E.J. Dionne: God’s Gift To People Who Enjoy Illogic, Being Played For Fools
Why ‘Puter reads E.J. Dionne is beyond ‘Puter. Heck, why anyone reads E.J. Dionne is beyond ‘Puter. Yet, like a moth to the flame, Green Lantern to Kato and Czar to the closest cervine, ‘Puter is inexorably drawn to Mr. Dionne’s illogical ramblings. Sigh. If debunking Mr. Dionne’s quasi-literate and childish rants be God’s will for ‘Puter, then so be it.
Mr. Dionne, in his Unabomber-like manner, scrawls a screed on Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker’s recall election campaign. In the surest sign yet that Gov. Walker is destined to win not only the recall, but reelection, in a cake walk, Mr. Dionne’s column is dedicated to front-loading excuses for why Gov. Walker wins.
Mr. Dionne’s argument, in sum, is “Walker’s going to win because he cheated.” In sum, ‘Puter’s response is, “Bullshit, you reality-challenged, column-for-hire, Democrat candidate fellater*!” For those of you who find ‘Puter’s logic a bit too detailed to follow, let him break it down further for your edification.
Mr. Dionne makes the following claims in his column:
1. Recall elections are completely legitimate. Especially when used to fire a duly elected governor who, acting with the support of a duly elected legislature (who, by the way, actually propose and pass the law before the governor sees it), passed a law in accordance with all legal and Constitutional requirements.
2. Gov. Walker used “incumbency to alter the rules and tilt the legal and electoral playing field decisively toward the interests of those in power,” whatever the heck that means in Mr. Dionne’s alternate reality.
3. Wisconsin passed voter identification and registration laws, and some people are too lazy and/or stupid to figure out how to vote now, despite numerous Democratic organizations combing the state to register those too lazy and/or stupid to figure out how to register to vote.
4. Gov. Walker’s only purpose in curtailing the public sector labor unions’ collective bargaining rights was to harm the Democrats, never mind that Gov. Walker claimed (and experience has borne him out) that the slightly more restrictive laws would save Wisconsin taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars.
‘Puter responds to Mr. Dionne’s claims thus:
1. Wisconsin’s Recall Election Is Legitimate
Yes, ‘Puter must concede, in the most basic sense. The liberal recall proponents and their complicit union-supplied workforce followed the letter of the law, timely collecting a sufficient number of seemingly legitimate signatures to subject Gov. Walker to recall.
But recall elections were never intended and have never been used to cancel an earlier vote simply because you disagree with the recall’s subject. Recall elections are to kick out malefactors, not opponents. It’s not as if Democrats weren’t going to have the chance to vote Gov. Walker out at the end of his four year term, install the right kind of apparatchiks and undo the governor’s collective bargaining coup. If the new standard for recall is going to be “I don’t like that completely legitimate law a politician just passed, so let’s recall him,” ‘Puter’s fairly certain the Left’s not going to like the results.
This is a tantrum, nothing more, and a poorly reasoned one at that. The Hard Left is surprised that anyone could possibly object to teachers who work three-quarters of a year, with guaranteed pension benefits and free health care, who can retire at 55 getting rich off taxpayers who pay their own way. Imagine the Left’s surprise when, despite their most fervently held beliefs (not to mention scads of taxpayer-funded union money), Gov. Walker wins this election, as it appears he will.
The Left set itself up for a repudiation of its core beliefs in a state widely considered to be one of the most “progressive” in the country. Better yet, the Left never saw it coming. This is the Left’s reward for abusing the electoral process.
2. Gov. Walker Changed The Rules
Yes, Gov. Walker changed the rules. He did so by following Wisconsin’s Constitution and laws, convincing the legislature to introduce and to pass laws he supported. The horror! Mr. Dionne, this is called “governing.” It is also known as “leadership.” You may not recognize it after your many years in Washington earning honoraria in the Senate cloakroom the Green Lantern way.
