Assuming there’s going to be a President Joe Biden* in January, he should realize that he has been given a very clear mandate on how to run the country. With a record number of voters casting ballots, few presidents have ever been given such a clear mandate by the people.

And that mandate is: don’t screw anything up.

The smartest thing Biden can do—which is saying a lot, here, given his propensity for being a dullard—is to be a “caretaker” president: don’t make any major waves, don’t start any wars, maintain, maintain, and maintain the economy. Speak as little as possible, as too many recent presidents have upset the economy by spouting off opinions as fact without appreciating the fact it has on the stock market.

Biden ran his campaign by hiding in the basement; frankly, that’s a great way to run the country. Put the onus back on Congress to do their job, stay the hell out of the limelight, and basically be a steward rather than a celebrity-seeker like the last couple of executives.

Yeah, you’d be right to think of Coolidge, but we’ve had other presidents who quietly steered the ship of state throughout our history. Maybe they won’t be as well-remembered, but you know what? The country benefits from presidents like that, even if the history books given them a mere sentence or two.

Look, Biden just doesn’t have it in him to be a spectacular president. He’s not intelligent or well-read. He’s not experienced in business, finance, law, economics, or international affairs. He can’t even comment on diplomatic issues without embarrassing himself severely. He tends to invent stories out of whole cloth even when it doesn’t suit his needs. And his history of racism, sexism, and abusive behavior are truly horrible.

But he has demonstrated that he can do the job as a caretaker. Just shut up, sit down, and quietly do the bare minimum. This way, the best parts of the Trump presidency continue to the benefit of everyone, and the most bombastic and over-the-top moments go away.

Remember, three-eighths of the country think Biden stole the election. Another eighth doesn’t like him at all. That’s pretty clear that he’s on super-thin ice at the moment; but by not changing too much on the economy and world affairs, and by not being Donald Trump, he’d have a solid majority of the country behind him.

Anything else would be disastrous for him. And us.

* Safe to assume his presidency shall always be marked by an asterisk, as there are too many questions about his electoral win.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.