In an exclusive partnership with your local cable and satellite TV providers and the Gormogons, you can now select the Mandarin package for your viewing entertainment.
This package includes such favorites as:
Channel 127 – The WEIRD Network (Weapons in Earthly Interdimensional Research and Development)
Channel 2πr² – The GorT Network – classic shows from the past and the future
Channel 211 – KrofftaPalooza – Just like the Lifetime network, but for men and featuring shows from Sid and Marty Krofft, and/or Quinn Martin Productions
Channel 69 – GH1 – all gay, all the time for your easy listening pleasure hosted by the ‘Puter
Channel 1923 – The Ottoman Network – this network is dedicated to serializing the exploits of عبد الله بن طاهر الخراساني. Follow his wacky misadventures, such as when he pours boiling oil into the mouth of an apostate with hilarious consequences.
Order now and receive two months free, and a chance to win an all expenses paid trip to Castle Gormogon.
No purchase necessary to win, all entries must be received no later than 11:59 P.M. on December 31st, 1998. Contest open to U.S. legal residents only and not available to residents in the following states – all of them.
The Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced the Gormogons into England during the 18th Century.
The Mandarin enjoys spending time with his pet manticore, Βάρἰκος, or Barry (who can be found in the Bestiary). When not in the Castle…well, frankly, nobody is quite sure where he goes.
The Mandarin popularized the fine art of “gut booting,” by which he delivers a powerful kick to the stomach of anyone that annoys him. Although nearly universal today, the act of gut booting or threatening someone or something with a gut boot is solely due to him.