Confucius* says...

...octopuses are freakin' awesome.

*For those who came in late: Confucius (孔夫子) is the given name of the Gormogons’ Œcumenical Volgi.

Kids Am Stupid

And their parents may be the prime cause. This may also be a recurring theme at The Gormogons.

At least two genius cheerleaders in scenic Bothell, Washington took pictures of themselves nude and sent them to their boyfriends. The pictures were then "accidentally" distributed throughout the school. The school to its credit promptly tossed the girls off the cheer squad. The school did not otherwise discipline the girls. Nor did the school discipline the recipients. And, like day follows night, the girls' parents sued, alleging the girls were denied due process.

OK. So your little princesses decided to send nude photos of themselves to boys. The pictures got around. And now this is the school's fault? 'Puter's no fan of America's education system, particularly its union masters, but Holy Baby Jesus in the Manger! This is no one's fault except for these girls. Whoring yourself out to boys to garner attention is wrong and should be punished. The school did right here and should be congratulated, not sued. The girls should thank the aforementioned S.B.J.I.T.M. that they are not 'Puter's kids. They'd be done for, and 'Puter'd likely be the subject of a Division of Family Services investigation.

Moron or Second Amendment Posterboy

According to David Kopel writing in the Wall Street Journal, the answer is both. While admitting that Plaxico Burress displayed an astonishing lack of common sense in drinking alcohol while carrying a loaded handgun in his sweatpants waistband, Mr. Kopel notes that NYC's handgun laws are most likely unconstitutional.

As an Upstater, 'Puter can speak with some authority on the meaningless and byzantine requirements of New York State's handgun laws, and NYC's are even more restrictive. 'Puter's had his concealed carry permit application on his desk for five years now. It's an absolute mess of a process. One cannot legally possess a handgun in New York without a concealed carry permit, even if one has no intention of using the handgun for other than home defense purposes.

First, one has to pay $5.00 to the county clerk to get the application. You can't get the application any place else. You have to be fingerprinted. But only by the county sheriff, and only on certain days during work hours, in one inconvenient downtown location (the county jail). And you get to pay for the privilege, about $10. You may not get fingerprinted even by New York accredited local police departments. You must pay a fee by money order only, approximately $100. You must have four county residents who have known you for years attest to your good character and sign your application. You must state the reason(s) you wish to own a handgun. The permit is then filed, again with only the county clerk. The state runs a criminal background check, and a mental health check. The state calls your spouse to make certain she knows you're getting a gun. Assuming all goes well and the state bureaucracy signs off on your application, it still must be signed by a county judge, who may refuse to do so for any reason that may strike her fancy. The process is mandated by law to take no more than six months. It routinely takes 12-18 months to get approved or rejected.

In NYC, it is effectively impossible for an average citizen to secure a concealed carry permit. This means only ex-cops and current criminals have handguns.

'Puter thinks that neither New York State's laws nor NYC's laws pass constitutional muster. They are uniquely calculated to prevent citizens from exercising their Second Amendment rights by placing unreasonable and onerous burdens on our rights to keep and bear arms.

'Puter does not have a conceptual problem with concealed carry permitting, so long as it the law is drafted as "shall issue," not "may issue." But 'Puter cannot now legally purchase or possess an handgun in New York for home defense or hunting without going through the concealed carry permitting process. This is wrong, and hopefully the laws will be successfully challenged.

None of this takes away from Mr. Burress' stupidity. Or the pretty picture of Mr. Burress' .40 caliber Glock.

iGor-mogons

A long time poking between the Gormogons is over computer equipment. Back in the day, GorT was sporting a Atari 800 with 64K RAM (non-standard memory cards used) and the Volgi was styling with an Apple ][e. Today I run a variety of machines in the house (including a PowerMac G5) but I find both Apple's mocking ads of Vista and anything mocking Apple pretty funny. Well, one of the kings of mocking is in on the action. For your viewing pleasure:

So good on so many levels. iLaugh.

Obama's First International Challenge?

It is being reported today that Israel is preparing plans to attack Iran's nuclear facilities without U.S. backing. While this might prove difficult as the U.S. controls the Iraqi airspace through which the Israeli attack fighter/bombers would have to fly, it isn't impossible. How will P.E. Obama deal with such a situation if/when it occurs under his watch as Commander-in-Chief? We might know if some intrepid reporter or seasoned journalist had asked Sen. Obama but alas, we know not.

Iran is waving this off as part of Israel's psychological and diplomatic warfare. Regardless, this could be quite the international crisis if it materializes. And how would our new President deal with it will be interesting to see.

America, fearsome enemy, unreliable friend.

“One Arab ambassador told me recently that the Iranians are reminding Arab leaders that America didn’t help Fuad Siniora, the prime minister of Lebanon, or Mikheil Saakashvili, the president of Georgia, when they got into trouble—that in fact Washington left them high and dry. Iran, by contrast, is close by and not going anywhere. If the Iranians are throwing their weight around now, imagine what will happen if they go nuclear.”

More here.

Amen!

More from Holy Taco here, including the First Church of Jesus Christ, Greatest American Hero:

Gormogonmobiles

Well, you ask, given the predilection for Cav nostalgia in these parts, what are the Gormogons driving today? Your answer is here.

The Œcumenical Volgi, kickin' it Honda-style:


Gort, whom you don't want to cut off in traffic:


And Ghettoputer, with the sweetest ride in all Upstate (at upper right):

All these and more from Holy Taco.

Man, if only Fred Thompson had run for president!

Service With A Smile

Is this what President Elect Obama had in mind when he dreamed up his mandatory high school senior service project?

