…the Gormogons gave to me:
ten ‘Puters singing
four bags of mail
three Guest Spots
two Boxing Days
and a Hello Kitty in an orange tree
The rest of us tend to give the Volgi his space in the Castle. Sometimes you peek in his room and it looks like the picture above. He’s just creepily standing there staring at the trees mumbling in some foreign tongue while all these weapons surround him. Last week, I found Dat Ho huddled in the corner rocking back and forth. He complained that Conficius made him field strip and clean all the weapons and he messed up with the M79 and ended up blowing the koi out of the pond in the back. Not like ‘Puter doesn’t like his grenade fishing after hunting season is over, but this was a bit unexpected. Serious reprimanding ensued – including a refresher weapons safety course taught by the Volgi in three languages….at the same time! I think I have to task Dat Ho with a bit more work to keep him out of trouble. Maybe he can go straighten out the National Park Serivce who wants to shorten the capitol reflecting pool to make a “protest square“. Yes, yes, ‘Puter. Damn, dirty hippies….we’ll have to keep a close eye on the Volgi’s stash.
GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.