Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
'Puter suggests the Czar suck it.
‘Puter thinks so. Russia’s lease on the Ukrainian port of Sebastopol on the Black Sea is up in 2017. Ukraine and Russia are about as friendly as fire and gasoline. ‘Puter’s betting Ukraine finds a way to not renew the …Continue reading →
GorT, call your office. An article in Time (dateline — Beijing (Peking, for you old timers)) is calling for the Olympics to dump two women-only sports: rhythmic gymnastics and synchronized swimming. Ms. Beech aptly states in reference to synchronized swimming …Continue reading →
‘Puter was a little surprised that the The Good Junior Senator from Illinois (D-IL) chose The Good Senior Senator From Delaware (D-DE) as his running mate. After all, Sen. Biden once referred to Sen. Obama as “the first mainstream African-American …Continue reading →
Is for “nollij.”* ‘Puter has four simple choices for his boys when they reach 18: (1) state school; (2) scholarship; (3) Marine Corps; (4) priesthood. And not necessarily in that order. Now, thank goodness, the fine Cornhusker State has given …Continue reading →
Why we want to transfer health care to the government? John Steele Gordon, blogging on Commentary online, noting this editorial from the New York Times, has this to say about Medicare. They’re both correct. The NYT is correct that Medicare …Continue reading →
‘Puter’s typing hand is getting tired. Our latest entrant? Meet Ms. Autumn Leathers. Seriously. That’s not even her stage name down at the Klassy Kat, where she dances for the Canadian Ballet. And, as an added bonus, Ms. Leathers is …Continue reading →
Today’s WaPo online has an article concerning the Bush Administration’s new regulations regarding federally funded health care providers. The regulations require that recipients of federal funds allow employees who are opposed to abortion to opt out of providing such services. …Continue reading →
Part of a continuing series. See the disclaimer. Teachers are at it again. Let’s just hope the union representatives will get this fine lady her job back after she finishes her jail time. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible …Continue reading →
From reading Harold Meyerson in today’s WaPo. ‘Puter should know better than to read the musings of a proud bi-coastal progressive, but ‘Puter is weak. Meyerson puts forth a shocking, new Progressive theory: manufacturing losses hurt working class voters, working …Continue reading →
‘Puter likes to hunt and fish. Occasionally, we’ll have hunting and fishing stories of interest to ‘Puter. Here comes one now. Not for nothing, but ‘Puter’s willing to bet that Mr. Hayes has a good, long internal discussion with himself …Continue reading →
‘Puter stands with the Czech and Slovak peoples as they remember the fortieth anniversary of the brutal Soviet invasion of then Czechoslovakia. The Soviets believed emerging freedoms granted by First Secretary Dubček in what was called Prague Spring threatened the …Continue reading →
Over at NRO‘s The Corner, there’s been an ongoing discussion about The Good Junior Senator From Illinois’ (“The GJSFI”) support for infanticide and the media’s reluctance to accurately report on this pro-infanticide position. This post by Yuval Levin makes the …Continue reading →
An excellent take down of peaceniks, isolationists and fellow travelers here at home and around the world by Ralph Peters in today’s New York Post. Score one for the “deal with the world as it is, not as we wish …Continue reading →
In what is likely to be a recurring theme, ‘Puter’s going to take a look at wrongdoers in the world’s second oldest profession: teaching. We all know by now that ‘Puter hates hisself the teachers’ unions because they protect incompetents …Continue reading →
Wow, is Notorious OEV on a tear this afternoon. Who can argue with his Olympic Opening Ceremony take down? ‘Puter’s only got one small addition to make to OEV’s list of fascisti mascots: Hello Kitty. I offer the following proof …Continue reading →
Behold the official Chinese restaurant of the Gormogons! Although for some strange reason our respective spouses don’t like the place too much. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the …Continue reading →
Recently, the Spanish men’s (and women’s) Olympic basketball squads paid their respects to their Chinese hosts by being photographed pulling their eyes into a slanted position so they could look more like their Chinese hosts. Not to be outdone, the …Continue reading →
With apologies to Leonard Bernstein: New York, New YorkA dysfunctional town!Taxes are up, and the revenue’s down.The government’s run by fools and by clowns.New York, New YorkA dysfunctional town! ‘Puter’s already commented on the sorry state of New York’s affairs …Continue reading →
Sen. Obama, Constitutional Ignoramus or Jackass? And no fair choosing both. The Good Junior Senator From Illinois (hereinafter, “The GJSFI“) is a proud graduate of Harvard Law School, where he edited the Law Review. Distinguished constitutional scholar Laurence H. Tribe …Continue reading →
‘Puter’s never been a fan of Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf. Anti-democratic, too accepting of Islamic extremism, unwilling (or unable) to control his tribal borderlands. His resignation of Pakistan’s presidency leaves ‘Puter worried though. With Musharraf’s departure, ‘Puter fears the rise …Continue reading →
The question now is whether the bear is wounded by its increasing international isolation, or is it still hungry to reestablish hegemony in its self-declared sphere of influence. “Mmmm, Georgia was good. How about a piece of Poland for dessert?” …Continue reading →
‘Puter is uncertain whether this post’s title describes Georgia’s territorial integrity or the West’s absolutely shameful response to Russia’s naked aggression toward a newly-minted democracy. However, from the AP photo at right, courtesy of FoxNews, at least one Georgian has …Continue reading →
Continuing on with the loathesome unions and their smarmy factotums in Congress, I give you unfree elections! That’s right, our Congress is giving serious consideration to amending the National Labor Relations Act to require that any vote authorizing a union …Continue reading →
