America will be the death of itself. Refusing to adopt common sense solutions to real problems for fear of offending some politically correct cause is stupidity in the extreme.

‘Puter’s got two quick thoughts on the brewing voter registration/illicit voting issues, both of which have likely been raised elsewhere.

First, why in the heck is it a good idea to permit people to register to vote anywhere other than in a government office in person? If Mickey Mouse had to trudge his tailed rear end down to the appropriate government office to register, and prove he was who he said he was, rather than take cigarettes and cash payments from ACORN workers, he wouldn’t be registered in 24 states. This is not an undue burden on anyone. You’ve got four years between presidential election (two between federal elections) to get down to City Hall, prove who you are and register. There’s no nefarious governmental systematic program to disenfranchise anyone. Suck it up.

Second, why is it such a bad thing to have to prove who you are in order to vote? I can’t get into most major office buildings without showing ID. I can’t cash a check at a bank where I don’t have an account without showing ID. Can’t get on a plane without ID. Can’t enter another country without ID. Can’t get a job (legally) without showing ID. Yet I can go vote for the leader of the free world just on my say so. What a messed up system. It practically begs to be rigged.

In ‘Puter’s humble opinion, it’s not such a bad thing to have a higher barrier to entry for votin, so long as the barriers are equally and fairly applied. It makes folks actually have to think about voting ahead of time. Having to register in person with proof of identity and address, and to show ID when one votes is not a high burden. And, if you’re not serious enough about exercising you franchise to show up in person once and get a gosh-darned ID card at least a month prior to voting, then you aren’t serious enough to be voting in the first instance.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.