You Might Ask Someone Else
So the Czar finds this in his news feeder:
Um. Not the question the Czar expected CNN to ask him, but hokay… here goes. Err… your mother is probably concerned that bathing is drying her skin out. Try bathing every couple of days with a moisturizing body wash. Your mother might actually be hiding pain or difficulty in getting in and out of the tub; as a result, a shower a couple of days a week might be better at her age.
The Czar is only guessing; he really doesn’t know CNN’s mother very well; we met at a couple of parties, but that was quite a long time ago. And who the hell comes to the Czar for advice?
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.