GorT wants to know why the term derecho is used to describe a particular type of storm. In fact, Spanish words are used as a lingua franca although they sound Greek to him.

Here are some of the Spanish terms meteorologists are using to describe weather phenomena:

Derecho: what we used to call a squall line, but wasn’t multi-culti enough.

El Niño: a period of pressure rise in the Indian Ocean every five years or so that causes droughts in western Pacific Ocean and lots of rain in the eastern Pacific.

La Niña: a period of dry conditions in the eastern Pacific that often causes cold, snow-filled winters in the US and hot, dry conditions in the South.

Llovizna: a light, drizzling rain.

Garúa: a drizzling, light rain.

Chubasco: a heavier rain.

Aguacero: a not-so-heavy rain but still quite heavy.

Chaparrón: a heavy rain but not at all heavy.

Chapetón: a midly heavy rain with very light rain that gets heavy.

Vendeval: a heavy rain with moderate winds.

Tormenta: a heavy rain with heavy winds.

Tempestad: a moderate rain with heavy winds.

Lluvia con Niebla: light rain with fog.

Niebla con Lluvia: fog with light rain.

La Cesta de Pascua: an Easter basket.

Detector de Humo: a peppy, fresh fog that turns into a bitter, spiteful mist.

Motor Rotativo de Wankel: a heavy, rotating mass of rain that is simply a light fog.

Conejo con El Maíz y El Esmalte de Almendras: that icy cold drop of water that lands on the back of your neck just as you step outside.

La Mula Tiene Una Cojera Extraña: a storm that seems pretty nice, but as you get to know it, seems to harbor a deep animosity toward your friends.

El Maestro de Cava en La Nariz: a pissant little storm that is so lame it’s not even a storm at all. In fact, just ignore it. Watch what it does, the little bastard.

Los Nacionales Están en El Tercer Lugar: the type of storm who assures you it’s okay to park in that spot, except there was like a half-inch of snow on the ground, and so you didn’t see the handicapped symbol painted on the pavement, and some jackass took down the sign for his dorm room, and so you come out after, what, like two minutes to grab your mail? And find a $300 ticket on your windshield, and not a goddamned soul in sight who could have walked up and ticketed you in that tiny span of time. It’s like the cop winked in from another dimension, slapped a pre-written ticket on your wiper blade, and then vanished without a sound back into hyperspace. Crap. Now you’re out $300, and they only give you a week to pay it, and this is the week you finally saved up enough to take that trip out to see your Dad, and now you’re going to have to cancel again, because this has got to be at least the third time you’ve cancelled a week before the trip, and now he’s convinced you’re avoiding him, even though he just mailed you directions on how to get to his hotel he’s staying at, even though you know where it is because there’re only one hotel in that town, and that retrieving his stupid hand-drawn map in your mailbox was the reason you parked there in the first place.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.