The Chairman of the Board, Mr. Francis Albert Sinatra, sang a version of “I Love Paris in the Springtime.” He also would’ve kicked the asses of each and every commie liberal who thinks it’s groovy to give away American sovereignty to a cabal of malevolent international thugs and enviroweenies. Knowing Frank as we do, he probably would’ve finished off his epic beatdown with a mushroom tattoo, as only Frank can do.

The Left’s rage about President Trump’s withdrawal from the Paris Accord should surprise no one. Lefties are gonna Lefty, which usually entails whining like the tiny bitches they are, having a march that accomplishes nothing, capped off by forgetting the whole thing ever happened and moving on to the next “outrage.”

While fun to watch, the Left’s hysterical claims of impending doom for having angered their twin gods of Gaia and Government shed little light on the real problems with the Paris Accord.

First, the Paris Accord is unconstitutional on its face. Any treaty made with a foreign nation must be submitted to the Senate for ratification. It’s right there in Article II, Section 2. The president “shall have Power, by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, to make Treaties, provided two thirds of the Senators present concur.”

President Obama, in order to bypass the Constitution yet another time, simply stated the Paris Accord is not a treaty. This is horseshit.

To be more polite, President Obama is a lying sack of monkey dung, unconcerned about the Constitution specifically and rule of law in general. He was a horrible, dangerous president who unleased executive power as a weapon against his enemies. ‘Puter warned Democrats that eventually Republicans would take back full government control and President Obama’s “innovations” would be turned against them.

Anyhoo, of course the Paris Accord is a treaty. Based on Obama’s reading, the Accord is a contract among all nations on Earth (except Nicaragua and Syria (and now, thankfully, America)). It binds future administrations to take certain specific actions. It commits America to a course of conduct seemingly in perpetuity. It commits the nation to certain, specific reductions in greenhouse gas emissions. And since the Paris Accord is a treaty, it must be submitted to the Senate for ratification. Obama refused to do so because he knew there was no way in Hell he could get 66 senators to sign on. So, instead, Obama chose to violate the Constitution and ignore his oath of office.

Did Democrats care? No. No, they did not. Yet now we hear Democrats or Progressives or National Socialists or The Fraternity of Stabby, White Supremacist Bernie Bros (Northwest Chapter) rant about MUH KONSTITOOSHUN and MUH ROOL UV LAWZ!!1! Well, ‘Puter told you so. Also, ‘Puter finds it oddly schadenfreude-licious to hear liberals bemoaning Republicans playing the game by Democrats’ rules, but that’s another post for another day.

In sum, the Paris Accord is a treaty. The Constitution requires the president to submit all treaties to the Senate for ratification. Obama did not submit the Paris Accord to the Senate for ratification. Therefore, the Paris Accord is a nullity as far as it concerns America.

Second, and a decidedly more minor point, the Paris Accord isn’t even a contract based on a sane reading of its plain language. The Paris Accord allows any party to unilaterally reduce its commitments at any time for any reason. Further, it has no enforcement provisions.

A contract requires three elements: offer, acceptance, and consideration. ‘Puter’s only concerned about offer here. An offer is a definite promise capable of being fulfilled by the party making the offer.

The Paris Accord is, if it is anything, indefinite. Some may go so far as to say indefinite af (‘Puter would go so far). The entire “agreement” is nothing more than “hey, if we feel like it, we might try to do something later to get close to an arbitrary goal that we really have no intention of ever meeting and we’re just doing this to shut up our populace and to be seen to be doing something.”

Real definite.

Think of it this way. ‘Puter hires you to muck out his rumpus room at the Castle. There might be bodies in there. There might be hidden treasure. There’s definitely about six inches of caked on blood, crap, and vomit.* ‘Puter says he might pay you eleventy gajillion dollars if you take the job. Then again, ‘Puter might pay you with an assignment of a lifetime “all you can screw” personal services contract from the local whorehouse. Or ‘Puter might pay you in Legos (the useless ones, not any of the good ones). Or ‘Puter might not pay you at all. You step back to consider the offer before starting.

Would you take the job? No. No, you would not. And why not? Because ‘Puter hasn’t promised you anything. Sure, you might make the Punched Lasagna Hall of Fame at the local whorehouse. But then again, you might get nothing. That, in a nutshell, is the Paris Accord. It’s an invitation to get screwed by every other nation on earth, and not in the fun hanging-from-the-ceiling-fan-making-hot-monkey-love-to-your-snugglebunny way, either.

So, in closing, here’s your handy-dandy, go-to list explaining the Paris Accord to your Facebook friends who are probably acting like overtired toddlers forced to Kathy Griffin hold up their mommies’ severed heads. Oh, the humanity.

• Obama is a jackwagon who had no foreign policy success except for the Paris Accord, a meaningless, feel good shitshow, pretty much emblematic of his entire term of office.
• John Kerry is an even bigger jackwagon who views the Paris Accord as his greatest work ever, which tells you all you need to know about Kerry. Well, that and his appalling and dishonest Winter Soldier speech before Congress as a VVAW Alinskyite douchnozzle.
• The Paris Accord is a treaty. Obama refused to submit the treaty to the Senate for ratification as required by the Constitution. The treaty is a nullity as to the United States.
• The Paris Accord is not a binding contract. At best, it’s a letter of intent, an invitation to continue negotiating to get to a contract.
• Assuming the Paris Accord is a treaty, Trump is correct to treat it as a nullity. Trump could’ve submitted it to the Senate for ratification where it would sure die. Trump chose not to do so. Thus, America is not bound by it.
• Assuming the Paris Accord is a contract, Trump is correct to treat it as a nullity. There is no offer to be accepted. Thus, there is no contract.
• Liberals won’t care about any of these legal niceties, such as rule of law. Again, liberals will regret treating the rule of law as optional.

You’re welcome.

Come back next week for a new edition of ‘Puter Explains Why Liberals Don’t Want To Discuss Weighing The Cost Of Their Proposed Climate Fixes Against The Fixes’ Demonstrated Benefits.

* Don’t blame ‘Puter. He rented out the rumpus room to the Hell’s Angels, Plateau of Leng Chapter, for their annual Slummerfest Orgy. Remind ‘Puter to get a much bigger damage deposit than assless chaps and the leader’s girl next time. Also remind ‘Puter to poke holes in the box he’s keep that girl in.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.