. Place the bag in the refrigerator and then go wash your hands. The Czar washes his hands a lot when handling chicken.

After at least a few hours (or even as much as overnight—you really can’t over-marinade anything), and a couple of bag flips later to re-coat everything, you’re ready to grill.

First, if you haven’t, clean and lubricate your grill. Stop stop stop grilling on filthy grates. It’s not good for the food, and makes it harder for you to get consistent results. Don’t just take it from me on this.

When your grill grates are clean and shiny with oil, light it up. For this recipe, I’m recommending a gas grill. The Czar likes to add wood flavor to most recipes and likes his charcoal grill for this. But we’re looking for simplicity here so we’re going with gas. Frankly, it seems like most of you have gas grills anyway. So open the valve, lift the lid all the way, and light up all but one of your burners (always leave one burner off for safety; you’ll see there’s another reason shortly).

When the temperature gets to be 350°, place the chicken breasts on the grill, leaving about a half-inch in between them. The Czar recommends you orient the breasts all the same way so you can keep track of which ones have been turned later. Close the lid. Throw out the marinade in its little plastic bag. You won’t need it anymore. And wash your hands again.

Wait about five or six minutes; then, lift the lid and quickly spin each breast 90°. Quick! Close the lid.

Wait another five minutes and lift the lid. Flip the breasts over. Notice the cool criss-crossy grill marks? Don’t those look great? Now close the lid.

Wait another five minutes. Quickly lift the lid and give them another 90° spin to complete the crisscross searing pattern on both sides. Close the lid and take note of the temperature.

If it’s gone above 400° at this point, lower the burners a little bit. The reason people undercook chicken is because they use too much heat. Keep the temperature at this point between 300° and 350°. There’s no reason to go hotter.


About fifteen minutes later, your chicken is probably done. But here’s how you know for sure: use an instant-read meat thermometer. There’s a lot of these on the market, but most are pretty crappy. The Czar recommends using one that’s as skinny and needle-like as possible, like the one shown here. The Czar’s is analog for accuracy, and is about the size of a quarter.

Select the largest pieces on the grill and lift it up with long tongs. Quickly insert the needle into the meat and hold it steady. It the needle goes past 155°, this piece is done (its actual temperature will finish around 165°). Place it over the burner that’s off. Repeat this for the other pieces of meat: never trust one piece to tell you how the others are (all grills have hot spots that can finish off some pieces while others are still raw). Move all finished pieces to the side and close the lid.

While they continue to finish up, go get a platter or plate. Return, and turn off the burners and the gas. The Czar knows that many of you like to keep your gas valve open when the burners are off, but this is a bad idea: all burners leak slightly, and you’re just wasting LP gas slowly; if you use an NG grill, you’re wasting money and allowing a possible gas build up inside your lid. Always turn off the gas.

Lift the lid, and place the pieces on the platter. Wait five minutes before cutting, because this is where the temperature stabilizes around 165°. They’re done, baby, and they’ll be perfectly white inside (no pink or fleshy patches).

Okay, but what if they aren’t? What if, when you check them, they’re only at 135°? No problem: put them back on the grill and wait another five or ten minutes. The ones that are done are safely resting over the burner that’s off. The rest are still cooking and getting nice and done.

Isn’t there something else we could be doing at the same time?

Absolutely. So the Czar told you there was more than one reason you want to grill with one burner off, and here it is: you can turn your grill into an oven.

Gather the following ingredients:

Bunch of asparagus, hard ends cut off
Sesame oil
Sesame seeds

That’s it. Take a sheet of aluminum foil and place it on your counter. Place the asparagus on top of it, and drizzle sesame oil over them until all spears are lightly covered in it.

When you light the grill a few steps above, place the aluminum foil sheet over the dead burner (with the asparagus on it). As the grill pre-heats, the oil will start to cook the asparagus.

When the chicken is done, so’s the asparagus. Bring it in while the chicken breasts are still finishing up over the cold burner. Place the asparagus on a serving plate, and sprinkle sesame seeds over them. It looks great and reinforces the sesame flavor in the oil.

You haven’t wasted any gas pre-heating, The air over the cold burner is actually about 350° – 400 degrees, and perfectly capable of cooking the asparagus. Just remember that when you start moving finished chicken breasts over to the cold side, you move the asparagus over to make room. If there isn’t enough room on your grill, just take the asparagus in the house since it’s done, and throw out the oily scrap of aluminum foil.

There you are: honey mustard chicken breasts grilled to perfection, and sesame-sprinkled grilled asparagus as a great side.

Again, before the Czar goes away for the day, take note of the grilling process described here. It can be used with so many different types of marinades and sauces, and it results in perfectly grilled chicken: sear for 5 minutes, spin it 90°, sear for 5 minutes, flip it, sear for 5 minutes, spin it 90°, reduce the heat to 300° or so and let it grill for another fifteen minutes. Check the temperature, and move finished breasts to your cold side; leave any unfinished ones on the heat. When they all reach at least 155°, take them off and wait five minutes more for internal temperatures to hit perfection.

They’ll be evenly cooked, extremely moist, and beautifully marked on the top and bottom.

