And so the world’s tallest building has opened in Dubai. Named the Burj Dubai Khalifa—which the Volgi will insist be spelled برج خليفة—the building so tall that you could take the top two buildings in Chicago (the Sears Willis Tower and the Penis Trump Tower) and stack them one atop the other and still not be at the same height as this bad boy.

The developers claim the building is 100% leased. This, of course, is developer talk for “There is a Caribou Coffee in the lobby, and soon a Potbelly’s. A tenant is planning to take part of the eighth floor once we agree to upgrade them with two-meter-high doorways.”

A view from its top floor:

In addition, a hotel takes up several floors of the building along with a large amount of private condominium-only floors. The financier, Jim Duncan (played by William Holden) is planning many more of these across the country, but architect Doug Roberts (Paul Newman) wants to take on greener projects to help the poor, against the advice of his girlfriend Susan Franklin (Faye Dunaway). In the event of an electrical fire, there is a risk that a new building’s still-unfinished fire detection systems could fail to detect the spread, according to the the building’s chief engineer, Roger Simmons (Richard Chamberlain), who is also Duncan’s son-in-law. The building, believed to be up to code, may actually have had some undocumented specification changes. As a result, when the building’s PR director Dan Bigelow (Robert Wagner) throws on the dramatic exterior lighting, there is a risk of a massive overload on the 81st floor. BC Michael O’Hallorhan (Steve McQueen) has publicly stated the building is “too high for my men to fight [a fire],” but assures everyone that in the event of fire, a calm, orderly exit via the roof will be possible provided everyone stays off the goddamned exterior elevator.

Yeah, like that’ll happen.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.