The Czar’s mother hates to visit the dacha because we make her stay in the guest room (хижины где свинья спит когда он болен, as we call it), so Sunday we went to her place.

The Czar has a cousin who is a whackjob libertarian. Not one of the nice ones with whom we associate and who likely read this site, but one of those guys that Ron Paul would quickly crabwalk away from with a nervous glimpse.

He sends our mother emails from time-to-time from his cabin in the woods, which invariably arrive in all caps decrying how they are poisoning him with various substances and how the White House already has a mosque in the basement. Sometimes she finds them interesting, sometimes lunatic…but she generally just deletes them or replies with a total change of subject. The point is, in another essay, the Czar mentioned that right-wingers can be guilty of groupthink. Like this cousin of ours.

Recently, he sent her a screed about how the President is destroying the country and now is the time for all Americans to act. In caps, he said I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU, PERSONALLY, ARE DOING ABOUT IT!

Something about the use of the word personally really irked her. So while we do not have the exact text, this is pretty much how she described her response to us:

Thank you for your recent email. You asked me what I, personally, am doing to oppose the President’s agenda. I will tell you that I am doing what I have always done.

I vote in every election, whether federal, state, or local. I write frequently to both my senators, letting them know when I am pleased with their decisions, or more often than not when I am displeased. I participate in food drives, clothing donations, charity events, and volunteer work whenever I am able and agree with the mission, so that these people can benefit from community-based charity instead of expecting handouts from the government.

Unlike you, I attend church every week (often more) and volunteer there quite often. As you know and previously conceded to me, church attendence promotes strong community stability and provides social structures that prevent dependence on others. I add this because you have already conceded this argument to me in the past but still do not attend ever.

Additionally, I participate in the civic lives of all my grandchildren, and I ensure that each of them understands the benefits and weaknesses of government so that they can function as citizen who will protect our country from the abuses.

On the other hand, all I ever see you do is send out angry emails. Perhaps I should ask you what you, personally, are doing to protect our country? Because emails do nothing but annoy those of us who participate.

She has yet to receive a response.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.