NBC Could Fix Olympic Coverage Easily

The Czar was pleased to see that Comcast could barely keep up with demand for streamed Olympic events, and overall ratings for streamed events by other providers was also much higher than expected.

Perversely, the Czar was also pleased to see that NBC’s coverage of the Olympics was a ratings disaster for them, losing a hell of a lot of money for the network in advertising penalties (the fact that advertisers requested penalties for failed ratings in their original contracts indicates their confidence in NBC). The coverage was so bad that the Czar heard a DJ on a Sirius/XM music station go on a 4-minute rant about NBC.

Chief among the complaints was the spotty coverage—gold medal or even record-breaking performances by Americans went uncovered, only the most popular sports were shown, and some competitions went past midnight, with results already announces hours earlier. But to be fair, NBC can’t show some obscure track and field event and expect super-high ratings. They need to pay the bills, so yes—they’re showing commercials. And with so many events, they’re going to have to stagger them since they don’t have 20-some channels to utilize. What’s NBC to do?

Well, actually, the answer is in the streaming. NBC needs to get out of their $12 billion contract as soon as possible. In other words, stop covering the Olympics.

Instead, show the Olympics as streamed services on Comcast (which conveniently owns NBC), and license them to DirecTV, Dish, and other providers. This way, the public can watch events live, with minimal commentary, when they want to. And it’s not a suggestion—the public is clearly going that way.

Sure, the number of streaming viewers was a fraction of the broadcast viewers; however, the ratings numbers are clear: streaming viewers were far higher than expected, and broadcast viewers dropped nauseatingly low for the network. The change is happening now; NBC has two years until Korea to get in front of it.

Want to watch women’s archery between Korea and the Netherlands? Stream it. Want to watch men’s clean and jerk? Stream it. Want to watch swimming relay? Stream it.

Want to see an interview between Bob Costas and the plucky young American woman who took gold this morning? Watch that on NBC. Want to see Matt Lauer talk to the marathon runner stranded by some political change at home? Watch that on NBC. Get the sports off NBC and onto streaming—and save NBC for the Today-Show-style magazine slop they manage to do.

NBC has been accused of fudging some of its ratings numbers, and lately spinning some excuses as to why viewership may have been way lower than they first announced. Younger viewers, in particular, seem to be bored with the Olympics and this coveted demographic seemed to to have wandered off after the first couple of days.

Or, possibly, they got fed up with NBC’s assumption that Olympics viewers are all People-reading middle-aged women lusting after Michael Phelps, and drifted off to their phones and tablets to get streaming coverage or BBC or CBC feeds.

So, okay: if that’s how NBC wants to play it, then play it. Keep most of the regular programming on the air, have maybe a one-to-two-hour Olympic special on each night with the softball interviews and attempts to portray our athletes as anything other than sports nerds. Let Lauer get into low-intellect home-decorating ideas with the women’s gymnastics team and let Bob Costas lecture viewers on how little they know about what he just learned about Olympic speed walking.

And let us watch Judo with commentators who actually know the players and the rules weigh in briefly and softly after five minutes of total silence, punctuated every interruption in the action by a quick, 15-second commercial to pay for it all.

The Olympics will never be the SuperBowl nor the Oscars, and it shouldn’t be handled as such.

On Flags and Firemen

But we digress.

Certainly, long-time readers here know the loathing animosity the Czar maintains for the liberal media, and is generally exhausted trying to scream at them all the time. Even so, the Czar is quite aware, thank you, that the emerging conservative media—who otherwise have done a spectacular job on Hillary Clinton’s general rankness, revealed the hypocritical extent of the damage in Louisiana which the President has ignored, and exposed the reality of ISIS and its kin—do make sloppy mistakes themselves.

The Czar has been following what appears to be a story of anti-Americanism from Poughkeepsie, New York. There, the fire department has ordered the engine companies to remove American flags from the fire trucks! Indeed, the comments sections of these media sites go into detail about how terribly anti-American this is, and are perfect evidence of why we won’t entertain your lunacy here with your feedback.

As you read the story, though, the real story emerges quite quickly: the firemen have been told to remove only the flags hung from the rear of the fire trucks. You know to what this refers—get behind the fire truck of most communities, and you see an American flag hanging off the ass-end of the engine.

This “noble” tradition started shortly after September 11, 2001, and frankly the Czar is in agreement with the fire administration for the exact reasons they provided the crews, if anybody in the conservative media bothered to ask.

First, it’s a violation of the flag code to hang a flag, like a diaper, off the rear end of any vehicle. While 175(b) allows for a flag to be attached to the passenger-side front fender or chassis, the truth is that most fire trucks lack a fender or exposed chassis; this is why, prior to 2001, fire trucks prominently displayed a flag on the side of the cab. In the picture to the right, take note of the flag, correctly displayed, above the front wheel. This is correct.

Second, the flag must be kept as clean as possible. The Czar noted no less than yesterday morning a fire truck from Oak Brook, Illinois, driving in front of him, a flag hanging from the rear of the truck. As the Czar pulled up behind the truck, he noted that the flag was stained, blotched, and gray from exposure to diesel exhaust. The flag was truly in such disrepair, that had any of the Czar’s Muscovy neighbors hung a flag that filthy on the front of his home, the Czar would have left a curt note in the mailbox to replace the flag. It was a mess, and yes, the Czar finds that disrespectful.

