Plato Told Hillary
‘Puter awoke this morning to the crew on Morning Joe announcing in Very Serious Voices ™ the New York Times broke another Clinton Family scandal.
‘Puter yawned, assuming this would be another quickly dismissed “the Clintons are on the take” disclosure, one of which media would quickly tire. Hey, ‘Puter remembers the Clinton-Media Complex from way back in Bill’s White House days.
Not so fast, though. Sure, this scandal’s about the Clintons and their congenital lust for money and power, no matter how dirty the source. But it’s also more than that, and ‘Puter thinks this scandal just may have staying power.
Hillary Clinton, as Secretary of State, appears to have permitted Russia to acquire a significant portion of America’s uranium reserves and mines in exchange for millions of dollars of contributions to the Clinton Family Foundation. Additionally, Russians with a stake in the transaction paid Bill Clinton $500,000.00 for one speech in Moscow.
This Clinton scandal’s got staying power because isn’t about money. It’s about national security.
Russia provides Iran its uranium. Iran is building a nuclear weapon. President Obama is set on a deal permitting Iran to develop a nuclear weapon. Mrs. Clinton’s decision means Iran forthcoming nuclear device will likely contain fissile material made in the USA.
All of this reminded ‘Puter of the e.e.cummings poem Plato Told. ‘Puter’s favorite part of the poem is this bit:
told him:i told
him;we told him
(he didn’t believe it,no
a nipponized bit of
the old sixth
el;in the top of his head:to tell
The poet’s reference to “a nipponized bit of the old sixth avenue el;in the top of his head:to tell him” reminded ‘Puter exactly of the Clinton family’s horrible, shortsighted betrayal of America.
You see, America sold the scrap metal from the dismantling of New York’s Sixth Avenue elevated train line to Imperial Japan three years before Pearl Harbor. Japan used this metal to manufacture the bombs, bullets and warships used in that attack. America willing sold Japan the means of its own (short term) destruction.
And Hillary Clinton’s done the same thing, selling Russian and Iran the means of America’s own destruction. Worse, Mrs. Clinton’s done it not out of naïveté, but out of greed.
The New York Times told ‘Puter. ‘Puter’s having a hard time believing it.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.