To: Castle Guests, Minions, Operatives
Re: Castle Cleaning
This memorandum is to serve notice that the Castle will be undergoing some routine cleaning tomorrow afternoon (Friday, March 11th, EST). Nothing major, just some light dusting, vacuuming, and sanitization (don’t ask).
Unfortunately, Dat Ho and Sleestak have been remiss in their duties while the Czar and ‘Puter have been leaving their empties lying around. The Volgi tends to just toss his balled-up scribblings in the general direction of the trash can. The Mandarin…well, he’s enjoying getting new parts via Amazon Prime so much he just tosses the empty boxes and packing material in the hallways, stairs, and courtyards. As far as Dr. J goes, well, his idea of “it’s only a little blood” is more than most guests want to see. Finally, I think yours truly stepped in something nasty and tracked in around the Castle before noticing (very few things stick to the chromium-titanium alloy feet).
While said cleaning is in progress, we will ask all present in the Castle to make their way to the Twitter grotto located 50 yards past the moat to the west of the Castle proper. Feel free to continue discussions there until the Castle is in proper order.
cc: Mandarin, Czar, Volgi, ‘Puter, Dr. J
GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.