But isn’t the liberal media following this story as well? To a lesser degree, yes—because the flags hanging off all these vehicles across the country were furnished by the firemen’s local unions—and so management (the bourgeoisie) has decided to stomp on the firemen (the proletariat), which is great for the liberal media.

The Czar is quite serious about all of this increasing ignorance about the flag. For example, at a recent outdoor concert in Muscovy, the Czar observed the flag hung incorrectly on the rear of the stage: it had been simply rotated clockwise. When the flag is hung vertically against a wall or other surface, the canton must be in the upper left as shown here. The Czar spotted a local village leader, who blanched when he saw us approach. The Czar pointed out the infraction, and the official was quite happy to request the Park District (who hung the flag originally) to correct it at the end of the act. Which they did.

The Czar’s wrath hardly ends there. The Czar was passing through Hinsdale, Illinois, yesterday evening and spotted with delight that they have decorated almost the entire downtown with American flags suspended from light poles. The Czar was disappointed, however, to see almost a third of them were tangled around the light fixture housing, flipped up there by crosswinds. The Czar attempted to untangle some, but his height was insufficient to reach any. A passing police officer mentioned to the Czar that no sooner does a citizen untangle them, they become re-entangled. The problem is that the Public Works department, who provided the flag poles, did not appropriately plan for this. This nice gesture winds up being disgraceful, and could have been prevented by understanding how to mount flags to poles in the first place.

We need to start getting these things right, and fast. But it doesn’t help when the conservative media hears stories like this and immediately portrays them as examples of anti-Americanism. No doubt some website will link to this story and claim the Czar is requesting Hinsdale to remove its downtown flag display; the Czar believes that if the village can’t get it properly respectful, don’t do it in the first place.

A better response from the Right might be to say “Hey, firemen—your management is right: follow the flag code correctly. And clean or retire the flags you have.” Show some respect, firemen, like we do for you.

End of Summer Thoughts

As GorT’s summer wraps up, he has a few thoughts to share on a variety of random subjects:

  1. I-95 is the work of the devil.  I-95+Near+Dale+City+112112

Well, not really.  But it sure feels like it.  Actually, the work of the devil regarding that particular interstate highway is the idiots that don’t understand simple driving concepts.  GorT isn’t looking for people to be Mario Andrettis and Jeff Gordons but rather follow some basic and safe driving skills:

  • Stay to the right unless you are passing – don’t drive for miles in the left lane regardless if you’re doing 40 or 80mph if you can move right.
  • Pass on the left – don’t zip around on the right, especially with large vehicles.  If people follow the first skill, this skill is obsolete.
  • Pay attention – you would think this goes without saying, but it actually covers a wide range of issues: texting while driving, eating a plate of spaghetti while driving, dicking around with something in your car while driving, etc.  All bad things to do.
  • Don’t foist your mistakes upon others – if you miss your turn (or come close to it when you realize it), don’t cut across three lanes to make the turn, blocking lanes, almost causing accidents, and generally being inconsiderate.  Drive to the next intersection or turn off and change course there.
  • Merge well – I’m convinced that most traffic issues are caused by poor merging. This goes two ways: first, be kind and allow the inter-weaving of merging traffic and second, when merging, be at the appropriate speed and be aware when openings are presented.  The jerk riding someone’s bumper in order to block merging is no better than the idiot trying to merge onto a superhighway with a 65mph speed limit at 40mph.

2. Olympics476916948.jpg.CROP.promo-mediumlarge

GorT has a few thoughts here.  First, I’d like to second the Czar’s point about coverage.  NBC’s content and packaging has been lacking but DirectTV, Comcast, etc. have provided services that make it much more bearable.  I particularly enjoyed DirectTV channel 205’s multi-screen display of all the currently airing Olympic coverages allowing you to preview your available choices.

