Ms. Probolus is a postdoctoral fellow at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History in the Division of Medicine and Science. Ms. Probolus received her PhD from George Washington University and her undergrad degrees from Smith College. She was a Fulbright Scholar.
Ms. Probolus seems to check all ‘Puter’s mental boxes for “probably a screaming near-commie leftist.” PhD level academic? Check. Fulbright Scholar (too bad she couldn’t get the Rhodes Scholarship like Rachel Maddow and Pete Buttigieg)? Check. Undergrad degree from a hard-Left feminist college Smith? Check.
But perhaps Ms. Probolus isn’t a screaming, crybullying leftist. We should give her the benefit of the doubt. Let’s look a bit deeper into her background. What else has our intrepid culture warrior been up to?
She has served in a leadership capacity at the George Washington University as the Chair of Equity and Inclusion in American Studies Department’s inaugural Graduate Student Association and as an organizing member of Graduate Students United!
Oh. Ms. Probolus was the Chair***** of Equity and Inclusion in the grad students association. ‘Puter’s fairly certain that’s not a position one gets for being reasonable and rational on issues like race and gender. Or quotas for that matter. It’s pretty much the exact opposite of reasonable and rational.
And what’s that Graduate Students United!****** thing about? Oh. “SEIU Local 500.” It’s a union. Ms. Probolus unionized grad students. Definitely the kind of person who would think that merit should govern transactions, not connections, genitalia, misguided and dangerous political ideologies, or thuggery.
Maybe Ms. Probolus’ worldview isn’t hard Left. We should check. There’s still hope ‘Puter’s completely wrong about her being a proto-communist. Let’s look at what she says about herself.
Broadly, my work focuses on the history of education, race, gender, and political economy in the postwar era. As a social and politician historian, I privilege the voices and ideas of non-expert over expert actors.
Oh. ‘Puter’s not a bright man but he knows that “race, gender, and political economy” are code words for “closet Marxist.” ‘Puter’s also pretty sure someone who “privilege[s] the voices and ideas of non-expert over expert actors” is definitely a not-so-closeted Marxist.
It sure appears we’ve got enough evidence to place her firmly on the godless commie ideologue side of the ledger but just for the sake of being thorough, let’s check Ms. Probolus’ dissertation.
My dissertation, Separate and Unequal: Gifted and Talented Programs in Boston Public Schools, 1950–1980, studies how parents, educators, activists, and social scientists mobilized ideas about race, gender, and intelligence in the postwar era to separate students on the basis of “ability,” reinscribing segregation in the wake of Brown v. Board of Education.”
The project makes two key contributions to postwar U.S. history. First, I argue that gifted and talented programs both reflected and contributed to the decline of liberalism during the Cold War by reframing public education as an individual right as opposed to a social good. While other scholars have explored the role that battles over school integration played in the retreat from state services, less attention has been paid to how programs for gifted students fundamentally impacted the public school system and informed this larger decline. I reveal how a new, overwhelmingly white, urban middle class used merit to secure the best educational opportunities for their sons and daughters while foreclosing those same opportunities for students of color.
Um, godless commie ideologue status confirmed. Not merely confirmed but confirmed in carved stone tablets God gave to Moses on Mt. Sinai confirmed. Working class wypipo who believe America is a place which rewards hard work and merit are bigots. Meritocracy in classroom placements is end-running Brown v. Board of Education and reintroducing racial segregation. Believing a founding principle of this nation – namely, meritocracy – is racist and damned generation after generation of poor minority kids to crappy education and probably drug addiction and a life of crime as well, you hateful, oppressor wypipo bastards! Meritocracy’s going to “put y’all back in chains” according to Democrats’ favorite serial child and wife molester, Joe Biden. At least ‘Puter’s pretty sure Handsy Uncle Joe said that.
Man, ‘Puter’s gone way farther afield than he intended. ‘Puter figured he’d be well into Ms. Probolus’ letter to the NYT editors telling men to shut the f*ck up, sit the f*ck down, and obey our commie feminist betters (or else) by now.
Seems like a good time for a break before diving into Ms. Probolus’ letter in depth. This will give ‘Puter a chance to go get a second handle of rotgut scotch since this one’s nearly empty now.
It would also be a good time for you to go take a gnarly, bowl-coating, Presidents Day dump. Go ahead. ‘Puter’ll wait for you. And pray for you.
See you on the other side.
* OK, she’s probably not bad. Definitely wrong though. Like Paul Krugman level wrong.
** Ms. Probolus would probably want ‘Puter to refer to her as Doctor Probolus or perhaps Kimberly Probolus, PhD. Ms. Probolus can f*ck right off. Unless your degree starts with M and the next and final letter is D, you don’t get called doctor.***
*** ‘Puter will admit dentists with their DDS degrees can also be called doctor but ‘Puter knows most dentists aren’t that uptight about it unlike far too many PhD holders.****
**** Mrs. Joe Biden and media can go f*ck themselves with a barbed wire wrapped baseball bat soaked in salty lemon juice for insisting on calling her Doctor Jill Biden. The woman has an EdD which is basically a participation trophy for people who want the cachet of a doctoral degree without the effort. It’s the short-bus version of advanced degrees.
***** Not Chairwoman or Chairperson, just a literal piece of furniture because MUH JENDUR KONSTRUX!!1! or something. To be fair, based on ‘Puter’s life experience, Chair is an apt descriptor for people who run most of these far-Left causes. They’re not that bright and easily ignored in most areas of their lives. Referring to yourself as “Chair” is a cry for help.
****** The exclamation point lets the reader know that Graduate Students United! is super-serious and will not suffer oppression lying down! The reader will intuit members know chants and are willing to occupy the college president’s office so long as there’s no physical or career risk to themselves. Super. Serious. People.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.