As an update to ‘Puter’s post immediately below, in a shocking move, the Democrat leader of the Wisconsin State Senate voted with Republicans to vote down the Assembly approved giveaways.
Unions and Democrats are said to be “stunned.” Well, good. It is the height of arrogance and self-importance to cram through in a lame duck session items that could have been acted upon earlier. Especially where those items were specifically put off to the lame duck session to avoid the very electoral results the Democrats suffered anyway. It is even more galling where the actions foisted upon the voters are exactly those the electoral results were intended to prevent. Even more so when the contracts are clearly payoff to union cronies for their years of support as Democrats lose control of the legislative bodies.
‘Puter restates his call for state and federal constitutional amendments barring lame duck sessions in their entirety. If it is of pressing importance for a legislative body to be constantly available, have the new legislature sworn in the day after election day. Problem solved.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.