Regarding the US Soccer Women’s National Team: As readers know, GorT is a soccer fan and coach. Hope Solo is wrong for criticizing Sweden’s play as being cowardly.  It was smart. It is my belief that it was a calculated decision by their coach on how to play against the USWNT.  As a parallel and not a direct comparison, I was coaching a high school level team.  Our team took soccer fairly relaxed since this was an outside team to their high school varsity / JV teams – most girls would show up 5 minutes before game time, sometimes miss games, etc. We struggled during this one season to consistently field a full 11 players with the conflicts that the girls had.  On this one particular Saturday morning, we were facing a team that, due to various relationships, was essentially our arch-rival.  They were good this season – loaded with talent, highly practiced (2-3 practices per week, compared to our optional once per week), aggressive both physically and in playing style, and always fully rostered with about 6 substitutes.  At check-in 5 minutes before kickoff, I had 8 girls and the 9th (and final one to show that day) showed up right at kickoff. I essentially did what the Swedes did against the USWNT: I packed the defensive side with a 4-4-0 formation* and told our girls look for long through balls and the midfield wings need to run up on it and we’ll try to get a few opportunities that way.  At half-time, we were down 0-2, including one from a free kick on a handball about 2 yards outside the box. Even though we had a few opportunities, the other team was feeling bold and like this game was in the bag.  Three minutes into the second half, we scored off a beautiful through ball with the two wingers passing just right and a bullet of a shot in the upper right corner.  We kept focused and kept playing our conservative style.  Ten minutes later, we tied it up.  Panic set in on the other team – they couldn’t figure out how a team playing 2 girls short with no substitutes could do this.  They started getting physical, we started playing more relaxed but focused. Their parent sideline was going crazy – “coaching”** their girls and yelling at the referee.  Their coach got a warning after yelling at the referee about a foul call. We were quiet and kept on our game. We’ve never had a great turnout from parents, especially when only nine girls (one being my own) showed up and our parents, thankfully, are pretty easygoing for modern kids’ sports parents. Unfortunately, our game didn’t end like the Swedes – with 2 minutes left, they played a ball into the box that turned into a pinball. Everyone from both teams kicked it around in there.  Our goalie dove for it only to have it slip out or bounce off.  She recovered and dove a second time as the ball dribbled into the goal right inside the left goal post.  I’m not Jill Ellis – I’m just a volunteer coach trying to help the girls learn and enjoy the sport.  This is a long story to make a point – conservative play isn’t cowardly – it’s a strategy.  Hope Solo, as good or bad as you might think she is, is wrong in this case and should acknowledge that.

3.  Addictive Podcastmaxresdefault

A coworker turned me onto Malcolm Gladwell’s Revisionist History podcast.  I’m on episode 5 and have thoroughly enjoyed each one so far.  I’m a fan of his books, particularly Blink and Tipping Point, so maybe that helps. If you are looking for a podcast to listen to, I would highly recommend it.  The concept is that he revisits events or things from our past that he feels were overlooked or misunderstood.  It’s easy to listen to, well constructed, and very thought provoking.

* for those unaware, soccer formations count the players at each line from the defense forward.  So a 4-4-0 is an implied goalie, then 4 defenders and 4 midfielders with 0 attack/strikers.  Typically, I run a 4-3-3 or a 3-4-3 with the four player position playing a diamond.  The US WNT used to run a 4-4-2 but switched to a 4-3-3 this year (although, it’s more like a 4-2-3-1 at times)

** Parent “coaching” from the sidelines drives me crazy.  It’s ineffective – girls don’t want to hear it, generally doesn’t match the coach’s plan, and doesn’t promote a team approach.  Personally, once the game starts, it’s up to the players. As coach, I manage substitutes and maybe provide a little prodding (tuning the team to be more aggressive or more defensive based on the game, etc.).  Give feedback at halftime and then cheer them on.

A Word on Gun Control

With a Hillary Clinton victory all but assured thanks to her long-time Republican assistant, America should brace for another four eight years of gun control speeches. The Czar doesn’t expect that President Hillary Clinton will be more obnoxious and ill-informed than Barack Obama on firearms, but it will be pretty miserable for a while.

The Czar understands that about two-thirds of Americans appear to be pro-gun or even gun owners themselves, and therefore many of the traditional gun control arguments no longer work in the media. Americans now seem to understand the difference between automatic and semi-automatic, between “shall issue” and “may issue,” and between an AR-15 and a stapler. Democrats, in their eternal quest to convince people to disarm themselves since clearly no one is going to molōn their labe, need some new ammunition talking points to use.

They’ve tried the whole bit about America becoming a wild west town if concealed carry ever passed, but now that all 50 states have some form of legal carry, that hasn’t happened. They’ve tried to convince the public that no private individual with a weapon has ever stopped a crime, although the NRA’s monthly aggregator shows it happens pretty much every couple of days. Chicago is proof that gun control escalates armed attacks, and the Czar will have more to say on that in a moment.

Here are three ideas the Democrats can try:

  1. Firearms are poor investments. Think about it: your granddad would buy a nice war relic from some shell-shocked Nazi for $3, and your dad handed it down to you a few years ago. Once, you could count on that being worth $800 today. But now, with the vast proliferation of legal weapons on the open market, guns aren’t as rare as they used to be. After all, with so much supply and demand, there’s little chance that your $600 Glock will be worth a million bucks in 100 years. You know what would increase firearm values? Fewer of them.
  2. Guns have become overly reliable. As a result, there’s less failure of components and way too many options to customize them over time. This is bad, because if you buy a handgun today, you can expect it to be fully operational in 30 years. This puts gun company employees out of work, because reliable guns last a couple lifetimes. If guns were less well-made, you’d replace them sooner and keep those workers happily employed.
  3. No? Okay, how about this: too many people own multiple guns, and that’s just bad for the environment. Instead of buying the latest trendy gun, how about you stick with one or maybe just two guns you really like? Do you really need three different calibered rifles? Maybe just pick one and keep it well-maintained, with frequent oil changes or whatever you do to keep guns working. My cousin likes to drive, but he doesn’t own ten different cars.

These arguments seem so much more new than the same old ones.

