De-Capitated!
Well, maybe ‘Puter ain’t always right. Now, the Czar is still willing to accept the near-probability that someone hacked into Geep’s account merely to make the outrageous claim about a certain hockey team… stinking on ice, was it?
The Czar is not certain, but he is pretty clear that once again he rises to the top of a sports-related dispute. Sorry, Caps. But let us be fair: you were playing against a dude named Satan. History records him as a bit of a cheat.
However, a gentleman true is the Ghettoputer. Indeed, the Czar is pleased to report he has already received, in full and without question, the terms of the 1885 Manila agreement. To wit:
| 15 platoons of Hessians, which the Czar has already deployed to the outer reaches of Muscovy to fend off some group or other that was planning revolt. Here they were before we sent them off. |  |
| Here is the megatherium! Damn if he isn’t an impressive fella. ‘Puter even kindly sent along a keeper, because it turns out the Czar had no clue about what to feed him. Turns out, leaves. The Czar tried to feed him several dozen hard-boiled eggs to no avail. Anyway, his name is evidently Whiskers. |  |
| Cough. Here is the lab assistant. She will not be returned. |  |
| And here is the prize of prizes! The lime green Pontiac Fiero with no engine. Not sure what to do with it, but we will put it to some use. Possibly an elaborate serving dish for dips or peanut butter. |  |
Ah well. There is always next year.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.