Today is Flag Day, and like many of us at the Big G, the Czar ensures that on nearly every day of the year, his flag is up and flying. When the flag really begins to fray and fall apart, he replaces it with a new one. Otherwise, it stay up around the clock.

Interestingly, he has fielded some questions from his neighbors about this. So let us look at the flag code (USC Title 4, Chapter 1).

“Czar, you shouldn’t leave the flag up all night. It comes down at sundown.” Not if you keep the flag properly illuminated per §6A. And this does not mean a massive spotlight: it means that a passerby should be able to identify the flag at night at roughly the same distance he or she would identify it by day. And the Czar’s property lights at the dacha are on around the flag.

“Czar, you really leave your flag up during snow and rain?” Per §6c, an all-weather flag may be flown in any weather. And guess what? Virtually all flag pole-type flags are all-weather flags! Check the package it comes in. Yes, the Czar will remove the flag before severe storms or the blizzard Muscovy took last February: he did not want it damaged or snapped off in the wind. But yeah, the odds are good your flag is an all-weather flag and can proudly flap in the wind and rain.

“Czar, Jesus Christ, are you burning your old flags?” Um, yes. There are two ways to burn a flag: to set it on fire as a sign of protest (which used to be illegal), and to follow §8k: when the flag reaches a point in its life when it is no longer appropriate to display, the preferred manner of disposal is by dignified burning. The Czar interprets this as follows: he gets a good, strong fire going first, and then carefully places the old flag (folded into the classic triangle) into the fire. The Czar prefers to lower the flag into an established fire, rather than chucking it into a pile of ash and twigs, dousing it with lighter fluid, and then touching a match to the flag. This way, the established fire makes quick, sure work of the flag without it being dirtied in the process.

A joyous moment. On Memorial Day, the Czar took down his 2009-2010 flag which was starting to fray at the end. The boys helped fold it neatly into the triangle, and handed it to the Czar who placed it on a shelf in the garage for future burning. The Czar hung the new flag, and the instant it unfurled and caught the wind, the boys spontaneously recited the Pledge of Allegiance. That was a moving moment.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.