Having said all that, there is another piece of advice the Czar can share. The Czar has a very good friend in Chicago who works in corrections. The Czar isn’t sure, but this friend probably votes for Democrats because—let’s face it—Democrats are really good for the corrections business; they generate lots of demand. As long as Democrats are in city business, the Czar’s friend will have a job.

The Czar will omit, for privacy’s sake, what his friend does for corrections, but he’s not a guard; he does however come into constant contact with prisoners and guards, both in a professional (not administrative) capacity. As a result, he hears what his politician bosses say privately, what the prisoners openly admit, what Chicago police and Cook County deputies insist, and what the guards secretly believe. And he says there is only one way to curb the violence in Chicago—concealed carry.

Everybody knows it, but nobody wants to admit it in public. Suffice to say, the prisoners—who range from overnight misdemeanors to long-time mutliple felonies—are scared to death of an armed populace. If Chicago allowed its residents to shoot first, they say, the bad guys would stop preying on them.

The Czar’s friend is very insistent on this point. And he’s right when he adds that Chicago has tried every pop psychology or sociological solution to reducing crime, all to no avail. The key differentiator in Cook County is the politicians’ stubborn refusal to let home owners have concealed weapons out of the house. Yes, of course, these politicians are armed: for example, aldermen in Chicago are allowed to carry whatever they want.

Gun control, of course, is always reduced to one sentiment: whoever has the gun is in control.

In Which ‘Puter Rants About Sean Hannity

Sean Hannity is evil.

Sean Hannity wonders if he should ask Trump to prom, or whether he's just another one of Trump's booty calls who'll wake up orange and infected with herpes (allegedly).

Sean Hannity wonders if he should ask Trump to prom, or whether he’s just another one of Trump’s booty calls who’ll wake up orange and infected with herpes (allegedly).

‘Puter knows. You’re sitting there on the crapper reading our blog on your fancy smart phone, thinking “But ‘Puter, Sean Hannity’s living proof there’s a place in the world for cute short bus kids!”

Sure, Hannity’s cute in the “got a couple of extra chromosomes somewhere in my genome and a great head of hair” kind of way, if that’s you thing. But he’s still evil.

Why’s Hannity evil? Because he’s a ratings whore who would rather sell out his own country than work another honest day in his life.

Hannity’s behavior this election cycle, and pretty much always, has been execrable. Hannity’s the Nancy Grace of FoxNews, but less talented, more vindictive, and with bigger tits.

‘Puter never watched or listened to Hannity much. One day, as ‘Puter was driving to DC to visit his Dad who has dementia (a story for another day), he tuned into Hannity’s radio show. Hannity was interviewing Cliven Bundy live by phone, giving voice to a psycho with a messiah complex who happens to be correct on one issue. It quickly became apparent to ‘Puter than Bundy was totally unhinged and that Hannity was uncomfortable with the interview. Yet Hannity bravely soldiered on, knowing that certain segment of Republican Nation was eating Bundy’s deranged Mormon theocracy tinged delusions up.

A real man with a soul and a set of balls would’ve hung up on Bundy and apologized to his audience, explaining Bundy was not who the host thought he was, and the host couldn’t in good conscience expose his audience to any more of Bundy’s asshattery. But not low-T Sean Hannity!

And now for a word from Sean’s sponsor.

Hi, I’m America’s favorite retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel,** Sean Hannity! Silver is at an all-time low! You should have some in your bugout bag, or in your bolt hole, or even in your 401(k)! Send us your credit card number, expiration date, security code, PIN, social security number, home address, turn-ons, and cell phone number, and Silver 4Evah will send you a pamphlet from the FTC about consumer scams, and how not to fall prey to them!

Now, back to our show.

Sean’s all about getting paid, see? And to the extent he has to back dangerously unhinged separatists to make bank, Sean will. Only when the shallow end of the Republican gene pool has moved onto their next savior does Hannity move on. Sean is what’s known as a lagging indicator. If Sean moves on, you know his current fellatio buddy’s yesterday’s news, at least to the “UR A RINO, U CUCK!1!! TRUMPP 4EVAH!!1!” set.

And speaking of our Cheetos colored savior, guess whose wang Hannity’s currently chugging?* And no fair comparing the color of Sean’s lips to Trump’s “tan.” If Trump fellating were an Olympic event, Hannity would be lapping the field. If Trump’s wang were a stock, Hannity’d have cornered the market. If Trump’s yuge, luxurious man meat were an all you can eat buffet, Hannity’d die from a burst stomach, and he’d die happy.

See, Hannity figured out Trump appeals to a certain fairly large minority of people who are easily fooled by shiny things, monkey traps, and reality TV stars.*** Moreover, this subset is intensely loyal to its delusions and impervious to logic and reason. So Hannity (rightly) figured he’d hitch his wagon to Captain Giveszerofucks, watch his ratings soar, his ad revenue rise, and his bank account grow.

What Hannity didn’t plan on, mostly because he’s too greedy and shortsighted to see the obvious, was that Trump was going to lose, and lose big. Hannity had the knives out for anyone he perceived as insufficiently pro-Trump, savaging them on air. Hannity burned bridges with nearly every Republican power broker and person in office, except those few who like Hannity chugged the orange Kool-Aid.

