The Czar Reviews That New Spider-Man Movie
The Czar meant to post this over the weekend, but he so busy doing nothing important that he totally forgot. The Czar will answer your questions on whatever the name is of this latest Marvel movie.
Is this movie as good as the last one?
That’s a bit vague. As good as the previous Marvel movie, or as good as the previous Spider-Man movie? Without knowing, we can’t answer this question, and we’re the one who wrote it.
Does this movie focus on man’s inhumanity to man?
Yeah, there’s plenty of high-school-level analysis for you to discuss on the drive home from the theater.
So that thing that’s supposed to be a big secret, is it really as cool and surprising as they say?
Um. Yeah, probably.
Can Superman beat the Flash?
Is this the one with Jamie Foxx?
No, that’s a different sequel, featuring a second Spider-Man, unless you count the Spider-Verse movie which has like 10 Spider-Men in it, and is a Sony movie possibly connected to this movie, except this one has Tom Holland, and the Jamie Foxx travesty isn’t connected to any of these until Sony decides otherwise.
That’s fricking confusing as hell.
Yeah, agreed, but that’s not a question.
Is it worth seeing?
Heck, yes. It’s a really enjoyable, fast-paced film with some really nice acting. It’s not as funny as other Marvel movies, but it’s still pretty light-hearted.
Did they finally make Spider-Man’s CGI double web-swinging through New York look realistic, yet, or is it still obviously fake?
Still obviously fake.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.