Your Mandarin happened across this story and nearly beat Dat Ho to unconsciousness.

It appears that President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela has determined what NASA has been unable to do so far and prove that there was once life on Mars. And to Mr. Chavez’s credit he is even able to give a reason for the demise of Martian civilization – capitalism.

Your Mandarin highly doubts that if an advanced civilization existed on Mars that capitalism would have caused it to fail. I mean really, does your Mandarin need to point out that Mars is the “Red” planet? If the civilization on Mars failed it was probably due to the unionization of Martian government workers and large entitlement plans – even GorT could see that social security would not last when the Martian birth rate dropped and the average life-span was 350 years.

The Mandarin

The Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced the Gormogons into England during the 18th Century.

The Mandarin enjoys spending time with his pet manticore, Βάρἰκος, or Barry (who can be found in the Bestiary). When not in the Castle…well, frankly, nobody is quite sure where he goes.

The Mandarin popularized the fine art of “gut booting,” by which he delivers a powerful kick to the stomach of anyone that annoys him. Although nearly universal today, the act of gut booting or threatening someone or something with a gut boot is solely due to him.