According to this article at Sky News, Holiday Inn will begin to offer a free five-minute “human bed warming service” at its London Kensington hotel throughout the week.

Apparently, this service will consist of a “willing” member of the hotel staff jumping into your bed wearing an all-in-one sleeper suit. Said “willing” staff member will remain until the bed warms up.

The irony is that we have been offering a similar service here at the castle for years. Although it is more focused on getting ‘Puter out of your bed, all the while hoping that he hasn’t left you a “little” surprise.

Maybe Holiday Inn can bring this service here to the U.S. They could hire welfare recipients who already spend most of the day just laying around. Little on-the-job training would be required, and they would be getting people off the dole.

The Mandarin

The Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced the Gormogons into England during the 18th Century.

The Mandarin enjoys spending time with his pet manticore, Βάρἰκος, or Barry (who can be found in the Bestiary). When not in the Castle…well, frankly, nobody is quite sure where he goes.

The Mandarin popularized the fine art of “gut booting,” by which he delivers a powerful kick to the stomach of anyone that annoys him. Although nearly universal today, the act of gut booting or threatening someone or something with a gut boot is solely due to him.