We Paid How Much for What?
The FBI, very much at great expense, produced a digitally enhanced image for the US State Department to show that Osama bin Lādin might potentially look just like kindly Mr. Habib, who owns the on-time and clean limousine service next to the barber shop.
This was a bit of shock to Mr. Gaspar Llamazares, a Spanish legislator, who looked at the picture and said, with no irony, “Holy cats! That’s me!” (‹¡Ay gatos! ¡Ese soy yo!›)
For indeed, the FBI used Sr. Llamazares’ photo as a base image, and then copied elements of bin Lādin over to it. Sorry, they said, if your neighbors attempted to take you down for a cool 25 mil.
We sure got our money’s worth from the FBI on that one. Hey, as a public service, allow the Czar—for no taxpayer money whatsoever—show you some more alternative (and just as probable) pictures of what bin Lādin could look like with Photoshop.
Here you can see him as he might look were the host of American Idol, as the annoyingly vain mother of eight kids, if he were posing as Admiral Nelson, and if he hid himself as the lead singer of Led Zeppelin.
Now you tell us what the value and difference is. The Czar can assure you his four pictures were done in a tenth of the time, and for a stunning fraction of the cost. And they will achieve just as much. The State Department: using your money and the FBI’s resources better than ever!
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.