‘Puter was attending Mass yesterday when …
STOP LAUGHING! ‘Puter goes to Mass every week and on all Holy Days of Obligation! He used to do First Fridays, too, but that’s another whole story.
As ‘Puter was saying before he was so rudely interrupted, he was at Mass praying and thinking. ‘Puter realized that for all the agony and stupidity that is Twitter, Twitter’s also a force for good. Now stay with ‘Puter here for a minute, people.
Twitter has demonstrably been a force for good in ‘Puter’s life. He’s made virtual and IRL friends he never would have met but for Twitter. ‘Puter’s Twitter friends have made him a better person by showing him the goodness of people everywhere.
There are others in ‘Puter’s Twitter feed who are quietly and faithfully raising wonderful special needs kids who don’t make a big deal out of it. The Schultzie family, for one: mister, missus, and Muffin Bear. Schultzie is surely wondering where this is going, and will quickly dismiss what ‘Puter’s about to say, but ‘Puter’s going to say it anyway. Adopting a special needs kid, caring for said kid as your own, and working hard to ensure that kid thrives is God working through us. It is an example of people quietly making a difference for others because of their inherent goodness and the strength of their faith. It is humanity at its best and an example to rest of us of what families can accomplish together.
Not to be forgotten is Sean Bannion and his beautiful family. Sean would surely tell you anyone would do what his wife and he do, but we know that’s not true. Quite the opposite, in fact. Just look at the statistics on abortion of “imperfect” fetuses. It’s a slow-motion genocide, a crime against humanity, and an abomination before the Lord.
The presence of these wonderful children and their loving parents reminds us that all life is valuable, even life far too many consider disposable. Standing up for all life from conception to natural death is our duty, one parents like Schultzie, Mrs. Schultzie, Sean and Mrs. Sean model well.
There are strong, serious, funny people coping with as-yet incurable diseases in ‘Puter’s feed. And you’d never know it unless they told you. ‘Puter’s looking at you Patriot Musket and Chelie. People who have dealt with, for example, diabetes for all or a large portion of their lives. They accept this fact and get on with their lives just like everyone else. No whining, no complaining, no nothing. Their strength and quiet determination is admirable. There will be a cure someday for diabetes and all diseases, and ‘Puter hopes his friends are there to celebrate that day.
There are people coping with mental illness, including but not limited to depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, ADHD, to name but a few. Each of these people allows us to see mental illness through a lens of humanity, the humanity and dignity of a friend. They remind us daily that many Americans are affected by mental illness and that they are first and foremost good, decent people working hard to get better. People who just happen to struggle with a mental illness. ‘Puter’s thinking in particular of one wanton Nutmegger, but won’t name her because ‘Puter’s not certain she’d want to be identified.
There are people living with addiction and recovery therefrom. Their existence and hard work remaining clean reminds us that we can accomplish anything to which we set our minds. God’s help doesn’t hurt either. There are even some recovering people who share their stories in quiet, appropriate moments like David Edward. The witness of those who choose to share their stories is important to all of us lest we forget that addiction affects everyone somehow, even if only through our relationships with others.
Each of us has people like the foregoing in our Twitter feeds. Often we don’t take the time to realize what these people are teaching us by their presence and interaction with us. ‘Puter’s seen dignity, perseverance, kindness, generosity, self-control, stoicism, duty, in each. Above all, the unifying characteristic of each person mentioned is the transformative power of love in their lives. Love of others, love of self, and/or love of God.
‘Puter is thankful for the example each sets for him as he strives to be a better person. And ‘Puter is thankful for the quiet reflective time in Mass and grace of God that allowed him to see this clearly for the first time this weekend.
So don’t be too quick to dismiss Twitter as a force for good. After all, the Lord works in mysterious ways.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.