Reuters, an old man in his 80s, frowns at the newspaper and asks “How many of these superhero movies are they gonna make?” This article is another good example of why journalists should never be allowed to write. Ever.

Green Lantern, it says, replays a lot of familiar notes. Yeah, you know, these superhero movies are soooo repetitive. Guy sees a lot of injustice in life. Guy becomes superhero. Guy makes a difference. Guy is challenged by evil to point of self-doubt. Guy overcomes doubts to show good triumphs over evil.

The author, an alleged “Todd” McCarthy just misses a point bigger than his own ego. Yes, that storyline is called an archetype. And it works, so people tend to reuse it because people really like it. It works extremely well for comic book characters, where exposition is naturally confined to the bare minimum.

So how many of these movies do we need to make? As many as we can, until audiences stop going. Big name actors, superb special effects, great humorous writing, and developed story lines are a proven success for Marvel, and now DC understandably wants in on the action. Or rather, cash.

Mr. McCarthy, like a lot of film snobs, no doubt rues the success of good-over-evil motifs. We need more films about French orphans, tragedies caused by, probably, the continued illegality of drugs, stories of moral equivalence, anti-military action movies, and stories that embrace the modern slavery we inflict on the outrageously gay community. Hey, if you have to do a superhero movie, can’t we go back to the low-budget kitsch of the 1970s?

But enough about journalists who don’t understand what is so perpetually and annoyingly wrong about what people think. The Czar, who has long been a Marvel man, has reluctantly agreed to take the Цесаревич to see Green Lantern. A review may therefore be forthcoming.

DC long held the movie audiences with its various Superman and Batman movies, of which the vast majority were horseshit. A completely bankrupt Marvel took its last $150 out of petty cash and tried to do the X-Men, with a fairly talented cast and a story line that took itself seriously. And that film alone pulled Marvel out of bankruptcy for the most part. Repeating the formula, but adding better actors and more humor, has proven a near license to print money. Some stank (Elektra) and some failed to impress (Daredevil, Ghost Rider), but overall Marvel has got the Midas touch going for it now.

So now DC wants a little of that back. The Mandarin sniffed the other day and said “Great. This means we can expect a slew of movies about how bad America is.” Yeah, well, maybe, given DC’s more traditionally lefty politics versus Stan Lee’s personally unabashed right-wing views.

The Dark Knight movies were a good start, with the first one being fairly enjoyable, and the second one being quite impressive. Green Lantern, alas, will not be of that caliber. How can we tell?

The entire film is flippant, as if it is trying to out-do Marvel’s wise-cracking style (which was always in the comics). But now we hear that, uh-huh, you need to stay after the credits to see a teaser for the next film.

Really? Marvel started using the stinger ending years ago as a great way to hook people into staying for the entire credit crawl. And now DC, not content to steal the style, are now stealing the gimmicks, too.

The Czar will be fair and take the little tyrant to see this movie; but he does not expect to be as entertained as he has over the years.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.