As Hannity shamelessly whored himself out and lied for Trump, he sold out America. Hannity’s position is essentially “f*ck all y’all, I’m making bank, and y’all can get screwed.” Trump spits on the Constitution? That’s cool. Threatens violence against political opponents? Sean just opens his throat wider. If Trump wanted to bang Hannity’s wife and kids, ‘Puter’s not sure Hannity wouldn’t let him. That’s how much Hannity cares about himself, and how little he cares about America and you.

Hannity doesn’t give two sh*ts about you, about America, or about Trump. Hannity (and Coulter, and Ingraham, and Rush, etc.) care about one and only one person: themselves. They’re infotainers, not thought leaders, nor leaders of any sort.

They’re the yes men behind every jackass and thug, from the grade school bully to the fascist Russian with world domination on his mind.

So if you want to idolize a cute short bus kid with good hair who’d sell you out at Trump’s say so, go ahead. But ‘Puter won’t. And if you do, know you’re standing on very shaky ground, nearly alone, and your perfectly coiffed Svengali will abandon you to save his own skin.

You’re on notice.

P.S. Trump sucks.

* (singing) ERRY BUDDY CHUG WANG 2NITE! ERRYBODY CHUG WANG! #WangChung

** This is a South Park reference. And if you didn’t get it, you’re the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel.

*** To be fair, there is a subset of the TRUMP 5-EVAH!!1! subset that has principled reasons for supporting Trump (mostly, burn it all down so we can start again), but they are a small subset of this otherwise retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel group.

In Which ‘Puter (Finally) Writes Something Again

‘Puter hasn’t written much of late, not because there’s nothing to write about, but because there’s too much to write about. Today, ‘Puter shall take a bit of time to bitch about the worst people on the face of the Earth, ever. Worse than Nazis.

‘Puter’s talking about so-called journalists.

Yes, this year’s election is a sh*tstorm non pareil. Yes, Trump is a hot garbage fueled dumpster fire. Hillary’s a brain damaged, power hungry, fascist geriatric. And yes, America’s going down the crapper as a direct result of the Left’s long march through America’s civic institutions. But that doesn’t bother our intrepid heroes, journalists! No siree!

Journalists are here to make sure we get the news we deserve, and that we get it good and hard. Journalists do this by making sure the narrative is preserved at all costs. ‘Puter’s not sure what “the narrative” is (and frankly, neither are journalists), but it appears to be a nasty mashup of whatever load of Leftist horsesh*t passes for smart these days and Gollum’s ring. Journalists must protect the precious!

Media’s currently on a “we are the defenders of the republic, and have a duty to tank any candidate we alone deem dangerous to the Republic.” You arrogant passel of morally preening pricks! Exactly who the f*ck do you think you are? You’re nothing more than a bunch of college kids who couldn’t cut it in hard science or traditional liberal arts, so you thought to yourself “I’m pretty, and people like to listen to me!” and chose a totally made up major, journalism.

Most “journalists” Left or Right have no earthly idea about the history behind anything on which they report. Journalists are kids who were too dumb to major in sociology and barely smart enough not to major in Fill in the Blank Studies. They studied how to put on makeup, write up a story by using Wikipedia and Google, read a teleprompter, and f*ck their way to the top. But few if any put in the hard work to actually frikkin’ learn anything about the world or themselves. These self-important empty-headed hairdos have no idea what they don’t know, and that’s what makes them so danged dangerous.

“Journalists” think Putin’s dreamy because he provided safe harbor to Snowden, hero of free access to information! Putin goes tiger hunting, isn’t that cute? Man, those Sochi Olympics were awesome! “Journalists” don’t know or don’t care that Putin is KGB to the core, and that everything Putin’s doing is to weaken the West and its alliances while benefitting Russia. Crimea and Donetsk have been memory holed. Anyone heard anything about Georgia lately? Nope. Because Putin plays a long game, and media’s (un)focused on tonight’s edition of Short Attention Span theater.

Here’s what most “journalists” “know” about Israel.

Once upon a time, there was a place called Palestine full of Palestinians who were in no way Jews (who totes have no claim to any part of any land called Israel, because they were never there, no matter what your quaint sky god book tells you). One day, the evil Jews decided (with a little nudge from Hitler, who was totes right about the Jews, but we “journalists” can’t say that because the moronic FauxNooz set will call us bigots) to move to Palestine. The Jews killed all the Palestinians without any warning, and enslaved those it didn’t kill. That was way back in the ancient 1940s, like when our grandparents lived, and they’re dead and forgotten now, so you know it’s old. Today, Israel is known for killing Muslims because they can, stealing Muslims’ homes, and opposing our Lord and Savior Barack H. Obama (pbuh). All right thinking people must oppose Israel. Totes join your local BDS movement, and ignore the fact that most are fronts for anti-Semites, socialists, or Muslims (but ‘Puter repeats himself). The end.