Nothing guarantees that a future legislature cannot change the work a past legislature has done, no matter how much you may enjoy your favorite government handout. That’s why every gosh-darned Social Security annual statement ‘Puter gets prominently states that Congress can change and/or repeal Social Security any danged time it gets up off its ass and starts taking so-called “entitlement” programs as the threat to America they are and repeals it.
Mr. Dionne likes the way things were and doesn’t want them to change. In Mr. Dionne’s sepia-toned imagination, the United States is perpetually in a 1930s pulp novel. The evil rich taking advantage of the average Joe on the street. Hookers with hearts of gold. Interesting how liberals suddenly become conservative when their beloved oxen are about to get gored.
And, too, just because something is old, beloved and very important to you and lots of other people does not entitle it to perpetual existence. ‘Puter’s all of those things, and he knows he’s not going to live forever. Nor does a law’s longevity equate to a right. ‘Puter’s said it before and he’ll keep saying it until it gets through the thick skulls of liberals. If the government gives it to you, it’s not a right. Anything the government gives to you it can take away. Rights are freely given gifts from God, the birthright of every man, woman and child. Sure, the government can repress your rights, but it can’t take them away.
Mr. Dionne, ‘Puter’s going to put you to your proof. If you truly believe Gov. Walker broke the law or acted other than in accordance with the law, show ‘Puter. If you are unwilling or unable to do so, please shut up and return to your happy place.
3. Voter ID Laws Are TEH RAYCESS!!1!ele1venty!!!
Don’t get ‘Puter started on voter identification laws. There is nothing wrong — nothing — in requiring people to prove they are entitled to vote before they vote. Lax election laws benefit no one except the race hustling huckster Democrats who rely on them to rig elections.
Simply because you think Blacks (or Hispanics or Asians) have a more difficult time securing free government IDs does not invalidate the central premise of voter identification laws: only those with the right to vote should be permitted to vote. Otherwise, the votes of legitimate voters are diluted by the votes of the illegitimate. It’s not rocket science. The Democrats “come vote as you are, legalities be damned” fetish is a greater threat to voters’ rights than any voter ID law on the books today.
And, truly, how hard is it to get an ID card? The taxpayers are giving the poor free IDs. You liberal crackpots just spent a gajillion dollars of taxpayer-funded union dues to entice a roving band of public sector union thugs to criss-cross Wisconsin, gathering signatures on Gov. Walker recall petitions and merrily slandering Republicans along the way. Had you been thinking ahead, you could’ve taken all the poor folks you ran across right down to the local government office to pick up their free IDs at the same time. But you didn’t. Because, again, your tantrum prevented you from thinking clearly.
4. Gov. Walker Only Curtailed Collective Bargaining LawsTo Crush Democrats’ Political Viability
Not true, even though that’s a very happy side effect of the laws. Gov. Walker curtailed public sector unions’ collective bargain laws because such laws prevented Wisconsin from bargaining on equal footing. Unions refused to give up cushy benefits, work rules and pay, and were protected by law provided they did not strike.
Gov. Walker and the Wisconsin legislature changed these rules, and, despite the Left’s hew and cry, Wisconsin is better off for it. School districts are actually running surpluses, even as property tax rates and levies have fallen. It’s shocking how much money shakes loose when unions can actually lose at the bargaining table. Forcing unions to bargain rationally (i.e., have any downside risk whatsoever) was Gov. Walker goal. He achieved this goal, and it has paid dividends for taxpayers and for the children. (see? ‘Puter can play that, too.).
The people of Wisconsin have heard the rhetoric and seen the results. Gov. Walker’s recent surge in the polls suggest that the people of Wisconsin are more prepared to believe their own lying eyes than all the E.J. Dionne rationalizations he can shovel into one column
And here endeth another ‘Puterific rant.
*Or is it “fellator?” And is the feminine “fellatrix?” ‘Puter leaves this to the classically educated cunning linguists among his loyal readership.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.