This is just plain nuts. DT writes in with something that actually non-plusses the Czar.

Oh Captain My Captain,

I note with amusement that a journalism major from Berkeley thinks that computer programming is hard. I’ve been a professional developer for 15 years now, and it’s still hard for me sometimes. Most things for which people are paid well are fairly difficult (that’s why journalists don’t make much money) – which makes sense if you’ve any understanding of economics or human nature. In other words, “Duhh”.

What amuses me is the petulant call for a “programming language for the rest of us”. It’s our responsibility (‘us’ being the computer programming community, I guess?) to make our world more accessible to him, as if we were holding back γνῶσις. Does he think that Microsoft and Sun, producers of developer tools and languages, purposely keep programming hard, as if that’s a good business model? Hey, maybe we should haul software executives in front of a senate committee, so Carl Schumer can get some face time berating him for keeping the little guys down?

Bah, I hate 99.00713% of humanity.

Wow. Yes, indeed, DT has it right: this guy wants hard things to be easier for him. No doubt he is annoyed with astrophysics, cardiac medicine, and fiber optics, too. After all, it can’t be his fault that he isn’t smart enough: someone has to lower the bar so he can fit in.

The Czar would ask this guy one question: “So what is the program you’re trying to write?” There must be something driving him…some piece of functionality that in his head he knows must be doable, but no one sells already at a price he can afford. There has got to be an application he can write that will do what he wants. So what is it?

BD writes in to add:

Your Grace,

I wonder if Mr. Tompkins realizes that programming is, yes, hard, but it’s also not more complex than it must be.

Look, the Czar is awful at programming. He tried to learn this stuff back in 1982 with BASIC, tried Pascal to no avail, and finally tried super hard in 1991 with C. And guess what? As smart as the Czar is at most things, he lacks the neurology that allows him to program. Programmers’s brains work differently from other folks, to their advantage. Some folks see colors and shapes. Some see equations. Some see words and phrases. Others see subroutines and modules. That is what makes society great: all these different problem solving skills working together, perceiving problems (and solutions) differently.

Well, look at the bright side, buddy. You may not be smart enough to work in object oriented code, but you were smart enough to pass journalism school.

Snicker.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.