These journalistic assclowns have no idea that in reality, the United Nations sanctioned a Jewish Israel in 1948, offering Muslim “Palestinians,” (really, just tribal Muslims who happened to be in the area) their own homeland, too. Instead of accepting the UN’s offer, the surrounding Muslim nations attacked Israel, which promptly kicked those Muslim nations’ asses. It’s the Palestinians who are engaged in an unending attempt to exterminate the Jews, not vice versa.

“Journalists” believe as an article of faith that global warming (now, conveniently, climate change, since there’s no warming) is solely caused by man, and that only by forcibly requiring everyone except them and their rich, elite friends from emitting any carbon emissions whatsoever can we be saved. “Solar and wind power work!,” they dutifully intone in their pleasing baritones, ignorant of the fact that solar and wind aren’t reliable or economic. ‘Puter’s a simple guy, but he likes his electricity on when he flips the switch. If the coastal media elite want to live in the dark and cold, fine. Move your ignorant asses to North Korea, the land of endless night.

“Journalists” are singularly incurious about any event that in any manner goes against their personal beliefs.

Hillary ran an email server out of a Moscow whorehouse staffed by FSB agents? Hillary used the State Department to enrich herself and her foundation on the taxpayer dime without telling anyone? Hillary appears to have massive intellectual and physical incapacities to the point she can’t walk up a flight of stairs? Who cares! FURST WOMMIN PREZUHDINT, AMIRITE?!?!

Planned Parenthood’s selling aborted babies’ body parts to research firms in violation of federal law? Who cares, because abortion’s the nuts! Did I tell you about the time I totes got knocked up on Spring Break in Lauderdale after banging nine different guys in two days? Planned Parenthood totally hooked me up, scraping that totally-not-a-baby out of my diseased, flappy yut. ABORSHIN, W00T, AMIRITE?!?!

Black Lives Matter is run by hard left borderline communist activists who have lied about nearly every encounter resulting in the death of young black man of late? Ferguson rioters burned down half the town, driving out businesses and revenues? Michael Brown was a thug who just robbed a convenience store and tried to beat up a cop? Who cares? STIK IT 2 WITEY THA MANN, JESS LAHK IN COLLIDGE, AMIRITE?!?!

Remember “journalists” gleefully reporting Scalia’s death?

Remember “journalists” greasing the skids for Trump?

Remember “journalists” ignoring the Clinton’s decades long string of sexual assault, shady deals, national security breaches, and Wall Street kickbacks?

‘Puter does, and ‘Puter has this to say to “journalists.” Most of you aren’t worth the dog crap ‘Puter scraped off his shoes this morning. You’re self-absorbed, ignorant, and dangerous. People who did your job 40 years ago didn’t go to school to learn it, they apprenticed under people who were doing it. And for the most part, they got it right. They kept news and opinion separate. They would’ve punched you in the face for pushing a narrative. They worked hard, and wrote well.

You “journalists” all are pretenders. You’re intellectually and morally inferior to your forbears. Your claim to be defenders of American democracy is laughable. Your willing and ignorant cooperation in installing Democrats for the last 30 years is a stain of original sin no sacrifice can wash clean. You are corrupt and corrupting. You are despicable and beneath contempt.

And worst of all, at least in your own eyes, you are a joke, and America knows it.

Comcast Olympic Coverage [Updated!]

The Czar seems to be enjoying the Olympics this time around more than in recent years. And he knows why.

No, it isn’t the hysterical hypocrisy of the Opening Ceremonies lecturing us on environmentalism when Brazil is burning down its rain forests to distract from its fatally toxic drinking water. It’s not even the stomach-churning injuries that seem to be happening, resulting in sudden upsets.

The coverage is better.

He’s like the Alex Trebek of sports—incessantly condescending, and not nearly as smart as the people he talks to.

Of course the Czar does not mean NBC’s coverage, which remains disgusting. Why, the Czar watched this morning as three female commentators slathered lube all over the Tongan athelete. Why, if three men did that to a female, there’d be nothing but screeching; but NBC thought it was okay to reverse the sexism there. In between the constant mispronunciation of Portuguese (it’s a phonetic language, and correctly speaking the names takes about ten minutes of practice, total), to Bob Costas’ incessant lecturing about how we should know things that he himself is reading off a teleprompter for the first time, and the increasingly senile Tom Brokaw putting together a 4th-Grade video essay on the Amazon River, it’s no surprise that this Olympics will probably continue on its downward ratings trajectory. It’s terrible.

But for Comcast customers, there’s an alternative. The Царица discovered early Saturday morning that if she pushes the ‘C’ button on the remote, it brings up a list of all Olympic events going on at that moment, whether or not televised by NBC. Select a sport that’s listed, and Comcast streams you live coverage from the Internet, with no Bob Costas. We watched the men’s team archery, narrated by Australians, and it was sublime.

Word must have been catching on, because by Sunday afternoon, there were many buffering delays. A lot, actually. But watching your coverage interrupted for 5 seconds (you miss nothing when it returns, since it picks up where you left off) is an easy price to pay. And when that was over, we switched to dressage.

Comcast has finally done something exactly right by its users, and the Czar nods his approval.