It's been a while since 'Puter applied to college, but 'Puter wonders how favorably college admissions officers would view this sort of "service." 'Puter can imagine the uncomfortable admissions interview now.

Admissions Officer: "What'd you do for your senior service, Young Applicant?"
Young Applicant: "Well, I serviced seniors."
A.O.: "You worked with senior citizens?"
Y.A.: "It was very hands on."
A.O.: "I see you received state recognition for your service."
Y.A.: "Actually, that's a state record, not recognition. I've got a felony conviction."
A.O.: "Thanks for stopping by."

If You Want To Be Happy For the Rest of Your Life

Kansas City has joined New York as a front runner in the governmental dysfunction Olympics. Check out Mayor Funkhouser and his wife, Ms. Squitiro, late of Lawn Guyland.

The Mayor is suing the City to overturn an anti-nepotism ordinance preventing the Mayor from overseeing his direct relatives, including his wife.

Nothing wrong with a mayor taking advice from his wife, or her husband, but hiring the spouse, even as a "volunteer" is unseemly. A little too reminiscent of the "two-for-one" Clinton deal.

And, 'Puter can't see why anyone in the Midwest would have issues in dealing with a woman who has allegedly made racist remarks. 'Puter guesses a loud-mouthed, Lawn Guyland, Italian home-birthing coach just doesn't mesh well with the more "reserved" Kansas Citians.

A propos the post title, Mayor Funkhouser must be a very happy man indeed. It's like a modern update of American Gothic.

What They Said

The New York Post's op-ed folks are en fuego today.

First, enjoy one George Marlin's thoughts on how Tom DiNapoli, the New York Comptroller (solely responsible for the $150 billion state pension funds) maintained over 25% of that money in hedge funds, even after Bear Stearns' collapse. As a result of DiNapoli's mismanagement, the pension funds' holdings dropped 20% from April 1 through September 30. Mind you, this doesn't cover the worst of the hammering, which started in earnest in October. And DiNapoli has refused to require greater funding contributions from municipalities to make of the shortfall until at least 2010, conveniently right before he's up for reelection.

Second, John Avalon opines that Governor Paterson should pick a fiscally conservative, socially moderate Democrat to replace Senator Clinton as she moves on (pending confirmation) to Secretary of State. Avalon then suggests Tom Suozzi. Great pick, great leader. 'Puter's only criticism is that Suozzi is needed at the state level to control spending an knock heads. He's shown himself to be one of two Democrats (Paterson's the other) to at least discuss the impending bankruptcy of New York.

Heck, if Marlin's piece is correct, New York may already be insolvent. 'Puter for one would recognize appointment of a federal financial control board for the state, much like NYC had in the 1970s.

“Why do they hate us?”

Well, arguably because we tell them we're hateful. Hollywood's basic trope since c. 1970 is that any American authority figure is likely a villain—or as the Volgi likes to put it, It's Always the Highest-Ranking White Guy in A Suit or Uniform.* This black propaganda has probably contributed mightily to much of the world's perception that American power is evil.

However, there's a similar phenomenon which always boggles the Volgi's mind in its degree: that of false famliarity, which this Standpoint article deals with nicely.

The Volgi would just add that there are ever-widening circles of ignorance. First, as Mr. Foreman† notes, there's the ignorance and superiority complex of the coastal élites who depict the country as corrupt and seething with backwards lunatics—like Sarah Palin, the Snakehandler-American Candidate, if you believe some papers. Next come the foreign English-language press, who lazy as all journalists are, tend to take their cues from the American press. Any reader of British papers (or even Canadian ones) knows what lurid weirdness often gets presented under the guise of analysis of American politics or society.

However, monoglot English speakers may fail to realize that even these accounts come off as closely-observed, rigorously analyzed accounts compared to what runs in foreign-language presses. Foreman's first commenter mentions the appalling ignorance of the French, and your Volgi has spent a long time in Germany coming up against just the same problem: Germans are often deeply ignorant about the United States, though they believe they are quite familiar with (and superior to) it. (The Volgi has often shocked Germans by asserting that he'd rather be a black American in the backcountry of Alabama than a Turk in Berlin, as he'd have more opportunity and face less bigotry.) It's largely the same problem the NYT's coverage of the Midwest, just writ larger because it comes through a game of telephone. German papers often rely on British sources (as well as American ones) and so incorporate the intermediary distortions as fact (usually unknowingly, I'd bet).

And by the time you get to countries like Greece and Turkey, say, you're through the looking glass. (Not even to mention countries whose state-sponsored media take an anti-American line for political reasons. Russia, China, I'm looking at you.)

*Not to be confused with the Good Times Racist Principle, in which any white person who shows up at the Evans' doorstep is out to steal their meager savings or worse. The Volgi always shouts, Look out, Florida! He's white! The GTRP shows up everywhere, e.g., The Legend of Zorro (the dreadful sequel to the terrific Mask of Zorro: Hey, we're in California populated entirely by patriotic Mexicans who've just become Americans. Who will be the villains? The four white guys in the movie! [In suits, so I guess IATHRWGIASOU holds as well.])

† Whom the Volgi may have once briefly met at a book party—I'll have to check the shelf.

The FFPE*, yet again

Beautiful examples right here.

*For those who came in late: Click here.

Dr. D on Britain's regression...

...to a vulgar and drunken rabble. Brilliant essay and a signal warning about society's vulnerability to seemingly harmless or "enlightened" reform. Tradition is the democracy of the dead and is trifled with at one's peril.

Beat. Down.

Even if you haven't been following the nitty-gritty of this contretemps, this is one of the most entertaining smackdowns you'll ever read, by the great Mark Steyn. For ’Puter: underage sex and bestiality!