And there you’ll find corruption and un-American acts. ‘Puter will take a look at two separate items that recently caught his attention, one from his adopted dysfunctional home state of Nueva Jork (motto: “What’re you lookin’ at?”), and the other …Continue reading →
Whatever did we do in the benighted days when we didn’t have lawyers to protect us from evil malefactors? Why, we usually worked the problem out ourselves, without violence, and without need for judicial intervention. But, to give our attorney …Continue reading →
‘Puter humbly attempts to expand on a small point in OEV’s outstanding commentary on the Crisis in the Caucasus. The United States continually analyzes what wars are acceptable and which are not, which interventions are acceptable and which are too …Continue reading →
In keeping with the Olympic fever (there’s only one cure — more cowbell!) sweeping our fine Nation, ‘Puter rushes in where angels fear to tread. That’s right, boys and girls, it’s time to set straight, once and for all, which …Continue reading →
Sticking with our “what are they doing on vacation” theme, ‘Puter humbly offers up this synposis of the first portion of GorT’s vacation. GorT claims to be on vacation in the Palmetto (Bug) State, enjoying peaches and fireworks. The remaining …Continue reading →
Senator McCain whipped out his foreign policy and security bona fides again today in addressing Russia’s “peacekeeping” efforts in Georgia, warning the Russians of “severe, long-term negative consequences” involving a few tricks Senator McCain picked up during his time visiting …Continue reading →
By now, everyone’s heard that the irrepressible Isaac Hayes, musician extraordinaire, and, most importantly, the voice of Chef, has died. Among Mr. Hayes’ many lifetime contributions are the Theme from Shaft and the album Hot Buttered Soul. Godspeed, you wacky …Continue reading →
Maryland comprises a small portion of the Greater D.C. Metroplex, and yet is responsible for a surprising amount of the area’s political stupidity, which is really saying something, as the fine political sages running the District of Columbia are among …Continue reading →
Now I’m fired up. Canadia hates America? That’s like the fat boy in high school who couldn’t get a date to the prom and blamed all his personal problems on the jocks who had girls draped all over them like …Continue reading →
Mexico and the International Court of Justice a/k/a World Court again have their collective knickers in twist because the United States has dared to exercise its sovereignty. Our self-declared freelancing fourth branch of government, the State Department, should tell the …Continue reading →
Will someone please explain to me how this is not typecasting? Have you no shame, Mr. Tarantino? This is as weak as casting Tom Cruise as an out of control, wacky member of cult attempting to pass itself off as …Continue reading →
Fulfilling a promise made earlier, and sticking with GorT’s vacation travel theme, I propose that the single cruddiest stretch of “interstate” in the Northeast is I-476, the Northeast Extension of the Pennsylvania Turnpike. The fine civil engineers who developed this …Continue reading →
It appears nature, red in tooth and claw, has again thrown a kink into the belief system of those who think that man and nature can peacefully coexist. Glenn Reynolds at Instapundit has noted the accelerating trend of predators becoming …Continue reading →
Apparently, now you can be too fat to die, no matter what you’ve done. Thank goodness. Now Azrael, the angel of death, won’t have to come and harvest Ghettoputer’s corpulent self too soon. I’ve got too many good years of …Continue reading →
Amanda Peet is my new favorite actor, and for reasons other than the ones showcased in her photo. Since I generally detest actors, it’s really not that much of an achievement to make the list. However, Ms. Peet’s refreshing candor …Continue reading →
Mr. Ghettoputer, In reviewing your exam, I was troubled by your absolute misunderstanding of Constitutional Law. Of course, noting your less than stellar attendance record, and further noting that on the few occasions you deigned to grace my class with …Continue reading →
Taking the challenge of the Notorious OEV (forgive my lack of font knowledge), Ghettoputer took The Good Junior Senator From Illinois’ Constitutional Law exam over his Delmarva Vacation Extravaganza. The following is the text of his answers. PART I. Under …Continue reading →
Cab Calloway, a fellow Upstater born in scenic Rochester (motto – Made for Leavin’), wrote a song about the greedy and powerful public sector unions strangling my adopted state. He called it Many the Moochers. Well, not really, but were …Continue reading →
Is Ghettoputer the only person who has noted that The Good Junior Senator From Illinois’ campaign staff seems to be taking style sheet lessons from the propaganda handbook of the most repressive, murderous and unfree world governments of the last …Continue reading →
After a week or so of vacation in the scenic Delmarva Peninsula (home of Frank Perdue (“it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken”)), Ghettoputer is back and ready for more of the same! In spite of the …Continue reading →
We promised Bill of Rights, so Bill of Rights it shall be. First, the Second Amendment and our Nation’s Capital. Our ever-amusing and multi-talented civil rights abuser, the D.C. City Government has determined that no matter what the U.S. Supreme …Continue reading →
Bobby Jindal. I must admit, I’ve a bit of a man crush on Governor Jindal (R-LA). Ain’t too many of us who have accomplished as much, even in a much fuller lifetime. He may be the salvation of the conservative …Continue reading →
By now, most folks have heard of Sen. Obama’s (D-IL) opposition to the Induced Birth Infant Liability Act while a member of the Illinois Senate. This Act provided that in the event an attempted abortion failed to kill the fetus/child, …Continue reading →
Perhaps this explains why “Republicans” are having a hard time winning elections these days. It gives one pause as to what young Andrew picked up about conservatism at home from his father. (And yes, I know Andrew hasn’t spoke to …Continue reading →
Sex Fruit! Only in the Anglosphere does this sort of nonsense happen. No one in Bangladesh or Sudan pulls this sort of stunt, mostly because they’re too busy figuring out how they’re going to eat today. Parents should follow the …Continue reading →
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