Marie has been our archivist for quite a while now, and every so often races up from the Castle basement because she either found something really interesting from our past, or another casket moved a couple inches while growling at her. Today, fortunately, it was the former.

Remarkably, she found the Czar’s very first tax return from 1913. The Czar always paid his taxes and tariffs and whatnot, but this was the first form we ever filled out to do so. Sigh. How long ago that was, that the Czar had only $37 million in income that year. Thanks to our influential accounting practices, of course, we had a million more in deductions. Remarkably, we show a million dollar loss that year as we almost always do.

The tax forms back then were a little simpler, but were basically two pages with another two pages of instructions. Remarkable compared to today.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.