Some videos are making the rounds on the internet that purport to show UFOs, taken in various places in the United States. Within each, clusters of lights drift across the sky…changing colors, flashing, and so on. The Czar naturally looked at the videos.

They are all conventional aircraft. The Czar will explain how easy it is to determine this stuff.

If the lights flash once per second, they are conventional aircraft. The lights in one video clearly flash in once per second.

If the lights change color once per second, they are conventional aircraft. This lights in the other videos clearly change from white to red once per second.

All conventional aircraft are equipped with anti-collision lights that flash…ready?…once per second.

Aliens will never flash their lights once per second because aliens would not see any value in something as bizarre to them as a second. Seconds are one-sixtieth of a minute, which are one-sixtieth of an hour. This is all based on Middle Eastern base 60 mathematics, and we use it because the guys who took a really good stab at time measurement used it back in the day.

In fact, one of the reason aircraft around the world agreed to use a one-second flash time or color strobe change is because it is so easy to distinguish from other flashing light sources. A pilot can tell a flashing object is an aircraft because nothing would settle on a one-second flash.

So how can conventional aircraft move in bizarre ways? Typically because they are turning, which causes the lights on the aircraft closest to you to swing faster than ones further. As a result, the lights move and twist and turn at different speeds. If you were to superimpose the aircraft at the correct distance, orientation, and angle, and then turn the craft, you would see how perfectly the twisting, rotating, spinning lights in the sky line up with the lights on an aircraft turning and changing altitude.

Want another tip on debunking these? Whenever a dude in the video or in the story claims to know how close or far apart the lights are, he’s an idiot. Unless you can see the aircraft and positively identify its make and model, you have no idea what you’re looking at night. If you cannot hear engines or rotors or a propeller, you are in fact quite far away. At that distance, a helicopter’s anti-collision lights look the same as a passenger jet, which look the same as a Cessna, which look the same as a glider, an F-22, or ‘Puter with wax wings flapping furiously after another drunken bar bet.

So when he says or writes something like “And my brother is a pilot, so I know those lights were super far apart and moving fast,” he probably has almost no singular idea what he’s talking about.

Remember: when the aliens do come to Earth, you’ll know. And it’ll scare the crap out of you, assuming you aren’t killed, first.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.