|‘Puter whipped up this batch of Pad Thai
last night, to the acclaim of his family.
It’s an easy recipe and takes about 30-
45 minutes start to finish. Try it!
‘Puter, like most if not all of your Gormogons, loves to cook. ‘Puter enjoys feeding the hungry (a corporal work of mercy).
‘Puter also enjoys cooking because he can finish a task and have a physical, visible end product. In ‘Puter’s day-to-day office grind, negotiating contracts and assessing litigation strategy doesn’t allow him the satisfaction of seeing a finished product very often. Cooking is therefore rewarding and relaxing to ‘Puter.
As our Twitter followers know, ‘Puter and Czar like to share our cooking experiences with our minions. To ‘Puter’s shock and amazement, our minions have not only praised ‘Puter’s cooking, but actually have requested ‘Puter share his recipes. So, at the urging of @greatgrace84 and @CatholicMomVA, here’s ‘Puter’s recipe for Pad Thai, ‘Puter Style.
· 1/4 cup hot water
· 2 tablespoons Thai red curry paste
· 2 tablespoons palm sugar or light brown sugar
· 2 tablespoons chili garlic sauce
· 1 tablespoon soy sauce
· 1 tablespoon rice vinegar or white vinegar
· 1 tablespoon lime juice
· 1-2 teaspoons sesame oil, to taste
· 1 teaspoon finely minced garlic
· 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes (omit if you want, I don’t add them usually)
· 2 scallions, thinly sliced
· Kosher salt, to taste
(contains peanuts, for those of you who (a) have a peanut allergy and (b) are complete morons)
As ‘Puter noted, this recipe is a work in progress, and to date seems very forgiving. ‘Puter thinks for the pound of noodles, a bit more peanut sauce was needed, but it’s fine as is. If you figure out something that works better or tastes better, let ‘Puter know.
*@greatgrace84 tells ‘Puter this recipe is gluten free, but ‘Puter has no clue, so don’t take his word for it, eat it, get horribly sick and blame ‘Puter.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.