Update: Operative B writes in to advise that DirecTV is offering a similar streaming option, proving the carriers understand viewers’ frustrationsxwith NBC. Bravo, B!

Stranger Things

First – there are no spoilers in this post.

GorT is not a fan of the horror genre per se.  Sure, he’s seen most of the classic horror movies (i.e. The Shining, Poltergeist, The Exorcist, etc.) and some odd ones (i.e. Zoltan: Hound of Dracula and Re-animator) but, by and large, GorT doesn’t go see the random scary flicks that come out every several months.

GorT exercises daily for about 45 minutes – mostly treadmill, but some other exercising as well.  During this time, he enjoys watching some Netflix, Amazon Prime, or other streaming media to pass the time with just watching the clock tick down on the machine. I guess you could say it’s his version of binge-watching – he’s just not hiding in his room, buried under covers, laptop inches from his face with earbuds in for hours on end*.  Aside from the occasional guilty pleasure of watching an episode of the original Star Trek series, a random episode of the animated Star Trek Series**, a comedy bit (current favorites are Jim Gaffigan’s stand up routines and Iliza Shlesinger), GorT will pick an interesting sounding series and work through them.  Sometimes the timing isn’t right and he leaves an episode midway through, but that doesn’t bother him too much.  In the past he’s enjoyed: Man In The High Castle, Foyle’s War, Death in Paradise, The Finder, Crossing Lines, and Dark Matter.  There have been a few bombs, but mostly it’s been good.

51117B9VzxL._SX940_GorT is a fan of Philip K Dick’s work (ever since a college Sci-Fi class that focused on it) so Man In The High Castle on Amazon Prime was solid.  Well produced, solid acting, and interesting to boot.  I know some people didn’t care for it but GorT is looking forward to the second season.  Foyle’s War was exceptional through the seasons just after the end of the war.  I think it weakened thereafter, sadly. Death In Paradise was chosen on a lark.  Nothing was calling out to GorT and Netflix recommended it based on my watching queue.  It’s quirky and not deeply intellectual, but the mysteries are pretty good and it’s enjoyable for a show while working out.  GorT thinks the Finder was a show that was canceled*** before its time. It was different, funny, and drew you into every episode.  You could care about the characters. I found myself re-watching the series again as I had watched it when it originally aired.  Crossing Lines is a show about a multi-national team based out of the Hague that pursues crimes around Europe. It follows the formula of a diverse cast where one person is the “computer guy” and another is the “weapons expert” or the “professional driver”. Again, not high brow entertainment but decent enough to distract you while trudging along on a treadmill….hmm, maybe not a ringing endorsement.  Dark Matter is a unique Science Fiction series that begins on a ship where six people awake from cryogenic sleep with no memories. They number themselves in order of awakening and the mystery unravels while they have encounters related to each of their pasts. Again, I’m looking forward to the next season.

Stranger Things - complete with Lucas-esque ads

Stranger Things – complete with Lucas-esque ads

This brings us to Stranger Things. Maybe you’ve heard the current buzz flying about this show. Without giving anything away, the show is set in 1983 and is an homage to the pop culture of the 1980s and the work of Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, John Carpenter, Stephen King, etc. The plot follows the supernatural events leading up to and following the disappearance of a middle school boy in a small town in rural Indiana with an unknown, secret government base nearby. Winona Ryder is cast perfectly as the distraught mother of the missing boy, David Harbour is great as the town’s police chief and all of the kids (four boys in the group and various other siblings and teens) are well played. Most interesting, maybe, is the mysterious girl played by Millie Bobby Brown. GorT found himself watching outside of exercising, the show was so well done.  GorT gives it two metallic thumbs up.

Sigh, so GorT finished the eight episode season last night so he’s back to scrolling through the offerings on Netflix and Amazon Prime looking for another option.  He is impressed, though, at the quality of the Netflix, Amazon, etc. original series. I think entertainment will shift and the large cable providers better be ready for it.

* Sound like anyone else’s teenage kids?

** Seriously a guilty pleasure. They’re not great, but it is a bit of nostalgia for GorT back to Saturday morning cartoons growing up.

*** Don’t get Volgi or Mrs. GorT started on Flying Blind…or Volgi on NewsRadio

Guess Who Profits from the Student Loan Crisis

Did you know that 93% of the $1.2 trillion student debt is owed to the United States government? Yeah, it turns out that the United States is the biggest student lender by far. Why? Because they’re making a killing: in fact, 37 percent of federal assets are student loans, about $3.2 trillion.

So when Democrats talk of the “student loan crisis,” you have to realize this is like a used car dealer saying that too many people owe him money.

Of course, Democrats want to have the government pay everybody’s way in college; apparently, that 93% should be 100% in their mind, and you can understand why: with such a huge return on profit, it would be best, really, if nobody knew how much the government was making off bad student loans.

Folks, the government doesn’t want to end student debt: it wants to monopolize the profits off it.

Keep this in mind when you hear politicians claim that college costs are too high, and yet everyone must go to college. This is a perfect confidence trick: you’re buying into a system that no one will, at some point, be able to escape.

Also, that 37% hides an awful lot of government spending. It that went away, well, you might realize how much our deficit was really running.