The Czar, as you might have guessed, is a long-time practical joker, and as you would figured from that, has pulled some massive stunts in his day. But nothing is as awe-inspiring as the guy standing to the right over here, signing for the hard-of-hearing in this video:

Because, as you might have heard by now, the guy appears to be a complete phony. That’s right: he does not appear to know any form of sign language. Think that over: the guy in the nice suit, gesturing over here to the right, is an imposter. No one will yet admit to who he is, but apparently they have confirmed he was interviewed, hired, and possibly paid…and he does not know sign language at all. Not even that weird English Tic Tac stuff.

For hours, he pulled off this caper, standing there in the sun, on stage before millions, doing these odd gestures. The Czar’s nephew was over at the dacha for dinner and had three theories:

1. “I can’t believe I’m getting away with this.” The Czar likes this theory, that the guy was a con man who pulled off a monumental practical joke at the expense of the entire world; at this point, he has probably been high-fived by all the regulars at his favorite gin joint. You can imagine him expecting to be tackled within a minute of getting up on stage, but after the first, who knows, 90 minutes, he figured he might as well go all the way.
2. “Oh my God, what am I doing up here?” The old bit about the guy, looking for the bathroom, who accidentally wandered out on stage and panicked. Not knowing what to do, he just decided to fake his way through it rather than ruin it for everyone.
3. “I really do know sign language.” You know, he had a dream a couple days ago that he knew sign language, and was so convinced of it that he got up in front of millions to display his intuitive knowledge of Zulu Sign Language. And when no one came up and asked him to leave, well, heck—maybe he really does know it. He seems to be getting it all correct. And if you ask him, to this day, he will assure you he really does know it. What scares us is that, of all three theories, this one may be the most plausible.

So there he was, up there for hours, doing his hand jive thing. He didn’t fool anyone for very long: within minutes, people began notifying the media that this guy, um, might be making it up. The South African government expects to issue a statement about the guy, but frankly the Czar hopes they never identify who he is. Let us continue to think that this guy woke up a couple of mornings ago with a plan to pull a massive joke on the world and did it.

In other news:

No wonder all the deaf people watching the Mandela memorial thought Obama's speech was his best one yet! http://t.co/RFHGj0pv6O

— SOOPoftheYear (@SooperMexican) December 11, 2013

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.