The Gormogons extend their deepest sympathies to the families of the shooting victims, and a sincere hope for the speedy recovery of those wounded in the attack.

So far, the media has been playing this one very carefully, to their rare credit. Details are being withheld until they are confirmed, and no one is leaping to conclusions. A rare moment of proper handling, indeed.

The Czar wants you to know that this story will evolve in one of two ways.

Either the story will prove to be of no long-term consequence (other than the tragic effects on the casualties and their loved ones) and will quickly fade away (like most spontaneous mass murders)…

…or this story will become incredibly more involved and ghastly (like the USS Cole). There will be no middle ground with this story.

Based on the facts the Czar is receiving from his informants, expect the latter.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.